After Tom drops me home I hear a knock on our front door. Rose isn’t home so I put my eye to the peep hole hoping Tom has come back just to kiss me.
Damn, it’s Felix. I tiptoe back a step.
‘I can hear you, Olive,’ he calls. He taps his cane against the door. ‘I spoke to Rose. She said I could come over.’
He spoke to Rose? Hell. I’d been trying to avoid them meeting. I didn’t want my worlds to collide. Or maybe I just wanted Felix to myself. I bet he loved Rose. Everyone loves Rose.
‘Let me in. I’m not going to stop hammering until you do.’ He hits the cane against the door again; sharp, insistent little beats which make me want to break something.
‘I am Rose,’ I say in a fake high-pitched voice. ‘Olive is out—you should leave.’
‘I spoke to her for a while, Olive. Long enough to know she would never be that rude. Long enough to … Look, I owe you an apology.’
I sigh with resignation and pull open the door. ‘So you believe me now?’
‘Yes. Rose confirmed it.’ He reaches out to touch me but I step away from him. He sighs, drops his arm. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t before. You’re right, I should have trusted you. But you’ve got to understand how impossible it sounds. Plus you do tend to exaggerate things.’
He thought I made it up? Unbelievable. ‘How did you track Rose down?’
‘It’s one of the wonders of the internet, didn’t you know?’
‘Stupid twenty-first century,’ I grumble.
‘So can I come in?’
‘No.’
‘What a gracious host,’ Felix says, pushing past me. I watch him deftly tap his way to the couch. He’s only been here a handful of times but somehow he remembers his way around. He settles back against the pillows and grins at me. ‘Are you going to offer me a drink?’
‘No, I don’t want you here. Can’t you take a hint? You’re supposed to be smart.’
‘Hint? Well that’s malapropism if I ever heard it—you’re being downright rude.’ He kicks off his shoes. ‘When you don’t answer my calls I have no choice but to come over and force myself on you. It’s called friendship, my solitary chum.’
I grunt at him.
‘I promise the rest of my visit will consist of nothing too taxing, a little chit-chat, perhaps a cup of tea?’
No talk of invisibility?
‘Argh,’ I respond, walking to the kitchen.
‘Is boiling the kettle too much?’
‘I’ll get you water.’
I slap the glass down in front of him, cruelly out of reach.
‘You’re still angry with me?’
‘What makes you say that?’ If he understands my comment is sarcastic he chooses to ignore it.
‘Not picking up my calls?’
‘Who calls these days?’
‘Blind people.’
‘Yeah well don’t you have like Braille text messaging or something?’
‘You know I can text with the apps on my iPhone, but speaking’s easier … Oh forget it. Make sure I never introduce you to my blind friends.’
‘One blind friend is enough. Believe me.’ I snort.
He smiles. ‘So we are still friends.’
I collapse on the couch next to him and lay my head on his shoulder. ‘Of course,’ I say.
He squeezes my knee. ‘Well Hallelujah for that, I’ve missed you.’
‘So you’re okay with me being invisible?’ I mutter against his arm.
Felix laughs. ‘It doesn’t change anything between us. You’ve always been invisible to me.’
I’m so relieved. I squeeze his bicep. Thank god for Felix.
‘But how are you, really?’ he asks. ‘Your columns have been a little lacklustre of late.’
‘I’ve been too busy to spend time on Wynona.’ I can’t help grinning now. ‘I made up with Tom.’
He smacks my leg with triumph. ‘I knew he’d come back begging.’
‘He didn’t. I did.’
‘You just got in first. I bet he was just about to call.’
‘Yeah right.’
We are silent for a bit after that, just soaking each other in. And even though I haven’t missed Felix as much as I should have because I’ve been with Tom, it is wonderful to have him back.
‘I’m also sorry about mentioning Jordan,’ he says finally. ‘That wasn’t fair either.’
Oh he’s just Mr Apology today, isn’t he. ‘Yeah, whatever.’
‘I am, honestly.’ He pats my thigh. ‘Why did you stop being friends with her anyway? Did she get to know the real you?’
I lift my head from his shoulder, slap him, then go to get myself some water. ‘She developed polio. She had to move to Quebec for the climate,’ I call from the kitchen.
‘Can you handle telling me the truth this time?’ he asks all earnestly, as I return to the couch.
That annoys me. He thinks I can’t handle it.
‘Rose banned me from seeing her, okay?’ I snap at him. ‘She said it was too damaging for Jordan. Her parents were starting to freak out. Ten-year-olds don’t have imaginary friends, apparently.’
I feel Felix bristle beside me.
It makes me arc up more. ‘I thought you believed me!’
‘Body language, bub! You’ve got to take some lessons.’
He looks contrite. ‘Sorry, I do believe you but I guess it’s going to take some time to get used to. And I do try to remember the body stuff. But it’s hard.’
The poor thing. It must suck not being able to understand how much your body communicates. I lean forward and pass him his water. ‘Here.’
‘Thanks.’ He takes a sip. ‘So you stopped seeing Jordan when you were both ten? That’s not right. You’ve hung out with her since I’ve known you.’
I fiddle with my shirt sleeve. ‘I didn’t stop going to see her—I just stayed quiet when I went over. She didn’t know I was there.’
‘Really?’ His jaw slackens with surprise.
‘She was my best friend, I couldn’t just stop seeing her.’ My voice is wavering, Felix can tell I’m upset.
‘Of course not,’ he says to comfort me.
‘I told Jordan I was leaving. That I was moving to India to marry an elephant mahout. We both had a crush on Mowgli from The Jungle Book,’ I explain.
‘Naturally.’
‘Anyway, we hugged and cried and cried and then I left. But I stood watching her through the window. Her mother let her watch TV to distract her from her crying. Jordan never got to watch TV so I was happy for her. God, I was so young and stupid.’ I lie down on the couch with my head in Felix’s lap, looking up at the ceiling. ‘So after that, I kept hanging around but I never let her know I was there. I know it’s creepy, watching someone like that, but being near her gave me comfort.’
‘So every time you told me you’d been hanging out with Jordan, you were really stalking her?’
‘Yep. My own pathetic Fatal Attraction nightmare.’
‘And I was so jealous you wouldn’t introduce us.’
‘You were?’
‘Of course. It’s obvious how important she was to you.’ He tries to find my hand but ends up poking my stomach. I push it away. I can’t handle his kindness right now. ‘So why did you stop the stalking?’ he asks, resting his arm along the back of the couch.
‘It was horrific,’ I say, staring at the ceiling. ‘One afternoon when she was walking home from school, Jordan went into this service station to get an icy-pole and she came out with this guy from her school, Matt. He was pretty hot and I was silently congratulating her, like any best friend would. I watched them unpeel the wrappers and plop them in the bin. Then all of a sudden Jordan looked over her shoulder, directly at me. I—I thought she’d seen me. That finally, we could be real friends—but of course she hadn’t. She looked confused and she turned back to Matt. They walked ahead of me to the intersection and just as I caught up I heard Matt say, “Sounds weird. Maybe you’ve got a stalker.”
‘And she laughed, and she said, “Sure. Who’d stalk me?”
‘And he said, “I would.’’’
I sit up, cross my legs on the couch and clutch Felix’s arm. I want him to understand the gravity of that day for me.
‘It was awful,’ I continue. ‘This guy was just so into her and I couldn’t help staring at his lips; plump, juicy slabs of flesh, great for kissing—they had to be—and I felt this massive jealousy rip through me.’
Felix grins at me. ‘You needed kissing? I would have kissed you.’
‘Argh. Gross. Like I would ever.’ I slap him. ‘But it wasn’t just that. He was giving her this “you’re so gorgeous I can’t believe you’re talking to me” look and she was pretending not to notice. She was just cool as a cat. Do you know what I mean? It made me feel so ill, that she took someone looking at her like that for granted. I wanted to yell at her to appreciate it.’
‘Okay …’ Felix says.
‘And then, he asked if she was going to some party. She said “maybe”. And do you know what he said?’
There is a moment of silence until Felix understands I’m waiting for him to respond. ‘What?’ he says.
I deliver the line with the frustration and disbelief I’m still feeling after all this time. ‘It would be good to see you there.’
Felix raises his eyebrows. ‘It sounds like a pretty standard response to me.’
‘See you? See you?’ I wait for the light to go on in Felix’s head. But I get no response. ‘It did me in, Lix. I was Mario without his cart. Not. Going. Anywhere. The little man on the pedestrian crossing sign went green and I let them leave without me. I didn’t want to despise Jordan. I didn’t want to hear about how people noticed her. About how they wanted her to go to parties just so they could see her.’
‘Do you understand what I’m saying?’ I bump his elbow. It’s kind of annoying when he turns off like this. ‘Did you hear me at all, bub?’
His mouth twitches up, he likes it when I call him bub. God knows why, it’s supposed to be an insult.
‘You want men to worship you,’ he replies. ‘Plant you on a pedestal and gaze upon you in awe.’
‘Golly, when you put it like that …’
His face turns earnest. ‘I see you, Olive,’ he says. ‘I see you like no one else.’
I can’t respond at first. It’s almost painful how close he is to echoing the gypsy’s words all those years ago.
I have to laugh it off. ‘Ha. As if,’ I say. ‘You’re blind, I’m invisible—what are the chances?’ I lay back down on the couch, putting my feet in his lap. ‘My dashing Thomas on the other hand, he really can see me.’
‘Well good for him.’ Felix pinches my toes. ‘I bet you’re ugly anyway.’