NO, NO! Becky silently framed these words as she stood shivering at her door, listening to Papa talking to Bubbe
“Rabbi Meyer wants to see me this afternoon,” he said. “I’m not sure what time I’ll be home.”
Rabbi Meyer! That could only mean one thing. Papa had stopped thinking it over. He was going to get married! “Please God, don’t let this happen,” she whispered.
She walked in and stood warming her hands by the fire. She looked closely at her father. He doesn’t look any different. Shouldn’t he look happy? It was all very strange.
“Are you feeling better, Bubbe?” she asked, cutting herself a slice of bread.
“Don’t remind me about yesterday. Oy vey! Such pain! Today, thanks be to God, I feel much better. Yossie, my child, eat up, eat up,” she fussed, as he came in and sat down at the table. “Your father’s got to go out. He’ll take you to cheder.”
“I…I…” Yossie hesitated. He looked at Papa, then at Bubbe and then at Becky. He tried again. “I…I…don’t…” then stopped. Becky could see that he was close to tears. He looked so desperate. Poor kid, she thought, it’s not fair, making him go there. She took a deep breath.
“Papa, I think you should talk to Rebbe Finegold. He shouts at the boys and hits them and Yossie gets upset. Can’t he go somewhere else to learn Hebrew?”
Papa ignored her. He folded his newspaper without a word and put on his coat. I don’t care if he’s angry with me, Becky said to herself, I promised Yossie I’d stick up for him.
“Have you finished eating?” Papa asked.
Yossie nodded.
“Come on then.” He opened the front door and turned around to glare at her.
“I won’t tell you again, Becky. Don’t meddle in matters which don’t concern you, or Yossie or anyone else.”
“But…!”
“No buts, Becky,” he snapped.
Yossie glanced back at her as he hurried after his father. Thanks for trying, his look seemed to say.
“Rebbe Finegold’s a very cruel man, Bubbe,” Becky protested.
“Now, don’t take on so, Becky. Yossie’ll be alright. Rebbe Finegold’s a good teacher. He’s very strict with the boys, that’s all. He needs to be, teaching that mob!” She poured herself another cup of tea.
“What a shame I couldn’t come with you yesterday,” Bubbe chatted, quickly changing the subject. “Such a lovely family, God bless them. Mrs Haffner told me she was going to use her best Shabbos cloth – the lace one. It was all hand stitched by her mother and her aunts.” She sipped her tea noisily. “Your mother had a lovely one too, but it was pawned a long time ago,” she sighed.
“Did Papa say he enjoyed himself?” Becky asked, trying to sound offhand.
“Now what kind of a question is that, eh? Course he did. After all, what’s not to enjoy! That reminds me, Becky, there’s plenty of cholent left over from yesterday. I’ll heat it up again for dinner.”
Oh please, don’t mention cholent! Becky felt like screaming. She didn’t want to see any more of it as long as she lived! Just then there was a knock at the door. It was Mirrie.
“How are you, Mrs Feldman?” Mirrie asked.
“Mustn’t complain, mustn’t complain. I’m much better today, thank God.”
“Can Becky come with me to the market? The fog’s lifted, so we’ll be able to see what we’re buying!”
“Get my purse, Becky. Go along with Mirrie and get me a few things. Leave the dishes,” she said, as Becky started to clear up. “It’ll give me something to do. I can’t be sitting around doing nothing all day.”
“I’m so glad you came, Mirrie,” Becky sighed as they walked arm in arm to the market, “because I’m in the depths of despair.”
“What d’you mean, ‘in the depths of despair’? What’s up? I thought you’d be feeling very pleased with yourself today. Now look at you, all pale and washed out. What happened?”
“I can’t bear to talk about it.”
“For heaven’s sake, Becky, tell me!”
“Mrs Herring Haffner’s cholent was delicious! It was just as good as my mother’s used to be!” Becky blurted out.
“No! Honestly?”
Becky nodded.
“Poor Becky, I’m very sorry,” Mirrie said, trying to comfort her friend. “The gossips in the public baths must have got it wrong.”
“I was stupid enough to believe them. You can’t imagine how terrible it was for me having to sit there listening to everyone going on about Mrs H being a wonderful cook. It made me want to throw up. Abe Klein said – ”
“Abe Klein?” Mirrie interrupted. “What was he doing there?”
“He must have arranged it all, ‘cos Papa wouldn’t have gone on his own.”
“Look, Becky, I don’t think you should…”
“Papa’s going to marry her,” Becky said quietly.
“What, already? So soon?”
“Yes, I think so. He’s going to speak to Rabbi Meyer about it today.”
“How d’you know that?”
“I heard him telling Bubbe.”
“What did he say?”
“Only that he was going to see the rabbi.”
“Well it may not be about getting married. Rabbis look after all sorts of other things, y’know.”
Becky sniffed and wiped her eyes on the corner of her apron.
“I still think Papa’s mad. Yossie’ll be alright, it’ll be different for him. She’ll give him lots of food and spoil him.”
“What about your grandmother?”
Becky shrugged. “I don’t know if Mrs Haffner’ll be able to look after her. Anyway, I’ve made up my mind,” she said defiantly, “I’m not going to live with them. I’d run away like a shot, if I’d got somewhere to go.”
The girls stopped and looked at each other as if one single thought had struck them at the same time.
“Come and live with us!” Mirrie beamed. “Mama likes you. She’s always talking about you.”
“Is she? Really?” Becky said shyly. “She made me feel so much at home on Friday. But have you got room for me?”
“Course we have. Mrs K has one room and Mum and I share a bed in the other. You can have the alcove bed and…” Mirrie stopped as if she’d just remembered something. “My mother’s friend Hershel’s coming all the way from America to see us, though I don’t know when exactly.”
“I’ve heard so much about him from your mother. What’s he like?”
“I don’t remember because I was too little. He must be fond of Mama because he’s always kept in touch with her. D’you want to come to us, then?”
“Oh, Mirrie, you know I would.”
Mirrie squeezed Becky’s arm excitedly. “Good, I’ll ask Mama and see what she says. We’ll be able to do our homework and have fun together. But what you need now,” she said, opening her purse, “is a little treat. D’you want a slice of coconut?”
“Ooh yes!”
“Come on then, I’ll buy some. Cheer up, I hate seeing you all upset.”
They wandered round eating, chatting and shopping. They had almost finished when Mirrie stopped and nudged Becky.
“Look, Becky, look over there!”
“Who? Where?”
“There, there, just in front of the book stall. Isn’t that your father talking to someone?”
Becky went white as a sheet.
“That’s Abe Klein,” she hissed. “Oh, God, Papa doesn’t waste any time does he? He must be telling him about meeting the rabbi. Quick, Mirrie, let’s go. I don’t want them to see us.”
They mingled with the crowds of shoppers along the rows of market stalls. They were just about to turn the corner when they bumped straight into Sol Haffner. Quick as a flash, he grabbed Becky by the hair.
“Ouch, you’re hurting me!” she shouted. “Get off me! Leave me alone!” She wriggled and squirmed and kicked, but Sol held her fast.
Mirrie tried to grab his arm. “Let go of her, you great bully, let her go,” she screamed.
“Shurrup, you!” Sol growled. He shoved her roughly out of the way without losing his grip on Becky.
“So this is the precious scholarship girl, is it?” he sneered, putting his face close to hers. “My sisters don’t go in for fancy learning. They ‘ave to work at home and in the shop, got that? D’you want to know what happens to girls who get too big for their boots?” he asked, giving Becky’s hair another sharp pull. “Do you?” he shouted. “No? Well I’ll show you…”
Flat 74 Rothschild Buildings,
Brick Lane,
Whitechapel,
London.
Sunday 22nd November 1908
Dear Mama,
The Secrets Of My Heart (although this time it isn’t very secret!)
Sol Haffner knocked me flying in the market today. I fell backwards, crashing into a market stall with fruit and vegetables pouring down on me. I cut my eye which swelled up until I couldn’t see out of it. My nose was bleeding, my knees were grazed and I hurt my back. I just lay there shivering and shaking all over. Mirrie screamed for help and then suddenly there were lots of people round us. One of the neighbours from our building took us home. Bubbe was very upset and sent Mirrie to buy a piece of beef steak to put on my eye to get the swelling down. Yossie said it was a waste of good meat! (Well, he would wouldn’t he?) I wish Papa had been there. He keeps asking me how I’m feeling, but that’s all. He’s gone quieter than ever.
I’m still covered in bruises and my bad eye is like the colours of the rainbow: black, blue, red, green and a bit of yellow. I can’t bear to look in the mirror. Everyone at school knows about it. Sol Haffner denied everything, he said I’d tripped and fallen. He’s a liar and a bully. My friends are very kind, they keep giving me special treats – toffee apples and cinnamon buns, which I share with Yossie and Mirrie. Miss Bennet told me not to do any homework until my eye’s better. Mrs Lazarus washed the mud off my dress and mended my torn petticoat and stockings.
My mind is quite made up. I’m never going to live with the Haffners, not after what happened. Mirrie is going to ask her mother and Mrs K if I can live with them. Please ask God to help me with my plan, because I don’t know what else I can do.
God Bless.
Yours faithfully,
Rebecca Feldman.
