Becky polished the Shabbos candlesticks as if she was in a trance. She had slept badly and her head ached. All because of her terrible dream – more like a nightmare, she thought. It gave her goosebumps every time she thought about it.
She was in Mrs Haffner’s shop when she heard a strange creaking noise behind her. She turned around quickly just in time to see a big wooden barrel split in two. It was full of herrings and she watched in horror as they slithered out all over the floor. Mrs Haffner screamed and chased after her. Then, just as she was about to catch her, she slipped and fell. What a sight! Mrs Haffner sprawled on her back and covered in slimy fish! Becky was frantic to escape but she couldn’t find Yossie. She looked everywhere until she found him sitting behind the counter eating bagels. They had just reached the shop door when she woke up, cold and trembling.
“You look pale Becky, are you feeling ill?” Bubbe asked. “You were tossing and turning all night. Becky, are you listening to me?”
Becky was startled from her thoughts.
“I’m fine Bubbe,” she said quickly, “I was thinking about Mirrie,” she lied. “I wish I had shiny black plaits like hers, and dark brown eyes that sparkle when she laughs.”
Bubbe frowned. “It’s unlucky to talk like that. You mustn’t envy someone else, you should thank God there’s nothing wrong with your looks. Such a nice little friend you’ve got, and so quick! Did you see the way she peeled those vegetables? Finished in no time, we were.”
She got up slowly and walked to the kitchen. “I must make the challahs and see to the chicken. Hurry up, you’ll be late for school. Yossie, come on,” she called out. “What are you doing in there?”
“What’s up, Becky?” Mirrie asked on their way to school. “You sick or something?”
Becky tried to smile. “Bubbe sleeps with me and she kept me awake half the night with her snoring.” Another lie. “I’m tired that’s all. I’m sorry I couldn’t get away yesterday. Thanks for helping us, Bubbe was very pleased.”
“Mama keeps telling me that she wants to meet you. Can you come up tomorrow afternoon instead? Your grandmother and your father won’t mind will they?”
“No, I don’t think so. They usually sleep on Shabbos afternoon, so I won’t be missed.” Becky bit her lip, deep in thought.
“Mirrie, will you do me a favour?”
“Course, I will. What is it?”
Becky coughed and cleared her throat. “I’ve got to take a message to my Auntie Essie.” Yet another lie, God forgive me, she said to herself. “Yossie has to meet Papa at the public baths. Can you see he gets there okay?”
“Will he mind coming with me?” Mirrie asked.
“Not if you buy him a bagel. Here’s a penny. You can always bribe my little brother with food!”
“Okay. Let’s catch him up and I’ll tell him to look out for me after school.”
All day long Becky was haunted by her nightmare. She found it hard to concentrate in class and worst of all, Miss Bennet noticed. “Rebecca can do better,” she wrote in her school book. As soon as school was over she ran all the way to Auntie Essie’s. She took two steps at a time and arrived breathless outside her door. Delicious smells of baking greeted her before she’d even knocked and walked in. Tonight it was all hustle and bustle; her cousins were helping to prepare for Shabbos as if their lives depended on it. Ruth polished the candlesticks and Malka set the table for dinner. Hester, the eldest, was bent over a sewing machine. As soon as she saw Becky, she stopped and rushed over to her.
“Becky, love, what’s up? Is Bubbe ill? You look so cold. Here, this’ll warm you up,” she said, handing her a cup of tea. “Mama!” she shouted. “Guess who’s here?”
Auntie Essie stood at the kitchen door and wiped her flushed face with a corner of her apron. She looked at Becky in surprise.
“Becky, dear, what’s the matter? Is Bubbe alright?”
“She’s fine. I know you’re very busy, but…but I’ve just got to talk to you,” she blurted out. “Please, Auntie Essie, it’s very important.”
Auntie Essie looked at Becky’s strained face and nodded. “You’ll have to be quick, my dear. You can see how busy we are.” She took Becky into the bedroom. “We’ll have a bit of peace and quiet in here. Hester,” she called over her shoulder, “leave your sewing and carry on with the cooking, there’s a good girl. I won’t be long.”
Becky sat on the bed and told her aunt exactly what she thought about Mrs Haffner. She was careful not to mention the leaking barrel of herrings.
“Is Mrs Haffner the lady who sat next to Bubbe in shul last week?” Becky asked.
“Yes.”
“Did Bubbe send me and Yossie to her shop so she could meet us?”
Auntie Essie nodded.
“She…she can’t be the lady Abe Klein wants Papa to marry, can she? Please, oh please tell me she isn’t.” Scalding, salty tears splashed down her face. Auntie Essie stroked her hair.
“Becky don’t cry. Listen to me. I know it’s hard for you, but you must try to understand. Mrs Haffner will make a good match for your papa. She’s hard-working and a good business woman. It’s only a small shop but she makes a good living.”
“Well, so does Papa when he’s on overtime,” Becky answered defiantly. “He’s a master craftsman. The foreman at the workshop said so.”
Auntie Essie rolled her eyes and sighed.
“He may as well be the finest cabinet maker in the whole wide world,” she said,“but what good’s that when there’s no work? Have you forgotten what happened during the strike?”
Becky blew her nose. Auntie Essie was right, of course. She would never ever forget how ashamed she felt having to stand in line at the Jewish charity soup kitchen. Even worse was the fear of being evicted if they couldn’t pay the rent. They pawned everything they could, but they were always cold and hungry. Yossie was all skin and bone and Mama used to pretend she wasn’t hungry and gave him her food. She sniffed, wiped her eyes and forced herself to ask the next question. She dreaded the answer.
“Are they going to get married?”
Auntie Essie shrugged. “Your father’s thinking about it.”
“But she smells of herrings!”
Auntie Essie tried hard not to smile.
“Honestly, Becky, the things you come out with! Doesn’t your father reek of the horse-hoof glue he uses in the workshop? I’m sure I smell of fried fish right now. So what? The public baths are just round the corner!”
“I don’t want Mrs Haffner to be our stepmother!” Becky shouted. “She could never ever be like Mama and I…hate her!”
“Becky how can you say such a thing? Why you’ve only met her once, and that was in her busy shop. Be fair now and give the poor woman a chance. Ever since her husband died she’s had to run the shop almost single-handed, as well as looking after her children. You’ll have new sisters and brothers, it’ll be good company for you.” She stood up and opened the door.
“Now you’d best be getting home or Bubbe’ll start to worry. I’ve got to finish the cooking before your Uncle Joe and the boys get home from shul. Don’t upset yourself, Becky, everything will turn out for the best, you’ll see. Give my love to everyone. Good Shabbos.”
“I feel so sorry for that poor kid,” Hester said when Becky had left. “She’s not going to take kindly to a stepmother is she?”
“No, she’s not. Becky was very close to her mother,” Auntie Essie sighed.
“What about Uncle Jacob?”
“Becky told me that he makes excuses whenever she tries to talk to him. I can understand why. Jacob is a shy man and it’s not the kind of thing he can discuss with a child. It’s too personal. He’s worried about Bubbe and the children and I don’t think he knows what to do for the best.”
“D’you think he’ll get married again?”
“Your guess is as good as mine, Hester. I think it’s the only sensible solution and I pray to God that Becky is old enough to realise that. Mrs Haffner is a good, God-fearing woman, I’m sure she’ll be good to her and Yossie.”
“You’ll have a hard time convincing Becky about that.”
“I know, I know. Becky is such a headstrong child. I only hope that she doesn’t cause any trouble and go and upset Mrs Haffner.”
Flat 74 Rothschild Buildings,
Brick Lane,
Whitechapel,
London.
Friday 13th November 1908
Dear Mama,
Bubbe lost the rent book – again! She had the five shillings ready on the dresser, but she couldn’t find the book. She gets into such a state. “Oy vey! Oy vey!” she kept moaning. “The superintendent’ll be here soon and if we can’t pay the rent he’ll throw us out into the street.” We had to drop everything and turn the place upside down, until finally Yossie found it underneath the dresser. Next time, we’ll look there first!
I’ve got a lovely new friend called Mirrie Lazarus. She’s good company and very kind and gave me a pair of her old stockings which are too small for her.
I’ve been thinking that if Papa marries You Know Who, we’ll have to live with all those awful Haffner kids. The eldest boy, Sol, is a big bully. No one likes him at school. I’ll have to work in the shop with the Haffner girls. That means there’ll be no chance of me trying for a scholarship. I’m getting goosebumps all the time these days.
Now – for the Secrets Of My Heart. I get so angry when Papa or Bubbe keep on saying ‘no buts’ every time I ask a question. You never did, and neither does Auntie Essie. Papa thinks that what’s going on doesn’t concern me. He’s wrong because it does, it really does. I’ll soon be eleven and I’m old enough to understand. I just hate not knowing.
Goodnight and God bless.
Yours faithfully,
Rebecca Feldman.
