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Becca forced her hands to relax, releasing the fabric of her skirt that had been clutched between her fingers. Her mother was going to be angry at her for putting wrinkles in her expensive new gown. They had already fought about the color, since Becca insisted it being something that showed she was still in half mourning for her fiancé. They had settled on a deep violet color that her mother was pleased to find went well against her daughter’s skin.
Becca didn’t remember being this nervous at balls before Brandon left. Perhaps it was because she always had him to look forward to. As she stood near the doorway to the ballroom, she looked at the crowd, wishing she could find him among the people. She knew better in her head, but her heart always had to be reminded that he was gone.
“Are you looking for someone?”
Robert’s masculine voice came from behind her and startled her.
Becca turned to find him standing there in his formal evening suit, looking so much more a man than she remembered. She wondered how long it would take before that stopped surprising her.
“I was just looking to see if any of my old friend were attending. It seems so many of them have moved on without me.”
“Marriage and families can pull a person away from the ballrooms,” he said with a shrug, “but only for a brief period. Then they will begin to bring their own children out for parade.”
It was the cycle of life, but Becca didn’t have to like it. Looking around the room at all the ladies dressed up and put on display for the gentleman, she wished she had the good sense to marry Brandon before he went to sea. At least then she would be a widow and left to her own desires.
“Are your parents here?” Becca asked, hoping she might find at least a few friends for the evening.
“No, unfortunately they are attending the theater this evening. Christopher got all three of them tickets.”
“But not one for you?”
“He wants me to avoid the stages for a while.”
More likely his brother hoped he would avoid the actresses, but Becca kept that thought to herself.
“So you decided to attend a ball instead?” she said, trying to keep the conversation light.
“I told you I would be your friend during the season, and I am here to do that. Your parents told my parents that you would be making your new debut tonight.”
If her parents told the Donovans, Becca wondered how many other people they told. They would most likely want to make sure everyone in New York knew she was back on the market. That chaffed at her.
“I saw Stephan on my way in,” said Robert. “Has he claimed a dance with you already?”
“Actually no.” Much to the disappointment of her mother, Becca had not been approached by a single gentleman yet.
“Must be intimidated by your previous fiancé.”
She looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“You and Brandon had the kind of love that only exists in fairy tales. Everyone could see it. Clearly, you are still in love with him. Not many men would want to compete with a memory, especially one such as my brother.”
Becca hadn’t thought about that. She had known that people admired her fiancé and envied the life that they were going to have, but once he was gone, she never thought about it in those terms.
“I’m not sure I want a man who isn’t willing to accept my past.”
“Accepting and competing with are two very different things.”
“You can’t compete with a dead man.”
“Are you certain?”
She looked up into Robert’s dark brown eyes that seemed so much deeper than she remembered. The color had gotten darker around the edges, and she could see the hint of wrinkles in the corners from his long days outdoors.
“You often competed with your brother when you were younger. You never backed away from it.”
“Yes but I also never won.”
Robert said that with a chuckle and it lightened the mood. Becca was surprised to find she was also smiling. Not the fake grin she wore when her parents asked her to, but a genuine smile that felt good on her lips.
“I think he would be amazed to see you now. You have accomplished a great deal while you were gone. You might have bested him this time.”
“No, because he would still have you.”
Becca stumbled over her own feet when she heard that. Her eyes looked down, then back at his face again, worried she might find too much emotion then. Instead, she found him grinning in a carefree manner. He was just pretending to be the flirt again.
“We should be trying to find you a wife,” Becca said. “There seems to be a lot of interest in that position.”
“From who?”
Becca let her head swivel around the room to look at the dozen women staring at the two of them. Some of them were subtle enough to look away before catching her eye, but some were more bold. She noted that one of them even gave a smile at his notice. Becca tried not to giggle when she saw the redness in Robert’s cheeks.
“While I am not opposed to the idea of marriage, I don’t think I want to select a women like a piece of cattle.” He reached u to rub his jaw, which was a nervous habit all the brothers shared. “I would like to think that the right woman will fall into my path by chance.”
She laughed. She couldn't help it. That was such a romantic notion from a man known for his business mindset.
“Perhaps we can help each other,” she said. “You can help me find a man who isn’t afraid to mend my broken heart and I will try to trip the pretty, eligible young ladies in front of you.”
He laughed. Not in the sharp, sarcastic way she had heard him laugh before, but this time it was amusement. And joy. She wondered if he needed more of those in his life.
“That’s a deal.”
Robert offered her his arm and began to lead her around the room. She had been hiding in the back of the room before he arrived, not ready to face the judgment of society. She was ashamed at being paraded about when it was so close to losing her fiancé.
“No one thinks any less of you,” Robert leaned down and whispered in her ear. “They all know how much you cared for Brandon. They do not blame you for choosing to move on after he’s gone.”
“I blame myself.”
“We are always our own worst enemies.”
Becca forced herself to hold her head up high and hold a smile in place. She didn’t want her mother complaining about her expression later.
“You look beautiful by the way.”
Somehow those words soothed her. She hadn’t been too concerned with her appearance, compared to her mother. Yet it felt good to receive the compliment.
“That shade of purple suits you,” he added.
“I never would have thought to wear purple,” she said to him. “Brandon always hated that color.”
“Yes, but perhaps seeing you in it would have changed your mind.”
She felt a surprising flutter in her stomach and placed her gloved hand over it.
“You have the freedom to choose your own colors now,” Robert said. “I know there is very little solace in losing my brother, but you do have the freedom not to dress as he likes. You can choose the things that you prefer.”
Becca looked down at the deep purple folds of her skirts, trimmed in black lace. She had to admit that she did enjoy the color as it swirled around her feet as they walked.
“What if my new fiancé also dislikes it?” she asked.
“Then he is not the right man for you. You deserve a man who wants your happiness, not his own tastes.”
“You were never this wise in the ways of love before you left,” Becca commented to him.
“I was young and foolish about everything before I left,” Robert said to her, his voice taking on a serious tone. “I made many mistakes. I hope to show you that I have changed.”
She knew he was referring to the night of her engagement party.
“You can blame your father’s whiskey for many of those mistakes.”
“No, they were my choices. I shouldn’t have let my emotions ruin my judgment and almost ruin your happiness.”
“You might have ruined the party, had your father not been able to stop you,” said Becca, giving his arm a squeeze, “but that was all. Brandon and I would have forgiven you.”
She felt him shrug. “My father thought it was serious enough to send me away.”
“He did that for your benefit. He thought it might be too difficult for you to move past your infatuation if you stayed here.”
“My infatuation, of course.”
“You were a young boy, who thought he was in love with the girl he grew up with. You were confused.”
“Was I?”
Becca swallowed when she looked into his eyes and saw that there was still a great deal of raw emotion in them. That part of him hadn’t changed. Robert had never been good at hiding how he felt.
“I suppose I must have been. I ignored how much you clearly loved my brother. I thought if I announced my feelings to you, before you made the engagement announcement, you might change your mind.”
“You could have chosen a better time to test that theory. Waiting to corner me on the balcony, moments before the announcement was foolish.”
“At least my father intervened before anyone but you heard my confession.”
At the time, she had felt awful that she agreed with Mr. Donovan not to tell Brandon, but looking back she saw that was the better choice. Making enemies out of brothers would have done no good. Plus, both of them had left the city shortly afterward. Brandon got to die not knowing that his brother almost sabotaged his engagement.
“I was young and I thought that my feelings were a romantic love, but now I know that it was the feelings of a good friend. If you would give me another chance, I would like to make it up to you now.”
Many women might have refused to forgive him, but Becca had known Robert his entire life. She had known that he was impulsive and that he didn’t mean the words of love he professed that night. He was simply jealous of his older brother for getting engaged. Being the youngest could be very difficult in such a competitive family.
“I would enjoy having your company. It would be nice to have a friendly face among so many strangers.”
“Not all of them are strangers...”
Becca followed Robert’s gaze and saw Stephan approaching. He had her mother by his side, having approached her parents first. That made her sigh.
“Mr. Donovan,” said her mother, with a forced smile on her face. “I’m so happy you found my daughter for me. She seems to get lost in the crowd so often. I appreciate you returning her to us.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t want such a treasure to be lost for good.”
Robert loosened the grip she had on her arm, giving her the freedom to join her mother now. She had to admit she felt more secure with him at her side. She saw the smile that Stephen was giving her and knew she was required to return it.
“I have come to ask you for a dance,” Stephen said, giving her a bow. “Your mother said you have been wanting to return to the activity.”
That wasn’t entirely a lie. Becca had missed dancing since Brandon left. Stephen was a comfortable enough partner to get back to it with. As she was led to the dance floor, she turned to thank Robert but found he was gone. She only hoped it wouldn’t be another five years before she saw him again.