Eight

 

Marsha had spent an amazing last weekend with Sophie. They’d gotten Terry and Gary to drive them to a national park, where they’d hiked for hours. Marsha’s human body had been utterly exhausted, but in a good way. She was still sore from the exertion today.

On Sunday, she’d pestered Sophie to take her to her family dinner again. She really felt like Sophie was about to break. If she were staying one more week, she’d wrangle herself an invite. She was sure of it. But she wouldn’t be here for another week.

Today was Monday—the deadline she’d set for her last-ditch attempt to go home. She’d considered pushing back the deadline. She’d certainly been tempted. But she’d put it in place for a reason.

Being here had been a wonderful diversion from her normal life, and completely unexpected. But she had to get back to her actual life and her career. She couldn’t stay on “vacation” here forever.

She’d purposely woken up at five in the morning so she could make it to the railway station in time. Not having to say goodbye was a side benefit. A hollow pit developed in her stomach when she looked at Sophie sleeping next to her.

Sophie looked radiantly beautiful in her sleep—the worry lines on her face smoothed away, the tension in her jaw released. She always wore a matching set of flowered pajamas to bed, and even if Marsha had never seen another human’s pajamas in person, she thought that on Sophie, these ones were downright adorable.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Sophie stirred for a moment, then went back to sleep.

Marsha tiptoed to the kitchen, where she paused and bit her lip. She didn’t have anything to bring with her, or to leave behind. She’d been wearing Sophie’s ill-fitting clothes all this time. All she had to do was step out of the door, but she couldn’t make herself do it. She couldn’t leave Sophie with so much—with everything!—left unsaid.

Careful not to make any sound, she dug through the cupboard for a piece of paper and a pen.

To Sophie, she wrote, then added, and Terry,

Thank you so much for being such kind and welcoming hosts for the last few weeks. Staying here has been an all-too-pleasant adventure. I never thought I would come to the planet Earth, but in the end, I’m glad I did. I’ve learned so much from being here, and I hope my presence has affected you, too.

I have to return to my planet. I’ve figured out how to get back, and I’ve delayed long enough before going. I’m sorry to not say goodbye in person. I didn’t trust my tear ducts to keep from overflowing. I’ll think of you often, and I’ll remember you always.

May the stars shine their light kindly upon you, now and forever.

All my love,

Azyxs-02H “Marsha” M4T2

A tear dripped down her cheek as she set down the pen. There was so much more that she wanted to say, specifically to Sophie, but that was enough. At least Sophie wouldn’t wonder forever what had happened to her; she’d have some closure.

Marsha slipped out of the door, wearing the same plain outfit she’d arrived in. She wondered if the clothes would disintegrate, too, when her body did. She expected they would since they’d come with it. Or would her body disintegrate at all? Maybe it would stay, flattened by the train, while her consciousness zipped back to HR 8832g.

Maybe her consciousness wouldn’t zip anywhere at all. Maybe she’d simply be committing suicide.

The walk to the railway station took the better part of forty minutes, and her feet grew heavier the whole time. She glanced around at the landscape she would never see again. Sure, every planet had foliage, but none had the same variety of trees as Earth. Every planet had shelter, but not the same kind of brick-and-glass buildings. She tried to memorize every detail of Earth, knowing how badly she was going to miss it.

The railway station was quiet. A clerk snoozed in a booth, and the only passenger was a teen boy flipping sleepily through a magazine. Marsha stepped up to the door to look out at the tracks, and couldn’t help but imagine the train barreling forward to crush her body.

She’d considered trying something painless, like pills. There was more room for error, though. She might not actually “die.” Plus she worried that there wouldn’t be enough of an impact to her human body. She figured she needed to destroy it completely in order for her consciousness to snap back.

But that was only a guess. All of this was a guess.

She glanced at the teen boy, and her stomach knotted. She hadn’t thought about anyone being here when she did this. He was probably heading home from his first year of college, or maybe visiting a divorced parent for the week. He might see her step in front of the train.

He’d have no idea what she was really doing; to him, it would look like a genuine suicide. She hoped the human vessel she was in would vanish into the mist, but if it didn’t, this boy would be the first to notice her lifeless body.

She didn’t want to traumatize anyone. Should she make another plan? She hadn’t brought any cash to buy pills, but she could try drowning herself in the pond downtown. It was shallow, though, and families brought their children there. If her body didn’t disintegrate, an even younger child might be there when they dragged her out of the water, limp and bloated.

The train’s whistle pierced her ears. A shiver ran down the back of her spine. She had to make a decision. And fast.

 

***

 

A smile crept over Sophie’s face as consciousness slowly returned to her. The school year was over, the summer had started, and she had unlimited time to spend with the best friend she’d ever had. Life was good.

She was surprised to not feel sunlight on her face. As her eyes fluttered open, she saw it was still nearly pitch-black. What’s more, the bed was cold. Marsha wasn’t there.

Marsha must have been in the bathroom. That was the logical explanation—but a sick feeling crept into Sophie’s stomach, telling her that wasn’t the case. She sank into the pillows, trying to ignore what her gut was saying.

After a moment, she could tell sleep wouldn’t come back to her until she checked on Marsha. She got up with a yawn. The bathroom was empty, but that didn’t mean anything. Once she checked the couch in the living room, she knew something was up.

The kitchen was the only place left to look. She flipped on the light and immediately noticed the piece of paper on the counter that hadn’t been there before. Her heart sinking, she picked it up. She quickly scanned it, and the sound that erupted from her throat brought Terry racing out of his room.

He took in the scene, then ran to her side. “What happened? Where’s Marsha?”

“Gone.” Her heart was a black hole. “She went back to her planet.”

He took the paper from her limp hands. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” His arms enfolded her, warm and tight. “She should’ve said goodbye.”

Sophie was finding it hard to breathe. “She should’ve stayed,” she gasped out.

“She was never going to be able to stay, Soph. This is what I was trying to warn you about.”

Sophie didn’t need to hear that he had told her so. “I just…” Tears rushed down her cheeks. “I thought…”

“I know, honey. I know.” He squeezed her tighter. “Maybe this is for the best, honestly. You had feelings for her, and it wasn’t going to work out. It might be good that she left before you got involved. Now there’s no way for you to get hurt.”

She leaned her head against his chest, allowing her tears to soak through his T-shirt. Didn’t he see? She’d never get to study Marsha’s face again. To hear the sound of her voice, to peek at the curves of her body. Now there was no chance she’d ever get to touch Marsha as more than a friend. She would’ve given anything for one more minute with that woman. And Marsha hadn’t even given her the chance to say goodbye!

“I hate her,” she said. “I wish I’d never met her.”

Terry said nothing, just stroked her back and let her sob.

 

***

 

Marsha’s heart pounded as she stepped to the edge of the platform. The train was rapidly approaching, and she looked from the ground to the train and back, trying to measure when it would be too late for the conductor to stop. Soon her human body would be crushed against the tracks, which was slightly terrifying even if she knew her consciousness would survive. She’d grown fond of this body over the few weeks she’d been in it.

The train was close. It was time. I’m sorry, Sophie, she thought, and took one last step forward before her jump.

A hand closed around her arm. “It’s not worth it.”

Her head snapped around, and she stared at the shaggy-haired, sleepy-eyed teen from earlier. “Excuse me?”

“Killing yourself. You don’t really want to.” He didn’t seem so out of it anymore. He was yelling to make his words audible over the scream of the train. “Whatever problems you have, you can work through them.”

“No, you don’t understand.”

“I don’t know your particular situation, but I know this is a permanent solution to an impermanent problem.” He sounded like a character on one of the melodramatic soap operas she’d watched.

She tried to yank her hand away, but he was stronger. “I’m not killing myself,” she said through gritted teeth. It was about to be too late.

“Then you won’t mind if I hold onto you until the train stops.” His hand tightened around her wrist.

If she jumped now, she’d take him along with her. She cursed silently as the train stopped and a few people got off. No one got on, including her new friend.

“Don’t you have to go?” She jerked her head toward the train.

“I’ll get the next one. I’d rather get you home safe first.”

“There’s no way I’m letting you anywhere near my home.”

“Then would you like me to call an ambulance and have them take you to the hospital?” He gave her a challenging look. “It’s called a wellness check. One of my best friends had to have one. I may be young, but I’ve been around this block before. You ran into the right person this morning.”

“I ran into the very wrong one,” she muttered. She tried again to get her arm away, and again failed miserably. She was having flashbacks to the night when Sophie had first found her.

“Come on, let’s go,” he said, gently pulling her toward the front of the building. The sun was on its way up, and a single taxi was at the taxi stand.

Marsha felt numb all over as the boy opened the cab door for her. If her heart had been in it, she could’ve probably escaped, but she climbed inside without protest. If she’d succeeded a minute ago, she wouldn’t be looking at the sunrise ahead of them.

And right now, out of every view on every planet she’d ever been to, it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

 

***

 

Sophie lay in bed, poring through the pages of The Alchemist. Marsha hadn’t understood this book the way Sophie had thought, after all. How could she leave if she’d truly grasped the message of following your heart, following your dreams?

Sophie knew she was being silly. Marsha’s heart and her dreams belonged to her own planet. Marsha’s goal had always been to return to her home and her career. She’d never made a secret of that. It was Sophie who’d allowed herself to hope otherwise.

Marsha didn’t feel the same toward Sophie as Sophie felt toward her. To hope otherwise was just delusional. And to think that initially Sophie had thought Marsha was the crazy one! Her time with Marsha had taught Sophie a lot about how out of touch with reality she herself was.

A tear crept down her cheek. She hadn’t stopped crying since seeing the letter. Right now, it didn’t feel like she’d ever be able to stop.

The buzzer sounded, and she covered her face with her arm. Terry would get it if it was anything important. It was probably just a package from Amazon, anyway.

When she heard Terry shout, she reluctantly clambered out of bed. In the hallway, she looked at him in confusion.

“Just wait.” He crossed his arms. “I’m going to kill that woman.”

Sophie blinked rapidly. There was only one woman he could be talking about, and she was gone. She—

She was standing in the doorway, her head hanging to her chest. Next to her stood a young boy Sophie had never seen before.

“Marsha!”

Sophie’s thoughts of hatred dissipated in the space of a heartbeat. She leapt on Marsha, squeezing her as close as possible. When she realized Marsha’s body was stiff, she slowly and uncertainly let go.

“See? I told you you had people who cared about you,” the boy said. “Don’t you see your roommates would’ve missed you if you were gone?”

“It’s not like that.” Marsha glared at the kid until he stepped back.

Sophie wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but she saw that this stranger had brought Marsha back. “Thank you for bringing her here,” she said. “Really, I can’t thank you enough.”

The boy gave a short nod and walked toward the elevator. Sophie dragged Marsha inside, and they stood with Terry in the living room. Sophie’s arms hung awkwardly at her sides; she was no longer sure what to do with them. All she wanted to do was throw them around Marsha again, but… “What was that boy talking about?”

“I was trying to go home, and he ruined it for me.” Marsha’s voice was small. “He didn’t understand.”

“Wait.” Sophie’s eyes grew larger, and she glanced at Terry for support. “Why would he stop you? What were you trying to do?”

Marsha kept her head low. “My consciousness was going to go back. This body isn’t me. I didn’t need it.”

“Marsha,” Terry breathed.

It was more than Sophie could manage to say right now. Her jaw hung open, and all she could do was stare at Marsha.

“I knew you two wouldn’t understand. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” Marsha looked ashamed, or maybe guilty.

“No, I don’t understand,” Terry said harshly. “You were willing to disappear from our lives. We would’ve heard on the news that an unidentified body had been found, and we were supposed to, what? Shrug it off?” His features were hard. “Bad enough you left without saying goodbye. You nearly broke my best friend’s heart.”

“My body would’ve dissolved into the air. I think.” Marsha bit her lip. “It was never about hurting myself. I just needed to go back.”

Terry wheeled around and stormed into his room, slamming the door.

Sophie was alone with Marsha, and she still didn’t have the least clue what to say. “I can’t believe you would do this to me,” she finally whispered. “You wouldn’t have, if you cared.”

“I thought it was the best way. I thought you’d forget about me.”

Slowly, Sophie shook her head. “Then you never really knew me at all.”