Shame and honour…

WHY did the friends and family of Mohammad Shafia conclude that the deaths of his three daughters and Rona were the result of an honour killing? The answer to that question goes back a long way, in fact, to a time of pre-religious, pagan Arab tribalism that has long since been incorporated into the culture and is now well established in countries throughout the Middle East and Asia, including India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Jordan and Turkey, and the Balkans, among others.

In many of the families from these cultures, the "honour" of the entire family reposes in the female members because they are the bearers of children and, therefore, carriers of the lineage. The notion of honour, however, is also a reflection of male status. The man who is shamed by the women in his family through their "inappropriate" behaviour must act to restore his honour, most often by killing the offending woman. Inappropriate behaviour can be anything from the manner of dress, association with friends and boyfriends outside of the family and social group, defiance and disobedience, adultery, and even rape, and need only be suspected by male family members to prompt action.

Shame is a complex emotion that is connected to "face," and includes feelings of humiliation, embarrassment, and a sense of failure. Men in a patriarchal society such Afghanistan's identify strongly with one another and are socialized to see themselves as superior to women. While men move freely in society, women are constrained. A family's honour requires that a man control the women in his family and any shameful act by one of them reflects directly onto him. If he fails to act, he will, in effect, lose his sense of social dignity and will be deemed by other men as weak.

The pressure on Mohammad Shafia and his son Hamed to restore the family's honour in the face of apparently shameful behaviour by some of the women in his family stemmed from a long and deeply embedded tradition, unquestioned by either of them.