“Happy birthday toooo you. Happy birthday toooo you. Happy bir-r-r-th-day dear Tra-a-a-a-cy . . . Happy birthday toooo you,” the crowd of sixteen children sang, helped along by some of the parents who were present.
It was Sunday afternoon in Tracy’s sixth year of life, nineteen-seventy-seven. She sat proudly on her father’s lap at the table in front of her birthday cake. She cracked a broad smile in her cute red dress. Her newly tied ponytail dangled down her neck. Her hazel eyes enlarged as her daddy helped her to cut the two-layer cake while the other children watched excitedly, all wishing that it was their birthday.
Tracy’s daddy, Dave Ellison, was deep cocoa-brown and hazel-eyed and had the lean figure of a trained athlete. He was a youthful twenty-nine-year-old, possessing the boyish face of a teen. Dave wore no mustache or beard, obeying his self-imposed hygiene regulation. He believed that his clean-shaven face presented a healthy and professional appearance at the hospital where he worked as a pharmacist.
Tracy’s smooth, honey-brown skin was exactly half the richness of her father’s tone. She had inherited his light-colored eyes along with the almond shape and long eyelashes of her mother, Patti. Tracy’s eyes seemed to glimmer whenever the sun hit them, making them sparkle like a cat’s eyes. She was average height for her age, not standing out among the other kids. But her daddy was tall, and her mother was no midget herself. Patti had inherited a considerable amount of height from her father, Jason Smith, who had died in a car crash a year ago. So Tracy, it seemed, was destined to be tall.
Tracy’s cousins had always envied the attention she received. For her birthday, she received presents and money from all of her guests and relatives. Her aunts bought her new clothing and shoes that her cousins wished they could have. All but two of her six cousins were older than she was.
Patti, matching her daughter and wearing red herself, bought Tracy a pink Mickey Mouse watch. Dave gave her a small gold ring.
Most of the parents sat around eating ice cream and cake and watching the television set inside of the kitchen. Their kids played board games in the Ellison’s large, finely decorated basement.
The kids began to scream and yell once Patti decided to put on a VCR movie. The 27-inch, floor-model, color television set was a brand-new RCA. Dave had bought it a week before the party. He had moved the old, 19-inch Sony, with stand, into Tracy’s room. Her cousins envied that, too.
Out of four sisters, Tracy’s mother Patti had captured the best man. And Patti had been considered the prettiest sister since their youth, with her light skin, curvaceous body and dark, almond-shaped eyes.
Dave was definitely a catch. His high income enabled them to move into a comfortable and scenic black neighborhood in Northwest Philadelphia. In Germantown, they had the luxury of private lawns, patios, driveways and lots of trees, which surrounded their three-bedroom twin-house, things not affordable to the many Philadelphians who lived in crowded row-house areas. Patti worked at a nursing home as a dietitian, adding to their snug income.
So far, Tracy was their only child. Dave was an only child himself. Patti’s three sisters each had two children.
Tracy fought with her cousins constantly. At most of their family gatherings, her mother and aunts tried unsuccessfully to keep them apart. Their unruly children could destroy an entire party with infighting. They had done it many times before.
The kids, ten girls and six boys, including Kamar, Tracy’s only boy cousin, watched Cinderella. The girls were having more fun than the boys, who would have rather watched Dumbo. But it was Tracy’s party, and she wanted to see Cinderella first.
The children spilled juice on the rug, left crumbs on the tables and got melted ice cream all over their bodies. Patti ran behind them, cleaning up to keep the house neat and pretty.
There were carpets in every room except for the kitchen, which had new blue and white tile floors. And when Patti finally gave up trying to salvage what was left of her clean house, she went and sat in her large kitchen with her sisters and the rest of the parents.
“Girl, this house is just beautiful,” a parent said enthusiastically, as though the house had energized her.
“Yeah, girl, you just don’t know how much we put into this house,” Patti quickly responded, trying to be modest.
“Well, if my man had some money, I could’ve had a house like this, too,” Patti’s younger sister Tanya said. She stood inside the kitchen entrance leaning up against the wall. Tanya was well-curved herself, wearing a royal blue shirt and pants set with black shoes.
“Unh hunh, that’s why I love to visit, just to be in this house,” Patti’s youngest sister Joy said with a giggle. “This feels better than being in the hospital.” Joy was considered the silly sister. She was on the thin side, wearing an off-white dress and sitting in one of the kitchen chairs.
“See, I told you years ago, Joy, that that boy you was dating didn’t have no sense. But you wouldn’t listen,” Marsha, the oldest sister, commented. Marsha was heavy-set and mean. She wore a wide, black, skimpy dress. She kept pulling it down over her hips under the kitchen table.
You need to stop trying to look cute in them tacky-ass outfits you wear, Patti thought to herself of her older sister.
“Look who’s talkin’,” Joy responded to Marsha while slicing a piece of cake. “You ain’t got nothin’ better than what I got.”
“Well, that’s only because the nigga left me. But I gots more, honey.”
Patti began to feel uncomfortable, predicting where her sisters’ conversation was headed. “Come on now, every time we get together we talk about the same-o-same-o. Now, this is supposed to be my daughter’s party, so let’s act like it,” she told them.
“Aw, girl, listen to you,” Marsha snapped. “You gon’ get yourself a little college boy with some money, and then gon’ tell us not to be jealous.”
“Now hold on, one minute,” Patti responded. “Don’t start this dumb stuff tonight, Marsha, ’cause I’m sick of it. You can leave my house with all that.”
Marsha shook angrily while trying to lift herself from the kitchen chair. “Fine! I ain’t gotta stay here for this boring-ass party any-damn-way.”
The parents, standing inside of the kitchen and the dining room, began to feel embarrassed. They all appeared as though they weren’t listening to the argument, but they were.
“You know what, Marsha? This is it! If you can’t show me any respect in my house, then you don’t need to come here anymore. There’s no reason for you to be acting like this toward me, or the rest of us.”
“Fine, sista’, you said it,” Marsha huffed. She jumped on the phone and called a taxi. She then got her coat and rumbled to the basement door to call her two daughters.
“Trish and Marie, get your things, ’cause we goin’ home!”
“No, I’ll take them home,” Joy interjected. “Ain’t no sense in them being punished just because you can’t get along.”
Marsha looked offended. “Look, dammit, my girls came here with me and they gonna leave with me!”
Both of her daughters looked up from the basement stairway while listening to the confusion. Trish, the oldest, didn’t care one way or the other, but Marie didn’t want to leave.
Trish hiked up the steps and got her coat in a flash.
Marie whined while moving slowly up the stairs behind her. “No, mom-mee, I wanna stay,” she whined.
“Get up them damn steps, girl! I’m sick of your whinin’,” Marsha screamed at her, grabbing her arm.
“Come on, stop her,” Tanya urged Patti. Tanya, the peacemaker, had the two youngest children.
“You know how she is, Tanya, so I ain’t even gon’ try,” Patti told her.
Tracy came upstairs with the rest of the kids to watch the dispute. She felt good that her Aunt Marsha and cousins were leaving. She didn’t want them at her party in the first place.
Dave had sneaked upstairs to his bedroom to watch a football game long ago. He decided to stay out of the sister battles. He knew it was coming. The Smith sisters had never gotten along since he had met his wife. They were all a larger image of their children.
“The man don’t really love you. He only married you ’cause you messed around and got pregnant on him,” Marsha said to Patti as she hastily headed for the door. “And I should tell him that you lied the first time.”
Patti was shocked at Marsha’s outburst. I don’t believe she said some shit like that in front of everybody! she snapped to herself. A large vein in Patti’s throat thumped erratically. She was embarrassed. She fought off a strong urge to go after her mean-spirited sister as she walked from the house. Patti felt like canceling the entire party to recuperate from Marsha’s venom, but it was a celebration for her lovely daughter. She didn’t want to let her inconsiderate older kin ruin Tracy’s party. Nevertheless, a few of the parents could sense her embarrassment. They moved to gather their kids for home as well.
“Look, Patti, it’s been nice, but I really have to be going. The kids have school tomorrow,” one parent said.
“No, don’t let this tear my daughter’s party apart, Venice. I’m fine. Now come on, they can stay,” Patti pleaded.
“Patti, I have some other stops to make,” Venice argued.
Patti sighed and gave in. “Well, at least let me make you a few doggy bags,” she offered.
Venice nodded as Patti hurried off toward the kitchen.
Patti quickly wrapped up leftover food and two large slices of cake in aluminum foil as she helplessly watched her daughter’s party fall apart.
“See, that’s why I hate them. They always mess stuff up,” Tracy whined at the front door.
“I know. Every time they come over here they get mad at everybody for no reason,” the little girl from next door agreed. The three boys from down the street, who were left, weren’t concerned. With the diminishing number of girls, they went back inside of the basement to begin watching Dumbo.
DING DONG! . . . DING DONG!
“Mommy, somebody’s at the door,” Tracy called, running back to the kitchen.
“I heard it the first time,” Patti responded to her. She marched out to answer it.
“Hey, Patti, how you doin’?”
She backed up to let him in. “I’m fine, Keith. How are you?”
“I’m okay. I just came to pick my daughter up,” Keith said, eying his little girl who was sitting on the couch. She stared up at his slender, dark frame in alarm.
“Well, let me get you some cake,” Patti told him.
“Okay,” Keith said.
Patti took another trip to the kitchen.
Keith then approached his daughter on the couch.
“Hey, girl?” he asked her sternly.
“Yes, daddy,” she whimpered.
“Didn’t I tell you to leave at six-thirty? You got school tomorrow.”
His little girl hunched her shoulders and drew a long face. “Yes.”
“Aww, Mr. Keith, she was gonna come home soon,” Tracy said in her friend’s defense.
“Yeah, well, that ain’t the point. Her daddy told her to come home on her own,” Keith responded to Tracy. “It’s ten after seven now, and she forgot all about what I had told her.”
“Here you go, Keith,” Patti said, returning with more cake wrapped in aluminum foil.
“Oh, thanks, Patti,” Keith said with a smile.
Keith was not tall, nor as defined as Tracy’s dad. His daughter, Raheema, favored him in the face, with her high cheekbones and aquiline nose. Her fair skin and long brown hair favored her mother.
Patti had always wondered why Keith was so mean to his wife and daughters. They were all beautiful. Yet he treated them with nothing but bitterness.
“Well, good-bye, Ra-Ra,” she said, stooping down.
Raheema was as light as Patti and pretty cheerful. But Keith, in times of his evilness, could look like a blue-black, red-eyed wino.
“Say good-bye to ‘Aunt Patti,’ girl,” he told her while Patti stood beside them.
Raheema was nerve-racked by then, and her voice showed it. “Good, good-bye Aunt, Aunt Pat-ti,” she stuttered, with tears in her eyes.
Patti noticed her fear and made a point to see her to her house, next door. Keith had a snake’s tongue, but he was no match for Patti.
“What’s wrong, Ra-Ra?” she asked, as if she didn’t know.
“Oh, she’s just crying because she has to go home to get ready for school tomorrow,” Keith answered for her.
“Well, you can come over tomorrow, honey. Okay?” Patti assured Raheema, pinching her cheeks.
“Yes,” Raheema answered with a sniff. Then from out of nowhere, big tears began to fall from her eyes.
“Don’t cry, Ra-Ra,” Tracy perked, comforting her next-door neighbor with a hug.
“Matter of fact, I’m going over to your house to ask your mother right now,” Patti responded.
She, Keith, Raheema and Tracy went next door, leaving the little boys inside the basement.
“Beth, Patti’s down here!” Keith shouted up the stairs.
Patti could sense that he felt robbed of punishing his daughter.
Beth came down in her nightclothes. She looked tired. Her long brown hair was combed back, and her dark, ringed eyes stood out against her light-brown skin. She looked nothing like she did three years ago, when she and Keith first moved next door. Dave and Patti had moved to Germantown only a year before them. The seventies had been prosperous for blacks.
“How are you, girlfriend?” Beth asked, stepping up to hug Patti. Tracy smiled. And Raheema felt relieved with them in her house.
“I’m doin’ all right. Yeah, umm, I just wanted to ask you if Raheema could spend the night on Friday,” Patti said, changing her initial plan.
“Well, yeah, I guess so,” Beth answered, sneaking a glance at Keith.
“Okay then, I’ll be right over to get her after school. And then we’ll go shopping together and get us some ice cream.”
“Y-a-a-a-y!” Tracy squealed.
Keith took a seat on their long black couch and watched television in silence.
“Tracy looks so pretty today,” Beth said, watching Tracy as she bounced in her bright red dress.
“Well, Ra-Ra is a little charmer, too,” Patti told her.
Keith frowned. “Yeah, but she never listens. Mercedes listens, but I guess Ra-Ra thinks she’s too cute.”
“Raheema and Mercedes are two different people, Keith. You shouldn’t even judge her like that,” Patti contested.
Raheema became apprehensive hearing her father speak about her. She hoped “Aunt Patti” could win the fight. Beth always kept quiet. She never intervened when Patti and Keith would go at it about her own children. And since Beth wasn’t up for the challenge, Patti stayed right in their business.
“Well, she better start doin’ what she’s told,” Keith warned.
“She’ll be all right. Come here, Ra-Ra,” Patti said. She gently rubbed her fingers through Raheema’s soft hair and rubbed her neck to calm her nerves. She knew she had won their argument. Raheema would be able to sleep in peace.
Patti left with Tracy and began to send the rest of the children in her basement home. She then readied Tracy for bed. It was nearly nine o’clock.
“Did Keith say anything to Ra-Ra when I went inside the kitchen?” Patti asked her daughter while tucking her in.
“Unh hunh. He said that she was ’sposed to go home at six-thirty.”
Patti shook her head in disgust. “I knew it. That man ain’t no good. He’s just as evil as he wants to be.”
Tracy chuckled and closed her eyes. Her mother then swept into her own bedroom. Dave was still watching television. He was leaned up against a pillow with his hands behind his head.
“You know what, Patti, I’m sick and tired of your sisters coming over here and terrorizing my damn house. I’ve worked hard for mine. Now if they got a problem with that, you best leave them out of our lives. Or at least out of my damn life.”
“Look, Dave, now that’s my family. Without me, they’ll fall apart,” Patti self-righteously assumed. “So even if they argue with me, they really do need me.”
“Yeah, well, I’m gon’ tell you what, soon you ain’t gon’ need me, because I’m a little worn out from this dumb stuff.”
Patti started to undress. “Dave, it ain’t all that bad.”
“Yes the hell it is,” Dave snapped. “Matter fact, they’re not coming over here anymore. Period.”
Patti stopped undressing and stared at him. “Why, Dave?”
“Because I said so. That’s reason enough.”
“Now you know that ain’t even fair,” Patti retorted. She caressed Dave’s chest under the sheets. Dave pulled her hand away and rolled over. “Baby, come on,” Patti pleaded.
“No, now, get off of me.”
Patti sighed and turned the other way.
“Turn the TV off,” Dave demanded.
“You’re the one that turned it on.”
“I don’t care. You just got in bed. You’re not all that comfortable yet.”
Patti stayed in the bed, refusing to move.
Dave turned to face her. “What do you think, I’m playing? I told you to turn the shit off,” he snapped, nearly pushing her out of bed.
Patti caught her balance to avoid falling onto the floor. She then went and turned the TV off. I don’t know who he think he is, she thought to herself as she strolled back to her side of the bed.
“Are you satisfied now?”
Dave was playing his ugly tough-guy role. He had learned it years ago to keep Patti in check. And Patti enjoyed pissing him off. It was her childish entertainment.
Dave jumped up in an instant and grabbed her arm.
“What are you doing?” Patti whined.
“I’m tired of you playing that young-girl shit. You sleep on the damn couch tonight.”
“Why?” Patti said, holding Dave gently by his waist. She gently squeezed him, hoping to turn him on.
“Get off me, Patti. You’re a damn kid, girl, I swear,” he told her as he knocked her hands away.
Patti shoved her breasts up against his chest. “Please, I’m sorry, baby,” she pleaded. She tried to plant a kiss on her husband’s lips. Dave turned away to avoid it.
“No, get off of me,” he persisted, still trying to push her away.
Patti sighed and began walking toward her daughter’s room.
Dave asked, “Where are you going?”
Patti teased him with a sly grin. “I’m going to sleep with my baby. She’s the only one that cares about me,” she told him.
“Look, I’m gonna give you about two seconds to go downstairs and sleep on that damn couch, like I told you,” Dave warned her.
Patti really knew how to get to her husband. She smirked and said, “Okay already.”
Dave mugged her in the back of her head. “You think this shit is a damn joke, don’t you?” he asked her, pinning her to the hallway wall.
“Now wait a minute, Dave, you’re hurting me.”
“I’m hurting you? Shit, you’re hurting me with these stupid-ass games you play all the time,” Dave told her.
“How the hell am I hurting you? It looks like you’re the one that has me pinned up against this damn wall,” Patti retorted.
“Look, you’re fucking with my peace of mind, Patti. Now we’re damn near thirty years old. We’re getting too old for this role-playing shit.”
Patti looked at him seriously for a moment. “Dave, you’re the one that started it. You could have turned that TV off yourself.”
“Yeah, well I’m gonna end it, too.” He released the hold on his wife and walked back into his bedroom, locking the door in her face.
Patti shook her head and grinned. She reminisced on the many other occasions where she had argued with her husband and ended up making sweaty love. Those were their best nights. She thought that maybe they would be having another one if she played along with him, but she was wrong.
Dave was seriously fed up. He longed for a more mature woman who would cooperate with him instead of aggravating him and forcing him to play Mr. Sweet and Mr. Sour. In fact, Dave had become so good at it that he couldn’t tell the difference between his real self and his roles. He was beginning to feel like he was up for a living Academy Award.
Patti fell asleep on her living-room couch and spent the night there. She had anticipated her husband coming down to carry her back to their bedroom and make passionate love to her. But it never happened.
“Come on, Tracy, it’s time to get up,” Patti called.
“Okay, mom,” Tracy answered, wiping out her eyes. She stepped out of her twin-sized bed and followed her mother to the hallway bathroom.
“Did I wake you up from a dream, baby?” Patti asked her.
“Yup. I was Cinderella, and the prince was just like dad.”
“Just like dad? Well, didn’t you have a beautiful dream.”
Tracy smiled and said, “Yup, mom.”
“Well, let’s get you cleaned and dressed so you can eat your breakfast.”
“Mommy?” Tracy asked, getting undressed for her bath.
“Yes, Tracy.”
“Why does dad never eat breakfast with us?”
“Because he has to go to work early.”
Patti helped her daughter into the tub.
“Why does he have to go to work early?”
“Because that’s his job, honey?”
“Did you and dad fight last night, mommy?”
“No,” Patti lied to her. “Why would you think that?”
“Because I heard you and dad in the hall last night.”
“Well, we were out in the hallway, but we weren’t really fighting.”
Tracy looked in her mother’s hand mirror while getting toweled off. “Why my eyes different from yours, mommy?” she asked.
“Because you got them from your father.”
“Unt unh. Daddy’s eyes aren’t pointy like mine. And they shiny, too,” Tracy argued, still looking inside of the hand mirror.
“Yes they are, Tracy. You just can’t notice them on your father as much as you can on you, because you’re lighter than your dad,” Patti explained.
Tracy put her arm next to her mother’s arm to compare complexions. “I’m tanner than you, mommy,” she said.
“Yup, you came right in between me and your father.”
“How that happen?” Tracy asked, as her mother put on her new birthday clothes.
“Ut oh, my daughter looks sharp to-day,” Patti said.
Tracy smiled and spun around in her baby-blue dress. But she hadn’t forgotten her question. “Hunh, mommy, how’d that happen?” she persisted.
“What?” Patti asked.
“How did I get like this?” Tracy asked again. She raised her arms up high to show Patti her color.
“You ask some complicated questions for a little girl, now don’t you?”
They went down into the kitchen to eat.
“Tell me, mommy,” Tracy pressed, as she took a seat in a kitchen chair.
“From genetics, sweetheart.”
Tracy frowned. “Genetics? What’s that? What’s genetics, mom?”
Patti just couldn’t believe how tenacious her daughter was. She’s going to be a very assertive girl, she told herself. “I’ll tell you what, you ask dad when he gets home.”
“Awww, see, you don’t tell me nothin’.”
Patti looked at her daughter with piercing slit eyes. “You watch who you’re talking to, girl! You hear me?”
Tracy nodded and began to eat her breakfast with a long face.
Tracy loved going to school. She had perfect attendance and was smart and popular. She drew attention like a magnet. She wanted as many friends as possible. School was where Tracy could show off. And the teachers praised her participation in class.
“Yup, and then my cousins messed it up. They always mess it up,” Tracy was telling her group of girlfriends, Celena, Pam and Judy.
“I don’t like my cousins either, ’cause they always wanna race and stuff,” Judy said, standing short and chunky.
Celena, the tallest of the group, rose from their small bench at the far end of the schoolyard. “Aw, you just say that ’cause they always beat you,” she said to Judy.
“Shet up, girl. That’s why you gon’ fail in school,” Judy retorted, facing off with her.
“I got better grades than you,” Celena said.
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do, ’cause on our first spelling quiz, I did better than you.”
“Well, we just started, and that was the only one we had anyway. Now! I busted your bubble,” Judy responded, bumping flat chests with Celena.
“You can’t beat me in nothin’, little girl,” Celena contested, staring down at her shorter friend.
“Who is you callin’ ‘little girl,‘ Stinky?”
Tracy loved to hear the girls argue. It reminded her of her aunts and her mother.
Pam, the quieter friend, sat and watched the action herself.
“I’ll kick you in your butt, Big Mouth,” Celena said as they bumped each other again.
“Do it then, Stinky,” Judy dared.
Both girls were pushing and shoving. Tracy got up to stop what could’ve turned into a real fight. “Stop y’all, we all friends,” she said, moving in-between them.
“Well, that’s why Celena ain’t got no hair. At least I ain’t bald-headed like you,” Judy said, starting up again.
“I ain’t bald-headed, girl. I got more hair than you,” Celena snapped.
“GET OUT THE WAY, THE BALL IS COMING!” a boy shouted, running past.
The girls didn’t move out of the way quickly enough. Judy got knocked down on her plump behind.
“Ay, boy? Why you do that?” Pam yelled at him. She was quiet, but a fighter.
“I’m sorry,” the boy responded.
One of his friend’s overheard him apologizing. “Ay, Tommy, don’t say sorry to her, man,” he said, staring and bumping into Pam. She swung immediately. The boy blocked it and punched her back in her neck.
“See, boy, I’m gon’ tell on you,” she whined.
“Go ’head then, girl. See if I care.”
“See, Aaron, you always hittin’ girls. My dad told me that boys who hit girls are sissies,” Judy screamed at him.
“So what, girl? Who asked you?” Aaron retorted. “Come on, y’all, let’s finish playing ball,” he told his rowdy friends.
“Go ahead, you scared sissy,” Judy taunted him.
Tracy loved it. School was exciting.
Tracy’s father picked her up from school, and she would tell him everything that had gone on while he listened to her constant chatter. Tracy went to work with her questions as soon as they entered the house.
“Daddy, how did I get like this?” Tracy asked, raising her arms.
Dave stretched out on the couch, failing to notice his daughter’s raised arms. He stared up at the ceiling with his head plumped on a cushion.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, pretty,” he answered her wearily.
Tracy raised her arms in front of him.
“How did I get tanner than mommy and lighter than you?”
“Because, God did it,” Dave told her. He then closed his eyes.
“God did it?” Tracy mumbled to herself. Confused by her father’s simple answer, she decided to crawl up on his chest and rest there on the couch with him.
“Hello, hello, sleepy-heads,” Patti said, stepping through the front door an hour later. She hung up her jacket and immediately headed for the kitchen.
Tracy got up off her daddy’s chest and followed her mother. “Can I help you, mommy?” she asked with wide eyes.
“Unh hunh, now get the little frying pan.”
“Okay . . . Now what?”
“All right, now get the Kool-Aid mix.”
“Okay, mommy . . . Here, mom, now what?”
“Go upstairs in my room and bring down the cups and bowls so mommy can wash them out.”
“Okay, mom. I’ll be right back.” Tracy ran up the stairs and grabbed all the dishes she could find. “What now, mom?” she asked, running back inside the kitchen and breathing heavily.
“Aren’t you full of energy,” Patti commented. “Well, why don’t you go and see if your father needs any help.”
“Okay,” Tracy said, running. She tugged on her father’s arm at the living-room couch. “Daddy, wake up.”
“Yes, pretty?” he answered, with his eyes still closed.
“Can I help you with something?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. Can you help your dad get up?”
Tracy looked at his long, lean body and remembered the last time she had tried, unsuccessfully, to lift him. She stepped back and shook her head. “No, I can’t lift you, dad.”
“Yup, well, I guess you can’t help dad then,” Dave responded to her.
Tracy, still filled with energy, hurried back to help her mother in the kitchen.
“Well, did you help your dad, sweety?” Patti asked her.
“No-o-o. Because he want me to help him to get up, and I don’t have no muscles,” Tracy whined.
Patti laughed at her. “You have muscles; they just aren’t strong enough to lift your dad.”
“Well, when I grow up, I’m gonna have bigger muscles. Right, mommy?” Tracy asked, tugging on her mother’s apron.
“Yup, and you’re gonna be as tall and as pretty as me.”
Tracy smiled, pleased with herself. “I’m gonna marry me a man like dad, too.”
Patti gave her a curious smile. “Do you like boys yet, Tracy?” she asked of her young daughter.
“NO! Boys get on my nerves!” Tracy shouted.
Patti chuckled. “Why do you say that?” she quizzed.
Tracy pressed her little hand on her hip and shook her head. “Because, ’dey rough and bad. And this boy named Aaron hit my friend Pam today,” she huffed.
“Why did he do that?” Patti asked her.
“ ’Cause his friend Tommy knocked Judy down when ’ney was playing ball, and Pam was gon’ hit him for it. So then Aaron came to get in it for Tommy, and he punched Pam in her neck.”
“Well, did she try to hit him back?”
“Yeah, she tried to hit him first, but he blocked it with his arm.”
“Did the boy get in trouble?”
“Mmm hmm, but he didn’t even care though.”
“Yeah, he sounds like a bad boy,” Patti said, continuing with her cooking.
“My friend Judy said that boys who hit girls are sissies. Is that true, mom?”
“Who told her that?” Patti quizzed, turning to face her daughter.
“She said that her father told her.”
Patti grinned. “Well, you go and ask your father if that’s true.”
Tracy ran back out and into the living room. “Hey, dad, are you a ‘sissy’ if you hit a girl?” she asked, tugging again on her father’s arm.
Dave opened his eyes and stared at her. “Did your mother tell you to ask me that?”
“Mmm hmm,” Tracy hummed. Then she smiled.
“Well, you tell her that I said she can’t beat it.”
Tracy ran back to her mother and stuttered, “He, he said you can’t beat it, mom.”
“Well, you tell him that I love him anyway.”
“Mom said she loves you, dad,” Tracy yelled out to him. Her father didn’t respond. “Well, dad?” Tracy asked, expecting him to send another message.
“Well, pretty, I guess it’s almost time to eat,” he mentioned to her instead.
Dave still hadn’t responded to Patti’s message as they sat down to dinner.
Tracy was confused. Her daddy didn’t say that he loved her mother. Why not?
“You don’t love mommy, dad?” Tracy asked him at the table.
Dave looked frozen, as if he had lost his appetite.
Patti came to his rescue. “Of course your daddy loves me, Tracy. What kind of a question is that?”
Tracy backed off and hunched her shoulders. She was still a bit confused and apprehensive about the tension she had caused at their dinner table.
Dave quickly finished his food and headed out of the house after dinner.
Tracy was left alone to ask her mother plenty more of her questions.
“Mommy, where does daddy go at night?”
“To his friend’s house,” Patti answered while cleaning pots and pans inside the kitchen sink.
“Does daddy love you, mommy?”
Patti was getting agitated. “Yes, he does, Tracy. Now what is wrong with you?”
“How come he never says it then?”
“Look, now, stop bugging me. Okay?”
“But does he, mommy?” Tracy persisted.
Patti sighed, surrendering. Had she pushed Dave to his limit? Did he still love her? “I hope he still loves mommy, honey,” she said to her persistent daughter. “I hope and pray he does.”
Dave walked in at eleven on a Wednesday, early compared to some of his other nights out. He had begun to spend more of his free time away from home. He failed to touch Patti or talk to her for weeks at a time. He only chatted with her on occasion, kissing her every now and then.
He walked to the kitchen and got out a spoon with the cherry vanilla ice cream and started eating it from the box. Patti waited upstairs, listening to his footsteps. After a few minutes of debate, she decided to walk down the steps to join him. Carefully, she approached him as he sat inside of the kitchen. She calmly slid her hands over his shoulders from behind. Dave moved forward to release her hold. Patti then sat in front of him to look into his eyes.
Dave got up and went to the bedroom without a word, leaving the box of ice cream on the table and daring Patti to comment on it. Once upstairs, he walked inside of the bathroom to take a shower. Patti followed after him.
“Dave . . . where do you go at night?” she finally asked, trembling.
“I go the hell out. Where the hell do you think I go?” he answered while running warm water. He closed the door behind him and took a fifteen-minute shower.
When he had dried himself off and returned to the bedroom, Patti was waiting for him.
“Dave . . . are you seeing another woman?” she forced herself to ask him.
“What if I was? You wouldn’t care. You’re still my number one, right?”
Patti pressed the issue. “Are you, Dave?”
Dave pulled on his pajamas and slid underneath the covers. “Can I get some sleep, Patti? I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”
Patti snatched the covers from him in a frenzy. “Stop playing with me, Dave! DAMN IT, I’M SERIOUS!” she shouted at him.
Dave took a deep breath to calm himself as he sat up to speak. “Now look, Patti, you wanted to keep playing these little panty-games, and it ain’t fun no more. I don’t have any more energy for that. So look, give me back my sheets, and shut up before you wake up my daughter.”
It was too late. Tracy heard them going at each other from her room. She sat up in her bed, wide awake, realizing that her mother was losing her daddy.
Several weeks more had passed, and Patti tried her hardest to avoid Tracy’s daddy questions. Nevertheless, her mother’s lack of answers didn’t appear to stop Tracy from asking.
“Mommy, tell me how you met my dad?” she asked one morning.
Patti shook her head, exhausted by them. “You just won’t quit, will you? Okay, girl, what do you want to know?” she said, sitting down to join her daughter eating breakfast.
“Where did you meet him at?”
“I met him at a college party.”
“Daddy went there?”
“Yup, and he was one of the most handsome guys there.”
“Well, he came over and asked me to dance.”
“And you said, ‘yes’?”
“Of course I said, ‘yes.’ I wouldn’t have said, ‘no’ to him.”
“And then you got married?”
Patti grinned and shook her head. “No, not that fast. First mommy had to get him away from all the other girls.”
“How did you do that?”
Her mother reflected on “the good old days.”
“By being more sexy than them,” she answered. Patti then lost track of time as she thought back to the many weeks of seduction. She used to take Dave out to Fairmount Park at night and do wild and crazy things under the privacy of the trees. She used to sneak him into her house at night, while her parents and sisters slept.
Patti painted a facade of not appearing to be jealous whenever other women showed interest in Dave. She acted as if she was above them, which made Dave feel more comfortable with her. Patti was always two steps ahead of the game.
The long talk Tracy had with her mother about how her parents met made them run late. Tracy’s girlfriends at school wanted to know why.
“Why was you late today, Tracy?” Judy asked at recess.
Tracy was usually one of the first students at school. “I wasn’t late,” she told her nosy friend.
“You was almost late,” Celena interjected, siding with Judy.
“Well, almost ain’t good enough,” Tracy snapped.
Her friends caught on to her disdain and dropped the subject. They sat and quietly watched the boys play ball. They all watched Aaron, except for Tracy. Tracy was too wrapped into herself and her family to think of any boy.
“Aaron is the best one at keep-away. They can’t catch him for nothin’,” Celena commented.
Judy sat and stared.
“So?” Pam huffed. “What ’chew watchin’ him for?”
“Because, he fun to watch,” Celena answered.
Tracy said out of the blue, smiling, “Ay y’all, guess what my mother told me? She told me that she took my dad from a whole lot of other girls.”
“She did?” Judy asked, stuffing her mouth with a cupcake.
“Yup, and then they got married and had me.”
“WATCH OUT, GIRL!” Aaron shouted, zipping past them with other boys chasing behind him.
“HEY, AARON! WATCH WHERE YOU GOIN’, BOY!” Celena yelled.
Tracy paid him no mind. She continued with her story.
“Well, anyway . . .”
“So are you saying that it’s over?” Tanya asked her sister, Patti, that evening. They sat in Tanya’s small living room. She lived in a small, three-bedroom house in Logan, Philadelphia.
“Girl, I don’t know. I mean, he hardly talks to me,” Patti responded.
“Yeah, that’s how they get when they wanna call it quits. Either they ignore you or they get on your damn nerves until you can’t take it anymore,” Tanya told her.
Tracy was upstairs playing with her cousins Patrice and Kamar.
“I mean, what am I supposed to do?” Patti asked helplessly.
“Tell him that you love him and that you’ll try your best to work things out,” Tanya calmly suggested.
Patti snapped, “Are you serious? I’m not fuckin’ beggin’ him shit. He’s the one cheating on me.”
“Well, okay, Miss Know-it-all. Why the hell are you asking me in the first place, since you got all the answers?”
They sat quietly for a few minutes before Patti apologized. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m just under a lot of stress right now.”
Tanya was still annoyed. “You think I don’t know that? Me and John have arguments, too. It ain’t like I don’t have to sit down and think things out myself sometimes.
“That’s one of your damn problems, Patti. You always take other people for granted. Now you gettin’ some of your own medicine.”
“What, you think this is my fault?”
Tanya looked at her sister curiously. “I don’t know, Patti. Is it your fault? You tell me.”
Patti sat and thought about it. Maybe I have overdone things a few times, she told herself. But it ain’t all my damn fault! I mean, he’s not even trying to talk it all out. He’s just trying to punish some-fucking- body.
“Dave, we need to talk. I mean, our marriage isn’t over, is it?” Patti asked, settling into bed after putting Tracy to sleep.
Dave rolled away from her. He stared at the rain out of their bedroom window. “Ain’t shit come out my mouth, did it?” he answered sourly.
“That’s funny. I thought you said that I curse too much.”
“Well, I’ve changed, and your shit is rubbing off on me.”
Patti eyed his back. “Aren’t you gonna take a shower?” she asked, attempting to provoke him.
“Why should I take a shower?”
“Didn’t you make love to her?”
Dave paused. “No, I just went to dinner with her, and she kissed me,” he lied. He wasn’t dating any other woman, he simply wanted to give Patti something to think about. Maybe she’ll tell me to get out, he thought to himself. He felt as if he was suffocating in their marriage. Maybe I was too damned young to get married. I was just finishing school when she got pregnant.
Patti wanted to kill him. She fucking kissed you, hunh? she felt like screaming at him while pounding her fists against his head and back. Then she thought about what Tanya had said earlier, and decided to use her head. “So . . . what are we going to do now?” she pleaded. “Are you ready to throw away your life with me and your daughter for this woman?”
“I think I need to take a little break for a while. I got this little apartment I’ve been looking at,” Dave announced to her.
What? You need a damn break? Patti felt like yelling at him. She took a deep breath instead, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want you to go, baby,” she whispered into his ear. “We can work this thing out.”
Dave shook his head, set on moving out. “It’s too late for that now.”
Patti rolled to the edge of the bed. She hoped maybe he would ask where she was going. She went down to the kitchen. She thought about grabbing a knife.
“Did you sleep well last night, sweetheart?” Patti asked Tracy at breakfast.
“Yup, I had a dream that I could fly.”
“You did? And were you scared?”
“Unh hunh.”
Patti gave her a medium-size box to open. “Your daddy bought this for you.”
Tracy opened the box and pulled out a stuffed animal. “Wow, he got a suit on!” She held it up and hugged it to her chest. It was a tan lion wearing a black tuxedo with a white bow tie.
“When did daddy buy me this?” she asked.
“Last night, because he’s not going to be around as much.”
Tracy raised her brow in alarm. “He’s not?”
“No, because he decided to move out,” Patti told her.
Tracy’s hazel eyes ballooned. “Why-e-e, mommy?”
Patti looked away, feeling both guilt and anger. “Because we don’t get along anymore.”
“Is he still gonna come see us?”
“Yes, but he won’t be staying with us for a while.”
“Well, when is he coming back?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t like each other anymore?” Tracy squealed.
“I don’t know, honey.”
“Well, how can I go to play with him and ask him questions and stuff?”
“He never really played with you, honey. Do you remember any things that you and your father did together?”
Tracy thought about it. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “But I like it when he’s here, ’cause he makes me feel good.”
Patti smiled at her and sat her daughter on her lap. “I know. Daddy made me feel good too.”
Tracy smiled back and said, “Yeah, dad is fun.”
“He sure is, baby, but now we’re going to have our own fun.”
“How?”
“Well, by going shopping and stuff, ’cause daddy said you’re going to get an allowance.”
Tracy was puzzled. “Allowance? What’s that?” she asked.
“It’s money after a certain period of time.”
“He wants me to have money?”
“Yeah, he doesn’t want his baby to be wearing rags. He wants you to wear nice things.”
“Well, who’s gonna pick me up from school?”
“I don’t know yet, but let me tell you something, honey.” Patti tossed her arms tightly around her daughter’s growing body. “No matter what you do, my little princess, never let any little boy break your heart. It’s a rough world out there for us girls, ’cause everything is geared for the boys to do. And they can just get up and walk away from you whenever they want to. Just like your father did.”
Tracy nodded.
“They can do whatever they want, and we’re supposed to sit back and be complacent,” Patti went on.
“What’s that mean, mommy?”
“That means you’re supposed to sit on benches and talk to your little girlfriends until some boy wants to talk to you.”
“Yuck, I don’t like boys,” Tracy told her.
Patti shook her head and smiled. “Yeah, I know. But you remember this, you hear? You always go after what you want in life, and never give anything away without a good reason.”
“Yeah, ’cause I don’t like to give candy, now.”
Patti chuckled to herself. Her daughter was in another world. She’ll eventually understand what I’m talking about, Patti told herself. She’ll learn. “You’re a beautiful little girl, and you stay strong, okay?” she said, shaking Tracy on her lap and kissing her cheek to cheer her up and get her off to school.
“Okay, mommy,” Tracy responded with a smile. She then lifted up her arm in a bodybuilding pose. “I’m gon’ be real strong.”
Patti laughed at her. “Girl, you’re just too much.”