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TODAY’S THE DAY I OFFICIALLY put my mother in hospice. I feel like I’m betraying her, like I’m sentencing her to death. I know logically that’s not accurate, but it’s how this entire act makes me feel.
I’ve met with the counselors and the financial staff to settle any payments they need. I have donated the last of the money I stole from Patrick to the hospice program in my mother’s name. I never wanted a dime from him, but at least his blood money is going to a good cause.
They’ve moved mom to another wing of the nursing home. This side looks like a fancy hotel versus a nursing home. Each patient has their own room and they’re all tastefully decorated and have comfortable chairs and sofas in each room for the family. Since it’s just me and mom, it’s a bit of a waste, but that’s okay.
After the call from Dr. Roberts yesterday, I told Ralph and Edie about mom being transferred to hospice. They both tried to get me to take time off to spend with her, but I settled with working the afternoon and evening shifts so that I can spend the days with mom. They reluctantly agreed. I can’t afford to take time off and they can’t afford to pay me not to work. They have been the nicest people and I’ll forever be thankful to them for all they do for me.
Now that all the paperwork has been taken care of, I’ve been sitting with mom and just holding her hand. She used to like it when I read to her, so I brought the latest crime novel I’m reading and am reading to her.
“It’s good for your mom to hear your voice. I’m glad you’re reading to her.” The nurse comes in to check my mom’s vitals.
“On her good days, she used to listen to me for hours. But it’s been a while since the last good day.” I put my bookmark in my book and close it. “So, what is next for mom?”
The nurse documents her vitals and then sits on the sofa next to me. “Well, we keep her comfortable and help her move on when she’s ready. We’re also here for you, too.” She hands me a card. “This is the number to the nurses’ station. There’s someone there to answer your call day or night. Any concerns you have or questions you may have forgotten to ask, call. All of us are here to help the families, too.”
“Thank you.” I take the card and slip it into my book. “I gave the number to my work to the other nurse. If anything happens, please call me.”
She nods her head and smiles. “We definitely will.”
I watch her leave and I turn to mom. “Mom, if you can hear me... I’m not ready to do this on my own. Please don’t go, yet. Please.” I pat her hand, but she makes no movement to show she hears me or understands.
I glance at the clock and realize that I need to get going if I’m going to be at work on time for my first afternoon shift. I’m sure I’d get a pass from Ralph and Edie, but I don’t want to take advantage of them. “I’ve got to go, mom. I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you.” Before I leave, I kissed her forehead and adjusted her blankets.
~~~
It’s been an uneventful afternoon and evening at the grocery store and I’m almost ready to lock up when the three guys from the other day walk in. This time, I’m all alone in the store. A half an hour ago, I told Ralph to take Edie home since it was so slow. Now, I’m regretting that decision.
“Anything I can help you with?” I ask as they wander the little store.
Guy number one grabs a case of beer as guy number three grabs a few bags of chips. “Just the beer and the chips, darling.” He says as he pulls out a twenty and throws it on the counter.
I bag the chips and hand him the change. “Thank you for shopping at Ralph’s. Have a nice evening.”
Guy number two just stands near the door and stares at me. There’s something about him that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and he’s scaring me. But, I’ve got my brave face on. I’m done being scared of men.
“You all alone, darling?” Guy number one asks.
I shake my head, “Nope. Jose’s in the back, taking out the trash.” I lie right through my teeth. I don’t know a Jose, but it sounded good.
Guy number one just nods his head. “That’s good.” He blows me a kiss as they walk out of the store and my skin crawls.
As soon as they are in their vehicle, some dark sedan, I lock the front door and pull close the barred security door. I’ve never been so grateful for that door as I am today.
I perform my nightly duties and head to the back door to leave. It’s early evening, but it’s getting dark and I hate walking home at this hour by myself, but it’s what I have to do so I can spend as much time with mom as possible. I decide to call the nursing home to check on mom before leaving since I don’t have a cell phone.
“Beaches Nursing Home, Hospice wing, this is Nelly. How can I help you?” a pleasant voice answers after the first ring.
“Hi. I’m Nancy Gordon’s daughter, Mallory. I’m just calling to check on her. How’s she doing?”
“Hello Miss Gordon. She’s doing fine. Resting comfortably. We’ve managed to get rid of her fever from the infection and she’s sleeping right now.”
That makes me feel better. I’m so scared she’s going to pass away without me getting to her first. “Okay, that’s great.”
“Will we be seeing you in the morning?” Nelly asks me.
“Yes. I’ll be in as soon as visiting hours start.”
“Miss Gordon, you know visiting hours don’t pertain to the hospice wing. Families are allowed to visit any time day or night, right?”
“No. I didn’t know that. That’s great news. Then, I’ll be in as soon as I wake up in the morning. I’ll catch the earlier bus.” I’ve always been an early bird, waking up before the sun rises.
“Great. Then we’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.”
“You, too, Nelly.” I hang up the phone, excited that I can go see mom early tomorrow and spend more time with her.
Grabbing my stuff, I peek my head out the back door of the store to see if the ally is empty and thankfully it is. I dart out, lock the door’s three locks, and make a mad dash to the main road where there are more people and lights to walk home by.