Chapter Three
Pornography and
the Internet
The high-tech porno pipeline

You guys have built your ministry around helping Christians with pornography. It’s not really that big a problem for Christians, is it?

Porn is an incredibly difficult subject to talk about. It’s seedy. The word conjures up thoughts of back alley activity. It brings to mind the old stag films that fraternities introduced to college freshmen in the ‘50s, or what men watch at a friend’s bachelor party. The very sound of the word is edgy—PORN. Its edge is probably its greatest attribute because it makes for an awkward conversation. Add to this the fact that the church usually avoids the pronouncement of the word at all costs, and the ingredients for the “dirty little secret” incubate.

Yet the problem continues to spread throughout society and the church in sweeping proportions. Take a look at some of the statistics:

• 37 percent of pastors say online porn is a struggle for them.

• 720 million porn movies are watched every year.

• 77 percent of online visitors to porn Web sites are male.

• Average career length of a porn actress is one year.

• Average pay a girl receives for appearing in a porn film is $1,000.

• 72 percent of the people surveyed view porn to masturbate.

• 30 percent of all unsolicited e-mails contain pornographic material.

• 62 percent of parents of teenagers are unaware that their children view porn.

• 60 percent of all Web site visits are sexual in nature.

• The age at which the average U.S. male first sees Playboy or a similar magazine is 12.

• Americans spend an estimated $8-12 billion annually on pornography.

Porn is a huge problem, and one that the church, for the most part, is unaware of and uncomfortable dealing with today.

What is wrong with looking at porn?

Let’s just list a few of the problems:

• Looking at porn increases the market for such material.

• Money that is dumped into the porn industry is used to promote more than just the porn industry alone. It also ends up supporting drug abuse, as well as violence.

• The porn industry is fi lled with victims of sexual molestation, and involvement in this business only deepens their pain.

• Porn has been shown to encourage viewers to commit sex-related crimes toward others.

• In relationships, looking at porn can cause problems because the porn becomes an unhealthy outlet.

• Porn is often the starting point for sexual addictions.

In short, porn destroys people, relationships, careers, and lives. Those are just a few of the fun things to look forward to when you take a walk down Porn Boulevard.

How much is too much porn?

That depends. My counter question is: How willing are you to potentially ruin your relationship with your spouse or future spouse? Perhaps looking at pornography has not affected you yet, but as time progresses, as life progresses—it’s amazing how quickly so many men and women turn back to their “dabbling” in porn.

For example, a husband and wife get into an argument and instead of dealing with the situation, he decides to use porn as an outlet. It sounds stupid, but dabbling with this stuff is how addiction begins.

For the Christians who are reading this, I have another question: How do you feel about walking a tightrope without a net? We’ve met hundreds of people who have told us that pornography has led them to the lowest point of their life. Sin is fun for a season, but it has consequences!

I was talking to some young people about the age-old question: “How much sin can I have in my life and still be in good standing?” I told the group I was going to bake something to illustrate my point, and brought out a cart full of cooking materials and a plate of precooked brownies.

“Who wants a fudge brownie?” I yelled. In less than a minute, all the brownies were passed out and were being eagerly downed by the teen onlookers. As they finished the brownies, I began to demonstrate to them the recipe I’d used. I poured out the brownie mix, stirred in two eggs, and added a little white sugar and a smidgeon of brown sugar.

Then I paused and asked, “What if I were to tell you I added just a pinch of a special ingredient to the brownies you just ate? How many would want to know what it is?” I pulled the tin foil off the silver tray to reveal a large pile of dog poop. I took a spoon and dropped a tiny bit of poop in the pot, then stirred frantically. One student, who had eaten three brownies, was turning green in the front row. I sarcastically asked what was wrong. “It was just a little,” I explained innocently. “Really, it bakes right out.”

Of course, the brownies they had eaten were fine. I’d bought them at the store an hour earlier, and I told them that. But my point was made. How much dog poop does it take to ruin dessert? The answer—even the smallest amount will ruin a whole batch of brownies. 1 Corinthians 5:6 says, “Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough?”

Can porn be considered an art form?

The origin of the word porn comes from pornea, which is also the root for the word prostitution. Porn is dangerous because it feasts off our human desires—lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes.

The human body is an expression of God’s greatest creation. We are God’s canvas, or better yet, the beautiful artwork of God. The issue is how the body is used. It is not “art” to take something that was meant to be done by a married couple in private and exploit it to the public.

Because porn is so visually stimulating, rape, incest, and molestation are often the result of prolonged exposure to it. According to William Marshall, Ph.D., author of A Report on the Use of Pornography by Sexual Offenders, 87 percent of girl child molesters and 77 percent of boy child molesters admitted to regular use of hard-core pornography. Is that the result of art? We don’t think so.

What does God think of porn stars?

God loves porn stars! WHAT? It may sound outrageous, but the Big Guy upstairs seems to have a thing for sinners—people who are missing out on his perfect will for their lives.

By no means are we saying that God is okay with the fact that people use their bodies in sexual acts for the direct purpose of selling explicit material to make a profit. But we believe that God desires for all people to know him and be united with him so he can give them something better—and yes, that’s right, his plan includes porn stars! Jesus came for the sick, not for the healthy.

Take a look at John 8:1-11. Some religious folks dragged a prostitute up to Jesus and asked if they should stone her. Jesus’ response was to tell this “woman of the night” to go and sin no more. I believe God offers the same invitation to “go and sin no more” to any porn star whose heart is open to his love. But those who are not open to God’s love need to understand that they are ultimately going to face God’s judgment if they don’t turn their lives around. The most incredible thing about Jesus is that whether it’s the president or a porn star, he loves them all the same.

I keep getting junk porn mail. I’ve never looked at any porn sites. How do I make the porn people stop sending me e-mails?

If you’ve been “spammed” by someone you don’t know, do not reply to the sender or follow any removal instructions that might be included. Why? Because if you unsubscribe, you’re telling the pornster that your e-mail address is working and they can then turn around and sell your address to other spamsters.

If you receive pornographic “spam,” complain to the U.S. Attorney’s office. Don’t accuse anyone of a crime; just ask the office to investigate the porn spam as a possible violation of the Federal Obscenity Laws that prohibit the use of computers to transmit obscene material (18 USC 1462 and 1465). You should also complain to your Internet Service Provider (ISP), as well as to the sender’s ISP. Most ISP administrators have policies that prohibit spamming through their accounts. Once they are notified that a user has been abusing their account, many ISPs will shut down the offender.

Additional information about dealing with spam is available from Abuse.net. Their home page at www.abuse.net has good links to other anti-spam resources.

The Internet can become a snare for me when it comes to porn, but I need it for e-mail and other positive things. Must I lose it, or should I just limit it?

We suggest downloading XXXchurch’s free accountability software, X3watch, and see how that goes for a while. If you continue to struggle with looking at “hoochie mamas” online, then we say get rid of your Internet access altogether because it will eventually choke out the positive things.

In Matthew 5:27-30, Jesus said that if your hand causes you to stumble, then cut it off. If your eye causes you to stumble, then pluck it out. Obviously, this was a drastic example to communicate a straightforward principle. Jesus made it very clear that it would be better to eliminate all activities that cause us failure.

If your problem is beyond what accountability software can deal with, it is safe to say that the privilege of convenient Internet communication, such as e-mail or Instant Messaging, must cease. The positive things that the Internet can provide have been overloaded and hijacked by the negative effects of inappropriate material.

I found out that my brother visits 10 different porn sites a day. Do you have any pointers as to what I should say to try to get him to stop?

You shouldn’t condemn your brother when you talk to him about this. Try to take it slow and easy the first time you approach him, or you will push him away and lose your credibility. Let him know that you are concerned about him. Ask him questions as to why he might be doing this, and let him try to explain. Try to find out why he uses porn for an escape and what he is escaping from. Then try to explain to him that porn is not healthy for him and his relationships with other people. You could suggest trying to get him hooked up with a strong Christian man who will help him to stay accountable.

As we’ve stated earlier, it is up to every individual to decide whether he or she really wants to live free and pure. Ultimately, if your brother does not want to change, you may only be able to pray for him and support him in the down times. But we firmly believe that wisdom is given to those who ask for it. When your brother gets fed up with his addictive and harmful behavior, he may begin to seek purity.

What if I like looking at gay porn? What do I do?

The basic concept is the same, whether it’s gay porn or straight porn. Porn is porn no matter which way you cut it. The tools for avoiding it are the same, and the steps to overcome it work in both situations.

It’s interesting to fi nd that we have talked to a lot of straight or heterosexual guys who slowly got into gay porn. This falls in line with the natural progression of regular porn use. It starts with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, then Playboy, and then suddenly you’ve progressed to loving gay porn!

So what do you do? Confess it to God. The Bible is the only thing that can clear out the harmful images that are on your mind’s eye. Flush the toxins in your mind by filling it with the purity of the Word. The Bible will again make clear that God created you to fulfill his plans for your life. Porn, gay or straight, derails the purity that is his plan.

Are there any good books for single men about dealing with porn?

There are a number of excellent resources available via the XXXchurch Web site at www.xxxchurch.com. We’d also recommend The Naked Truth by Bill Perkins (available at www.invertbooks.com), At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry by Steve Gallagher (available from www.purelifeministries.org), and Every Young Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey (available from www.everyyoungmansbattle.com).

I am a Christian girl who has been dabbling in pornography for years. It is definitely my “dirty little secret.” I want to come clean to my fiancé, family, and friends. How do I talk about this with the most important people in my life?

You should tell your fiancé before you get married. There will not be an easy way for you to tell him. You must find a time and place where you can both talk without distractions and be honest with him. More than likely, he will understand and want to help you be free. I would also recommend that if you are being physical with your boyfriend, you stop for the remainder of your engagement.

It is also important that you find another woman with whom you can talk about this—someone you trust who won’t condemn you, but will help you to be accountable. Beyond that, it is up to you as to how many of your friends and family you talk with about this. If you believe they will help you be free and accountable, then tell them. But if you are getting help from a few good people and making progress, I don’t think you need to tell everyone you know.

The important thing is to get God involved in your road to freedom. Please don’t let any guilt and shame from this keep you away from God. He wants you to ask for his help so you will be free.

People are asking me to have cyber-sex. Is that okay?

Cyber-sex is just another form of selfish sexual expression. It will leave you hanging—always wanting more and never satisfied. People who tend to dabble with cyber-sex typically are not where they want to be. Usually they desire some form of relationship with a person of the opposite sex and this is as close as they can get, so they venture into it.

Cyber-sex is dangerous because it often leads to more destructive forms of sexual expression. You may say to yourself, “No way, it won’t happen to me,” but you should read some of the e-mails we’ve received. People get more and more needy, and they find themselves getting in deeper and deeper as they seek out alternate forms of sexual gratifi cation. Why put yourself in that situation?

And who really knows what kind of person is on the other side of that cyber-conversation? Sure, the screen name may be “sexygrl22,” but chances are really good that people offering cyber-sex are not who they say they are. They could be married. They may say they are the same age as you and a member of the opposite sex, when in reality they could be that old, fat, sweaty guy from across the street. The fantasy of the cyber-world allows people to deceive others into believing they are someone they are not.