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For my non-date with Alik, I wore dark blue-jeans and a low cut yellow blouse. Thanks to a particularly bad traffic jam on the 405, I walked inside the tiny Greek restaurant tucked in along Westwood Boulevard a full twenty minutes late.
Light Mediterranean music played, the melodic sound of a Greek lyre set an authentic tone. Alik sat waiting, fiddling with his smart phone. A glass of wine and appetizers were spread out before him at an intimate corner table. He set down his phone when he saw me and stood to say hello. “I’m so glad you made it. I thought you were going to stand me up.” He smiled and gave me a firm hug. It felt good to have a man’s arms wrapped around me and I hesitated before pulling away.
“I texted you I was running late. Traffic was worse than usual.”
Alik had cut his shoulder length brown hair shorter, which made him look less bad boy and more grown up. “I know. You could have been procrastinating though, getting ready to tell me to forget it.”
“No.” I shook my head, surprised by his intuition.
“No worries. You’re worth the wait.” He held out the seat for me before sitting himself down. We both smiled at one another in an electric silence.
“I like your new haircut.”
“Oh thanks.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I was hoping you would.”
“I do.”
“Good. Hey, I ordered us some wine. Pinot Grigio. It goes great with their Greek spaghetti.” He tilted his glass in my direction. “Stinygiasou.”
“To your health,” I replied clinking my wine against his.
He was right, I had contemplated cancelling at the last moment. But I felt sure now that meeting up with him was the right choice. I liked being here with Alik. “So what have you ordered so far?”
“I got each of us a salad—they’re the best by the way—and some spanakopita and stuffed grape leaves.”
A small candle flickered in a red glass jar. I inhaled the soft scents of basil and mint drifting from the kitchen.
“Thank you for coming here tonight.” He looked at me. “This is one of my favorite restaurants and it means a lot to me to share this place with you.”
“Thanks for ordering ahead.” I said, placing the red cloth napkin across my lap. “I’m famished.”
“Do you know what you’d like for dinner?”
“Will you choose? I’m tired of making decisions.” Sitting so close to him like this outside of work was even better than I expected. He ordered the restaurant’s special Greek spaghetti along with a plate of moussaka. The waiter seemed pleased with his selections and Alik said I could try them both and eat as much as I wanted of either of the dishes.
“You are so sweet. Is this how you treat all your girlfriends?” I asked, breaking off a flaky piece of spanakopita and taking a small bite.
He leaned forward and put his forearms on the table. “So you’re my girlfriend now?” He smiled.
“No.” I waved my hand as if the thought were absurd. “I was speaking metaphorically.”
“I don’t mind calling you my girlfriend.” He tilted his head, seeming to wait for my response. I didn’t give him one.
“And for the record, I haven’t had that many girlfriends. Dana came on to me and we only saw each other a handful of times.”
“Is that so?” I teased.
He shook his head and rubbed his hand across his jaw. “She was the anchor and host of the morning show and I was a lowly production assistant fresh out of college.” He looked into me with his deep brown eyes. “She came on to me. You can’t blame a guy for being curious.”
“I guess. How did she hit on you?”
“She actually called me one day and asked me to come over to her place on Wilshire in Santa Monica, to take a look at her computer. It was giving her some trouble.”
“And you went?”
“Sure. I’m pretty decent with computers and she said she needed my help.”
“Then what happened?” I quirked my eyebrow.
“Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation.
“Well, I knew she might have more in mind when she answered the door.”
“Why?”
“She was wearing a tiny pink bathrobe that didn’t even cover her knees. Then when she sat down at her desk to show me what was wrong with her computer, she said her neck hurt. One of the other girls had told her I was taking massage classes.”
“Really?” I asked with wide eyes. “That was bold of her.”
“Yeah, she let her robe slide down her shoulders and one thing led to another.”
“Wow, talk about being assertive. Guess she knew what she wanted.” I could picture the whole scene in my head and it made me feel incredibly territorial. “Did you have a good time?”
“Of course, Dana’s a beautiful woman. Still, it was obvious early on it wasn’t going to be anything serious. She doesn’t have a whole lot of substance.”
Alik took a bite from the other half of my spanakopita. “I like my women a little more complicated.”
I twisted the silver band on my ring finger. “I wish my life was simpler. I was happy raising my kids, living my boring suburban housewife life. Some of my friends see being a stay-at-home mom as a death trap. I was content.”
“Content is good I guess.” He sipped his wine.
“It was better than this. Now, I wake up each morning with a hundred pound weight resting on my chest and a gigantic knot in my stomach, worrying how I will make it through another day. Not that it’s all bad. I’m grateful for this job and meeting you and Inna, but all of this stress cannot be healthy.” I stabbed my fork into my salad. “Pretty depressing, huh? Maybe finding a woman who’s a little less complicated wouldn’t be such a bad thing?”
Alik placed his hand on top of mine, making my heart beat faster. “I like you, exactly the way you are. Just being close to you like this makes me happy.”
Eager to put my emotions in check, I pulled my hand away. “Maybe you need a good therapist. It’s not normal to be attracted to women with problems. Especially when you have your choice of the Dana’s of the world.”
He pushed aside his appetizer plate. “I’m attracted to you, not your problems. When I said I like complicated women, I meant I find depth and resilience beautiful. You’re in a difficult place right now because you built a life that matters. You care about your sick husband and your son, and you are fighting to make their lives the best they can be. I admire that.”
A waiter leaving the kitchen lost his balance and dropped a full dinner plate. Porcelain smashed. Stuffed feta chicken and rice pilaf splattered across the floor. I shook my head at Alik. “I don’t think having dinner with a man I’d like to take to bed makes me such a great wife or mother.”
“You want to seduce me, huh?” he asked with a wicked smile.
I didn’t respond, too embarrassed to acknowledge what I had said aloud. He was probably beginning to think I was just like all the other women who threw themselves at him, not so interesting after all.
Alik filled my empty pause. “It’s okay to have feelings. I’m actually thrilled to know you think about me that way. But really, I don’t expect anything more from you than what you are giving me right now. Don’t get me wrong, I want more.” He shrugged, making eye contact. “But I don’t expect it.”
“What if I want more?” I asked, feeling a little frantic.
“I’m not going to let you do anything that would make you uncomfortable. I care about you too much as a person.” He took a sip of his wine. “I truly want what is best for you.”
It was the perfect answer. Still, it didn’t make sense to me. “Why? We barely know each other,” I said, trying to figure out his angle. Why was he was so interested in me?
An older couple walked into the restaurant leaning in close to one another, the woman’s sun-spotted arm wrapped around the girth of her man. I felt another sharp stab of jealousy, missing that level of comfort and closeness in a relationship.
“I know this sounds cliché,” Alik said in a lowered voice. “But I knew you the first time I saw you. When I walked up to give you your news scripts on that first day, there was a strong connection between us. You could feel it too, couldn’t you?” He reached back out for my hand.
“Yes.” I allowed my hand to rest under the weight of his. Our dinner was testing boundaries. I wanted to give in to my feelings. Yet, shame would not ease its grip, reminding me I was wrong to enjoy any of this. Guilt was not an aphrodisiac.
“So what now?” I asked.
“Now, we wait for our dinner.”
“And after that?”
“Maybe we order some dessert. One day at a time.”