Doing laundry seems so easy, right? Open washer, stuff in clothes, run on any random cycle, toss in dryer on hottest heat, heap the results in a laundry basket, and you’re done. But if that’s even close to your current laundry shtick, guess what? You’re totally doing it wrong. A little extra time and effort can go a very long way toward extending the life of your clothes. You could have the fantasy closet of your wildest dreams, stuffed to the gills with fancy frocks—but every bit of it would be pointless if you don’t know how to take care of it.
It’s sad, but the art of laundry has somehow completely fallen out of fashion in recent years. It used to be that clothes were either dreadfully expensive, or you had to make them yourself. As a result, people didn’t have a ton of them, so knowing how to wash and care for them properly was super important. The epic rise of fast fashion has made clothes practically throwaway, so many of us don’t really care if something gets ruined in the wash—but some of your favorite pieces may also happen to be things you actually didn’t pay very much for, so I’m sure you’d like to maintain and wear them for years to come. You also likely own a few pieces of more expensive clothing that you don’t want ruined. The art of laundry is important—and was taught to me at a young age by both of my grandmothers, working in tandem to turn me into the lean, mean, laundry machine I am today. I’m actually a laundry enthusiast! So allow me to take you on a journey—deep into the wild, wonderful world of proper laundry practices. I promise you, I’m an excellent tour guide.
Before you even begin to do laundry, you’ll want to take a minute to familiarize yourself with the machines you’ll be using—and to make sure you’re using the right type of laundry soap for your particular machine. If your washer is a high-efficiency model, always use detergent that is marked “HE” specifically for such washers. While it may seem unnecessary, these washers actually use far less water than traditional machines—and therefore need a detergent that is low-sudsing. Using a non-HE laundry detergent in an HE machine can result in an overwhelming amount of suds that leaves a sticky film on your clothes.
If you are washing a load of black or very dark clothing, consider investing in a detergent made specifically for dark clothing. It will pay off in the long run; these detergents help cut down on fading immensely. I love Woolite’s “Darks” laundry detergent to keep all my fancy jeans and vintage black concert T-shirts looking new and crisp.
I love sorting laundry, because proper sorting will cause your clothes to live longer, happier lives. It’s really your best defense against ruined clothes! There are six distinct categories into which you should be separating your laundry. (I swear, it’s not as hard as it sounds.) Stay with me, because the end results are well worth it:
WHITES OR LIGHTS: A load of lights and whites means that only very pale-colored or white T-shirts, cotton undies, pajamas, and the like go together—basically anything that is light enough to not bleed onto other garments. (I consider pale yellow to be the darkest color you can safely put in a load of lights.) Wash lights in warm water for maximum grime removal, as T-shirts and undies tend to get the most foul of all your laundry.
BRIGHTS: In laundry, as in life, red means danger. Red clothing is laundry enemy number one, as it is notorious for turning an entire load of whites pale pink. You can wash reds, bright oranges, hot pinks, and deep purples together once you are completely sure they are colorfast. For extra insurance, you can toss a color catching sheet (like the Shout Color Catcher sheet, available in the laundry soap aisle of the drugstore) in with your bright loads to help trap any excess dye that could deposit itself on other garments. I always test colorfastness by spraying the garment with water in a discreet spot and then blotting with a paper towel to see if any dye transfers. If you like, you can go a step further and swish the item around in a sink of warm water to see if it releases any color. This may seem like an annoying extra step, but you will thank me profusely later when you preemptively save your favorite blouse. I wash brights in cold water only, which helps cut down on color fade.
DARKS: Your darks load should include stuff like jeans, sweatshirts, and gym clothes—basically any garment that can stand up to the dye in a pair of blue jeans. But a warning: If your jeans are brand new, wash them alone until they finish their dye purge. (It will be obvious that they are done purging once your thighs stop turning blue after wearing them, which should be after about five washes.) I wash my really good jeans in cold water as infrequently as possible and always inside out to help prevent fading, making sure to take them out of the dryer while they are slightly damp to prevent scorching and shrinking. I wash darks in cold or warm water, depending on the grime level. Whoever said heat sets a stain was only half right: once you dry a stain with heat, it’s yours for life—but warm water is the ticket if you’ve got clothes that are extra, extra dirty.
GENTLE OR COLD: I keep anything delicate, silky, linen, or vintage out of the regular wash. This includes fancy underwear, bras, slips, and stuff that just seems like it would get beat up by hot water and a super-aggressive spin cycle. Even cheap polyester dresses can benefit from the extra care the gentle cycle and cold water gives. Cold water puts less stress on the fibers—and when they take less of a beating, they don’t pill or fray quite as easily. Wash your delicates in a load by themselves with your washer set to gentle, using mesh laundry bags so the delicates don’t get hammered to death by the spin cycle. A mesh bag is also a good way to make sure your socks don’t get lost in the wash, if you are a person who values such a thing. With the exception of said socks, make sure to never put anything you deem mesh bag or gentle cycle–worthy in the dryer. It’s all drip dry, all the time, baby.
HOUSEHOLD LINENS: If you’ve ever accidentally washed a bath towel with some of your clothes, you already know that they produce a special kind of lint that attaches itself to your wardrobe forever, like lice on a first grader. For that reason alone, household linens should be washed by themselves. But the other reason is because ewww, grime, food particles, body fluids, yuck! Wash towels, sheets, and kitchen rags in the hottest water possible to help fight grime.
OTHERS: There are always random items in my wardrobe that are half dark and half white or have some other weird characteristic that makes me scratch my head as to how to sort them. Shirts that have a white body with dark sleeves always stress me out in particular. I wash them by themselves in a mini-load with cold water the first few times to see how they behave, then sort accordingly from that point on.
Hot water kills bacteria and deodorizes naturally. If everything you are washing is pure white, add a quarter-cup of chlorine bleach to really amp up the clean. But don’t overdo it; too much bleach turns everything yellow and can eat right through the fibers. If you find that your smelly gym clothes don’t get fully clean with detergent alone, add either a cup of baking soda at the start of the wash as a detergent booster or a cup of white vinegar in the rinse cycle to help neutralize odor. If your clothes start to look dingy, there’s a huge chance they are suffering from detergent buildup. Make sure not to over use soap—and consider using your machine’s extra rinse cycle if you still see bubbles or white residue after washing.
Check everything you’re about to wash and dry for stains and pretreat them accordingly. (Not sure how to treat a particular stain? Check out my actor-tested, costume-designer approved stain-removal tricks on this page–this page.) Like I said before, once you heat-dry a stain, it’s never leaving your side—so make sure it is really gone before tossing your clothes into the washer and dryer. If your stains are of the terrible yellow underarm variety, I’m sad to say that all hope is almost certainly lost. You can try blasting them beyond recognition with a homemade paste of dishwashing liquid, hydrogen peroxide, and baking soda, scrubbing the affected area with an old toothbrush. It sometimes works, but only on plain white, 100 percent cotton garments.
I know an actor who sprays the armpits of his white T-shirts with a very light coating of adhesive spray (like you’d use to mount photos onto posterboard for a science project, available at any art supply store) and then runs a warm iron over the area to “set” it before he wears them each time to keep the underarms free of yellowed pit stains. I thought this idea was crazy until he further explained that the glue acts to “seal up” the spaces in between the T-shirt’s threads, preventing dirt, sweat, and grime from really settling in the underarm area. I finally tried it myself, and—holy laundry tip, Batman!—it really works. Just take care not to spray too much adhesive (or use too high of an iron setting) to avoid scorching. But keep in mind that this solution is meant to be preventative. Sadly, it can do nothing for you once underarm stains are already in residence.
As you sort, make sure to check all pockets for money, tissues, gum, pens, lipstick, and other random objects that could foul up your clothes. By the time you see an uncapped lipstick floating by itself in the middle of the wash cycle, it’s too late. Be sure to button all buttons, zip all zippers, and snap all snaps. This helps lessen fastener breakage and stops garments from getting incredibly twisted in the wash.
You are finally ready to do some laundry. Can you believe it? But before you do, determine what the proper load size is for your washer. Overloading means that not enough water and soap can work their way into your garments, preventing your clothes from getting really clean. Everything should be packed in the washer loosely, not tightly, like a bowl of chunky chicken soup. A regular-capacity washer holds one bed sheet, four pillowcases, two or three shirts, and about six pairs of underwear (not that you should be washing all those things together! It’s just to give you a visual.) A loosely packed laundry basket is about the right amount.
You’ve likely just successfully done your laundry exactly right. But you’re not quite finished—because you still have to get it dry somehow. Before you toss your clothes in the dryer, take the time to unroll any wadded up hems, sleeves, or pant legs. Giving everything a good snap and shake out before you dry cuts wrinkles in half. Try not to overload or underload your dryer—if you have too few clothes in the load, the dryer can’t properly tumble, lengthening your drying time (and costing you more money). If your dryer is too full, air won’t be able to circulate evenly and you’ll pull still-damp, wrinkled items out of the dryer even after an hour of tumbling. As with your washer load, a normal-sized laundry basket that is packed like a bowl of chunky chicken soup is the exact right amount for optimal drying action.
Don’t mix your loads in the dryer—like with like ensures that nothing ever gets overdried. I like to take stuff out of the dryer while it’s just this side of damp—any longer and things start shrinking quite rapidly. Becoming religious about hanging everything up while still slightly damp and allowing it to finish drying by air extends the life of your clothes exponentially. (It’s also a really good way to save quarters at the laundromat!) Your clothes (even your jeans) should always be dried on low or medium heat only—high heat is too hot and is strictly reserved for towels and sheets. Fragile fabrics such as spandex and elastic do best on a short, “cool air only” cycle. When you take your items out of the dryer, be sure to give them a vigorous shake out and line up all seams before folding. This ensures that no “secret wrinkles” get etched into your garments (you know, the kind that only another washing could possibly remove).
Don’t forget to check the lint trap every time you dry a load—both inside the machine and at the back where the exhaust is. Clogged lint screens impact the efficiency of your dryer and can even start fires. I only use dryer sheets for clothes that are very prone to static as they can add a coating to bath towels that tends to render them a little less absorbent.
Even if you’ve dutifully taken everything out of the dryer ASAP, snapped the wrinkles out, and straightened the seams like a good little laundry bunny, chances are you’ll still have a handful of items that need some help. While I’m a pretty big proponent of steaming over ironing (which I waxed poetic about way back in chapter 6), having a few ironing smarts in your back pocket is a necessary life skill—because sometimes, you may only have access to a good old-fashioned iron. But if you’ve ever ruined a garment with a too-hot or dirty iron, you’re probably a little apprehensive about the process. The number one thing you can do to avoid damage to your clothes is to always to start ironing on one setting cooler than what you think your garment needs. You can always crank up the heat if need be, but you can’t undo the iron-plate shaped scorch mark that comes from pressing a silky garment with an iron set to stun. If your iron has a buildup of brown, burned-on residue, don’t attempt to use it until you’ve gotten it clean. There are a handful of home remedies for scorched iron gunk, but I’ve never had any of them work even a little bit. It’s commercial iron cleaner or bust, as far as I’m concerned.
To protect your clothes, iron garments inside out as often as you can. Use short, even strokes, going with the grain of the fabric and keeping the iron moving at all times. A resting iron is an iron that is damaging your clothes. A slightly moist pressing cloth (like a thin kitchen towel or cotton dinner napkin) will help press out stubborn wrinkles while protecting delicate fabrics from burning and scorching. I steam almost everything I can, but certain items (such as those with intricate folds or pleats) just need a good ironing.
For shirts, start by ironing the underside of the collar, followed by the sleeves and back. Finish off your shirt pressing by running the iron over the the shirt’s front. When ironing pleated items, start at the bottom of each fold and work up toward the top of the garment. (Pressing pleated items at home is a small challenge, but it’s also a huge part of skipping out on hefty dry-cleaning bills—so you owe it to yourself to at least try!) To properly iron a pair of pants, start with the inside pockets, waistband, backside, and front, working down to the crotch before moving on down the legs. Be sure to hang them by their cuffs on a clip hanger to maintain all your difficult ironing work!
You may not realize it, but your washer needs a little TLC every so often. Make sure to run it empty with a cup or two of white vinegar every few months to keep things clean. (A cup of antiseptic mouthwash works too!) After running your vinegar or mouthwash load, wipe down the inside of the machine, lid, and seals with a wet cloth. Also, does your washing machine stink? Mine, too! High-efficiency and front-loading machines are way more likely to collect mold and mildew than regular old top loaders because they have air and water-tight seals. Cleaning your machine regularly (including scrubbing the rubber seal on the door) with a mixture of hot water, bleach, and vinegar will help the problem, but the real solution is far easier—just leave the door open for about twenty minutes so the drum can dry out between washings. (But proceed with caution if you have kids or pets.) You can also sprinkle a little baking soda in the drum after every wash to help absorb odors.
If your washer is leaving rust spots on your clothes, the enamel has most likely chipped off somewhere inside. A little sanding and painting with a bit of rustproof paint is a way easier repair than it sounds, I promise. Treat your machines well—and they will treat your clothes like royalty. It’s never too late to start down the road to doing your laundry right, especially now that you are a certified laundry artiste just like me! Your wardrobe will thank you for it.
You may be wondering what the hell dry-cleaning even is—I myself thought it was just sheer wizardry until I went on a field trip to the plant that handles my show costumes. As I was walking around learning all about the process, a shocking thought entered my mind: “What if dry-cleaning isn’t actually necessary?” I didn’t dare pose the question to my lovely dry cleaner while I was his guest, but I couldn’t stop wondering if the entire dry-cleaning industry was really just sort of a scam, meant to scare us into paying someone else to take care of our clothes. What if there was a way to cut out all the time and expense associated with dragging your clothes back and forth across town just to get them clean?
You won’t find many dry cleaners who will admit it, but the truth is that dry-cleaning sort of isn’t necessary at all. In most cases, it’s simply a luxury. There is almost nothing marked “Dry-Clean Only” that you can’t safely wash yourself at home—for um, practically free. The only reason my dry cleaner was finally willing to admit that my theory was correct is because he does not serve the general public—he strictly does dry-cleaning for television and film shoots, so if you skip the dry cleaner, it doesn’t hurt his business one bit. When shooting wraps at midnight and we have to be back on set bright and early at 7:00 a.m., there’s no way we are going to stay up and hand wash our actors’ clothes to be ready the next morning. We simply call the dry cleaner, who picks everything up from us right on stage, no matter what the hour, and returns it to us bright and early the next morning before we’ve even reported to work. We could carefully hand wash everything and have it look just as good as when it came from the dry cleaner, but we obviously don’t have the time. However, you do, so take heed! Your clothes (and your wallet) will thank you for it, since dry-cleaning isn’t actually all that good for clothes anyway. Over time, the chemicals used can cause fabric to break down and shrink irreparably.
Dry-cleaning came about in the mid-nineteenth century when a dye-shop owner noticed that his tablecloth was markedly cleaner in the spot where he’d spilled some kerosene, a known solvent. Voila! Modern dry-cleaning was born. But is dry-cleaning really “dry”? And how can anything get clean when it doesn’t actually get wet? It turns out that professional dry-cleaning gets your clothes clean almost the same way you do at home—except that your garments are “washed” using fluid solvents instead of old-fashioned soap and water to dissolve dirt and grime. Everything gets loaded into a giant washing machine and bathed in a chemical solution that breaks down stains, soils, and grease while still retaining the fabric’s shape and luster. Your local dry cleaner also has an iron as big as a dining room table, so it’s no sweat for them to press six dozen shirts in the time it takes you to get one garment looking halfway presentable.
Nine times out of ten, it’s true that dry-cleaning is actually not necessary. But there are a handful of things that should never, ever be put in the washing machine or even washed by hand, no matter how broke you happen to be. I’ve compiled a glossary of fabric types and specific care instructions for you to refer to on this page, but you should also read the care label in each garment carefully to determine what really, really needs to hit the dry cleaners—and what you can actually wash at home using a little TLC. And take heed: Wool suits with lining, anything made of leather, suede, fur, feathers, acetate or taffeta pieces (a.k.a. bridesmaid’s dress material), and silk velvet are all things you should take directly to a professional dry cleaner—do not pass go and do not collect $200! Here’s why:
+ Suit lining is usually made of acetate, which has a tendency to shrink mercilessly upon contact with water.
+ Most wool suits also have some sort of glue at the front of the jacket to attach the exterior fabric to the interior canvas and help it keep its shape. Water is the enemy of glue, so always send your wool suits out for professional dry-cleaning.
+ Leather, suede, fur, and feathers also need special care—they are natural materials that lost their water-resistant properties once they were no longer attached to the animal they came from. (A side note: There are some instances where you can actually wash suede—keep an eye out for hides that have been treated with special enzymes and that are labeled “washable suede.” However, never put suede—washable or otherwise—into the dryer.)
+ Due to its heavy nap, silk velvet can be impossible to reshape once it’s gotten wet.
But beyond those few specific items, almost any 100 percent natural fiber (including silk, linen, chiffon, and cashmere), in addition to lightly beaded or sequined items and practically all synthetics (such as nylon, polyester, and acrylic), can safely be washed at home—as long as you are careful. Yes, even knitted wool sweaters! And yes, I said sequins—hand washing sequined and beaded pieces is actually far better for them, as dry-cleaning fluid can sometimes melt the trim right off a garment. (Just make sure the trim is stitched on, not glued, before attempting hand washing.) When things are labeled “Dry-Clean Only,” it’s usually just the manufacturers covering their butts in case something goes wrong with your home hand washing attempts.
One caveat: Certain very brightly colored, patterned silks have a tendency to bleed mercilessly, marring the print, so I’d suggest always sending them to the dry cleaner. The same goes for pieces with ultracomplicated construction such as pleats or origami-like folds, and anything lined. Linings in particular have a terrible tendency to shrink and twist when washed, so I never take a chance.
If, after careful review, the garment seems like it can be safely hand washed, give it a dunk in a sink or bucket full of slightly warm water and a capful of gentle detergent (or good old-fashioned baby shampoo). If you are washing a cashmere or wool sweater, add a small squirt of hair conditioner or fabric softener to the water as well—it helps keep the fibers from drying out. (A few drops of lavender oil is a good idea, too—it naturally repels moths and weevils, those twin devils that love to eat wool and cashmere.) Cold water is also good for hand washing, but isn’t quite as effective at removing dirt and odors.
It takes a good five minutes of constant movement in the wash bath to really get an item clean. Yes, that means you’ll have to stand there the whole time and carefully swish your dirty garment around in a sink full of water. Don’t freak out if you see some dye bleed into the water—if it’s a solid color garment, I promise you won’t notice any color loss once you’re finished. Take great care not to rub the garment against itself—there’s no need to act like a pioneer woman beating your clothes against a rock. Excess friction is exactly what causes fabrics to weaken, stretch, and pill. To rinse, let the dirty water drain completely and then refill the sink as many times as it takes until the water stays clean. As tempting as it is to squeeze the garment under running water, avoid doing so! It can easily damage delicate fibers. The goal is to avoid disturbing them as much as possible.
After rinsing, don’t wring or twist your item—lay it flat on a clean, dry towel and roll it up into a burrito to squeeze all the water out of it while still retaining its shape. Repeat the burrito process until the item is nearly dry, then lay it flat to dry on another towel (taking care to coax the item back into shape with your fingers if needed), making sure air can freely circulate around it. Never, ever put an item you’ve just spent all that time hand washing into the dryer—it is the death of delicate fabrics! You’d be better off letting a pack of jackals shred your hand-washables to pieces; it would accomplish the same thing but be far more entertaining.
If a wool sweater accidentally finds its way into the dryer and is now shrunken to the point where it would only fit a doll, you can try submerging it in a solution of one gallon cool water to one-half cup of hair conditioner for about a half hour, then laying it flat (without rinsing) and gently working the fibers apart in an outward motion. It usually works, because what causes the wool to shrink in the first place is water getting in between the fibers and snarling them—and hair conditioner helps to “untangle” them, just like it does for ratty, knotted hair.
Once your garments have air dried, the real work begins. Pressing is a job in and of itself—it’s really the main thing you’re paying the dry cleaner for! (Having someone else press your clothes is my personal definition of luxury.) As soon as your item is about 98 percent dry, get to work carefully pressing the inside-out garment back into shape with a medium-warm iron. (And be sure to use an old T-shirt or handkerchief as a pressing cloth between the iron plates and the garment.) Or, you could do like wardrobe girls do and gently coax your clean garment back into shape using the power of steam like we talked about back on this page.
You’re probably reading this thinking “Geez, this hand washing sure sounds like a lot of work!” Well, yes, it is, but just think of all the money you’ll manage to save on dry-cleaning bills. I’d rather spend my money on lipsticks and cocktails any day. Learning how to carefully hand wash things you previously thought were “dry-clean only” also allows you to splurge on pieces you previously wouldn’t have, because now you know how to safely get them clean at home. Professional dry-cleaning is an amazing modern marvel, but every single solvent-laden cleaning lessens the life of your garments—so if you can manage to do it less often, you’re extending the amount of time that you’ll be able to enjoy your clothes.
In between hand washings and dry-cleanings, you can easily “freshen up” your special-care garments with an at-home dry-cleaning system, available at your local grocery store for about $15. It isn’t meant to replace professional dry-cleaning, but it’s great for getting odors out and buying you a few extra wearings between washings or professional cleanings. Suit jackets and pants come out beautifully using an at-home dry-cleaning process, but I’d absolutely never use an at-home system on any leather, feathered, fur, or beaded item.
The biggest hurdle in determining if you can safely wash something on your own is knowing what you’re working with in the first place. If you’ve ever looked at the fabric description of a garment online or in a store and wondered what the heck it meant, you are not alone. Even I’m left scratching my head sometimes. There are just too many types of fabrics for one person to keep straight! The simple Fabric Glossary on this page will help shed a little light on how to care for whatever you’ve got—no matter what it happens to be made of.
I learned how to get stains out of clothes like a pro on one of my very first costume jobs. I was a wardrobe assistant on a made-for-TV movie (which was so incredibly terrible, it never actually made it to your particular television) that featured a chorus line of male dancers wearing Santa Claus thongs. (And I’m not talking about the shoe version of thongs, either.) I dutifully sent those Santa thongs out to be laundered daily, but every so often, they’d come back … well, not entirely clean. And when there’s a terrible, gross, or gruesome task to be done in the wardrobe department, it falls to the lowest person on the totem pole—and on this particular job, that was me. (Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I used a combination of rubber gloves, dish soap, and elbow grease to get those thongs totally clean.)
Stains on clothes have likely plagued the human race since the dawn of time. I’m sure the first recorded stain in history was experienced by a caveperson who was cursing as meat juice or blood ran down his or her animal skin garment. Assuming this caveperson cared about such problems, they probably unknowingly yet instinctively applied the absolute perfect remedy to their bloody stain problem: saliva. Spit really is the best cure for bloodstains of any sort—if you can stomach it. The “old wives’ ” tale is that it needs to be your own spit to remove your own blood due to some antibodies nonsense, but the truth is that, really, anybody’s saliva will be effective at removing bloodstains.
Saliva works on blood because they are both organic materials. The idea that it needs to be your own saliva probably arose out of your own personal mouth usually being the most convenient mouth available when blood gets shed. I get blood on actors’ clothes all the time, because I am an aggressive pinner who refuses to use a thimble. I’ve never, ever stabbed an actor with a pin unless it was completely intentional, but I’ve stabbed myself somewhere in the neighborhood of one thousand times—and I almost always draw blood. I like to wait until the garment is off the actor’s body before I start licking it, but time really is of the essence when you’ve got a stain. A fresh one is far easier to remove than one that’s even just a few hours old.
Building on the knowledge that spit removes blood, it makes sense that an enzyme-based stain remover is indeed your best bet for large-scale blood removal (I won’t ask), grass, dirt, food, urine, coffee, or other organic stains—because organic stains are themselves enzyme-based stains. If you’ve ever taken a chemistry class, you already know the golden rule of solvents: like removes like. Enzyme-based cleaners such as Zout Triple Enzyme Formula (beware of OxiClean, which can inadvertently lighten delicate fabrics) contain complex molecules made by living organisms that actually work to digest their fellow organic, protein-based stains—much like the digestive juices in your stomach break down food to aid in digestion! But this doesn’t mean you should start your stain removal process with a commercially available product—those should be a matter of last resort. Oftentimes, the simplest solution is also the best—and that would be plain old water.
Ice-cold water is all you need to remove most stains—it’s a universal solvent. If a material (such as denim, cotton, polyester or pure silk) can take it, flushing or gently dabbing the stain with water is often all you’ll need to do to release it, especially if it’s fresh. If the stain is oily or greasy, sprinkle a little talc or baby powder on it to soak up as much matter as possible before moving on to flushing it with water. Let the powder sit for a few minutes, then gently blow it off the surface to avoid grinding in the stain. Rinse or flush with cold water immediately.
For fragile or delicate fabrics like chiffon or silk, use distilled water instead—the lack of minerals helps to avoid leaving a water “ring” or wet spot on your garment. Never rub at a stain, no matter how tempting it may be. Blotting and dabbing the stain with a clean white cloth are your best bets. (We keep a pack of cloth baby diapers on set for this exact purpose!) If plain water doesn’t do the trick, move on to adding a few drops of a detergent made for delicate fabrics mixed with a few drops of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide to the stain, applying the mixture carefully with a cotton swab. The marriage of hydrogen peroxide and gentle laundry detergent is exceedingly good at removing stains because the peroxide acts as an oxidizer, which leeches out the color compounds and pigments that are present in practically every stain one could acquire!
Some pigments are harder to remove than others with just plain water because they aren’t water soluble in the first place—but the soap molecules in detergent latch themselves onto those pigment stains while the peroxide goes to work on the color compounds, creating a gentle chemical reaction that blasts stains out of the park without damaging your garment. Allow your peroxide and detergent mixture to sit on the stain for fifteen minutes (less on delicate fabrics like chiffon), and then rinse thoroughly with ice-cold water if the fabric can take it—otherwise blot repeatedly with cold water (or distilled water) and a clean cloth to neutralize the peroxide.
Commercial stain removers and home remedies are meant to be employed only after both plain water and the hydrogen peroxide-plus-detergent trick has failed. In stain removal, as in life, don’t bring out the big guns until you really need to. But certain stains just call for a little bit more firepower to be added to the mix. And that means building your own personal stain-fighting kit, identical to the one I use on set:
+ 3 PERCENT |
+ LIQUID DISHWASHING |
+ BABY POWDER |
+ LIQUID LAUNDRY |
+ BLUNT KITCHEN KNIFE |
+ PAPER GROCERY BAGS |
+ CLEAN DISH SPONGES |
+ PAPER TOWELS |
+ CLEAN WHITE CLOTHS |
+ PROFESSIONAL |
+ CLEAN WHITE TOWELS |
+ RUBBING ALCOHOL |
+ DISTILLED WATER |
+ RUBBER GLOVES |
+ ENZYME-BASED |
+ WATERLESS |
+ GLASS EYEDROPPER |
+ WHITE VINEGAR |
Armed with these simple tools, you can perform the exact same stain-removing magic tricks I do on my actors’ clothes daily. While some of them may have you scratching your head as to their purpose, I swear that each and every item listed here has a use. For example: I’ll bet you didn’t know that the very first thing you should do when faced with a bloodstain is to scrape as much of it off as you can with a blunt kitchen knife; wiping usually only serves to smear the material even deeper into the fabric. Plus, you likely didn’t realize that many products not exactly meant for clothes (such as 3 percent hydrogen peroxide, baby powder, and waterless mechanic’s soap) can actually work wonders on some of the world’s most common stains. I’ve compiled a handy list of the top fourteen things people always manage to stain their clothes with on this page, so flip ahead and check them out if you’re a stain-prone diva yourself. I see you there, getting grass satins on your shorts while sitting on the ground at a music festival (or dripping ketchup onto your favorite white dress while eating a hot dog in front of a bar at midnight), and I’ve got you covered.
I can’t believe I’m suggesting this, but if you are feeling particularly adventurous, it’s possible to purchase professional dry-cleaning fluid online. It works like absolutely nothing else to remove stains—especially greasy, oily ones from items that absolutely cannot get wet. It’s an almost-last-resort option after all other stain removers have failed. (And if even dry-cleaning fluid doesn’t work to remove your stain, there’s one more last-ditch option to solve a stubborn stain problem at the very end of this chapter.) I use professional dry-cleaning fluid at work only when an actor has stained clothes beyond help and all hope is truly lost.
But beware: Dry-cleaning fluid is crazy toxic—and it can be too easy to have it go wrong, fast. If you choose to take the plunge, only use it in a well-ventilated area, preferably outdoors. Always wear gloves, don’t get any on your skin, and avoid breathing the fumes directly. (I wear a paper painter’s face mask or a respirator when I use it.)
Now that I’ve sufficiently scared you, I’ll tell you how to use it. Place a wad of paper towels or an absorbent cloth under your stained garment and apply the dry-cleaning fluid directly to the stain in miniscule amounts with a glass eyedropper. Do not allow any plastic objects to come into contact with the fluid—it can eat through plastic with alarming ease. Blot excess fluid firmly and carefully with another wad of paper towels until the stain disappears.
Once the stain is completely gone, toss your soiled paper towels in an outdoor trash can and blot the area with a slightly damp cloth. Finally, dry your garment completely with a hair dryer on low heat to prevent leaving a “ring” where the fluid was. Thoroughly rinse your gloves, work area, eyedropper, and any other tools immediately after you’ve used them.
Never attempt to treat suede, leather, or fur on your own at home—even some professional dry cleaners won’t tackle these items! I use dry-cleaning fluid for stain removal only—never, ever in an attempt to perform at-home dry-cleaning. And don’t put anything you’ve treated with dry-cleaning fluid in the dryer—it is incredibly flammable. If you want the bang of dry-cleaning fluid without all the risk, the stain-removal systems that come with at-home dry-cleaning kits actually perform pretty well with far less toxicity.
If water, soap, store-bought remedies, all my secret fixes, and even dry-cleaning fluid have failed (or you’ve accidentally heat-dried a terrible, impenetrable stain), you still have one last-ditch option to attempt its removal. It’s a total last resort, but treating set-in stains with a dry solvent like mineral spirits (a common paint thinner, available at your local hardware store) sometimes works. (You can also use a little WD-40, which contains a small amount of mineral spirits but is far less toxic than the real thing.) But if something catches on fire, don’t say I didn’t warn you: mineral spirits are highly flammable and should only be used in a well-ventilated area while wearing gloves and a mask or respirator.
Using the edge of a clean cloth that has been soaked in mineral spirits, apply the fluid directly to the stain sparingly until the stain starts to lighten. Once the stain is almost completely gone, rinse with a bit of rubbing alcohol to finish breaking down the stain and then launder your item promptly. Do not use mineral spirits or WD40 on any delicate fabric such as rayon, acetate, or 100 percent polyester—it will cause these fabrics to melt and sizzle right before your eyes, like a child’s science experiment gone horribly wrong. Denim, linen, and fabrics that contain at least 50 percent cotton fare best with this method. There is always a slight chance that treating a stain with solvents will result in a small “ring” where the stain was. This is most likely due to the migration of the dye in the fabric when you dissolved your stain, and it’s never going to go away. So there is obviously a fair amount of risk involved in attempting this stain solution—that’s why it’s the true, final, nuclear option, only to be attempted when all else has failed. It should be reserved solely for items that are otherwise destined for the trash.
If even using mineral spirits doesn’t work to remove your stain, you might want to consider overdyeing the garment another color (one that’s darker than the stain). I use regular old Rit Dye in my home washer, taking care to clean my machine thoroughly afterward. If you have a new-fangled, high-efficiency front-loading washer, you might be less than pleased with the outcome—less water means a smaller dye bath. If you find the results aren’t so stellar, just ditch the washer altogether and dye your garments in a bucket with some hot water from the kettle.
Dyeing clothes doesn’t always work out, but I’ve had a decent amount of happy accidents that resulted in something I thought was dead getting a new lease on life after having a relaxing soak in a dye bath. However, I’ve also had my share of dyeing disasters that ended with the item hitting the dustbin—but that’s where a terribly stained garment was most likely headed anyway, so you’ve really got nothing to lose! Dyeing works best on 100 percent cotton, linen, silk, and synthetics like rayon and nylon. (Polyester is a synthetic fabric as well but won’t take regular Rit Dye no matter what you do. I know this because my attempt to dye a polyester garment is how I ended up with a dress bubbling away on my stove way back when I met the first director to ever give me a costume design job!) Always use the hottest water you can, and never dump the dye directly onto your clothing. Whether you are using liquid or powder dye, allow it to dissolve in water completely before adding your garments to the mix—otherwise, the dye is likely to spot and leave a speckled pattern on your clothes.
Adding a tablespoon of laundry soap and a cup of salt to the dye bath after your garments have been soaking for about five minutes will help to lock in a more intense color. And a cup of white vinegar (which you now have handy in your stain kit, right?) also helps to amp up the color when dyeing silk or nylon fabrics. Treat your dyed pieces as hand-washables—just like we talked about earlier in this chapter. See how this is all coming together? Slowly but surely, I’m turning you into someone who cares about taking good care of your clothes. I’ll bet you don’t even recognize yourself.