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NO SECRETS.
Maybe he should tell her his, then. After she’d gone, he made a cup of tea and mulled it over. No, it was for her own good. And what if she was to insist he call a halt to it? Georgina and Lek would have to pull out too. He’d have betrayed their confidence. No, it was benign, and if Georgina was right it would soon be over.
But what if she found out by accident? They’d agreed on no secrets.
He didn’t have any choice though.
She wouldn’t find out. How could she?
He finished his tea and e-mailed Georgina and Lek, explaining the situation.
Lek e-mailed back on behalf of both of them. Keep schtum.
Two days later, Noonie came to see him again, this time in the afternoon. He was out. She let herself in and made herself a cup of coffee. He came in twenty minutes later. They wrestled on the sofa then wrestled upstairs. Afterwards they lay in the afternoon sunshine glistening with rills of sweat.
“Tell me what you thought when you first saw me,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for example: were you attracted to me?”
“No, not really.”
She smiled. “That’s good.”
“Good? Why?”
“Because if I thought you were the kind of man who just feels attracted to a woman on sight, I’d worry about losing you to Susan.”
“You needn’t worry about that. Anyway, Susan’s not good looking.”
“Of course she is. How can you say that?”
He shrugged. “Forget Susan. I wouldn’t have thought either of us had it in us.”
“You mean, this? Us lying here? I know.”
“You always seemed so prim and proper. And everyone says I’m Mr Grumpy. Homme serieux, homme boring.”
“I’m glad, aren’t you?”
“‘Glad’ is an understatement.”
“I don’t just mean emotionally. I mean, I think we did the right thing too. I wasn’t brought up to jump on men but I’m glad I jumped on you. I was just being sensible, really.”
“So you’ve never jumped on a man before?”
“I’ve never been in love before. Not like this. There was one middle-aged guy at university I had a crush on. Then there was Charles. But this is different. What about you? I mean, what’s on your romantic CV?”
“Well ... I was a virgin until the day before yesterday.”
She looked into his eyes. “So was I,” she whispered.
“Talk about killing two birds with one stone.”
She stroked his chest and gave a contented sigh. “You must have had girlfriends?”
“A few. At university. Decades ago, or seems like. No one since.”
“Why didn’t you have sex with them?”
“Didn’t want to. Men are supposed to think about sex all the time. I don’t. And I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love before.”
“You must have imagined you were.”
“I spent a lot of time moping over the unrequited variety. But it’s surprising how therapeutic a few cans of Abbot Ale can be.”
“And me?”
“That’s when I discovered Abbot Ale has its limitations.”
She began to giggle. “No wonder we were so -”
“What?”
“Well, our first time. I don’t suppose it was Swan Lake exactly.”
“Maybe we’ll become expert with practice.”
“I don’t care whether we do or not. I like the practice.”
There was a knock on the front door. They froze.
“Wait here.” He rolled out of bed, put on his dressing gown and tied it as he went downstairs.
He opened the front door to find Susan in a yellow ruffle dress and an Alice band. She was clutching an open telephone directory so tightly her fingernails seemed to have sunk into it. She smiled.
“I was about to ask if you lived here. You’ve no idea how many Grants there are in this book.”
“I do live here.”
“I mean, I was expecting someone else to answer, so I had my, ‘Does Edward live here’ question all ready to go.”
“Hello, Susan.”
She looked into the house. “Can I come in, please?”
“Of course, yes. Sorry, I should have asked you before. I’m tired, you see. I’ve just got out of bed. I had a late night.”
“Don’t get changed for me. I like men in dressing-gowns. Especially you.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Noonie’s disappeared. Charles is asking for her. I just thought she might have come here.”
“Here? Why would she have come here?” He opened the door to take her into the kitchen and noticed Noonie’s bra on the floor. He changed direction and almost crashed into her. “Come into the Living Room. I can’t talk for long. I should be getting back to bed. Hang on, you say Charles is asking for her?”
She blushed. “That’s what it sounds like.”
“Well, she’s not here.”
“I’m really looking forward to our date. I’ve bought a fantastic new dress.”
“It should be great.”
“Are we going by car or by train?”
“Car. I’ve considered what you said about wanting me to have a drink, and I think it’s a very good idea. So we’re going by taxi.”
“What? There and back?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, that’s so romantic. And you will sit with me on the back seat, won’t you? You won’t sit up front and banter with the taxi-driver? Because I don’t like that. I mean, I like you being a man’s man – that’s good – but I don’t like being on my own. I want you to put your arm round me. You will do that, won’t you?”
“Probably, yes.”
“Just ‘probably’?”
“Well, unless the taxi-driver’s a real hunk.”
She looked devastated then broke into a broad grin. “You’re joking!”
“Certainly am.”
“What a brilliant joke!”
“Well, it’s been lovely seeing you. That yellow dress really suits you, by the way. But I must get back to bed now. I’ll call you if I hear anything from Noonie.”
“I’ll be going, then.”
She stood up and allowed herself to be ushered out. As soon as she was gone, he picked up Noonie’s things from the kitchen and went upstairs. Noonie was sitting up in bed.
“Crisis over,” he said.
“That was awful.”
“It could have been if I hadn’t spotted your bra in time.”
“I’ve just been reminded what a self-centred bitch I’ve become.”
“What?”
“Jealousy and guilt, that’s me. And Susan’s been the catalyst.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, when I saw how attached to you she was, the day she was trying to get you to go to the ballet, suddenly I came over all green-eyed. I know it’s ridiculous. But she’s very good looking, whatever you might say. And we could both see how determined she was. After that, biology kicked in. That’s why I was so frantic to get you into bed the other day. It had to be me, not her. Me.”
“I could never love Susan. I don’t just mean, like I love you. I mean, I could never love Susan.”
“But don’t you see? That’s the other thing: she’s so ... loveable.”
“What?”
“Oh, stop being so callous. She is. She’s throwing herself at you – absolutely no one else will do - and she thinks I’m her ‘confidant’. And I’ve allowed her to think that and here I am, casually stabbing her in the back.”
“Well, maybe we should just tell her.”
“She’s got no other friends.”
“It doesn’t mean we can’t still be her friends.”
“Really? ‘It’s like this, Susan. You’ve set your heart on this man but he’s sleeping with me. So he won’t be going on the date you’ve just bought a “fantastic new dress” for. He won’t be putting his arm round you in the back of the taxi or anywhere else, because he’ll be in bed with me, your new ‘confidant’. But hey, he still wants to be your friend and so do I. So cheer up.’”
“I see what you mean.”
“‘Oh, and by the way, we ignored the fact that you’re unstable. Cope with it, Susan.’”
“Yes, yes, I see.”
“Perhaps we ought to stop having sex for a while. Until this is sorted out.”
“We’ve only just started.”
“The guilt says stop having sex because of Susan. The jealousy says have all the sex you can get because of Susan ... I feel a mess.”
“She doesn’t have to find out. We could let her down gently. I have an idea.”
“What sort of idea?”
“Trust me.”
“Did you really think her yellow dress was lovely?”
“I didn’t say that. I said I thought it suited her.”
“Would you like me to get one?” she said.
“Not especially.”
“See what I mean about the green-eyed monster, though?”
“I’m beginning to. The thing is, I need to stay in Susan’s good books.”
“Because she’s neurotic, you mean?”
“Because I want to keep seeing Charles. I thought I might read to him.”
“Read? What a lovely thought. No one else would think of doing that. Most people would say it was pointless.”
“This may sound strange, but while Charles is alive, despite everything, I’m his friend. That’s the way it is. I can’t help it.”
“What are you thinking of reading him?”
“He always liked Wodehouse. Maybe a chapter a day.”
“But you don’t need Susan to get you access to Charles,” she said. “I could do that.”
“If we’re seen to be too close, Susan might become jealous. Then she might re-align herself with Valérie. We’re better off keeping our distance in public. I worry about you, in that big house, surrounded by all that hostility.”
“Politics, politics, politics. So we need Susan.”
“Unless the green-eyed monster has any serious objections.”
She began to speak then stopped herself and smiled.
“Say what’s on your mind,” he said.
“It’s just I - I admit I found it difficult when she started to tell me all about how you first met at the funeral. All the nice things you said to her and the poem you read her and how you put your arm around her etcetera.”
“I what?”
“You read a poem to her and put your arm round her.”
“No I didn’t. She’s mentally ill, Noonie, Charles warned me as much before he left England. Nothing like that ever happened, I swear.”
“I don’t mind. It’s in the past, why deny it?”
“Because it’s not true. All that happened was, she was brought down by a few of the bouncers and I spoke her name.”
“Did you stroke her hair?”
“Maybe – yes.”
“’Maybe yes’?”
“Yes. But not in a romantic way.”
She looked past him. “Do you think it would make our lovemaking even more frenzied if you knew I was as in demand as you are?”
“I don’t see how it could be more frenzied.”
“Try this then. Your best friend’s invited me out on a date.”
“Pardon?”
“Think.”
“Not – Thanongsak Chongdee?”
“The same.”
He detached himself from her, got up and went to stand by the window. “But why’s he talking to you and not me? I’ve tried to contact him several times since I got back. What’s the matter with him?”
“He doesn’t seem to think as much of you as I thought he would.”
“Yes, but - ”
“He’s my ‘one true friend’ in this country, apparently.”
“The conniving little weasel. How dare he?”
“Easy, easy. To be honest, I think he’s rather unpleasant.”
“So when is this date? Have you accepted?”
“He made it difficult for me to say no. He’s hired a private nurse to look after Charles for the evening.”
“Good God, he’s got you in his sights. You won’t - do anything, will you?”
“I love you. Nothing can change that. Certainly not him.”
“This isn’t something to make light of, Noonie. This isn’t like me and Susan. Thanongsak knows how to manipulate women, what buttons to push.”
“He needn’t think he’s pushing any of my buttons. That’s your privilege.”
“The bloody bastard.”
She looked at her fingernails then at him. “I think the two green-eyed monsters are ready to mate now, don’t you?”
“He’ll be here in a minute,” Susan said, breezing back into Noonie’s room for the third time that evening, with a basketful of make-up.
Wednesday had come more quickly than Noonie wanted. She knelt on the carpet next to the bed, looking into a portable shaving-mirror she’d brought from Thailand. It was only polite to look willing, and that meant taking care over her face and wardrobe.
“What dress are you going to put on?” Susan said.
“I might wear trousers.”
“Don’t wear trousers.”
“Why not?”
“Because ‘pretty trousers’ haven’t been invented, stupid. This is a date we’re talking about, not a job interview. You can borrow one of my dresses. We’re about the same size. Mind you, some are a bit torn. I keep catching my fingernails on them.”
Noonie tautened her lips to apply a layer of red gloss then said, “I keep meaning to ask you this, Susan. I’m not criticising or anything, but why do you have your fingernails like that?”
“Self defence.”
“Don’t you keep cutting your face? When you’re putting your make-up on? Or in the bath?”
“No. Now listen, I’m going to get you a selection of my clothes and we’re going to have a fashion show. And we’ll choose something glam for you so you can have a superb date.”
“Would you like to go for me?”
“Don’t be silly. Thanongsak’s a nice man. And he’s handsome. And he’s cancelled all his bookings for tonight so he can be alone with you. Think of the takings he’s losing. I’d call that très romantic. Guess what? I’ve just given Charles some pureed vegetables. Do you know what he said?”
“No, what?”
“He said, ‘I wonder if you could ask Noonie to bring me back some Thai Lemon Grass Stew from Thanongsak’s’.”
Noonie laughed. Susan carried on long conversations with Charles in which she supplied both sides of the dialogue.
“How much puree did he eat?”
“Nearly all of it,” Susan said.
“Well, well, well. You’re a genius.”
“I changed his nappy as well. Incidentally, I used to have some fantastic shoes. I could have lent you those but I lost them at the funeral. I wanted a pair for my date with Edward but they’ve stopped doing them.”
“What are you and Edward going to see? I mean, which ballet?”
Susan lowered her voice. “I chose it specially. And the tickets arrived yesterday so nothing can go wrong now. I’m really excited.”
“Which one? What’s it called?”
“Guess.”
“Give me a clue, then.”
“Okay, then. It’s really, really appropriate.”
“I don’t know many ballets. Giselle?”
“No.”
“The Nutcracker?”
“No.”
“Sleeping Beauty?”
“No. You’re never going to get it at this rate. Shall I tell you?”
“Go on, then.”
She looked about herself. “Romeo and Juliet ... Do you think he’ll get it?”
Edward went to his bedroom and opened the curtains. It was dark outside but he felt closer to her this way. He brought a chair upstairs and sat down to keep an eye on the street – or what little he could see of it. Maybe she would call in on her way back. Or maybe something would happen – Thanongsak would overplay his hand and offend her and she’d leave. And she’d come straight round to his house.
He wondered how he was going to get through the rest of his life with these sorts of feelings eating him up. He couldn’t envisage them ever diminishing. He prepared himself for a long vigil.
The private nurse Thanongsak had hired was about fifty. Her hair was tied in a bun and she didn’t smile. She picked up Charles’s tablets, scanned the labels and gave a little ‘Mm-hm’ as she replaced them. Noonie stood to one side in Susan’s long black skirt and white blouse and an overcoat, waiting for her to say something substantial so she could make her excuses.
“I’ve worked with these sorts of patients many times before,” she said at last. “I’ll expect you back at around midnight ... or after.”
“I shouldn’t think it’ll be that long. Ten was my assumption.”
“I’ve been paid to go through till twelve, whatever time you arrive back. And I’m on the option of double-time if I have to go through till tomorrow morning.”
“What – why should I - ? I’ll be back at around ten.”
“You’re the boss. Your taxi’s waiting downstairs.”
Noonie left. Susan came onto the landing in her nightie to wish her luck and give her a wave. Prokofiev played in her room.
The taxi driver switched off his reading light and pulled away. As the gravel crunched under the tyres, Noonie realised a small part of her was looking forward to Thai food in a Thai restaurant. She was beginning to feel homesick.
