Chapter Thirteen

Toulouse was asleep on my lap for only fifteen minutes when Brielle came in and took him away, making sure to feed him and look after him. He could return to me in the evening.

Lucien and I sat in the salon for a while, surprisingly just talking, though my whole self burned for him. The heat from the summer was a cool breeze compared to it.

Even though he looked somewhat tired, he still looked handsome and desirable to me. All the light in the room was picked up by his formal silk white justaucorps, as he was at court that morning. Swirling, leafy green vines made of emeralds and white gems edged his justaucorps, leading up to his stock and solitaire at his neck. His waistcoat had similar, leafy-embroidered designs on a gold background. His breeches were just plain white, blending in with his stockings and round-toed shoes.

I looked up to his eyes—those dizzying, dark blue eyes. His long, dark hair was pulled back with a big, black bag and bow, and stiff curls above his ears. My eyes could have stayed fixed on him forever.

“What is it?” he asked, finally noticing my stares.

I smiled lightly, looking down at my hands. “Nothing.”

“Admiring the view?” he asked, leaning forward and catching my attention.

I laughed, covering my face. His hand came up and grabbed my wrist, pulling it away so he could look me in the eye. We stayed like that, staring at each other—dare I say, lovingly—for a few moments. The entire world seemed to stand still as he leaned into me.

We both looked up at the doorway as Colette’s angered voice filled nearly the entire house. “Oh, please! Absolutely ridiculous!”

She stomped her way into the salon. The Marquis ran after her. Lucien and I stood from the chaise longue.

“Please, Colette. Just for tonight. A simple appearance, supper, answer some of their questions, and behave. That is all I ask!” he pleaded, his hands held out to her.

She crossed her arms. Armand sauntered in after them, standing with his arms crossed in the doorway. He did not look so pleased, himself.

“Would it really kill you? You like fêtes. That is all you and Madeleine do. In fact, she and the Messieurs can be there. We will have an orchestra in the ballroom. You do not even need to eat all the supper!” He tried to reason with her, his expression extremely tense as sweat appeared on his forehead.

Colette looked to me and Lucien before she turned to her father, raising her chin to him. “Fine, but I want my diamonds from the safe.”

The Marquis nodded his head. “Yes, fine. That’s fine. Anything else?”

She really thought about it for a moment, shaking her head. She realized she could probably push her luck and ask for something else but decided not to.

He sighed in relief, turning to Lucien first and then Armand. “I hope you both can attend. I apologize for the late notice. This evening at eight, I am holding a little fête in honor of a friend…dinner, some music in the ballroom.”

Armand stepped forward, taking all the attention in the room. “I think we both will make it a point to arrive, my lord.”

The Marquis smiled and nodded, pointing to Colette. “I will go and fetch those diamonds.”

“You needn’t come, tonight. I do not see the point,” Colette said to Armand, her voice filled with contempt.

Lucien’s face contorted awkwardly, trying to point toward the doorway so we could give them privacy to quarrel, but both Colette’s and Armand’s voices kept us in our place.

“I thought you would be happy with my attendance, Mademoiselle,” he said, folding his arms to his chest, again.

“If you were to fall off the planet, nothing but that would make me happier,” she spat.

I bit my lip, looking toward both exits. They were both so close, yet so far away. If we tried to escape, surely they would see us and yell at us to stay.

“That was not what you were saying a few moments ago.”

My body heaved at the sound of Armand’s words, turning to Lucien so my eyes were anywhere but Colette’s angered face.

“How dare you! Do you think I will stand here and take anymore of this? No! I will not. You will leave, Monsieur!” she yelled, her brow furrowing deeply. The rest of her face went rock solid but scarlet, and her voice filled with stilted anger.

Armand stood tall, not moving a muscle. “Your father is my patron, Mademoiselle. Not you. Therefore, he is my employer and only he can dismiss me.”

Colette’s whole body shook with rage. “Fine! Then, I will leave! Good day!”

She stomped out, right past Armand in a heated huff.

I looked to Armand, walking up to him. “Must you torture her so? Must you be so rude and arrogant?” I turned back to Lucien. “Please, I apologize. I have to go—”

“To check on her,” he finished, nodding. “That’s fine. I need to tend to some things before the fête this evening. So, I shall see you then, when I return.”

I nodded as he bowed to me, signaling a hurried curtsey from me, though he still took the time to kiss the back of my hand. As soon as his lips pressed against the back of it, my heart fluttered. I wanted to throw my arms around him, but I stopped myself. I turned from him and glared at Armand as I left the room, running after Colette as best as I could in my slippers.

I looked in on Colette’s bedchamber, though she wasn’t there. I quickly ran through to the boudoir where she sat on the chaise longue, looking down at her hands and crying her eyes out.

I ran forward, kneeling down in front of her. “Oh, Colette. Please, do not cry.”

She shook her head. “Do you see how he treats me? Everything he says is laced with spite.”

I sat at her feet, not saying a word. I knew that to do so would interrupt and possibly upset her further. It was always best for Colette to get everything out at once.

“What is worse is that he does not treat me like that in private. You were right, you know. We have been intimate. We have not slept together. He refuses to do such a thing, but we have kissed and almost gone further than that. That is why he asks you two out of the room,” she sobbed, sniffling. Her nose was already stuffed up from her tears.

I already figured most of what she told me, but I kept silent.

“You know how it happened the first time? It was when you and Lucien were playing croquet. He was actually kind to me, and he did not slap the back of my hand when I made my mistake. He had a hold of my hand and was stroking it before he leaned in to me and kissed me. I could have slapped him. I wanted to, but I just…couldn’t.”

“I have seen him when he is kind to you. I agree. He does treat you well.”

“Then, why does he treat me as such in front of other people? Why did he never ask permission to write me, like Lucien asked you? Why is it that he will not ask formally to court me? Instead, he plays these games, treating me like a child!” she ranted, wiping her face carefully. “I want Vachel, but he does not want me!”

It was true. Vachel had stopped speaking to her. Word was he had traveled to an entirely different city as well. He packed and left after Colette ignored his letters, taking her threat to heart.

“So, you do not want Armand?” I asked softly.

She looked to me, tears building, again. Her cat-like eyes glistened. “I don’t know! Yes. I just…no! I…don’t know.”

“You know that Vachel—”

“Yes, I know,” she interrupted. “He is no good. He lied. He cheated. He wanted to steal from me, I know. That does not stop me from loving him. I am angry with myself for wanting Armand, but perhaps I just want him physically. If only he would just give himself to me, so I could get that over with. Maybe then, I would get it out of my system.”

I looked to her hands in her lap before I cleared my throat meekly. I looked up at her. “What was Armand going on about? What you were saying a few moments ago?”

She rolled her eyes. “I was being stupid and telling him how I felt. I was swept up in the moment. That is all.” She turned away from me, wiping her face, again. “I feel stupid for crying. I hope he does not know I was crying.”

I frowned, standing up carefully and sitting down on the chaise longue beside her. “I think right now he just knows you are angry at him.”

She stood up, walking over to the window and looking out. “It is dreadfully hot. I wonder when it’s going to rain. The clouds look thick enough. Perhaps that will break the heat.”

I frowned again, knowing she was changing the subject for a reason.

“I no longer wish to talk about it,” she said, turning and walking into her bedchamber and leaving me alone in the boudoir.

Well, good. I don’t want to talk about it, either.

* * * *

That evening, Lucien and Armand both arrived along with the Marquis’s other guests. All were older. Most being business associates, all of them inquired as to what Colette had been up to so far over the summer and how her music lessons were going. Of course, the Marquis had been bragging about getting his hands on Armand for a music tutor.

I was nearly invisible, standing in the middle of the salon with a glass of spring water in my hand. I was beside Colette, who was a vision in red—one of her favorite colors. The robe à la Française was a deep crimson, the more red side of burgundy, and I adored the gown just as much. Another one I couldn’t wait for her to discard!

The seams of the stomacher, up around the neckline, and back down was covered with the same colored ruffles. Darker, red material, scrunched up on the stomacher, made shapes of delicious, ruffled roses. Serpentine, pleated material of the same color as the gown edged the open robe, in the same designs on the petticoat across the skirt. Frothy lace stuck out from her arms. Her ruby necklace was her choice for the evening. The large ruby in the center caught your eye as they got smaller, until they met at the back. Of course, she wore the matching earrings and bracelet.

She was talking to an older gentleman who was inquiring as to how many parties she had been to in the past week, which had been none, as we had not received any invites. Even Rose was scarce around town. Though, she did come by for tea on the weekend and spoke of having another little gambling soiree as soon as she was done with her newest lover, the Italian gentleman. Or was it the Russian one?

I was wearing an overskirt of pink brocade. All the swirling patterns were another shade of light pink that one could only really notice when I moved in the light. The golden, champagne-colored petticoat shone through the gap of the overskirt, which was lined with gold lace, as was the neckline and around my sleeves.

I looked over to Lucien, who looked handsome in his white and emerald attire. He obviously did not see a need to change, but that did not matter. He stood with a few gentlemen that he knew because of his grandmother, speaking to them. He met my gaze, smirking. He waited for my predictable, small smile to him before he looked back to the man he was speaking to.

I didn’t know anyone at this party—only Colette, Lucien, and Armand. Armand was keeping his distance from both Colette and I. In fact, I was surprised he decided to attend the event. He probably did just so he could ruffle Colette’s feathers.

I suppose it wasn’t entirely true that I knew no one. There were three or four of the men, having seen them at the performance more than two weeks ago. I couldn’t for the life of me remember their names, though.

Armand walked over to our little group. Surprisingly, he looked to me, instead of Colette. “May I speak to you for a moment?”

I nodded, confused. I placed my water down and followed him over to a corner. Colette watched us out of the corner of her eye. He looked around cautiously. Though the quiet from the corner gave us a type of bubble of privacy, he still seemed uneasy about ears listening in on our conversation.

“Do you think...Actually, I need to speak to Colette. Do you think that is wise?” he asked, looking into my eyes.

I noticed how piercing his eyes were. Such a light blue for such a dark head of hair that he had—his dark brown bagwig with two stiff rolls above the ears. I shook my head. “I don’t know, Armand. I am unsure of her attitude toward you and this situation. Truthfully, I know very little about this situation.”

“Well, it is probably better that way.” He sighed, looking to Colette as she laughed then back to me. “I need to speak to her.”

“You said that.” I frowned, rolling my eyes.

“I know, but that does not mean that it isn’t true. I must, I need to apologize to her. I need to speak with her.”

“You keep saying that. I quite understand,” I shook my head, slightly annoyed. I hated it when people repeat themselves.

“Well, can you get me a moment alone? Convince her to speak with me?”

I looked into his eyes once again, seeing the sincerity that was there. “You care about her, don’t you?”

He kept his eyes on mine, not moving a single muscle throughout him.

I looked back toward Colette, finally nodding. “I will try. May I have your word that you will not upset her in any way?”

He nodded, relieved that I would take the mission. “Yes, oh yes. I give you my word. I must speak with her.”

“Yes, I know.” I rolled my eyes, turned, and made my way back toward Colette.

The Marquis stood at the doorway to the dining room, catching everyone’s attention as he asked us all to make our way to the table for our meal, and then to look forward to dancing in the ballroom afterward. He did not give me time to speak to Colette about much of anything. We all filed out and into the dining room, sitting around the table, and filling it. My estimation of people attending being around ten, not including myself, Colette, Armand, and Lucien.

Dinner was quiet, mainly whispers. Everyone held a separate conversation from everyone else. I noticed little groups of three or four with their heads together, lounging back and looking around the table.

Colette was pleasant, smiling, and laughing. She was personable to everyone who asked her questions or tried to make conversations with her. Armand was much the same, though his eyes never left Colette. In fact, at one point, I thought he was almost talking to her, but she was on the other side of the table, a few feet away from him.

Lucien was smiling, making good conversation. He spoke of hunting and what not as he sat across from Colette and I, within hearing distance.

I didn’t speak to anyone. The only person I wanted to speak to was Lucien, but I couldn’t possibly yell across the table. Even then, I would never want anyone to hear our conversations.

Colette elbowed me, taking my attention away from the guests.

“Is it just me, or is he staring at me?”

I looked over at Armand, who was indeed staring. He was completely fixed on her from down the length of the table. “Yes, he certainly is.”

“Well,” she said, raising her chin, “he can stare all he likes. Did you see I refused to speak to him when he came to show his respects to my father? Did you see?”

I nodded. “Yes, I did. I did see. I really think you should speak to him, Colette.”

“Why? What was it he said to you before, in the salon? Friends so quickly, are we?”

I frowned, giving her the look—my own look of disapproval for her comments. “Come now. Can you not speak to him for even five minutes? Perhaps he wants to give you an apology.”

“Is that what he said?” She turned to me, her face almost alight with glee.

I smiled a little, looking to him and back to her. “I am not saying he did not say it, but I do think you should ask him yourself. Just five minutes, Colette. Give him a dance, a simple turn around the floor. You said that you liked dancing with him after Lucien’s grandmother’s birthday ball.”

She nodded, turning back toward her plate. “Oh, fine! I suppose one stupid little dance will not hurt, but I am not promising anything. I will not accept that apology, if he even has the guts to give me one.”

I smirked, raising my own chin and looking down to Armand, whose eyes came to me. I nodded to him slightly. He let out a sigh as he nodded, mouthing “Thank you” to me.

I turned, smiling, to find Lucien staring at me. His eyes did not leave me. I felt my whole body want to spring up, the delicious shock of it running through me.

The Marquise stood up and excused herself, saying she had a headache, and went off to bed. It was almost like a signal for all of us to make our way to ballroom, like naughty children awaiting their parents to go to bed before they caused trouble.

We all made our way to the crescent-shaped ballroom, where all the lights from the back garden and fountain were bouncing off of all the long gilded mirrors and making the room literally sparkle. A small orchestra was set up and waiting, striking up the music as soon as the first guest entered.

Why didn’t we have music during the meal? I wondered. I would have liked hearing music while eating.

Some of the guests were in the Petit Galerie des Glaces, getting caught up in there and going the long way around to the ballroom. Colette and I stood in the center of the room. A dark head of hair filled the side of my left eye, and I turning as Armand walked up to us, bowing and looking to Colette.

“May I have the pleasure of a dance, Mademoiselle?”

She looked into his eyes and nodded lightly. Her smile vanished and an almost sullen look took its place. She was off, dancing around, anyway. Two other couples danced along with them—one that was bon ton in town.

I tilted my head to the side, watching as they were obviously talking. Though, Colette’s expression remained unchanged. I did not know what to make of it. I then turned to see Lucien standing beside me, his hand on my back.

“May we take a moment to sneak away?” he whispered, my eyes coming to his.

I nodded, and both of us walked as casually as possible to the set of doors leading to the terrace, slipping out them, and running back into the empty salon. We then quickly made our way through the dining room and out into the foyer.

We looked around. The laughter from the ballroom caught our attention for a moment before I looked to the chapel, pointing to the closed doors. “Here! We can hide in here.”

We ran over to it. Lucien opened the door and pulled me through it, closing it quickly. He turned to me, grabbed hold of me, and kissed me passionately. My whole body went tense in his arms, holding onto him tightly. I would have thought the dark, cavernous, and dome-shaped room was the worst possible place for such things, but falling into Lucien was so simple! So easy that I barely noticed we were in a place of God. Never mind that the Abbé had only just taken my sins a few days ago as I now committed new ones.

He pulled away from me, breaking our kiss for only a moment. Looking my face over, he said, “This is a sin. I hope you know.”

“Are you going to refer to kissing me as sin so often?” I asked, smiling.

He nodded. “Oh, it has to be a sin. Feeling like this has to be a sin.”

He kissed me, again. Just as passionately as before. My hands went up to his face and cupped it, pulling away for only a moment as he kissed my cheek and neck.

“Oh, God. I love you.” I panted, and both of us stopped as soon as we realized what had just escaped my mouth.

He pulled away from me, looking me in the eye. “You…I’m sorry?”

I backed away from him, my breath getting caught in my chest as I swallowed hard, and trying to think of words to explain myself. I had said it! Something I had been thinking for how long?

“I…I…” I felt my whole face go scarlet, right to my ears, and tears filling my eyes. “I…Oh, my God.”

He walked toward me and grabbed my hands. A faint almost overcame me. “Madeleine, are you all right?”

I shook my head. My stomach churned as I looked up to him, our eyes meeting.

He kept my gaze for a moment. His hand went up to my cheek, where it rested. His voice lowered to that coo. “I love you, I...do. I love you.”

My whole body heaved deliciously, shaking in his arms as I smiled. Leaning toward him, our lips met half way. I burned feverishly as his lips struggled against my own, his body pressing against mine as he pulled me into him. My mind ran over a burning prayer of hot desire as I tried to fight it, but it was idle to struggle against passion.

“Come to my bedchamber,” I whispered breathlessly.

“Madeleine—”

I put my index and middle finger against his mouth, cutting him off. “Take your leave, and dismiss your carriage to the stables. Your valet can take care of anyone who might talk. He is here, is he not?”

“Yes, he is at the stables.” He nodded, unsure and wanting to still protest.

“Then, take your leave. Meet me in my bedchamber. Go around to the servant’s entrance. Make your way to the staircase and up to me. I will retire and be waiting for you.” I almost didn’t know what I was asking. What I was going on about? “It is the first bedchamber to your right.”

He nodded reluctantly, turning and leaving the chapel first. My whole body throbbed with anticipation. My legs felt weak with what I did, what I had set in motion!

I ran back to the ballroom, watching as Lucien told the Marquis he was taking his leave. The Marquis nodded, bowed to him, and watched him dash out.

I found Colette, who was batting her lashes prettily at Armand while he smiled at her. I interrupted them as I approached.

“Where have you been off to?” she asked.

“Oh, I have a bit of a headache. I really think the heat is getting to me. I went for some air, but I am going to go off to bed.”

She nodded. “Oh. Well, yes. You should. I think I will be up dancing until dawn. Armand was going to turn me around the floor again, I think.” She smiled to him seductively as he took her hand. “Night, Maddy.”

I turned from her, starting to make my way out of the room and into the salon. “Good night.”

As soon as I was out of sight from people, I took off my slippers, lifted my skirt up, and ran up the staircase. I skittered across the floor before my bedchamber, where I ran inside and closed the door. I stood with my slippers in my hands, looked down at them, and threw them on the floor. A knock came to the door, startling me as I turned. I opened it for Lucien, who ran inside, and I looking around quickly.

“Your maid is on her way. I must hide!”

He looked around, trying to find some place to hide himself.

I pushed him toward the door to the boudoir, opening it and shoving him inside. I closed the door just as Brielle walked inside the room, curtseying to me. “I heard you were not well, Mademoiselle. Would you like your bath and then to make your couchér?”

I shook my head lightly. “No, I think actually that I may just sit up for a while. I will call you back if need be.”

She looked me over, her face twisting in confusion. Nonetheless, she curtsied and nodded before turned and taking her leave.

I sighed heavily and turned toward the door to the boudoir, opening it slowly and calmly. Lucien had his arm casually resting against the frame of it.

“Do you want to tell me why I am crazy enough to be up here right now?” he asked.

I shook my head, looking at my hands. “I don’t know.”

He sighed, looking toward the frame and away from me. “I suppose a man stakes his all for a kiss.” He looked back at me, walked into the room, and looked around it.

“You don’t have to be here, Lucien. Not if you don’t want to,” I said, keeping my eyes to my hands awkwardly.

He turned to me, grabbed my hands, and lifted my chin up to look into my eyes. “No one said I didn’t want to be here. This is just…this is complicating things even more, Madeleine. Someone could walk in here, someone…do you not wish to be married before giving yourself to someone?”

I scoffed. “What does marriage have to do with being in love and giving yourself to someone? Marriage just says you are obligated to give yourself, not that you truly want to. Lucien...”

He put his hands on either side of my face. “You have to believe I love you more than anything, Madeleine. There really are no words for it. Do you know how many times I stopped myself from writing that in my letters, saying it aloud? For fear of scaring you.”

I shook my head. “I was thinking the same thing. I just—it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are here, and we can make of it what we want…what you want.”

He pulled me into him, holding me close for a long moment before nodding. He stepped away from me, took off his justaucorps, and tossed it on the end of the bed. He then loosened his solitaire and unclasped the stock. The loose collar from his blouse flopped down to his shoulders. His waistcoat was next, thrown on the bed.

He then stood before me, holding up his hand and motioning me to turn around, which I did. Bending down and putting his hands under the overskirt of my gown and lifting it up, he found the ties underneath and loosened them. He then turned me around and unpinned the front of the bodice, pushing it over my shoulders and off me, tossing it on the pink velvet chair in front of my vanity. He then unpinned my stomacher, throwing it on the chair as well.

Next, he helped me to take my petticoat and panniers off, tossing them much the same, by my vanity, and not saying a word as he did so. He got me down to my chemise and stays, which he also unfastened at the back, helping it off of me.

I stood before him in nothing but my chemise, looking up at him as he looked in my eyes. He took a deep breath before he nodded once again, walking toward me and lifting me up in his arms and carrying me over to the bed. He set me down gently as he climbed on top of me, his blouse loose around him.

My breathing picked up. An event that I thought was being postponed due to the technicalities of undressing was suddenly upon us. His eyes never left mine as my body shook with fright, but that all melted away as soon as he kissed me. That slow, unending kiss. Lucien tried to breathe me in as his lips pressed softly against my own.

I felt his hand move my chemise up as his hand caressed my leg. My whole body tensed as I wrapped my arms around his neck, our kiss not breaking for even a moment.

He broke away from me as he lifted the back of his blouse up, over his head, and tossed it on the floor. His bow and bag was now askew as he leaned down to me. Long, silky strands of his hair fell on my shoulder.

I was suddenly very aware of his hips pressing into mine, his passion obviously quickening and pressing against me. This only excited me further, my legs coming up and gripping hold of him tightly.

I was a fool, again! Why would I postpone such moments with a man I so obviously loved? I adored him! Of course, that didn’t stop my face from blushing as he removed my chemise. I now lay naked before him, though he didn’t look at my body. He focused on my eyes, leaning back down to me to kiss me, again.

His right hand moved from my hip up my body, caressing my stomach and side until he reached my breast, only grazing it with his thumb as his hand moved more to my back. I nearly let out a scream in delight in the process.

Then came the moment of truth. He took off his breeches, tossing them aside just as carelessly as his clothing previous. His sudden, naked form was in front of me.

I saw every line on him, every muscle, all the smooth contours from his hips up to his stomach, his hard chest and broad shoulders, strong arms, and hands. Not a hair on him, other than between his legs—a place I could not look to for long, as my face blushed so scarlet, I started to sweat. Whether it was the heat or the passion of the moment, I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t really think to ask myself.

He lowered himself slowly on top of me, taking a moment to kiss me before he pushed into me, something that was a bit of a struggle and quite painful. Making love with Lucien was quite the same as his kisses: slow, agonizing, and deliciously amazing. Though, the real agony was in the beginning.

I had to stop myself from crying out in pain, from almost screaming out to him to stop. Instead, I did as Colette had said when speaking of her first time making love with Vachel. She never told him to stop. She held her breath and waited. The pain slowly lulled away into pleasure, which in my case, it did rather quickly.

I bit my lip, smothering my face into Lucien’s shoulder. I tried to keep quiet as best I could, though it was extremely difficult. Lucien kept his composure quite well. Most of his pleasure played on his face, which I looked up to often, because I liked the shock it sent through me when our eyes met.

I put my hands on his back as he buried his face in the pillow behind me. His thrusts slowed until he finally stopped, withdrawing quickly and letting out a moan that was stifled from the pillow. He lay down on me, his whole body relaxing.