Macy clutched his hand, her heart thumping hard in her chest. Fear was choking her, and had been riding her since she'd realized someone was shooting at them. Focusing on Brad's broad shoulders, she hoped they got out of this in one piece. Her thoughts returned to Billy briefly and then she pushed them aside.
“Breathe, baby, I can hear your panic from here.”
She did as he told her, and then she let him lead her out into the open. She found no comfort in the beauty that nature displayed before them. Someone had shot at them and she was terrified, but alongside that was anger. How dare someone do this to them!
She let Brad push her to the side near the lake, where he could hide her from whoever was in those trees.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” He pulled his eyes briefly from the trees to look at her.
“Protecting me.”
He forced a smile onto his lovely mouth. “Honey, I'm Texan. That's what we do.”
“No, it's what gentlemen do, whether they are Texan or not.”
He didn't answer, his eyes fixed on the trees as they walked and then shooting skyward every few seconds.
“He's coming.”
They saw Ethan's helicopter appear, and she felt the tension inside Brad ratchet up several more notches.
“When he gets close, wave and leap about, do anything you can to alert him that we're here.”
“Okay.”
“It'll be over soon, Macy.”
“I hope so, but I'm worried that whoever shot at us will target the helicopter.”
“We can't get in there, you know that right? He won't have the room, and will have to drop the others back and return.”
She hadn't thought about that, and now that she did, she felt ill.
“You okay?” Brad took her hand, pulling her to him.
“I think so.”
“You think so?” He stroked a finger down her cheek.
“The last time I was this scared, Brian shot Branna. I don't want to witness anyone I care for being shot again, Brad.”
“I promise you that won't happen.”
“I'll hold you to that promise.”
“You do that.”
They leapt about as Ethan drew near, and he saw them. The helicopter hovered beside them, the rotor blades causing the water to roll.
“Come back for us!” Brad roared as Jake leaned out. “Someone is shooting at us!” Macy watched as he mimicked the action a gun would make, and then pointed to the trees.
Jake talked to the others, and then the helicopter rose and hovered over them. The first thing that came down was a gun, which Macy stayed away from as it landed with a thud some distance away. Brad picked it up. A blanket followed, and then a small sack.
“Follow lake! Trees! Hide!”
Macy heard Jake's roar, and then the bird was rising and leaving them once more.
“I feel sick.”
“I said I'd keep you safe, Macy. Trust me, okay. I was a Boy Scout.”
“I can't believe you're making a joke right now.”
She clutched the sack while he wrapped the blanket around his neck and tucked the gun in his waistband.
“Think of it as an adventure.”
He held out his hand and she put hers in it, and then he led her back to the trees.
“I don't want an adventure, I want to go home,” she said, and knew she sounded pathetic.
“And there was me thinking I had you pegged as a strong girl.”
“No one thinks I'm a strong girl.”
“Only because you don’t show them that side of you. Now be quiet and walk, woman.”
They walked, keeping hidden as best they could. Brad kept hold of her hand, but neither of them spoke. The trees seemed to be getting denser, and he searched for any trails that would lead them to a clearing.
“I don't think anyone's following us now, Brad. After those initial shots, I think whoever was behind that gun thought they’d done their job.”
“Which was scaring the shit out of us.”
“That’s my take,” Macy said.
“Yeah, I think you're right there, so now we just need to find a clearing.”
They walked until they came to a stream, he urged her down beside him and cupped his hands for her to drink. Macy then did the same for him.
“You okay? Not too tired?”
She washed her face in the water.
“No. You?”
“No.”
“I’m not into exercise, but I do a bit of walking so now we’re not running, I’m good.”
“Not one of those gym bunnies?”
He didn’t give big smiles like his brother, just small gentle ones. Smiles that made Macy’s toes curl in their sneakers, and her heart thud a bit harder.
“We just need to find a clearing then try and direct Ethan to us.”
“He must be in hell knowing he left you here.”
She watched his shoulders rise and fall, but he didn’t speak.
“We'll get out okay, Brad. Those guys, Ethan, Jake, and Buster, they're part of the search and rescue around here. They'll find us.”
“And there's the strong girl I know.”
He was close enough so that if she wanted to touch him, reach out and stroke the angles and planes that made up his face, she could.
“Why do you believe I'm strong?”
“Any woman who raises a child on her own is strong, and add to that what you've been through and the challenges you've faced. From where I'm standing, that would add up to strong.”
Macy had always believed herself weak. People did stuff for her, cared for her, made sure she wasn't pressured or frightened, and she accepted it. But all the time she had wanted to be like Annabelle Smith and Branna O'Donnell. Not little Macy Reynolds, the broken one.
“I'm not strong like some.”
“Yes, you are, but you just don't stand up and show people. You've taken the roll-over approach. You let your friends like Jake and Ethan do things for you when you’re capable of doing them yourself.”
She felt her anger rise. “Don't talk about them like that. They're the best people I know. Without them I'd be alone.”
“I'm not insulting them, Macy, I'm telling you that you've let them protect you and take the lead, but you don't have to. You're strong enough to do it for yourself. You just have to believe that.”
She looked down at the sack that Jake had thrown from the helicopter. Opening it, she took out a muffin and handed it to Brad, then began to nibble on one herself. Was he right?
“I think after so long believing one thing, it’s hard to believe another, especially when it relates to yourself. Maybe I’ve just never really taken the time to see myself differently.”
“My dad made me dependent, and it took leaving to realize I was strong enough to make my own decisions. I enjoy being in control now, and won’t ever let anyone take that from me again.”
Macy watched him bite into the muffin and swallow.
“You're stronger than me.”
He looked at her suddenly, those piercing Gelderman eyes focused on her.
“You've just been shot at, watched your rescue helicopter fly away, and not fallen apart. I think even the tough Annabelle Gelderman would struggle with that. So cut yourself a break, Macy. You're tough, you just need to believe it in there.” He brushed a large finger along her forehead. “Now, finish that muffin and let's get moving.”
“I've never tasted muffins like his anywhere else.” Macy sighed as she swallowed the last mouthful of cinnamon and apple. “It's like he's magic and every mouthful is pure sin.”
“Agree, but you'd have to go some to convince me they're better than the chicken pie with cheesy crust.”
“You should start a club, Jake loves those pies too.”
He took her hand and they were moving again. Macy had to take two strides to his one, but she kept up. They searched for a clearing, anywhere that Ethan could land. She knew her friends would be scared for them, knew it and felt warm that they loved her as much as she did them.
“You and your brother are the same people.” Macy whispered the words even though he'd told her to be quiet. He didn't answer. Shoulders hunched, he just kept walking, clearing a path for her to follow.
Ethan was a protector, and Brad was the same. It was in his bones. He was a good man, and another day and time maybe there could be more to them, more that they could explore together. But not now. Right now she was still trying to fix what was broken inside her, and from what she could tell, he was trying to do the same.
“Your father's an asshole.”
“No complaints from me. Now, you think you could shut up?”
Macy huffed out a breath. They hadn't been shot at for ages, surely they were safe now?
“We'll stop here and wait.”
“Is that clearing big enough?” Macy looked through the trees.
“Let’s hope so.”
He led her to a hollow in a fallen tree that they could squeeze inside and not be seen, unless someone was directly in front of them. They would hear the helicopter as it drew close.
“It's a tight fit.” Macy wiggled in, and Brad followed. His large body took up most of the room. “I'm suffocating now.”
His hands lifted her, then relocated her between his thighs.
“Better?”
Not really, she thought, trying to calm her breathing. The hard planes of his chest felt warm against her back, and she inhaled and exhaled a few times and then let herself lean in to him.
“So, about this pie club. Who else is in it?”
“Just Jake,” Macy said, resting her head under his chin.
“You want in?”
His arms settled around her, enclosing her in all that solid warmth.
“No, I'm a steak pie girl. Chicken is for losers.”
His rumble of laughter made her smile.
“See, told you you were a tough girl.”
“I've always had people do things for me, Brad. My parents had money and I was an only child and my mother gave me everything I wanted.” Except love, Macy thought. “When I went to school I had friends who did stuff for me too.”
“Minions, I believe they are called.”
“Yes, and I was a bitch, Brad. I was nasty and mean, and said and did horrible things, and I still feel the sting of shame when I think about that now.”
“But you changed, and that's the important point here.”
“I never had any aspirations, just to be a mother and set up my house with my husband who would take over looking after me. Boy, did I get that wrong.”
His arms tightened briefly.
“I'm sorry he was an asshole and treated you badly, honey.”
“I should have been strong enough to break away, but the shame kept me quiet.” Macy thought about those long, painful years where she lived in pain and isolation. She had been so cold inside, and managed to hide away her fears and feelings behind a brittle façade.
“Shame?”
She felt the blanket settle around her body.
“Shame that the life I had bragged about wasn’t real. Shame that I was worthless and let a man treat me no better than a slave in my own home. Shame that if I did speak out, no one would believe me, because who would care.”
Maybe it was because she couldn't see his face, or that soon he'd be gone from her life, but the words she usually kept hidden deep inside, seemed easier to say here and now.
“I had shame too.” His voice was a low rumble as he told her what she doubted he’d told anyone else. “I realized just what I had become one day. The monster I had allowed my father to turn me into.”
“But you’re not that monster now, Brad.”
“No, and I never will be again.”
“Just like I will never be a victim.”
His arms tightened around her and she felt his lips in her hair briefly.
“Ethan doesn't talk about your family much, but Annabelle told me he struggled with the guilt of leaving you behind at the mercy of your father.”
She felt his chest rise and fall.
“My relationship with Ethan is a mixed-up mess.”
“No.” Macy shook her head. “You love each other, and the rest will work itself out, Brad. You’re both good men, and you need each other. You have to see that surely? Have to talk this through before you go.”
“Men aren’t into that kind of thing.”
“Talking?”
“Emotions, talking, stuff like that.”
“The men here are mostly, but they do it in their own way, and over beer, football, and food.”
This time it was he who laughed.
“Ethan carries a lot of guilt about you, Brad.”
“We all carry guilt, Macy. I'm sure your bucket’s full of it.”
“Overflowing actually.”
“Two messed-up souls.” He closed his arms briefly around her.
“Something like that. You need to cut your brother a break, Brad.” Macy was determined to get him to talk about Ethan. She knew when they left there she’d probably never get another chance. They were alone, squashed in this small space, and neither of them was going anywhere until they heard a helicopter.
“How do you figure that?”
“Because you made the break from your father when you realized that if you didn’t, he would destroy you. When you walked out that door you left your mother behind, just like Ethan left you and the rest of his family.”
She felt his body jerk. Macy had struck a nerve.
“My mother will never change.”
“Sure, I get that.” Macy let the subject drop now. She’d said enough, knew he would think about her words, and hoped that in time the brothers could be friends.
“Why won't you let Billy have a dog?”
“What?” The conversation change threw her.
“You heard, and why not?”
“It's just another responsibility, and one that will fall on me.”
“You never had one is my guess.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with it.”
“Sure it does, but it would be good for him to learn to care for a dog, and it would offer you protection.”
“I get this constantly from everyone in Howling.” Macy sighed.
“So do it.”
“I'll think about it.”
“Think harder.”
“Did Billy put you up to this?”
“He’s what… four? You think he’d be that cunning?”
“Definitely.”
He snorted.
“Will you tell me about your friend Mark who died?”
His chest heaved in and out, and she knew this was a painful subject for Brad.
“He was the first person I could really be myself with.”
“Branna was that for me.”
“He seemed to cut through my bullshit and see the person inside. He helped me to change. Helped me to see who I wanted to be.”
His voice was deep, and Macy heard his pain. She slipped her fingers into his, and gripped them tight.
“Branna told me I was important. Told me that I wasn’t worthless.”
Macy remembered that dark night when Branna had found her, remembered the words her friend had spoken, that had started her on the path to healing.
“It’s because they believed in us, Macy. That belief gave us strength.”
“Tell me about him, about Mark.”
She rested against him as he talked. The words came out slowly, as if each one had to be forced from his chest.
“Mark was like Ethan is now. Comfortable with who he is, comfortable and confident in his own body.”
“That’s how I see you, Brad.”
His laugh was dry. “I’m getting there, but it takes time.”
“Thank you for telling me about Mark. I know it’s painful for you.”
“Your dad told me that to keep his memory alive I need to do that.”
“Dad said that?” Macy hadn’t always been close with her father, but since his illness their bond had definitely strengthened.
“He did. I hear the helicopter, Macy. You ready to go home?”
She did too, the slow whomp whomp of the rotor blades.
“If he can't land because it’s too dangerous, we may need to climb up, Macy.”
“Oh God.”
“I won't let anything happen to you, honey. You have to trust me and Ethan to get you home to Billy safe.”
“I trust you,” she said, turning in his arms. She touched his jaw. “You, Brad Gelderman, are a good man, and if this was another time and we weren't two people so messed up a psychiatrist would take several years to straighten us out, I'd hold on to you.”
He kissed the sad smile from her lips. It was soft and sweet and they kept the contact until Ethan was close. He then lifted her to her feet and they walked out together.
She watched Brad pull the gun from his waistband and between them they scanned the surrounds.
“No one has fired at us since we left that clearing, Macy, so I think we're safe, but we have to do this quickly, okay?”
They moved to the small clearing as Ethan's bird arrived. She lifted a hand and waved, and it moved to hover above her. Jake's head appeared, and then the ladder.
“He doesn't want to land and be a sitting target, so we have to climb up, Macy.”
“Okay.”
She looked at the ladder swinging toward them and felt a rush of fear so strong she could taste it. Macy wasn't a big fan of heights. She could handle them inside a helicopter, but swinging about on a ladder wasn't on her bucket list.
Brad grabbed the harness Jake threw down and bundled her into it. His hands were steady and sure while hers shook along with the rest of her body.
“Okay, baby, Jake's got you now, so even if you slip, he'd pull you up.”
“Brad—” Panic made her limbs go weak.
“You got this, Macy. Remember, you're strong now.”
She looked into his blue eyes. He really believed she was strong, and that gave her the courage to climb.
The ladder swayed, even though Brad held one end and Jake the line she was attached to.
“Keep going, you're nearly there!”
She kept moving, one foot, one hand, until she felt Jake's hand around her wrist. The relief was indescribable.
“Hey there, sweet cheeks.”
She fell into his arms for a brief hug then hurried into the front seat after Jake released her harness and threw it back down.
“He's already started climbing.”
“Fuck” was Ethan's response to Jake's words. “I’m killing him when I know he’s safe.”
Macy only saw Brad as the ladder swung out. Unlike her, he was quick, even though the ladder moved.
“Is he close? Get him in, Jake.”
“Settle, Tex, he's nearly here.”
Macy's heart was literally in her mouth as she watched Brad grab Jake's hand, and then he was inside.
“You could have fallen, fuck, Brad, it would only have taken minutes to secure the harness!”
Ethan's words were hoarse with fear.
“N-no time, we need to get out of here in case whoever shot at us decides to have another go.”
He was breathing hard like her, and Macy thought, now that she could compose a rational one, that her arms felt as if they'd been wrenched from their sockets.
Ethan let loose with a string of curses, and they let him. He'd had to leave them, the brother he loved and her, the friend he loved, to drop off Buster and Willow.
“You okay?”
Macy nodded to Brad.
“You did awesome.”
She felt warm all over, and smiled. They were safe, and she could allow herself to relax. In fact, she felt the ridiculous urge to giggle.
“I suppose you left that bag of muffins down there too?”
They all laughed at Jake's words. The release of tension left Macy exhausted.
“I need to get in shape,” she added, which made them laugh again.
The rest of the journey was accomplished in silence, but she knew when they landed, there would be a party of people waiting, all wanting answers to the questions they would fire at them. Her people, the ones who cared for her and Billy, and now Brad. Only she wasn’t sure he realized that yet.
As Howling came in to sight, Macy felt the first tear fall. She would see her boy again.
“Hey, I told you we would get back safe.”
Macy sniffed, then squeezed the hand Brad held out to her. She intercepted the look Jake and Ethan threw at each other, but didn't care. She and Brad had been through something today, something that bound them together, no matter the distance he put between them in the future. Yes, they'd made love, but this was more. They'd run from danger, and then sat in a tree trunk and bared small parts of their souls.
Brad saw the landing party as Ethan brought his bird in to land. Buster, Willow, Branna, with Rose in her arms, Newman, Declan, and Cubby and Katie. All wore worried expressions, and he heard Macy sniff as her tears flowed at seeing them, her people.
“You guys always do everything on a big scale?”
“It’s the way it works here, Brad. Brace yourselves, there will be hugs and questions, but after that you’ll get food and coffee. Get it done then we can all eat,” Jake said, climbing out first when they landed. He lifted Macy out and she ducked under the blades and ran with him into the arms of Buster.
Brad watched her friends crowd around her and thought it would be a nice feeling to have so many people on your side.
“Leaving you like that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Especially as I had to leave you before.”
Ethan’s words were strained. He hadn’t moved, still facing forward, his eyes staring out the windshield.
“I wondered as you flew away if we'd see each other again.” Brad hadn’t moved either. Now that they were safe, and Macy was back with her friends and Billy, he was filled with relief, his body exhausted.
“God, I'm sorry I left you with him.”
“Ethan.” Brad sighed.
“No, just hear me out. I didn’t realize until Annabelle enlightened me that I felt so much guilt for leaving you, but I did, bucketloads of it.”
Macy was right, he did need to cut his brother a break. It had taken her and what had happened to them out there at the Buchanan place to make him see that. To finally break through the anger and resentment he harbored.
“You don't need to keep going there. I understand now why you did what you did. He was destroying you, and you were taking it because you were protecting us.”
“I couldn't do it anymore.”
The words sounded as if they’d been wrenched from his brother.
“I know that now, but I'm not going to lie, I fucking hated you for leaving. But I understood it more as I felt him destroying me.”
Ethan released his harness and turned in his seat.
“But you weren't ready to forgive me?”
Brad shook his head.
“But you’re getting there now?”
This time when he looked at Ethan, he didn’t feel the rush of emotion, just something softer that settled inside him.
“Macy said something to me out there today while we were waiting for you. That I was harboring guilt because I had left Mother alone with EG. She was right, because sometimes I wonder if she’s coping, and what he’s doing to her now I’m not around. I knew then it was how you must have felt leaving us.”
“I worry about her too, Brad, but she will never leave him. We both know that.”
“Yeah, I guess I know that too.”
“You want to be my brother now?”
Brad nodded. “Sure, but don’t try beating up on me, that shit doesn’t work anymore.”
Ethan flashed his teeth in a smile.
“Can I ask what the deal with you and Macy is now that we're okay?”
“No deal.”
Ethan snorted.
“Come on, the sparks between you two are epic.”
They were, Brad realized, but like Macy had said when they were sitting in the trunk of that tree, both of them were too messed up to even think about turning those sparks into something more.
“Macy’s a lovely woman, Ethan, but we both have way too much emotional baggage to be anything but friends.”
“Maybe you could heal each other?”
He gave his brother a look that he hoped shriveled his balls, but he simply smiled. It was very hard to threaten a Texan with just a look.
“Men don’t say shit like that. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“It’s love, it’s got me thinking in flowers and hearts.”
“Oh now I really am going to puke. Let me out, I need food. All that adrenaline and running for my life has given me an appetite. Plus, I can’t stomach any more of your BS.”
The brothers climbed down, and then Ethan hugged him, holding him tight, and Brad did something he hadn't done in years, if ever. He hugged him back.
“Love you, bro.”
“Oh God, are we doing that already?” Brad said the words around the lump in his throat.
“It's only right.”
“Okay, ditto then.”
“That’ll do.”
They walked together, shoulders bumping, and he saw the look in Macy's eyes as they approached. She was happy, and for that look alone, he was pleased he had taken the step.
“I need to hug you too.”
“Really?” Brad dug his toes in as Willow came at him.
“Inevitable, bud,” Buster said.
They all hugged him, the women, that was. The men slapped his shoulder and pumped his hand or bumped a fist.
“Thanks for looking after our girl here,” Cubby said.
He shot Macy a look. She was tucked under Declan's arm.
“She's strong enough to handle herself.”
He saw her little smile. Maybe now she'd start believing in herself. These people loved her, but they needed to let her be strong too, and he needed to leave soon. Leave and not look back, because Macy Reynolds tapped into something deep inside him. He wanted to protect her, hold her, and take her to bed and never let her leave. If he felt anything else, he wasn't acknowledging it… ever.