I SPY SKY seconds after stepping outside my cottage, and my breath catches in my throat. He’s near the cocktail cart with his entire family. He spots me almost immediately, as if he sensed where I was and knew right where to look. That wouldn’t surprise me given the strength of the connection we’ve had since we first met.
When our eyes lock, my pulse kicks into high gear, and I give him a little wave. He waves back, and I see a faint smile on his lips, as if he’s not quite sure whether he should be happy to see me or dreading it.
I think he’s waiting to see how I react. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jesse helping out at the hot cocoa cart, passing out cups to little kids. In case Sky’s following my gaze, I don’t react. Both of them deserve a private conservation.
I just nod my head in the direction of the gazebo, indicating that Sky should meet me there. I don’t head toward him because I don’t want to talk to his entire family right now. And knowing Sky, he wouldn’t want that either. I bet he’s happy for an excuse to extract himself, honestly.
A couple of benches behind the gazebo where Santa and his elves are seated are empty. Families are lined up in front, waiting for their turn to meet him and have their pictures taken. Assuming parking ourselves behind the star attraction is probably our best bet at not being disturbed, I take a seat beside a space heater there and wait. When Sky doesn’t join me right away, I look around, wondering if he didn’t understand my nod or where I was nodding to. Just as I’m about to rise to my feet to go check, he appears, and my heart starts to hammer.
He looks the exact same as the last time I saw him . . . only better. He told me once that he works out whenever he’s missing me. Well, either he’s been missing me a ton or he found new motivation; his jeans are fitting him just right, and once he spots me, he pulls off his black jacket—maybe because he’s the overheated kind of nervous—and I see that his fitted forest-green sweater is clinging to his biceps and abs.
He’s taking me in as he approaches, and gives me another faint smile when he’s finally standing before me.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” I reply.
He reaches a hand behind his neck as if he’s unsure whether to hug me or just sit down. I get to my feet and hug him, making the decision for him. Only once we’re wrapped in each other’s arms, I’m reminded how difficult this entire decision has been, and tears instantly come.
Sky must feel them spilling onto his neck because he starts to withdraw. And then he’s looking at me and sees my tears, and I know he knows what’s coming next.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, a quiet sob escaping with the words. He lets out an exhale that’s so deep, he must have been holding his breath since we wrote each other last. Then he wipes away my tears and brings his forehead to mine.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I’m so sure.
But that doesn’t make this any easier. In fact, I’m reminded why this decision was so hard to make. There are real, strong feelings here, on Sky’s end and on mine.
What I have with Sky . . . it could be great if we ever gave it a real shot. But this thing I have with Jesse—it’s already here. And it’s not going anywhere. It’s become an immovable, essential part of me.
A million times I tried to run through scenarios in which I chose Sky, and I could see us being happy. The promise was there. But what I couldn’t imagine in any scenario was saying goodbye to Jesse.
I asked myself which love I couldn’t live without. This was my answer.
Still, that doesn’t make it hurt less.
I step away from him and reach for his hand, pulling him down onto the bench beside me. I keep his hand in mine as I tell him how much I struggled with this decision and how sorry I am for both the pain I’m causing and the additional layer of hurt I know he must feel given that he’s experienced this kind of rejection before.
“I’ve been in your shoes,” I remind him. “I hate that I’m causing you to feel something that was so difficult for me to feel. But do you remember our letter to each other about fate and timing?”
Sky nods, letting me know he’s listening. Good. I wasn’t sure if he was. He looks as if he’s in his head right now. Not that I can blame him.
“I don’t know why I met you on my flight here and not in Atlanta before that,” I say. “I don’t know why life works out the way it does. I don’t want you—or I—to go there. But I really believe we met each other for a reason. I believe we went through all this together for a reason. And I’m trusting the timing of my life, Sky. I think trusting it, in addition to trusting myself, is the best way to live. And my hope is that you can go forward trusting the timing of your life and yourself too.”
Sky looks away and I give him a minute. I’ll give him all the minutes he needs. I wish I could give him a cure for the broken heart I’ve caused too. But the only cure I’ve found for that is time. And the willingness and courage to get on your feet again and start over.
Sky finally turns back and meets my gaze. “If you ever change your mind—”
“I won’t,” I reply. I don’t want him to cling to any false hope. I’ve already made him wait too long. I want to set him free, the same way Jake set me free when he was finally honest about how he felt. I understand Jake now, better than I ever have.
“Okay,” he nods, bringing my hands to his lips and kissing them softly, kissing me goodbye.
I know how difficult it must be for him to accept my decision. Fresh tears fall down my face. Sky is a such good man.
But I also learn something about him: Sky will be okay. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not for a few days or even a month or two. But he will get back on his feet. And when he does, I hope he can learn to trust his heart again when the timing with someone is right.
Sky looks up and around, dazed, as if he’s realizing it’s time to leave and search for his family—or rather one member of his family, Andrea. I’m glad she’s here so he can talk to her after this.
“Wait,” I say, fishing in my pocket. I pull out a folded piece of paper and hand it over.
“What’s this?” he asks, opening it.
“One last letter,” I say. “I wrote everything down in case I didn’t find the right words tonight. I wanted to make sure you always knew how grateful I am to have met you. And how much I’m wishing nothing but the best for you.”
“I feel the same,” Sky says. “I do.”
He folds the letter back up and stuffs it into his pocket. Then he draws in a deep breath and gets to his feet.