Chapter Eight
The Darkness

8-1 — Tuyet’s passport photographs

Tuyet waited for the door to open again and for the other children to join her. She waited and waited and waited. The door stayed closed. She was alone in the dark.

Tuyet clung to her doll and closed her eyes. But sleep wouldn’t come. The bed was too big for just one person. As she pulled the soft covers up to her face, Tuyet tried not to think of all the times when she had been left on her own. That other mother, who stopped visiting. The white van that took her away from the special boy. Linh, who had left her for that family. They all came back to Tuyet, like a nightmare she was helpless to stop. Would she always be alone?

Would she ever be important to a family that already had two girls and a boy?

Tuyet set her doll down. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she slipped out and limped over to the tall wooden box against the wall. She caressed the top and was comforted by its smooth coolness. If the box was in her room, did that mean the family had given it to her? What a huge possession. Her hand brushed down the front of the box and her fingertips landed on the first handle. She pulled. A drawer slid out, bigger than the boxes that had carried the babies to Canada. Tuyet pushed herself up as tall as she could and felt inside. Nothing there.

She limped to the clothing hamper, took out her socks, and carried them back to the top drawer. Holding the socks by the toes, she gave them a shake. Kernels of corn and the piece of chicken fell out. When her socks were empty, she pushed the food with her fingertips into the back corners of the drawer.

If they forgot to feed her, at least she would have something to eat.

Tuyet stepped to the window and drew back the curtains. The stars filled the dark sky—so many that she could not count them. So bright and sparkling. So beautiful. It was the best thing about her new country, seeing the stars, knowing they weren’t bombs or helicopters and couldn’t hurt her.

She left the curtains open and climbed back into bed. She hugged her doll and thought of Surrey Place, where she, Linh, and the babies had slept so close to one other.

Tuyet wondered if the others slept by themselves. She walked to her door and opened it a crack. She could hear rhythmic breathing coming from one of the rooms and a gentle snore from another. She pulled the door open wider—

Squeak!

Tuyet started. She held her breath. Had she woken anyone?

But the rhythmic breathing continued.

If she limped down the hallway, she was sure to make noise. She had only one choice. Tucking her doll into the neck of her shirt, she got down onto the floor and dragged herself silently along the hallway until she reached the first door. She pulled herself up with care and turned the doorknob slowly. Terrified of another squeak, she held her breath and pushed the door open just far enough to peek inside.

The room was similar to hers, but this one had a bed on either side. Between the beds was a window, the curtain opened slightly. On the floor sat a small rug, just like in her room. In one bed, Tuyet could make out the form of Beth snuggled up under the covers, her long hair splayed out over the pillow. In the other was Lara, deep in sleep on her back, her arms flung above her head.

Tuyet longed to sleep in this room with the two girls. Their closeness would comfort her. The sound of their breathing would lull her nightmares away. She softly closed the door and crawled to the next bedroom. This one was smaller. Tuyet could see the barred sides of Aaron’s crib. He slept, curled in a ball, in one corner of the crib.

The low snoring noise got a little louder as Tuyet made her way to the end of the hall. At the convent, one of the older nuns snored, so the sound did not frighten Tuyet. If anything, she found it a comfort. She gingerly pushed open the door and poked her head in. Mom and Dad were sound asleep in their bed.

Tuyet closed the door as gently as she could and headed back along the hall. But instead of passing Beth and Lara’s room, she stopped for a moment and leaned against the door. How she longed to go into that room and sleep on the rug between them.

It was so frightening to think of sleeping alone. But she didn’t want to disappoint this family. She had to make herself agreeable so they would never think of sending her back.

Tuyet returned to her own room.

She knew she would never sleep if she got back into the soft bed, so she hugged her doll and curled up on the rug. She’d wake up early and get into the bed.

No one would know the difference.