As promised, Emmanuel picked me up at twelve o’clock the next day. When he took me to a restaurant for lunch, I raised my eyebrows at him.
“I thought we were going to church?” I asked.
He smiled and handed me a menu. “Service starts at two.” Emmanuel replied. “I like getting there early.”
I smiled nervously and glanced around the restaurant. Although this was my old neighborhood, I felt nervous being back. I couldn’t forget some of the things I saw happen on the streets as I was growing up. There were times in my life that I had wondered whether or not I was going to make it to the next day.
Now I wondered if I was taking a huge step back, even though I knew I was around my family and the people who loved me. I shared my thoughts with Emmanuel, he listened and when I was finished sharing my interpretation of things that were happening to me, he shared his. Encouraging me all the while to have faith and pointing out all the ways that I could benefit from the situation.
We finished eating and headed to church. What an amazing feeling I had, walking into the building and being greeted by several people as if they knew me. Guilt grew inside of me as I listened to the choir sing. I felt like a horrible person as Emmanuel led me to the front of the church to be seated. I felt like I didn’t belong there. I had an overwhelming feeling to turn and run right out of the church, back home and back under the warm down comforter on my bed. Just when I was about to excuse myself the pastor introduced himself and asked us to be seated.
Emmanuel reached over and held my hand in his. Did he realize how nervous I was? Could he see it in my face? I felt my hand tremble as he held it tightly in his own and stroked the back of it with his thumb. With each stroke of Emmanuel’s thumb, I focused in more and more on the pastor’s words and felt as though his words were reaching out to me. The words of the sermon seemed like they were intended for me. I felt nervous as his words seemed to penetrate my soul. When the service was over I didn’t know if I wanted to leave. Emmanuel asked me if I enjoyed it and I told him that I did. Rather than to ask me out anywhere else, Emmanuel took me home, wishing me luck on my interview the next day.
That night while lying in bed, I thought about the words of the sermon. I decided to pray, not only for myself but also for Travis. I lay still in my bed for a long while, staring across the room at the handmade wreath that I took back from the apartment. Emmanuel’s words from our conversation over lunch lingered in my mind. I asked that God show me a sign that things would get better for me. I asked that it would be something that made my mother smile a happy and blessed smile at Christmas time.
The next morning I woke up early and had coffee with my mother. She made me a breakfast sandwich and gave me four dollars to take the train downtown for my job interview. I kissed her on the cheek and hurried to get ready. As I left the house, I regretted wearing a dress suit as I walked four blocks to the train station through at least six inches of snow, only to be further punished by standing on the train station platform as wind pounded against my body and snow flurries began to fall.
“This is going to work out, I know it is.” I silently said, closing my eyes briefly. “Thank you God for the many blessings that you’ve given me and please keep me from focusing on the negative things in my life. It’s going to get better. I know it is.”
As the train approached, I quickly pushed my way onto the crowded train and reached out to hold on to a pole, which was shared by the grasps of several other people. I studied a map on the wall to determine how much longer until my stop and someone pushed past me, attempting to get off at their stop, my skirt catching on the zipper of their coat. I stepped back, into the body of a man with a heavy aroma and we were able to get untangled. Four stops later, I stepped off the train, and realized that their zipper had snagged my skirt. A long black string hung from it. Could things get any worse? I thought to myself.
Snow fell heavily as I walked to the office building for my interview. By the time I made it there, my hair was covered in snow. As I entered the building I was hit by a blast of heat. It felt good but at the same time I felt my hair begin to get weighed down as the snow that covered it turned to water. As I stood waiting for the elevator to come, I could see the string hanging from my skirt and leaned over to pull it out. I gave it a heavy tug and the entire hem of my skirt came out. I walked onto the elevator in disbelief and frantically attempted to fix its appearance as the elevator raced to the nineteenth floor. I could hear Emmanuel reminding me to have faith as my stomach remained at ground level, and I attempted to pull myself together as the elevator doors opened.
When I introduced myself to the receptionist, she motioned for me to have a seat with the other candidates in the waiting area where at least ten other people were already waiting. There wasn’t even enough room for everyone to sit down. I had to stand against the wall and wait with another woman who looked even more professional than me. I smiled nervously as we exchanged glances. I immediately looked away. Everyone there looked qualified for the job.
“There is something that sets you apart.” I heard Emmanuel’s voice say. “Tell them about it.”
I glanced around the room trying to figure out what set me apart from the rest of the candidates. When I couldn’t find anything, I began talking to the other candidates, asking them questions about their work histories and what schools they had attended. I stood up straight as I waited for my name to be called after receiving several short responses. The reception eyed me as I waited for my turn.
After finally speaking with the hiring manager, I left the building with an impression that I did well and wondered how the other candidates did. The position was for Customer Service, which I felt was beneath me, but I needed a job and I needed it fast. The company was well known and from what I heard they had great benefits. .
Emmanuel came to check on me every day that week. I was surprised that my mother let him in without questioning him about what his intentions were with me. He came straight to my room and knocked on my door each day and he and I would go for a walk around the block, discussing things that were bothering me, especially with the holidays approaching. He always kept a positive attitude and never forgot to remind me to go to church that upcoming Sunday.
“Things are going to get better Yasmin.” He said. “You have to trust me.”
With Christmas approaching, things began to feel weird. I didn’t know what he wanted from me, much worse I didn’t know what I wanted from him. I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him, though he was extremely handsome. He seemed interested in me, but never tried to kiss me and I felt like I needed that, in order to figure out where our relationship was going.
“I have to talk to you.” I said suddenly while walking through the park on Wednesday afternoon.
Emmanuel stopped and held his hands up. I grimaced. It bothered me that he still wore his wedding ring.
“I know what you’re going to ask.” He said. “Just have patience Yasmin.”
My words disappeared.
“I’m enjoying this right now, aren’t you?”
I nodded slowly, unsure of how I felt toward him.
“Well then, let’s just enjoy it. It’s almost Christmas and I have a feeling that God has a big surprise for you. I bet that He’s up there working on a way to restore your faith right now.”
He looked ecstatic when he made that statement and it made me decide to drop the subject. I hadn’t ever been involved with someone that was so into God and Emmanuel’s positive energy had a way of making me feel confident that everything was going to be okay.