Eleven

 

Sophie thought Marsha’s humaning lessons were coming along nicely. She’d taken Marsha along with her to the grocery store and the pharmacy, where she’d had her silently observe the steps of the interactions.

Afterwards, they’d debriefed so that Marsha could ask all the questions that would sound too weird in public: “What was the thing the cashier put behind your groceries on the conveyor belt?” and “Why doesn’t a credit card give you infinite money?”

Today, she’d brought Marsha to the park. They spread a blanket on the ground, and Sophie unpacked a small bag of snacks—blueberries and grapes and cherry tomatoes. They’d picked up slushies across the street, and Sophie took a long slurp of hers. Lying outside with a good book was her favorite thing to do during the summer.

The day was bright, with only a few fluffy clouds scattered across the sky. Other people had had the same idea; the park was as packed as Sophie had ever seen it. Families sat down with picnics, while couples kissed over bottles of wine. One group of people seemed to be having a lesson in hula-hooping.

“I’m going to give you some small assignments,” Sophie said. “We’ve practiced a lot at home, and now it’s time for you to try talking to some strangers.”

“I thought we were going to relax.” She reached for a grape.

“We will, after you’re done your homework.” Sophie pulled the fruits out of her reach. “It’s nothing crazy. The first thing I want you to do is choose a stranger and ask for the time.”

“Why would I need to know the time?”

“Is everyone late for everything on your planet?”

“Of course not,” Marsha said. “Our microchips have internal clocks.”

She heaved herself to her feet. Sophie sprawled across the blanket, watching her as she went up to a young man. Sophie couldn’t hear her speaking, but she saw her give the man a friendly smile and point at her wrist. She was doing great—she was practically human already.

When Marsha came back, she had a huge smile on her face. “I did it!”

“I knew you could.” Sophie picked a grape off the bunch and held it out to Marsha.

Rather than taking it with her hand, Marsha bent her head down. Her lips brushed against Sophie’s fingers as she took the grape into her mouth, and Sophie tried not to shudder as a wave of heat flashed through her core.

Marsha started to sit down, and Sophie waved her off. “Ah, ah, ah! Not yet. Your next assignment is to ask for directions to the nearest convenience store.”

“Fine,” Marsha sighed.

She completed the task with flying colors, and Sophie made the next few a little harder. Sophie could virtually see her confidence increasing—until Marsha went up to a forty-something man on a bench, who immediately started leering at her.

“Oh, shit,” Sophie murmured to herself.

She grabbed her purse and rushed over to Marsha just in time to hear her say, “I don’t have a number.”

“Don’t bullshit me,” the man said. “Are you trying to tell me you don’t have a phone?”

Sophie took Marsha by the elbow and stepped slightly in front of her. “Take no for an answer, buddy. She’s not interested.”

“Oh, yeah?” The man’s eyes slid up and down Sophie’s body as if evaluating her, too. His gaze returned to Marsha as if he’d decided she was the more attractive of the two. “Then why was she coming up to me, asking bullshit questions about what the best Ethiopian restaurant is in the area?”

“It’s called social skills practice, you nitwit.” Sophie glowered at him. “She’s trying to learn how to talk to people.”

“So you’re, what? Her therapist?” The man barked out a laugh.

“Her friend, actually.” Sophie tugged Marsha back toward their blanket.

“I’ve got something she could practice,” the man called toward them. “She can practice all night long!”

Marsha’s brown skin had taken on a green undertone. “So many of you Earth people are wonderful. Sometimes I forget how unevolved you are.”

“I should’ve warned you to be more careful. I’m sorry.” Given Marsha’s features and her figure, Sophie should’ve anticipated that men would hit on her. “Sexism is still a big problem on this planet.”

Marsha squinted in the way she tended to when she was checking her databases. “What does that mean? There’s no equivalent where I’m from.”

“Discrimination based on gender. If anything like that happens again, just say you have a boyfriend.”

“I should lie?” Marsha crossed her legs in front of her. “Why shouldn’t I say I don’t have a phone?”

“No one will believe you.” Sophie gazed at Marsha’s smooth, bare legs. Did she even have to shave them? Sophie had never given her a razor. “We should get you a phone, but either way, you don’t need to give strangers your number.”

“Why can’t I just say I’m not interested?”

“Some people don’t take rejection very well. They might get mad. Sometimes, it can be dangerous.”

“That doesn’t make sense. On my—I mean, where I’m from, you simply say you don’t want to engage sexually with someone, and they leave you alone.”

“That would be nice,” Sophie said. “Things are different here.”

Marsha frowned. “That’s for sure.”

Sophie lay back and took a grape. She chewed slowly, letting the sweetness spread through her mouth. “I wonder how far we can see from here.” She pointed up at the clouds.

“Not very far.” Marsha closed her eyes.

Her breathing sounded less even than usual, and Sophie edged closer and put her hand over Marsha’s. “Are you okay? That must have been upsetting.”

“I’m fine.” Marsha turned her hand over and squeezed Sophie’s.

A sharp twinge went through Sophie’s center, and she closed her eyes to ward it off. She was enjoying this moment far too much; she felt guilty about it. This was obviously normal for Marsha’s species, and Sophie was taking it all wrong. Marsha had only taken her hand platonically. She pulled her hand away and rested it in her own lap.

“You should go ask a few people out,” she said. “Is there anyone here you think is cute?”

“What?” Marsha turned onto her side, staring at her. “Why?”

“You’re planning to stay on Earth. Most humans like to partner up. It keeps us from being lonely.” Sophie’s stomach felt sick at the thought of Marsha partnering up with anyone but her—but that wasn’t going to happen. She forged on. “Going on a date would be like your final exam. You have to be up close with another person for hours, totally focused on each other. What better way to test out if you can really pass for one of us?”

Marsha looked taken aback. “Why can’t I just make a friend?”

“People don’t really go up to strangers in parks for the purpose of making friends.”

“Why not? Isn’t a girlfriend or boyfriend a type of friend?”

“Yes, but it’s not the same. When people ask someone out, they’re motivated by… um… the physical side.”

“Sex,” Marsha said.

Sophie put her finger over her lips, shushing Marsha. She’d already noticed how glib Marsha was on this subject. Sophie tended to be much quieter about it, given her lack experience.

“It’s just a word,” Marsha said. “Sex. Sex. Sex.” Each time, she got louder.

“Marsha!” Sophie hissed. “You’re not acting human.”

Marsha rolled her eyes, but she lowered her voice. “Anyway, I don’t think I’m ready to date. Maybe in a few months or so.”

Sophie was unspeakably relieved.

 

***

 

On Sunday night, Sophie went to her parents’ again. Marsha puttered around the apartment, doing her best to entertain herself. She was trying to remember how to order a pizza when the door swung open. Terry and Gary stumbled inside, their hands in each other’s back pockets.

“We were about to go for a walk by the pond,” Terry said. “Do you want to join us?”

Marsha glanced at Gary. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Terry said. “As long as… you know… Keep in mind what we’ve been talking about.” He coughed.

Third-wheeling wasn’t something Marsha liked to do in any galaxy, but it beat sitting around at home. “All right.”

She slipped on her shoes while Gary filled up his water bottle and Terry changed his shirt. They headed into the elevator, and Gary immediately turned his attention to her.

“You’ve been here for a while now,” he said with his signature raucous laugh. “How long are you staying for?”

“I live here now.”

“Really? Where are you from?”

“She’s from Canada,” Terry quickly said. “That’s why she seems a little different.”

“Which part? I’ve been all over Canada.”

Marsha couldn’t remember the story they’d come up with. She searched her database and found no details about the country. “I’ve lived all over,” she said lamely.

She fell a step behind; Gary took up half the sidewalk, and there was no room for her to walk in a row with them. She stayed close, hurrying to keep up with the pace of their longer legs.

The pond was only a few minutes’ walk away. Tourists and locals alike loved to stroll over the bridge and look at the quaint old houses. Marsha didn’t completely see the appeal, but she could appreciate that it was a gathering spot for people in the town.

“Did you and Sophie meet online?” Gary asked her.

“No, we met on the street.”

“How long have you been together?”

“We’ve known each other for almost a month.”

“Babe!” Terry gave Gary an affectionate smack. “Sophie and Marsha aren’t together.”

“They’re not?” Although Gary’s bushy beard covered most of his face, Marsha could read his utter shock. “But they…”

“They share Sophie’s bed, as friends.” Terry emphasized the last two words. “I’ll tell you more later.”

They were at the bridge now, and Marsha gazed over the pond. “Is Sophie single?”

Terry laughed. “Don’t you think you would’ve noticed by now if she had a girlfriend?”

Her eyes fixed on him. “Is she gay, then?”

He covered his mouth. “She didn’t tell you?” He and Gary exchanged an anxious look. “She hasn’t told many people, but you two are so close. I just assumed.”

“Coming out isn’t as easy for everyone as it was for us,” Gary told him.

Marsha sucked on her lower lip. “She hasn’t said much about her love life, one way or the other.”

She’d been surprised by that when she first realized the omission. From the TV shows and music she’d been exposed to, it seemed like humans were obsessed with romance. Even Sophie herself had asked about Marsha’s love life a time or two, and yet she’d never mentioned her own.

“Sounds like we have a little matchmaking to do.” Gary laughed loudly and heartily.

“No, babe.” Terry sucked on his lower lip. “It’s complicated.”

“What’s complicated?” Marsha asked.

Terry rubbed his hand over his forehead, looking like he regretted inviting her out here at all. “Never mind. Marsha, you might be interested in Gary’s work. He’s an electrical engineer; he works for a telecommunications company.”

“Oh!”

Marsha’s mind raced. Would someone with his knowledge be able to build her a teleporter if she explained how it worked? Probably not—it was so far ahead of Earth technology. Even if she gave him all the information she had, it wasn’t much.

She thought for a second about her home planet. What was the provincial government doing without her now? Did the beings that had birthed her miss her? Did they think she was dead? She hadn’t thought about any of that in what felt like forever.

Gary was staring at her with a very polite, very obviously fake smile on his face. So much for convincing him that she was normal.

“That sounds fascinating,” she said. “What attracted you—I mean, what made you want to get into that?”

He told her a little about his work as they strolled, and then he and Terry reminisced about how they’d gotten together. They’d made out at a bar but hadn’t exchanged contact information. Terry hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Gary, and he’d gone back to the bar every week looking for him. After a month, he finally gave up, thinking Gary must’ve been from out of town. He’d reluctantly agreed to go on a blind date a friend wanted to set up, and when he showed up, he nearly had a heart attack. Gary was the same man he’d been looking for. “And everything pretty much fell into place from there.”

By the time they made their way back to the apartment, Marsha was actually having a good time. She’d almost forgotten the strangeness surrounding the topic of Sophie.

But she wasn’t going to let that go.

 

***

 

Sophie’s family dinner was long and boring. Her mind was on Marsha, not on whether this year’s crop of zucchini would be as good as last year’s.

Even her sisters didn’t have much of interest to say. Nicole only wanted to talk about her son’s pink eye, while Katie just kept showing off the flyer of all the gardening tools she was going to buy at the hardware store.

“And how are you filling your time?” Mama asked, turning her gaze on Sophie.

“Oh, you know. This and that.” Sophie toyed with the food on her plate. “I’ve been reading up about articulation disorders, and I’m going to a conference later this month. I have my Latin class, too, of course. Now that I’m off work, I can spend a lot more time practicing.”

“And Latin is interesting?” Dad asked skeptically.

“It’s absolutely fascinating,” Sophie said. “I’m learning to speak the same words that they used in ancient Rome. And did you know you’re speaking Latin every time you say AM or PM? They stand for ante meridiem and post meridiem.”

“There you go, then,” Dad said. “We already speak Latin.”

“You know how busy we’re going to be here, and with all that extra time, you don’t want to come and help out for a few days?” Mama asked. “It’d do you good to get your hands in the soil.”

“I’d love to.” Sophie was lying through her teeth. “Maybe if I knew how to drive.”

“Then learn.”

Sophie never would, precisely so she could avoid coming home more often than she wanted to. If she came back for one afternoon, Mama would guilt her into staying for dinner. Then she’d say Sophie looked tired, and why didn’t she stay the night?

The triplets had shared one room all their life, and nothing in it had changed now, from the floral wallpaper to the pink curtains. Sophie’s bed was still exactly how she’d left it, the top section of a triple bunk bed. She felt overgrown and out of place every time she tried to squeeze into it.

“Maybe I’ll drive one day,” she said. “I’m a little scared.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of,” Dad said. “You should’ve let me teach you when you were a teen.”

“Mmm.”

Sophie wondered what exactly he remembered about those years. She had wanted to learn to drive at the time, and her parents had said no over and over, claiming it wasn’t safe. In retrospect, she thought it had a lot more to do with not wanting her to be independent.

“Are you kidding?” Nicole asked. “You wouldn’t let any of us drive. You said we’d crash and kill everyone around us.”

Sophie gave her a small smile, glad her sister was brave enough to speak the truth. Somehow Nicole always got away with saying things that Sophie couldn’t.

“Ah… not exactly,” Dad said slowly. “I didn’t encourage you to drive, but only because all three of you were coming of age at once. We would’ve spent so much time on driving lessons, we would’ve had no time left for the farm.”

“Right,” Nicole said with an eye roll. “We would’ve all starved to death. Clearly.”

“Driving seems hard,” Katie said, trying as usual to smooth things over. “I never know how that clicky sound comes on. It seems like magic.”

“What sound?” Mama asked. “The turn signal?”

“Yes. How does the car know when you’re going to turn?”

Sophie tried not to smile. At least she was normal compared to her family. “Anyway, I should get going,” she said, putting her plate and cutlery in the sink. “I’ll take an Uber back.”

Tonight, her mom didn’t protest.

Sophie was glad she’d never told her family about Marsha. Even if she’d explained her as a regular human houseguest, she knew they would’ve had all kinds of judgmental things to say, and she didn’t care to hear it.

Marsha was the best, purest, most wonderful thing in her life, and she wouldn’t allow her family to contaminate that for her.