“Look at this shit right here,” Trinity whispered. Her voice was laced with disgust. Had it not been for Raven’s churning stomach, she probably would have said the same thing. Her body was on fire. She felt the heat coursing through her chest. Taylor was auditioning for Raven’s captain position on the dance team.
“The bylaws state she only has one routine before the team votes.” Ms. Adams reminded everyone.
Humph, one dance was too much if you asked Raven. They would have to revisit those bylaws. She watched on in anger. As sweat dripped from Taylor’s head, she hit every move with her trademark half-smirk, half-smile. Her moves were poised and polished. Taylor was good—incredibly good; Raven would give her that.
She wanted her to beat her ass; Raven could feel it in her bones.
Raven knew she brought this on herself. When she carpeted Taylor, she knew there would be blowback, but she didn't expect this.
A few weeks earlier, after the incident, Nia confronted Raven about her behavior with Taylor. Nia used words like “immature” and “instigator.” Raven tried to argue with Nia, but she shut it down and wouldn't let her get a word in. Nia ended with, “Do better!” and walked away like she was exasperated.
Raven turned and looked at Nia, wondering who she believed was being immature and an instigator now.
“Anndd thank you for that piece, Taylor.” Ms. Adams blew her whistle, interrupting Raven’s thoughts.
“Ms. Raven, you’re uppp,” she sang. “Now, as the standing team captain, you get one extra minute for your piece. Let’s get it done.”
Taylor challenged Raven. She requested to settle their dispute on the floor mat. For Raven’s spot. An official challenge hadn’t happened in over five years. Raven checked with Ms. Adams for that information. You would have to send a request to the physical education department and have it signed by the vice principal. Taylor went through all the proper channels to confront Raven, and here they stood. She was serious. Raven stretched and looked over at Nia.
“You got this,” Nia mouthed with a nod.
The gym seemed quiet today. Normally, the ancient air conditioner would sound deafening, but today it was eerily quiet. Raven surveyed the scene while she counted. She inhaled slowly five times and exhaled slower. She looked for five things she saw, then four, then three....
“Calm your body first. You are exactly where you need to be . . .” Nana’s voice echoed in Raven’s mind.
The music sounded, and Raven started slow. She could feel the drums deep in her chest. She remembered the drums from their day at the docks. The way the women watched Raven brought a smile to her face. She would smile later. Right now, she had a challenge to win.
Raven’s body swayed and gyrated to the beat with her arms spread out to the sky. Raven dropped onto the mat and rolled her body with precision and grace.
Make it look effortless, Raven willed.
She didn’t see anyone or anything. She let the music guide her to a faraway place. The instrumental beats whispered a song only Raven could hear, and she heard it well. Raven changed the tempo of the music and fell into a jazz routine. But, baby, Raven gave them hip hop, mixed with jazz, and sprinkled some ballet in there too. The bass intensified, and she switched into Chris Brown’s “Go Crazy Challenge.” For four minutes, Raven gave them all of her. Just a brown girl from Lake Lacroix, Louisiana, who liked to dance.
Raven let her anger and feelings speak for her. She left the words at home and let her body do the talking today. She couldn’t fix her family, couldn’t fix Carter, and couldn’t fix Taylor. But in that moment, Raven knew that she could fix herself by being who she was—and that was enough.
Today, Raven kicked ass. She felt it, and she knew it. The doubt erased from her mind. People would love her for who she was. She was safe. It was not her responsibility to fix everyone and everything. She would build the life she wanted to live and would do it with her head held high, ready for it all.
She finished her routine with tears in her eyes. There were so many things she questioned, but dancing was one thing she was sure about. Raven’s chest heaved up and down as she struggled to catch her breath. When she came to, the room erupted in claps and cheers. Raven blinked away salty tears. She eyed Taylor standing off to the side with her arms folded.
She got the right one today, Raven scoffed.
The once empty gym was filled with people who watched the battle. Raven saw Amir and Jasmine in the crowd, cheering and smiling. Trinity finally sat down. She had been standing next to the mat since she first saw Taylor walk in.
“All right, all right, all right.” Ms. Adams blew her whistle. “Now, as coach, I have to say that challenges keep us strong. They don’t happen too often, but they are there for a reason. They strengthen us as a team and individuals. They help us see errors. Always look for your role and how you can become better when someone challenges you. Sometimes you get what you thought you wanted, and other times it forces your hand. Always find the lesson.” With a clap of her hands, Ms. Adams finished. “Okkk! Voting time! Hands in the air for Taylor?” Jessica raised her hand along with a few others. Raven sucked her teeth.
“Okay, hands in the air for Raven.”
One by one, everyone else on the team raised their hand to support Raven. Nia raised both hands. Even the people who came into the gym to watch raised their hand for her. For her! Raven unclenched her hands and relaxed her shoulders.
“It looks like Ms. Raven has defended her position.” Ms. Adams nodded as the room cheered.
Raven looked at Taylor as she walked off. Taylor swung around and glanced back. Raven was sorry a misunderstanding started this year's long cold war between them. It saddened Raven they couldn’t mend their differences. She accepted the fact she and Taylor would never be friends. Cordial, but never friends. Raven had to be okay with not being liked or being friends with everyone, and that included Taylor. There would be no happy ending, there would be no friendship. They were two, young brown girls agreeing to walk away. There would be no beef. It was settled right on the dance mat.
Taylor walked off in a huff with Jessica. Amir, Jasmine, Nia, and Trinity surrounded Raven. Everyone danced and laughed, imitating some of Raven’s moves. Raven knew who her family was. It was the family Raven had created. Right here, this was her support system. She depended on their friendship and let it cover her like a shield. She realized she didn’t need to depend on them because they were always there supporting her anyway. It was time for Raven to rise, like a phoenix.