“Come on, mom!”
“Look, girl, I said I was comin’!” Patti shouted.
Tracy was impatiently waiting with Jason, ready to go to the mall. “Dag, you always takin’ all day.”
“You know what, Tracy, if I hear you say another word, I’m gon’ smack your mouth off!”
“Sit down, boy, dag. I’m tired of you,” Tracy said, forcing Jason to sit on the couch. Patti stormed down the stairs and grabbed her. Tracy broke her hold, dashing quickly away to avoid her.
“Girl, come here, because I told you about that,” Patti said, dressed in a purple jogging suit with white tennis shoes. Her daughter had thrown on some raggedy jeans and an old blue Guess shirt.
Tracy laughed. “What I do, mom?”
“See, you think I’m playing with you. Don’t you? You keep acting up, Tracy, and you won’t get any summer clothes.”
“Come on, mom, it ain’t even worth all that.”
They went to the Cheltenham Mall to shop for summer outfits. Since Carmen’s party, nearly three months ago, Tracy still had not been able to see this guy named Victor. She had been to four more parties since then, and he was never there. Nevertheless, she continued to think about him.
Tracy and her mother shopped for bargains from one store to the next as Jason tagged along, pouting. Everyone was interested in Hawaiian shorts, so Tracy gathered several pair with matching colored socks. She bought two pair of sunglasses, a Hawaiian cloth pocketbook and a pair of white leather sandals.
Jason, tired of being cooped up inside of department stores, dashed away from his sister’s hand after coming out of Gimbels. Tracy ran after him. Jason ran through and around people before she finally caught him. She then marched him back to Patti, who stood smiling. Jason twisted and pulled, trying to get away, but Tracy had a tight grip on his kid-sized jumper.
“He’s fast, mom,” she said, surprised.
“I know. Maybe he can run track or something.”
“Yup. Maybe,” Tracy agreed, maintaining a grip on her brother as he continued to try and twist free.
“N-o-o-o,” he wailed.
Patti said, “Look, I’m going over to sit on this bench. Why don’t you take him to get some ice cream?” She pointed to the store and gave Tracy five dollars.
Jason squealed, jumping up and down, “Y-a-a-a-y.”
“Hold up, boy,” Tracy told him.
She ordered eggnog for her brother and butter pecan for herself. She then noticed a couple walking toward her as she and Jason headed back to their mother. The boy was slightly taller than Tracy, wearing a white Adidas sweat suit and Nike sneakers. His dark, chocolate-brown skin vividly stood out from the bright white clothing he wore. His face was smoothly handsome, and he had a sharp blocked haircut with an attractive pair of connecting eyebrows. His confident smile soothed Tracy’s soul.
The girl he was with was the same bright, honey-brown tone as Tracy, with short-cut asymmetric hair. She was wearing sunglasses, a pair of Hawaiian-colored pants, a red shirt, and matching red socks, and she was carrying a light-brown leather pocketbook.
Tracy felt embarrassed that she had left the house wearing a pair of wrinkled pants and a shirt. She was envious because she did not have a boyfriend to walk hand-in-hand inside of the mall with. Her butter pecan ice cream cone had lost its flavor. Tracy walked back to her mother, long-faced.
“What’s wrong with you?” Patti asked her.
“Nothin’,” Tracy responded, sitting on the bench next to her mother.
“Shucks, girl, you look like you just lost your best friend.”
Tracy chuckled, continuing to stare at the couple. The forgotten ice cream began to drip down her hands.
“Look what you’re doing. It’s getting all over you,” her mother warned her.
“I got it, mom!” Tracy licked her hand, watching as the couple ordered their own ice cream, and the girl paid for it. They began to walk through the mall again as a crew of boys hurried from behind to catch up to them.
One boy shouted, “YO VIC! HOLD UP, MAN!”
Tracy immediately sat alert, appearing to be energized. It was him!
The boys shook Victor’s hand as his girlfriend waited at his side. Tracy was pressed to get another look at him. She waited for his friends to leave, and then watched as Victor and his Hawaiian-dressed companion went inside of a record store.
“Mom, I’ll be right back,” she told her mother.
“Boy, your sister thinks she’s grown,” Patti said to her son as she watched her daughter switching through the mall.
Tracy strolled into the record store plotting on getting close to Victor, but Hawaiian-girl was too close to him. She held three cassette tapes in her hand: New Edition, Rick James and DeBarge. Tracy took peeks at Victor’s handsome dark face as she skimmed through the Pop section. He had perfect features. He does look pretty, she thought as she watched him.
When Tracy decided to circle them, Victor caught her eye. For an instant, she was breathless as her heart jumped with excitement. Victor quickly turned away, and Tracy felt broken-hearted, yearning for his attention.
She walked out, slowly, misled by her attraction to him and thinking, He’ll never talk to me. Victor, like a train, zoomed by her with money in his hands. Tracy quickened her pace behind him to see where he was headed. Victor stopped in the middle of her path, like a car at a red light. Tracy slowed down, feeling silly while she wondered if he knew that she was following him. She thought then about her sloppy clothes and wished she had never gotten close. But Victor smiled at her.
“Ay, come here. Ain’t your name Tracy?” he asked.
She obediently came to him. “Yeah. How you know?” she asked, gasping.
“Because, I heard you was one of the flyyest young-girls around the way. And I’ve seen you before,” he told her. “You live on Diamond Lane, right?” he asked, looking over her tall curved frame.
Tracy’s rep had surprisingly grown. Even Victor has heard about me, she told herself with a grin. “How you know that?” she wanted to know.
“Oh, I’ve been watchin’ you,” he said, backing away with a smile that was worth taking a picture of.
Patti noticed their brief chat as her daughter headed back to the bench. “Are you ready to go?” she asked.
Tracy nodded as her mother got up from her rest with her son in hand and walked toward the exit.
“Do you know that boy you were talking to?” Patti asked her daughter, curiously.
“Yeah,” Tracy lied, keeping her cool. She didn’t really know him; she had only heard things about him while longing to meet him one day.
“Well, that boy is somethin’ else,” Patti responded.
Tracy lost her poise. “Why you say that?” she asked, excitedly.
Patti shook her head. “He was at the hoagie shop with a whole heap of guys and beat some boy up. I felt sorry for the boy, but to hell if I was gonna get involved in it with the way these kids act today. They don’t have respect for anyone.”
“Why, what he do?” Tracy asked.
“The boy apparently said he was gonna get him for messing with his girlfriend. Yup, girl, this was three nights ago, when I was coming home from work.”
“Well, how come you didn’t tell me about that?”
Patti frowned. “What, I have to report to my thirteen-year-old daughter everything I see or do? I didn’t figure that you knew the boy. How old is he anyway?”
“Sixteen.”
“Sixteen! God, that boy looks young,” Patti responded, shocked. “He got one of those baby faces. He looks your age, to me.”
Tracy chuckled as they climbed inside of the car in the parking lot.
Patti began to think about her husband, Dave, and his baby face. She missed not being able to share everything with him. A half of a man didn’t seem like much of a man at all. Yet no one else interested her. She had tried the dating game before, only to come up empty, especially with Dave popping up around them the way he did.
“Tracy, would you like to go to the movies with us?” Patti suddenly asked her daughter.
Tracy looked puzzled. “I didn’t know y’all were going to the movies,” she said, looking back at Jason, who sat fastened inside of the backseat without a clue.
“Well, I figured since we’re already up here and it’s still early, then why not?”
Tracy thought about getting home to tell Jantel the news. She then noticed the empty look on her mother’s face and made an easy decision. Her mother was lonely. “Okay, mom. I’ll go.”
Patti looked as if a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She had not been spending much time with her children while sweating over her situation with Dave, and even though it was only a movie, it was better than going back to an empty house.
Tracy then convinced her mother to walk back through the mall instead of driving around to the theater.
“You just want to see that boy again,” Patti told her with a smile.
Tracy giggled. That’s right, she thought. Yet Victor was nowhere in sight.
Once they had arrived back at home, Tracy put her new clothes away and went outside to sit on her steps before the sun went down. It was a beautiful Saturday in April. She felt wonderful after meeting Victor. He had the self-assurance of a king and was charming like a prince. He even seemed thoughtful and informed. He probably knows more about me than I know about him, Tracy mused. And his eyes; they just go right through you! If he ever touched her, Tracy thought she would lose control. No wonder Victor had so many girls. He made her feel special, filling her day with just a minute of his time, and he said that he was watching her.
Raheema and her mother pulled up in Beth’s new Toyota Tercel after they had gone shopping.
“Hi, Tracy,” Beth perked before going in.
Raheema stopped to chat with her neighbor.
“How are you doing, Tracy?” she asked, as if she felt good about something. Raheema appearing to be excited was a rarity. She took her bags in and returned to sit on Tracy’s lower step. Tracy was speechless as she observed her, envying Raheema’s long brown ponytail. She just gotta show that hair off! Tracy thought.
“So what’s been up, Tracy?” Raheema asked, sounding more hip than her usual Catholic-school self.
“Nothin’. What about you?” Tracy answered, tight-lipped. She was still wondering what her neighbor was so happy about.
“I’m going to a play tonight,” Raheema informed her without being asked.
Tracy smirked. So that’s what it is. “A play? For what?” she queried, frowning as if it was corny.
Raheema frowned back at her. She felt that Tracy was acting childish, afraid to try new things. “Because it’s cultural.”
Tracy could imagine it, a bunch of white people talking at the top of their lungs about Shakespeare and music and art and about the torture of love. Yet Patti had taken her to a few African-American plays at the Freedom’s Theater when she was younger. Maybe a play wouldn’t be as bad as she thought.
“Is it a black play?” she asked with new interest.
Raheema shook her head. “No.”
Tracy grunted, “Hmm.” So she’s going to see some white people like I thought, she reflected. “Jantel is having her party tonight,” she informed her neighbor. She knew Raheema wouldn’t care, but she decided to tell her about it anyway.
“Skinny Jantel? I’m not going to her party.”
“Jantel ain’t all that skinny no more,” Tracy commented, defending her friend. Over the years, Jantel had become her best friend. They had spent the most time together.
“Well, you know how I feel about parties,” Raheema said nonchalantly. She was sick of telling Tracy.
Tracy shook her head. “I don’t know how you’re ever gonna grow up, if you all worried about boys using you and stuff,” she alluded. Raheema’s fear of boys was her real reason for her not liking parties. She probably can’t even dance, Tracy figured.
“Whatever,” Raheema retorted.
“Yeah, okay, girl, but you can’t run from boys your whole life, so you better get used to them now,” Tracy piped.
Raheema stood up to go in. “Well, most likely, when I’m older, I doubt if it will be boys that I’m interested in,” she remarked.
“Smart-ass,” Tracy mumbled as her neighbor excused herself.
Tracy got ready for Jantel’s party after eating. She was certain Victor would be there.
“What time can I expect you back in?” her mother asked her.
Tracy was apprehensive. Patti had never asked her what time, she had always told her to be home before the midnight curfew. “Ah, I don’t know,” Tracy stammered, confused.
“Well, since it’s Jantel, you can stay later if you like,” Patti told her.
Tracy was visibly pleased. “For real, mom?”
Her mother nodded to her. “Yeah, as long as you don’t leave the party and go off some-damn-where with some boy, getting into something you don’t have no business getting in,” she warned with a raised index finger.
Tracy sucked her teeth. “I’m not gonna do that, mom.”
“All right then, you can stay out later. And I want you to call me before you decide to head home.”
“All right,” Tracy perked. Dag, I need to hang out with my mother more often. That movie put her in a good mood, she told herself. She sat around watching TV until it got late. The latecomers always attracted the crowds. The party started at nine, but it was after ten before Tracy finally decided to go.
“What are you doing?” Patti asked her.
Tracy grinned as she stood up from the living-room couch and walked over to turn the television off. “I’m leaving right now, mom. I just wanted to walk in a little late.”
Patti grimaced, reflecting to when she was a teen. “Mmm hmm,” she grumbled, “you just make sure you remember what I told you.”
Tracy shook her head, heading for the front door. “I’m not gonna run off with no boy, mom. I promise.”
“Okay,” Patti told her teenaged daughter.
Tracy walked through the empty streets toward her best girlfriend’s house, hoping that everyone would already be there, particularly Victor.
“Ay, what’s up, Tracy? Why you stop callin’ me?” Travis asked, catching her on the street.
“Because,” she responded, still walking.
As usual, Travis was high on drugs. He jumped at her and yanked her by the arm. “Hold up, girl. I don’t appreciate that shit. You don’t just brush me off.”
Tracy shouted, “Get off of me!”
Travis let her go after seeing how serious she was. He stood back and admired her beautiful body and fashionable dress.
Tracy arrived at the party and greeted Jantel, who was collecting dollars at the door.
“What took you so long, Ms. Thang?”
“I had to do somethin’ for my mother,” Tracy lied. She then cracked an enormous smile. “Is Victor here yet?”
“Unt unh,” Jantel told her. “I haven’t seen him.”
“Are you sure?” Tracy asked, still pressed.
Jantel looked at her as if her girlfriend was crazy. “I’m at the door ain’t I?” she huffed.
Tracy smirked and walked in.
Victor was sneaking out of a girl’s back door on a nearby street. He stopped to have a few last-minute words with her. “Was it good?” He wore a yellow Izod jacket and blue Calvin Klein jeans. The girl wore a pink terry-cloth bathrobe, and nothing else.
“Yeah,” she said, smiling.
Victor asked her as he gently held her hand, “So are you in love with me now?”
“Yeah,” she responded in a daze. She was a pretty brown-skin, but Victor had messed up her hairdo with his passion, running his hands wildly through her hair during their teenaged lovemaking.
Victor asked, “When you want me to come over again?”
“Whenever you want to,” she answered him.
Victor’s grin was sinister. “It’s up to you.”
The pretty brown-skinned girl nodded her head with a long, passionate stare. “All right then. You can come over after school, Monday.”
Victor asked, “Are you sure you want me to?” It was part of his game, to make her surrender to his young and powerful ego.
“Yeah, I want you to,” she answered, nearly hypnotized.
Mission accomplished, Victor smiled and gave her a kiss. Then he ran off for home.
• • •
Victor was sure he could charm his way inside Jantel’s party. He showered up, redressed, patted on some Grey Flannel cologne and sprinted from his house. He didn’t even carry a dollar with him to pay.
“Come on, Jantel. If I had a party, I would let you in free,” he argued at Jantel’s front door.
Jantel was far from believing him. “The only reason I’ma let you in is because my girlfriend wanted to see you,” she said, running her big mouth.
“What girlfriend?”
“My girl, Tracy.”
“Oh, she was looking for me, hunh?” Victor said, smiling. He grinned, planning on seducing Tracy.
Victor walked down into the basement and gave Tracy a wink. Tracy thought he would stop and talk, but Victor strolled over to chat with his slim-brown friend, Mark Bates.
Mark asked, “Yo, what up, lover? Did ’ju hit it?”
Victor said with a smile, “What, you don’t know? You better ask somebody,” he bragged of his sexual conquest. “Man, she in love with me now. I tore that ass up like a god. Ask her about it, she’ll tell you.”
Victor knew that Tracy was watching him. Jantel gave up her info, and told him everything. Victor could do that to a girl, make her give up her soul for a hint of his young love. He decided to have a little fun with Tracy, doing what he did best, playing head games. He floated over to a light-brown-skinned girl, who was already waiting for him.
“I thought you said you was gonna call me, Victor?”
Victor gamed her; in other words, he made up a clever response to keep her interested. “I would have called you, but I just got back from shopping with my brother. He wouldn’t let me use his car phone,” he outright lied.
“Your brother has a car phone?”
Victor shrugged. “Yeah. It’s no big deal, especially if he won’t let me use it.” He moved closer to her, feeling over her body, compelling her to try and kiss him. Victor then moved away, successfully teasing her as she began to whine to him:
“Why you playin’ with me?”
The guys envied Victor and admired him, especially when he was at work with the girls. He was their hero.
Tracy watched, jealously, from a distance.
“I just don’t feel like kissin’ right now.”
“Why, you got new girlfriend in here?” the girl assumed. “See, Victor, you get on my damn nerves,” she responded, pretending to push him away. She loved the attention that he was giving her.
Victor said, “Look, ‘Sam,’ are your parents asleep yet?” He was up against the wall with her.
“I’on know,” she responded.
“Well, if you want, I could come over tonight,” he suggested, nonchalantly. He couldn’t let her think that he was actually excited about it.
Samantha answered him quickly, “I don’t care.”
Victor stared into her soft brown eyes. “But do you want me to?”
Samantha snapped, weary of his teasing, “I said, yeah.”
“No you didn’t. You said you don’t care,” he corrected her.
She smiled, bashfully, at his quick wit.
Tracy was fed up! She romped back up the stairs.
“So what time should I come over?” Victor asked the girl.
“I’on know.”
“What time will your parents go to sleep tonight?”
“I’on know. They’ll probably be waiting up for me.”
Victor leaned over to whisper. “Aw’ight, look ‘Sam,’ why don’t you go home and act like you sleepin’ so they won’t wait up for you. Then, around one o’clock, I’ll come around and sneak in your basement.”
Samantha was tickled by the idea. “Aw’ight then,” she agreed, impressed at how sneaky he was.
Victor looked to see that Tracy had left. He then turned and kissed her. “You feel better now?”
“Yeah,” Samantha said, licking her lips.
Victor sent her home and halted at the steps. He didn’t want Tracy to see him until Samantha had left.
“He a trip. I hate that boy,” Tracy was telling Jantel. She hushed herself when she noticed the light-brown-skinned girl whom Victor had been attending inside of the basement.
Jantel asked, “You’re going home already, Samantha?”
Samantha lied, minding her own business, “Yeah, because I gotta go to church early tomorrow.”
Jantel nodded and led her to the door, returning to Tracy. “See, that girl used to go with Victor,” she said.
“Yeah, he was just talkin’ to her in the basement.”
Victor popped his head up from the basement door.
“Ay Tracy, come here. I wanna dance with you,” he said, as if it was a closed case.
Tracy declined. “Naw, that’s all right.”
“Well excuuuse me,” he said, smiling.
Victor left, returning to a crowded basement. Jantel smiled at Tracy in the kitchen while she fixed hot dogs.
“Are those the last of the hot dogs?” Jantel’s mother asked, walking into the kitchen with them. She was tall, but not half as slender as Jantel was.
“Yeah, that’s the last of them,” Jantel answered her.
“Well, that’s it,” her mother commented. “Them greedy niggas don’t get no more. They’ll eat you out of a house and home.”
The girls giggled as Jantel’s mother began to straighten up the kitchen. They then decided to finish their discussion inside of the living room.
Tracy whispered to her friend excitedly, “Should I go dance with him?” She hoped that Jantel would say “Yes,” so she could blame her if anything went wrong.
“It’s up to you,” Jantel said, knowing Tracy too well.
“But do you think I should?”
Jantel smirked. “If you want to,” she said, keeping it Tracy’s decision.
Tracy headed down the steps to search for him. Victor was already with another girl, but he promptly stopped dancing when he saw Tracy.
He walked over and asked her sternly, “So do you wanna dance with me or what?”
Tracy answered him, feeling privileged, “I don’t care.”
Victor led her through the crowds and to the DJ. “Ay yo, Spin, put ‘Computer Love’ on for me and this sweetheart.”
DJ Spin said, “Man, she a sweet little chumpee, cuz’, wit’ pretty-ass eyes. Aw’ight then, I’ll play it after this.”
Tracy wanted to thank the T-shirt-wearing DJ for commenting on her eyes, but she didn’t receive a chance to. Victor whisked her back to the dance floor, with his friends making room for them on demand. Tracy was impressed by the amount of respect they gave him. Victor had the party in check.
“So you changed your mind about dancin’ wit’ me, hunh?” he whispered.
Tracy responded harshly, “I’m dancing with you, ain’t I?” She wanted to establish respect, but Victor just smiled. He slow-dragged with her, rubbing her firm behind and starting to lick behind her ear. Tracy’s nipples hardened.
Victor whispered as he ran his fingers down the back of her thighs, “Do you like me?” He licked her neck as everyone watched in amazement. “I know you like me. Don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Tracy admitted, no longer caring.
Victor ran his hands to her lips and kissed her, only to pull away when she got into it. He then led her to the wall and leaned up against her as Tracy tossed her hands around his back. Victor started to kiss her again, rowing her body side to side, back and forth with his. He was possessing her, doing what he did best.
“Computer Love,” by Zapp, went off. DJ Spin followed up with “Do Me Baby,” by Mel’isa Morgan.
Victor whispered through the song, positioning Tracy’s mouth, “Stop kissing so hard. Do it slowly.” He then stopped and looked into her twinkling hazels. “Do you want my phone number? ’Cause I’m ’bout t’ roll out of here.”
“Yeah,” Tracy answered.
Victor wrote his number on a piece of paper for her and left the party.
For the rest of the night, Tracy did nothing but think about how romantic he was. She already suspected that she would lose her virginity to him, only wondering when their moment of love would be.
Victor walked up to Samantha’s door with a cocky stroll as he wet his lips with his tongue. He walked right into her basement and sat on a couch to take his shoes off. Samantha wore a gray bathrobe, with only her panties and bra on under it.
“You feel nervous?” he asked.
“No.”
“Are your parents sleepin’ yet?”
Samantha watched him take off his clothes, “Yeah, they sleep. They went to bed an hour ago.”
“Did you bring a blanket down here?”
“Yeah, Victor, but why do we have to do it on the floor?”
“Because it gives you more leverage and it feels better,” he told her, opening her robe.
Samantha was fifteen, with a tender body that was without scars. “Don’t do it so fast, ’cause I like it slow,” she told him.
Victor said, “Look, once it starts feelin’ good, it’s hard for me to slow down.” He slid off her underwear and unclipped her bra, bringing her to the floor with him to lie over a soft blanket.
Sam wrapped her legs around his as Victor kissed her naked body and guided himself inside of her, gripping her by the waist and slowly thrusting. He then increased his speed, beginning to pound into her.
Samantha ran her hands to his hips and attempted to slow down his pace. She could feel herself shaking under his weight. She then pulled his body down to hers, wildly caressing his back and neck.
Victor pulled away when she had finished and started up again as if life itself depended on his speed. He flexed overtop of her, losing his poise and crashing back to her chest as he began to suck in air. And they laid there in fresh sweat, completed and not wanting to move, remaining for an hour, until Victor snuck back home.
“Was you at Jantel’s party Saturday?” Carmen asked Tracy that Monday at school.
“Yeah. Why you ask me that?” Tracy wanted to know. She wondered if something was wrong.
“Was Mark Bates there?” Carmen asked her.
“Yeah,” Tracy responded, shutting her locker.
“That boy is a liar then,” Carmen snapped. “He told me he was gonna be at his grandmother’s house.”
“Do you talk to him or somethin’?” Tracy quizzed.
Carmen smiled and said, “Yeah, sorta.”
“You know Victor, that hangs with him?”
Carmen got excited. “Yeah, that boy is the shit. He got everything uptight.”
“He does?” Tracy responded with a smile. She already knew how well-respected Victor was, but she didn’t mind hearing it again and again; it all increased her liking of him.
They dodged junior high school students walking the hallway.
Carmen said, “Yeah, and his brother plays basketball for college. He be on TV and everything.”
“How old is his brother?”
“Like, twenty.”
“And everybody knows Victor?”
Carmen grinned, curiously. “Why, you talkin’ to him?”
“No, I just met him,” Tracy answered, minding her own business.
“Well, everybody knows Victor Hinson.”
“That’s his last name?”
“Yup, because I remember when he played for the Raiders.”
“He played for the Raiders?”
“Yeah,” Carmen said. “He was number twenty-four on defense. He was on the older pound team.”
They hurried to their classes with Tracy thinking about how popular she could become from hanging out with Victor. More people talked about him after class. He was in high school, yet all of the students in junior high knew of his rep, and he was known all throughout the neighborhood of Germantown. He even borrowed his brother’s white Jetta, driving around on missions to entice unsuspecting girls. And he wanted me to have his phone number, Tracy mused happily.
The final bell for school rang, and Tracy hurried out of the building. To her surprise, she then was surrounded by interrogating younger girls.
“Ay, Tracy, I heard you was kissing Victor at the party?”
“Yeah,” she answered, not caring if they knew.
“You gon’ go with him?”
“I don’t know,” she said, heading home and feeling proud.
“Well, you should, because I would.”
Tracy got home and found a boy talking to her next-door neighbor, Raheema. She decided to eavesdrop while sitting out on her steps.
The boy asked, “Can I have your phone number?” His sharp brown face shone under a yellow Kangol hat.
“I told you ‘no,’ four times already. God!” Raheema snapped at him.
“Why not?”
“Because I said ‘no.’ ” Raheema darted in the house and left the boy outside with Tracy. Tracy smiled at him, hunching her shoulders.
He asked her, “Why she act like that?”
“Because her father is mean as hell and she always be trying to please him. I’d say, ‘Bunk him,’ if I was her.”
“Is he a big dude?”
“NO!” Tracy exclaimed with a laugh. “You’d probably kick his ass. He ain’t nothin’.”
The Kangol-hat-wearing boy laughed himself before heading off. “Tell Raheema that I like her anyway,” he said.
Tracy knocked on Raheema’s door. Raheema let her in.
“Why was you so mean to him?” Tracy asked her. “That boy was nice.”
“So what, Tracy? I just wish that they would leave me alone,” Raheema told her. “You can have them, all of them.”
Tracy smirked and shook her head, vehemently. “Girl, you’re just stupid!” she said, leaving back out. Raheema didn’t pay her any mind.
Tracy had been told to begin picking up her brother at four o’clock each afternoon from a new nearby day-care center he would be attending. She had completely forgotten about it even after Patti had reminded her several times. Patti came home with Jason in hand and was pissed.
“Tracy, I thought I told you to pick him up?”
Tracy cringed and threw her hands to her face. “Oh my God, mom, I forgot all about it.”
“Mmm hmm,” Patti mumbled. “I ask you to do something as small as that, and you can’t remember.”
“Dag, mom, it was only the first day.”
Patti frowned at her. “I had been reminding you for weeks, Tracy. I mean, what the hell is on your mind, girl? I told you to pick him up this morning.”
“I know, mom, but I forgot. Dag! You act like he’s gonna die or something.”
Patti looked at her daughter sternly. “This is about responsibility, Tracy. Now if I can’t count on you to help me out around here, then don’t count on me to do you any favors.”
Tracy immediately reflected on being able to stay late at Jantel’s party. “Well, I didn’t ask to stay later at Jantel’s party. You said that I could.” Her mother was being petty.
“This ain’t about a damn party, Tracy. This is about you acting more responsible around here,” Patti fumed. “Now don’t forget to pick him up tomorrow.” She angrily took off her jacket and set her bags down before walking into the kitchen. “And what did I tell you about these damn dishes?” she screamed at her daughter from the kitchen.
Tracy walked into the kitchen and washed the dishes without a word. Patti left her alone and went up the stairs to her room, feeling a touch of guilt. She was losing control of her emotions, but to hell if she was going to apologize. No one apologized to her. I guess I’m just supposed to do every-damn-thing around here, she huffed to herself. She closed her door and stretched out on her bed to take herself a nap. I don’t feel like cooking shit tonight. I’ll just order them some pizza, she decided. I need a damn vacation. Calgon, take me away.
“I don’t believe she’s all mad at me just because I forgot to pick him up one day,” Tracy was saying to herself inside of the kitchen. “Everybody makes mistakes.”
She finished washing the dishes and decided to give Victor a call to take her mind off of her unstable mother. Jason was watching the late cartoons inside the living room.
Victor answered Tracy’s call on the first ring. “Hello.”
Tracy greeted him without volunteering her name. “What’s up?”
“It’s about time you called,” he told her.
Tracy was confused. “Who you think this is?” she quizzed, praying that he wouldn’t call her by another girl’s name. He had only given her his number two nights ago. But Victor knew his girls. No one else would play on his phone, so it had to be Tracy. Tracy was not trained, yet.
“It’s Tracy, right?” he guessed.
“Yeah,” she answered, surprised.
“I thought you was gon’ call me earlier,” he told her.
“I was, but I ain’t get a chance to,” she lied to him. Tracy laid out across the couch, wishing that he was there with her instead of her brother, Jason.
Victor responded nonchalantly, “Oh, aw’ight.”
Tracy asked, “What are you doing tomorrow?”
“I’on know. Why?” Victor quizzed, thinking she may ask him to come over. This girl might be faster than I thought, he mused.
“Won’t you come see me tomorrow, at my school?” Tracy asked him, sounding as innocent as her tender age.
Victor smiled. Tracy wanted to show him off. “Aw’ight. What time do you get out?”
“Three o’clock,” she responded, as if he should have known.
Victor snapped, “Don’t get smart, girl, ’cause I don’t have to come.”
Tracy played it off. “Sike, I was only playin’. But I gotta go now because my mom has to use the phone.”
Victor grinned, knowing that she was lying. He shook his head. Yup, she needs a little discipline, he thought. She thinks that she’s playing me for a sucker, but I got something for her. “Aw’ight then. I’ll check you out tomorrow.”
Tracy happily hung up the phone. She was pleased with herself for standing her ground with Victor, and for getting him to agree to come see her after school.
Mark Bates asked, “Who was that?” He sat wide-eyed and slim-brown in the chair across from Victor.
Victor said, “That was that young-girl named Tracy.”
“Oh, the chumpee that lives on Diamond Lane?” Mark said with a grin. “She a tough little junh, cuz’. She looks damn good.”
Victor smiled and said, “Yeah, I know.” He kicked his Fila’s up on the old, brown coffee table in front of him.
Mark said, “Yeah, she dimed on me, too. She told my young-girl, Carmen, that she saw me at the party and shit.”
Victor chuckled, looking at himself inside of a hand mirror. “That’s why you don’t give no alibis to no young-girls, cuz’. You just tell ’em that you got somethin’ to do. If they press you about where you gon’ be, just tell ’em that it’s business. Girls like shit like that. As long as they think you out making money, it’s cool.”
Mark laughed. “You be knowin’ these young-girls, hunh, cuz’?”
“Damn right,” Victor said. “I done had too many not to. Plus, my brother used to school girls constantly, so I kinda picked the game up from him.”
Tracy wore another classy outfit to school the next morning. She wore a pair of sunshades around her neck for a fashion statement. She planned on bragging about Victor all day long.
Tracy said, while strutting up the hall, “Yup, Jantel, and then I told him I had to get off the phone before I messed it up. I was kind of nervous.”
Jantel smirked. “For real? I would have been nervous talking to him, too. I’m nowhere near his league,” she admitted. You ain’t either, Tracy, she thought of saying. Then again, Tracy had gotten all of the other boys she had gone after, so maybe she could get Victor.
“Well, he’s gonna be up here for me today,” Tracy continued to brag. She opened her locker to get out her books for the next class, and Travis’ long arms grabbed her swinging door.
“So, I heard you talkin’ to Vic,” he said to her.
“Could you get off my locker, please?”
Travis was getting on Tracy’s last nerve.
“Aw, bitch, don’t get loud with me. He’s only gon’ fuck you and leave, anyway!” he lashed out at her disrespectfully.
“Yeah, aw’ight,” Tracy responded in a low tone. She was afraid that Travis might haul off and punch her if she provoked him. But Travis laughed and walked off, swinging his long, reckless arms.
“He ain’t shit,” Tracy told Jantel as soon as he had left. “He’s just mad because I didn’t give him nothin’. The old drugged-up dog.”
Tracy went to all of her classes on time, for a change, waiting anxiously for the final bell to ring. She walked out of the building with much anticipation and found that Victor was nowhere in sight. Travis laughed in her face and called her some more names. Tracy was embarrassed with a capital “E.” She had practically told the entire school that “Victor’s coming to walk me home today.”
When Victor didn’t show, Tracy appeared to be either a fool or a liar to all of her peers. Either way, she was obviously not pleased with it. She rushed right home to give Victor a piece of her mind.
Tracy howled over the phone, “Ay Victor, why you stand me up?”
“Oh, I was tryin’ to get up there, but I had to get this book from the library to do this report. I’m just walking in the door now,” he quickly lied to her. “And another thing, don’t you ever get an attitude with me. I’m not one of your young-boys,” he snapped.
Tracy was startled. “Oh, my fault. I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”
Victor then filled her head with his game. “Yup, I was just about to come around there to see you. But you know what? To hell with that now.”
“I said I was sorry,” Tracy pleaded.
“Naw, fuck ’dat. That ‘sorry’ shit don’t change nothin’. You think I’m one of those suckers you be dealin’ with.”
Tracy whined, “No I don’t. Please come see me, Victor.”
Victor said, “Aw’ight, I’ll be around there, just as soon as you’re ready for me to come.”
“I’m ready,” Tracy said thoughtlessly.
“No you’re not, and don’t call me back until you’ve thought about it.”
Victor hung up on her ear. Tracy looked at her receiver, realizing what he was referring to. And he was right, she wasn’t ready.
Tracy then went to pick up Jason from the new day-care center. Peppy, a mean-spirited, light-skinned boy whom Tracy never liked approached them on the sidewalk as they headed back home. To Tracy, Peppy was mad at the world and set on destroying it.
“Ay, dummy,” he said to her, unprovoked. He was walking toward her and Jason from the middle of the street.
“Who you talkin’ to?” Tracy asked, frowning at him.
Peppy let out a sinister laugh as he came closer.
Tracy quickened her step, pulling Jason along to get them away from him.
Peppy said acidly, “What you runnin’ for, you little stupid bitch?”
Tracy was stunned. “Now why you gon’ say that to me, Peppy? I didn’t say shit to you.” Little Jason stared at him. “God, I can’t stand you, boy!” Tracy shouted.
“Girl, you ain’t all that.”
“Ay yo, Peppy, leave her alone, man!” Victor shouted from up the street. He wore a red, white and blue baseball hat, a navy blue Members Only jacket and blue-jeans.
Peppy said nervously, “My fault, man, I didn’t know you was talkin’ to her.”
“I don’t care if I was talkin’ to her or not, cuz’, you gots to stop fuckin’ wit’ people,” Victor snapped at him. He stopped right in front of Tracy and her brother. Peppy shut his mouth and headed on his way. Tracy stood with Jason, impressed.
Victor asked Jason, “What’s up, cool?” He extended his hand for a shake. Jason smiled shyly and shook Victor’s gold-ringed hand. Tracy got bubbly inside.
“I used to have a jacket like this when I was young,” Victor told Jason as he pointed to the miniature baseball logo on Jason’s jacket. Jason wore a matching red hat. “He a cute little dude. He gon’ be like me when he grow up. Ain’t ’chew?” Victor asked him.
Jason cracked a smile and imitated Victor as he nodded his head.
“So what’s your name, cool?”
“Tell him, ‘Jay-son,’ ” Tracy said, sounding it out with him.
Her brother bashfully raised his hands to his mouth.
Victor chuckled, grabbing the brim of his hat, and giving his full attention to Tracy. She was admiring his every move. “You remember what I said, right?” he asked her, licking his brown lips. His smooth and pretty dark face glimmered whenever the sunlight slipped under his hat.
“Yeah,” Tracy answered, like clay in Victor’s hands.
“Aw’ight then. I’ll be waitin’ for that call,” Victor told her as he headed off on his way.
Jason squeaked, “Who is that?”
“Victor Hinson,” Tracy answered him, loving even the sound of his name. Victor Hinson was the shit.
Tracy stretched out in her bed that night, feeling herself and wishing that it was Victor. She wanted to know what it would feel like to make love. She imagined how it would happen, envisioning Victor on top of her, kissing down her neck and to her breasts, and then sucking and caressing them with his dark fingers running down to her stomach. She imagined herself, cupping his pretty face inside of her hands and begging for more as he moved with her, like two human snakes as they passionately kissed again and again, like they did in the movies.
Tracy wanted to know what it would feel like to have someone do it to her. She took her morning shower and felt all over her body, making herself excited as the warm water tingled her. She kissed the shower walls and ran her hands between her legs, thinking that she had gone absolutely crazy. And then she knew that it was time to lose her virginity.
Tracy could not wait for Victor to take her. Her newly developed body was ready for exploration, and she was tired of waiting. She couldn’t concentrate on anything, while continuously day-dreaming about Victor doing it to her.
At lunchtime in school, Tracy inadvertently listened to more girl talk going on at the far end of her table:
“Yup, and she said he got her like ten times,” a short and chubby girl was saying. She reminded Tracy of her elementary school girlfriend Judy.
“Well, I told him I wasn’t into that, ’cause he a nut anyway,” a taller girl responded.
“For real, Paula? You said that?”
“Yeah, ’cause you just don’t give it to boys if they don’t know how to get it,” Paula said. She was as light as Raheema, but her hair was snap short.
“He must be stupid then, ’cause you nasty as hell,” her short-and-chubby friend responded.
Tracy giggled to herself.
Paula laughed. “I know, some boys believe anything you tell ’em. Like this guy named Bruce, I told him that I was pregnant, so I couldn’t do nothin’ with him.”
The girls howled with laughter.
Short-and-chubby said, “You crazy, girl. Well, who did you give some to?”
Paula told her, “Light-skinned Jeff, and umm, curly-headed Aaron. That’s all.”
Tracy snickered at her end of the table. She got up to leave for class, feeling that she was above their level. They were only talking about small-time guys. Tracy considered herself in the major leagues.
She rushed home, hoping to catch Victor in his house when she called. At first she was reluctant to dial his number, quick to change her mind about her decision to lose her virginity to him. But after beating out her fear, she forced herself.
“Hello. Can I speak to Victor?” she asked, recognizing an older voice.
“Victor’s not home.” He rudely hung up the line before Tracy was able to leave a message.
Tracy felt deprived. Rude bastard! she snapped.
Patti told her that she would be going out Friday night, and that Tracy would have to watch Jason. “I’m not gonna let my life rot away while your father acts like an asshole,” she grumbled.
Tracy immediately started to plot. Later on that night, she called Victor again, but no one answered his line. It tortured her that she couldn’t get in contact with him. For the first time, Tracy felt satisfied with a guy without losing her interest.
The next day, Tracy called Victor once again to no avail. After Patti had arrived at home that evening, Tracy ran out to the store on Chelten Avenue, seven blocks away from her house, supposedly because she needed some school supplies. While out on the street, Tracy made sure to walk down Wayne Avenue, where Victor was known to hang out. The avenue seemed packed with everyone but him. She spotted Peppy and wanted to leave Victor a message, but never through him. She then bumped into Mark Bates before heading back to Chelten.
“Hey, Mark, I heard you talkin’ to my girl Carmen,” she said to him, grinning away.
Mark nodded lightheartedly. “Yeah, she told me that you dimed on me,” he responded.
Tracy smiled, filled with guilt.
“Unh hunh, keep on smiling,” Mark joked with her.
Tracy wasted no time. “Have you seen Victor?” she asked.
“Why?”
“Because I had something to tell him.”
Without explanation, Mark abruptly pulled Tracy’s arm and led her around the corner.
“Where are you takin’ me?” Tracy asked him, puzzled by his sudden actions.
“Don’t you live up this way?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want you to walk me.”
Mark pushed Tracy toward her house anyway. “So what you want me to tell Victor?” he finally asked her.
“Just tell him that my mom is goin’ out Friday night.”
Mark smiled, proud of his boy’s successful job of turning Tracy out. Damn! I wish I had it like Vic, he thought to himself. “Aw’ight then,” he told Tracy. “I’ll tell him.”
Tracy, still wondering why he had run her around the corner, dismissed it and walked home. She was pleased that she had dropped her message off.
Mark headed back toward Wayne Avenue and approached his buddy. “Ay Vic, come here for a minute.” Victor was with yet another attractive teenaged girl, waiting for the bus to take her home. “Tracy was just down here,” Mark told his admirable friend. “I saw you coming and I ran her around the corner.”
Victor looked back at the slender, tanned-skinned beauty and smiled, making sure she would not get suspicious of their conversation.
“Yo, she’s flyy as shit, cuz’,” Mark commented about the girl, who was wearing a shiny red Adidas sweat suit with large gold earrings.
Victor said, “Yeah, I met her up at Cheltenham Mall. And yo, she got a good shot downstairs. You know what I mean?”
Mark nodded. “It was good, hunh?”
“Man, was it ever,” Victor emphasized.
“Well, Tracy told me to tell you that her mother is going out Friday night,” Mark told him with a grin.
Victor cracked a wide, confident smile. “See that, Mark? I told you I would pop that young-girl. It ain’t even been a week yet.”
Friday came quickly. Tracy cleaned up her room and got everything set for what she thought would be one of the most memorable nights of her life. She packed all of her clothing away in her dressers, and all her shoes inside the closet, and she then straightened up her bed. She changed the sheets and displayed her best-looking pictures and stuffed animals on her dressers to make everything neat and pretty for her most important visitor.
Tracy walked out on the avenue to buy some ice cream before her mother was ready to leave. Patti told her to come right back, limiting the amount of time her daughter had to search the streets for Victor. In desperation, Tracy went as far as to ask a few girls if they had seen him, only to receive their jealous snarls in response. By the time she had gotten back to her house, Tracy had given up on her chase. She sat in her neat room and stared up at the ceiling in despair. All he has to do is call, she told herself.
Patti spotted her long face. “What’s wrong with you, girl? You go out every Friday, so don’t even try pouting in here tonight. I have a life, too, Tracy.”
“I’m not thinking about that, mom,” her daughter told her.
“Well, what are you thinking about?” Patti asked. She was decked out in a beige skirt suit with a white blouse and black stockings and shoes, set on reclaiming her life from Dave.
Tracy knew she had to throw her mother off track so she wouldn’t get suspicious. “Well, my stomach was hurting today, and I had the runs,” she lied. Tracy smiled, knowing it was a good one.
Patti laughed. “Well, you’ll be all right; just stay close to the bathroom. You didn’t embarrass yourself at school today, did you?”
“No,” Tracy answered her.
Patti wrote down a phone number where she could be reached and placed it on Tracy’s dresser. “Look, now, I gotta go, so here’s the number to the place, if you need to call me.”
“Okay.”
Patti left out, and Tracy took Jason downstairs with her to watch television. She made a relaxing spot on the couch to get her brother to fall asleep, and after an hour Jason was out like a light. Tracy then carried him up to his bed and headed back downstairs, praying for her late-night romance to come true. She sat and ate her ice cream, and before she knew it, it was ten-forty-five and she had dozed off herself. Victor should have been there by ten.
Tracy struggled to her feet and headed toward the stairs. She was disappointed and ready for bed, but right as she reached the first step, she could see, through the front window, a figure approaching her door. She ran to the door excitedly. Victor stood on her top step, waiting for her to let him in.
Tracy said happily, “Hi. I thought you wasn’t comin’.”
Victor looked around as he walked in. “You gotta nice crib,” he said, half ignoring her excitement. He knew she would be pleased to see him.
“Thank you.”
Tracy followed Victor into the living room as he wandered around. He wore a red Polo jacket, a plain white T-shirt and black jeans. A gold rope chain shone around his neck.
“So, what time is your mom coming home?” he asked her.
“I don’t know,” Tracy answered.
Victor turned to look at her. “You got carpeting in your basement?”
“Yeah,” Tracy answered. She led him to the basement door as if she was giving him a tour of the house.
Victor said, “Let’s go down here, just in case your mom comes home, ’cause I wouldn’t want to be caught inside your room.” He walked down inside of the basement as Tracy followed him. “Go open the back door so we won’t have to do it if she comes,” Victor instructed her while he took off his jacket.
Tracy did as she was told. Victor then gestured with his right hand for her to have a seat on his lap.
“What ’chew want?” Tracy asked him, playfully.
Victor pulled her onto his lap. “So what we gon’ do, Tracy?”
Tracy looked at his hair, noticing how thick and dark it was, with little shiny waves and curls all tangled inside of the perfectly blocked shape. Damn he looks good, she thought to herself.
“I’on know,” she moaned. Tracy was feeling nervous and unsure of herself.
Victor pulled her down to his lips and gently kissed her neck. He then licked around to her ear, like he had done at the party.
“Do you want me to make love to you?” he asked her.
“I’on care,” Tracy moaned as he kissed her lips. Victor stood her up to take off her clothes. Tracy then felt an impulse to stop him. “I don’t know about this, Victor,” she said, gripping her pants, as he tugged at them.
Victor pushed her away and said, “Look, I told you to call me when you’re ready.”
Tracy whined, “Well, I thought I was. But why I gotta give you some just to be with you?” She wanted Victor to stay and argue with her like most boys would, but Victor had had too many girls for that.
“Call me when you’re ready! Okay?” He snatched up his red Polo jacket and headed toward the basement door.
Tracy’s heart pounded. She watched him walking away and couldn’t help herself. “Okay, Victor! Don’t go!”
Victor stopped at the door. “Well, what ’chew gon’ do then? Because I got places to go and people to see if you’re planning on wasting my time down here.” He held his jacket across his left arm, holding the doorknob with his right hand. Tracy knew that he meant another girl. She decided that she would rather give him some than to be left alone, thinking about him.
“Well, what do you wanna do?”
Tracy nodded like a child with her hazels twinkling inside of the dark. She started to slowly take off her clothes. Victor came back in, and he watched her. Tracy undressed, piece by piece, as her heart raced, feeling trapped by young lust, confused for love. Soon she sat naked on her basement couch, not yet fourteen, and about to lose her virginity.
Victor yanked out a quilt from her mother’s laundry basket and spread it out on the floor. Tracy looked up at him in submission as he began to take off his clothes.
“Is it gonna hurt?” she asked him, innocently.
Victor held in his laugh as he spread her thighs. “Only a little bit,” he said, again kissing her neck. He played with her to arouse her young body for easy access. Tracy could feel him, bumping up against her leg as they passionately wrestled with tongues, fingers, arms, legs, elbows and knees. Victor was erect and throbbing against her, and Tracy quickly exhausted herself from the foreplay.
“Victor, put it in,” she said, afraid to touch him.
“Are you sure you want me to?” he whispered.
Tracy pleaded, whispering back to him, “Yeah. Do it.”
Victor tried, and Tracy resisted with a squeal. Her legs began to shake with anxiety as he barely entered her. She then tried to pull back from his grasp to avoid the pain, like she had done with Bob. Victor clutched her by her shoulders, pushing himself through.
“UNNNHH, VICTOR!” Tracy howled desperately.
Victor began pushing her legs back with his arms. Tracy attempted to grab the rug. Failing at that, she began to claw away at his back as she moaned, “UNNNHH! VICTOR, I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!”
Oh my God! I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, she thought to herself.
When he had finally finished, they lay there intertwined until Victor had regained his energy. Tracy watched him as if she was a wide-eyed toddler at an amusement park while he redressed, astonished by his dark and beautiful muscular physique. Victor had a perfect black body. And after being with him intimately, Tracy understood firsthand why all the girls loved him.
Victor asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothin’,” Tracy answered shyly.
“Well, I got to go, all right?”
“Okay,” she responded breathlessly.
Tracy got up to walk him to the door, remaining butt-naked inside of her dark basement. She locked the door behind him and carried her clothing upstairs to her room. She then fell out across her bed, feeling relaxed and robbed of all her energy as she slipped into a deep and peaceful sleep.
Jason tapped on his sister’s shoulder Saturday morning.
“What?” Tracy strained, making sure that her sheets covered her naked body.
“I want some cereal,” her brother squealed. “Tray-cee.” Tracy didn’t respond, so Jason shook her. “Tray-cee!”
“Stop,” she snapped at him.
Frustrated, Jason ran into his mother’s bathroom hollering, “M-O-O-O-M! She won’t get up!”
“Well, you tell her I said so,” Patti mumbled while brushing her teeth.
Jason pleaded for action. “But she won’t get it.”
Patti finished brushing her teeth and marched into Tracy’s room. “Look, girl, if you want to go out tonight, then you better get up and get him something to eat.”
Tracy couldn’t believe her ears. It seemed like only yesterday when her mother was pleasantly buddy-buddy with her, and in one week she had turned completely sour. Now I know what people go through when their parents get divorced, Tracy thought, because she’s starting to act crazy. I don’t have anything to do with what dad does. She took a few seconds to gather her energy and then slid some clothes on to do as she was told. And again, Tracy was given the responsibility of baby-sitting Jason while her mother ran errands.
“Hello. Is Jantel home?” she asked from the phone inside of the living room. She just had to call her best girlfriend and update her on the news.
Jantel answered, “Hello.”
“It’s Tracy, and guess what happened last night.”
“What?”
“Victor came over here.”
“For real? What did y’all do?”
Tracy smiled. “You know.”
“Uuuuw, y’all got nas-sty.”
“Yup, and it was goooood. But girl, that shit hurt like hell at first.”
Jantel cracked up. “It did?” she asked, with tears of laughter flooding her eyes. Jantel had always assumed that having sex would hurt. She had heard horror stories from several different sources to confirm it, and unlike Tracy, she was in no hurry to lose her virginity.
“Shit, yeah, it hurt, girl!” Tracy told her. She quickly looked over to Jason, hoping that he paid no mind while he watched Saturday morning cartoons. Tracy then decided that it would be wise for her to watch what she said around him, because Jason was at an impressionable age.
“Are you going to that party tonight?” Tracy asked Jantel on another note.
“On Haines Street?”
“Yeah.”
Jantel grimaced and shook her head against the receiver. “No way. All they do is fight around there. Don’t go to that party, Tracy. You don’t even want to get mixed in with them people,” she warned.
Tracy thought about her warning, but her mind was already made up: she was going to the party. Victor would probably be there, and it would give her another chance to be near him. She called Carmen, who went to all the parties, and set a time for them to go together.
Haines Street was packed with nothing but guys, outside and inside, and Carmen seemed to know all of them. There was limited elbow room inside of the smoky basement where the party was being held, and Tracy began to see why so many fights broke off. She searched the room with her eyes, feeling sure that Victor would be there. But she could not spot him, although most of his loud friends were there. Tracy immediately figured that he was off with another girl, doing what he did best.
“What’s up, pretty?” an older guy with a fresh haircut said to her. His greased wavy hair glimmered under the dim green party light.
“Nothin’,” Tracy said, and since Victor was not around, she was more than ready to leave.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Tracy.”
“Yeah, well, you got a boyfriend?”
“No, but I’m talkin’ to somebody.”
“Well, you don’t go with him, so I figure that me and you can talk.”
Mr. Waves looked all right, but Tracy had already been satisfied, so he was beginning to get on her nerves. He was too pressed.
“Do you know Victor Hinson?” she asked him.
“Oh, damn, you talkin’ to him?”
Tracy nodded, and Mr. Waves backed off.
“My fault then.”
Tracy smiled to herself, proud of Victor’s rep. She then moved into a corner and spotted Carmen French-kissing some tall guy. And she was lonely.
“Ay, what’s up, slim? You flyy as you wanna be. You got the fresh-ass gear on and everything. What’s your name?” another boy asked. He was not as attractive as Mr. Waves, and his breath smelled like a ton of cigarettes, so Tracy ignored him. “Hunh, what’s your name?” the boy repeated as she moved away. “Oh, aw’ight then! It’s like that?” he said to her back. “Bitch!”
“You ain’t like dude right there, hunh?” yet another guy said to her. Tracy looked to see a cute brown face under a red Kangol cap.
“Naw,” she answered, uninterested in conversing. She was still satisfied with and longing for Victor.
Cute-brown asked, “Well, who are you in here with?”
“Nobody you know.”
The boy was caught off guard by Tracy’s blunt response. He figured that he was being respectable with his conversation. “You don’t have to get like that on me,” he told her. Tracy pictured him as a “Tommy-type,” who would want to spend every hour of the day with her, so she simply wanted to get him off of her back, and fast.
“I’m talkin’ to somebody, okay. Damn!”
Cute-brown moved away from Tracy and joined some of his friends. Tracy sat there on the wall, deserted and staring at Carmen, who seemed to be having the time of her life.
Before she knew it, two hours had passed, and Tracy had danced with several dull boys.
Carmen finally joined her. “Ay Tracy, you wanna go with these guys I know?”
Tracy frowned. “Who?”
“Come on, I’ll introduce you to them.” Carmen dragged Tracy away to a couple of tall basketball players. “This is my girl, Tracy,” she said.
“You live on Diamond Lane, don’t you, right next to some girls named Mercedes and Raheema?” one of the boys asked Tracy.
“Yeah, how you know?” Tracy perked. Damn, everybody knows me! she thought to herself excitedly.
“Because, my cousin lived up there. And I seen you before.”
“Yeah, Mercedes don’t live there no more. But who is your cousin?” Tracy wanted to know.
“Well, he’s an old-head now, but do you remember some guy named Kevin?”
Tracy nodded with a grin. “Yeah, I remember him.” Kevin was Mercedes’ first man, like Victor is mine, she reflected with a smile.
“Well, y’all down to go with us?” the other tall boy asked Carmen.
Tracy felt that they were harmless and friendly. She had no objections. The party had turned out to be a dud anyway.
They left the party and walked a few blocks to Carmen’s friend’s house. She was still hugging and kissing him while on their way. Tracy had completely forgotten about her mother’s warning concerning leaving parties with guys. It had happened too fast for her to think about it, and once it did cross her mind, she had already done it.
The boy’s parents had gone out for the night, and Carmen slipped right up the stairs to be with him. Tracy had just met the other guy, and she didn’t like him sexually. They sat downstairs and watched Eddie Murphy’s Delirious on tape. Tracy laughed, while wondering where the guy’s parents were. She felt nervous knowing that the boy sitting next to her probably expected to do something. She dared not to mislead him, so she decided not to even look his way. She kept her eyes glued to Eddie and his blunt style of humor.
The tall boy asked, “What time you gotta be home?”
“Twelve o’clock,” Tracy answered. It was already a quarter after eleven, and it would take Tracy twenty minutes to walk.
“You want me to walk you?” he offered.
Tracy planned on being short and sweet with all of her answers. “I don’t care,” she told him. She was relieved he was not going to try anything.
He then stood up with her and said, “Come here for a minute,” as he leaned against the front door.
Tracy stopped with arms-distance between them.
“Come here,” the tall boy repeated, tugging her arm toward him. He was trying to pull her closer, and Tracy correctly assumed that he wanted a kiss, so she promptly backed away.
“No, that’s all right. I just met you,” she told him.
They both stood there inside of the vestibule area, confused about the next move. The tall boy then gave in and opened the door for her. Tracy didn’t feel comfortable about him walking her home anymore, and he didn’t really want to. It was an embarrassing situation, so Tracy decided to walk home alone, despite the danger.
While on her way up a dark street, she noticed a young drunkard on a patio. Spotting her, he walked out toward the pavement. Tracy frantically crossed the street.
“Hey, good-lookin’, come here, baby. I’m not gon’ hurt you, I just want your phone number.”
“No, that’s all right,” Tracy responded, running. She ran all the way to Wayne Avenue where she spotted the usual people from her neighborhood before she stopped, bumping into Jantel, who was walking out from the ice-cream store.
“Girl, you missed it!” Jantel exclaimed.
“I missed what?” Tracy asked, while catching her breath. She was still more concerned about her own story.
“Victor beat up this guy, and the cops came looking for him. Because this guy hopped out of a car with like four of his boys, and Victor had all his boys, right. So then Victor fought him with these rings on his hands and messed cuz’ face up. And now the cops are after him.”
“For real?” Tracy asked, forgetting about her own story. She had survived it.
“Yup, because the guy was jealous that Victor was seein’ this girl.”
It didn’t much matter to Tracy how many girls Victor had. He had loved her for one night, and she was satisfied, yet she longed to have his personal and intimate attention again. And soon.
Tracy approached Carmen at her locker at school that Monday. “Ay, Carmen, you a trip, girl.”
“Why, what I do?” Carmen responded to her, while gathering her things for class.
“Some drunken guy chased after me Saturday night.”
Carmen laughed. “How is that my fault? I didn’t tell you to leave.”
“You knew I didn’t know that guy.”
“But you still could have waited for me, Tracy.”
“Girl, I had to get home. Everybody’s parents don’t let them run the damn streets like yours do.”
“Well, that ain’t my problem,” Carmen huffed. She rudely began to walk off toward her class.
“Yeah, all right, just see if I ever go to a party with you again,” Tracy told her.
Carmen stopped for a second. “You the one that wanted to go, Tracy. I didn’t call you for that party.”
Tracy was speechless as Carmen stood her ground. The girls parted in a truce.
Classes were winding down before finals in June. The summer vacation was right around the corner. Tracy hadn’t seen Victor much at all in the weeks that followed, and he didn’t return any of her phone calls. It’s funny how I could catch him in his house when he first gave me his number, she pondered, but now he’s never home.
Meanwhile, more and more boys learned Tracy’s name, but none were interesting enough to sway her preoccupation with Victor. Now I know how my mother feels, dealing with my father, she mused.
Tracy felt she could handle seeing and befriending Victor without having to give him any. She wanted to present herself like a lady. All she wanted was some of his time, and begging was useless, so she planned to make herself visible at all of his hang-outs until he would decide to be with her again.
Tracy ventured to the playground, displaying her summer Hawaiian look with sky-blue sunglasses that matched the blue in her outfit, and she dragged her best girlfriend, Jantel, along with her for backup. They sat down on the benches with the older girls, watching the guys play basketball. The older girls were not such a big deal to Tracy, or so she told herself. It was important for her to lessen the stature of the competition to keep her own self-image high. To get a number-one guy like Victor, Tracy figured she had to be a number-one girl. Every young lady at the playground was familiar with the rules of the dating game, and each of them were out to attract the best guys with their glamourous looks, attitudes and fashions.
Victor showed up with his friends at mid-afternoon and did not attempt to speak to Tracy. Nevertheless, Tracy continued to long for his attention as she watched his every move out of the corner of her eye, while pretending not to. Every few minutes, a girl or two would flock to Victor, and he would say a few words and go on about his business, which at the time was playing basketball with his friends. No girl seemed able to keep his attention for any length of time, and arguing would only make him ignore them, just like with Tracy’s father.
Tracy smiled, reflecting on their similarities.
When Victor finally approached their bench, Tracy was ready to explode. He then looked and smiled at her. She stared back at him and returned his favor. It was obvious that she had been watching. Tracy realized that Victor was more than likely three times more experienced at playing mind games than she was.
“Ay Victor, there go that young-girl, man,” one of his friends said, referring to Tracy.
Victor grinned. “I see her, but I’m just gon’ make her sweat for a while.”
“Shit, cuz’, I don’t see how you do it. You got all these little young-girls in love.”
Victor said, “It’s all in the mind, boy. You tease ’em and let them make their choice. If you’re the man, like me, they’ll be on you.” Victor took a shot at the hoop and missed. “Shit! Let me get that one back.”
His friend responded, “Well, every time I give a girl her freedom of choice, the bitch ends up dumpin’ me.”
Victor chuckled, and looked over at Tracy with another smile. Tracy turned away in embarrassment.
“Shawn, cuz’, you have to know how girls think, and then you’ll know how to deal with them. All girls are ruled by curiosity, so the less they know about you, the more they wanna know, and the more they wanna find out. So you just keep ’em guessin’. Watch this.”
Victor swiftly walked over to Tracy and sat without speaking.
Jantel had had enough. “Hi, Victor,” she said. Tracy was acting like an airhead to her. Just tell him how you feel about him, she wanted to advise her friend.
Stupid! Tracy thought. Why she have ta’ open her dumb mouth?Damn, she stupid! The last thing Tracy wanted to do was seem obvious, even though it was a given to Victor. She was only there to see him.
“Oh, you not gon’ speak to me?” Victor asked Tracy after waving to Jantel. Tracy couldn’t help but to smile.
Victor chuckled at her and got up to leave.
Tracy asked Jantel, “Why you do that, girl?”
“Well, you didn’t say that I couldn’t say nothin’ to him. We’ve just been sittin’ out here for hours, doing nothin’. God!”
Victor came back and whispered in Tracy’s ear, “I got something to ask you. Okay?” Tracy turned to eye his beautiful dark face, shining in the sunlight. Being that close to Victor again gave her goose bumps.
“What?” Tracy asked him.
“I’ll tell you, just make sure you don’t leave the playground,” he answered her before he walked away. He returned to his friends as Tracy wondered. He then walked off with them, heading toward the stores on Chelten Avenue.
Tracy obediently remained at the playground, watching the older boys playing basketball while she waited patiently for Victor to return. After a while, Jantel was ready to leave. She wasn’t in love with Victor, and she thought that Tracy was acting ridiculous.
“You’re actually gonna stay here and wait for him?” Jantel asked her friend.
Tracy sucked her teeth. “Jantel, if you don’t wanna stay with me, then you can go home,” she responded.
“Hmm,” Jantel mumbled, standing up from the benches. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she announced. “Happy waiting,” she added.
“Whatever,” Tracy said with a smirk as she continued to wait. She was afraid to leave, loving Victor without betrayal. And when the sun started to go down, she grew restless, still waiting, foolishly.
“Are you waiting for somebody?” one of the glamorous older girls asked her. They were all beginning to fade away.
Why don’t you mind your business? Tracy wanted to snap. “No, not really. I just like watching basketball,” she said instead.
The girl’s friends snickered at Tracy as they began to walk off. “Don’t get no splinters in your ass, waiting for no nigga, girl. ’Cause ain’t none of ’em worth it,” she said to Tracy as she walked off behind her friends.
Shawn said, “Ay Victor, man, that’s ugly how you doin’ her.” They were heading back from the store.
Victor sucked his teeth. “Man, shet up. I know what I’m doin’. You gotta discipline these young-girls,” he responded tartly. “She goin’ through my little trainin’ session.” He munched on his barbecue chips and took a drink from his soda. “Plus, I’m waitin’ for my pop to roll out, so I can take her to the crib and hit that ass again. I’m gon’ hit it from the back this time.”
When they got back to the playground, Victor looked over at Tracy, who was sitting by herself, and decided that he had trained her enough. It was nearly eight o’clock and his father would be gone from the house by then.
“Come here, girl,” he said. His stare was serious as his connecting eyebrows rose. Tracy walked over to him slowly, feeling ashamed but important. If Victor wanted her, then she was surely a somebody. “When you want me to come over again?” he asked her sternly.
“I’on know. It depends on when my mother goes out,” she answered, neglecting what she had told herself about not giving him any.
Victor said cheerfully, “Well, guess what? We can go to my house right now. But you probably don’t want to though.” He started to walk away from her, toward a hole inside of the playground gate.
Tracy lost her cool. “I didn’t say that!” she gushed. There was no way for her to refuse without losing him. “I’ll go with you,” she said bashfully, as she followed after him.
Victor responded, “Come on, then.” He led her through the hole in the gate. “YO, I’LL CATCH Y’ALL NIGGAS LATER!” he shouted, smiling at his friends and taking Tracy’s hand.
“Damn, cuz’. Just let me be that nigga for one day,” Shawn said to no one in particular.
“Dig it, man. Victor got all the flyy bitches.”
Victor and Tracy walked around the corner, hand and hand. He wore a white Adidas shorts and shirt set, clean as usual. Tracy felt like a queen, ready to make love again to King Victor.
Victor looked into her hazels. “You know, I never realized how sexy your eyes were until I seen them in the light today,” he told her.
“Thank you,” Tracy responded, tickled brown. God, I love him! she thought to herself.
Victor told her to wait outside on his patio for a moment while he went in. Tracy waited, happy to be with him. He then came back and gestured for her to come with a flick of his wrist. His house was beautiful. Tracy looked at his brother’s basketball pictures, noticing the family attractiveness.
“Your brother is my complexion,” she commented, standing in front of the imitation fireplace.
“Yeah, my mother is your complexion,” Victor told her. “Us niggas come in all colors.” He approached her from behind, putting his hands around her waist and kissing the nape of her neck. Tracy rubbed his hands and leaned her head forward, loving it.
“Tracy, I want you to do me a favor. All right?”
“Yes,” Tracy responded, dizzily.
Victor turned her around and looked her in her eyes. “Go upstairs to the last room in the hallway and take off your clothes. I’ll be up in a few. And get under the covers while you’re at it.”
Tracy didn’t even hesitate. She did exactly what he had told her, waiting for him under the covers, naked and unashamed.
Victor walked into the room and turned off his light. Tracy felt his smooth dark body as it joined hers under the sheets. He turned her over on her stomach and pushed her knees forward as he entered her from the back.
Tracy whined, “Ooww, Victor. I don’t wanna do it this way.”
He gripped her by her waist and began to pull her into him. Tracy dropped her head into the pillow, fighting the pain until it no longer hurt her.
“Did you miss me?” he asked her.
“Yesss,” she moaned, breathlessly.
“Do you like it?”
“Mmm, hmm.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.”
“Good,” he told her, kissing the nape of her neck again.
Tracy rolled over and rubbed his chest when he had finished. He was her man and she loved him. Victor allowed her to lay with him on his bed, butt-naked and under his sheets, as Tracy peacefully fell asleep in his arms.
Victor leaned away from her and looked into her face as she dozed off. She’s just so young and pretty, he told himself. He ran his dark fingers through her hair. “I like you,” he whispered in her ear, but I just can’t let my guard down, he thought to himself. His older brother had told him that young-girls were the worst ones to fall for, “because they don’t know enough about relationships, and they’re not mature enough to handle all of their emotions,” he had said. Nevertheless, Victor liked Tracy’s loyalty to him, so he considered her trustworthy.
Victor continued to have sex with Tracy throughout the summer, whenever he wanted. He never seemed to spend any quality time with her though. Tracy was pleased when she did have him. She saw no need to complain. He would come to her block and simply look at her a certain way, and she knew exactly what it meant.
Tracy had a problem with not being able to tell Victor “no.” On restless summer nights, she even went looking for him. Time spent with him was never boring, and Tracy enjoyed her small part in his fast world.
“Ay, girl. Is your name Tracy?” a short, well-curved girl asked from the bottom of Tracy’s walkway.
“Yeah,” Tracy answered. She had been sitting out on her steps with Raheema.
The short girl said angrily, “Well, I got somethin’ to talk to you about. Was you lookin’ for my boyfriend?” she asked.
Tracy looked at the two girlfriends the short girl had brought with her, knowing they were all in high school.
“I don’t even know your boyfriend,” she said.
“Yes, you do. You know Victor Hinson, girl. Don’t fuckin’ try to lie to me,” the girl snapped.
Tracy was glad that she was in front of her house. If anything jumped off, she was ready to make a dash for her door.
“I’ma tell you now, if I ever hear about you bein’ with him again, I’ma kick a bone out your young ass.” The three girls walked away after soundly ranking Tracy.
Raheema grinned. “See what trouble boys get you in?” she said.
Tracy sat speechless for a second. She then sucked her teeth and sighed. “Aw, that bitch know he be runnin’ around doin’ it to everybody. She stupid to even go with him,” she said.
Raheema asked with a smile, “Well, what about you?”
Tracy smiled back. “So what, Ra-Ra?”
Raheema giggled helplessly. “Well, if I talked to a boy, first I would make sure that he didn’t live around here.”
Tracy grinned, curiously. “Oh, so you like boys now, hunh?”
Raheema defiantly shook her head. “No. I’m just saying if I did.”