JP

Life was better after I got away from Seamie.

There was no coming back from the massive fight we’d had that night. I stayed in a mate’s house at first, and a few weeks later I got my own place, a basement flat that I’d found in Drumcondra, just outside the city centre.

At first, Charlie was just ‘staying over’. She’d go back to Seamie’s house after school, and her stuff was still there. She’d leave little notes to tell him she was calling over to mine, in case he was worried where she was. He never was. He’d given up.

After a while Charlie moved in with me, and we left him to his bottle. A man who’d been married and had two children and a job now alone with nothing and nobody. It was sad, but it didn’t change how I saw him. My sister cried for him more than I ever did.

I got work in a garage, where I learned on the job how to be a mechanic and on the side how to fence cars and deal cannabis. I was rolling in it and could afford our rent and other bits with ease. I smoked a bit of blow, snorted the odd line, just to relax a bit. It was all around me. Getting drugs in Dublin in 1998 was piss-easy. And that was before the really big boom happened and you’d yuppies snorting cocaine in nightclub toilets. Yuppies like Harry McNamara.

But I never let a sip of drink pass my lips. I didn’t want anything to do with Seamie. Not even his name.

I only saw my dad once after that. Surprising, considering how small Dublin is. But then, I didn’t hang out in pubs much. Ironically, the canal he died in was just yards away from our first bedsit in Drumcondra, and not far from where he himself lived then. Even more ironic was that he died from drowning in water and not whiskey, which anybody would have assumed was where he was heading by the time we’d moved out.

I didn’t go to his funeral.

Even Charlie stopped bothering with him, in the end. She started to have a life of her own life and realized that it didn’t have to include dealing with a grown man passed out on the sofa every night.

I was lucky, that she chose me. I was angry at the world and could have slipped. But taking care of her gave me a focus. It was my job to make sure she kept on the straight and narrow – that just because she didn’t have parents didn’t mean she could do what she liked.

And I had plenty to worry about. Charlie was a stunner, no doubt about it. Even at twelve, you could see young fellas stopping in their tracks to stare at her. She didn’t have a clue, and she certainly wasn’t aware of how much danger it posed.

I was working late one night, a delivery of three BMWs that needed paint jobs and plates changed so they’d be ready for export the next day. I had to leave Charlie alone that night, but she was always fine.

The shift over, I headed home, too knackered even to stop for chips.

I was taking the wrought-iron stairs from the street down to the bedsit when, through the window, I heard Charlie giggle.

Then I heard another voice. Male. Who the hell did she have there at that hour?

In the seconds it took to descend the last three steps, I’d come to the conclusion that Charlie was a two-faced little wench who had a boyfriend over every night that I was out. If she was going to be abusing my trust, she could go right back to Seamie’s.

I threw the door open to find one of my suppliers sitting on our recently acquired two-seater settee. His legs were spread wide as he relaxed on the couch, a bottle of beer in one hand, joint in the other. Charlie was standing by the kitchenette, her arms wrapped around herself, a false smile forced on her face. She was shivering in her pyjamas, pink princess ones she’d bought in Primark. Seeing her in the flesh, I realized the laughter I’d heard had been the nervous sort.

‘What are you doing here?’ I asked the dealer, whose name was Rick.

‘I came by to drop off some gear and have a few beers with you, man. Then I met your lovely little sister. You’ve been keeping her quiet, haven’t you, John Paul? I was just telling her she could be a model. I bet you’ve all the fellas after you, Charlene, eh?’

Her name sounded filthy on his lips. He looked her up and down and smiled, a dirty, disgusting gesture, all for my benefit.

‘Outside,’ I growled, still holding the front door open.

He laughed and stood up, giving Charlie a mock-bow before heading out the door.

‘See you soon, love,’ he said, winking at her. It was all I could do not to smash his teeth in.

Out on the pavement, I took the baggies off him and handed over the cash. I’d been expecting him at the garage and, when he hadn’t turned up, I assumed he’d find me the next day. But not at my home.

‘Don’t come here again,’ I said. ‘We’re not friends. I don’t want your beer. And I don’t want to see your face in my flat or near my sister.’

‘Chill the cacks, man. Who do you think you are? Grant Mitchell? She’s a bit young, even for me. Just saying, though, if you ever run up any debts, I might know a few lads who’d pay you a few bob for a go on that. The young wans are all the same. She’ll be giving it out for free any day now, probably is already. You may as well make something off it, considering you’re more or less fucking rearing her, from what I hear. She owes you.’

I grabbed him by the throat, pushing him up against the railings. I’d never felt such rage.

‘Are you some kind of paedophile?’

His eyes bulged as he strained against my grip. He clawed at my arms until I dropped him, coughing and spluttering. The desire to kill him filled me like a white heat, frightening me almost as much as him.

I guess there were some parts of Seamie that it wasn’t easy for me to shake off.

Starting on Rick was reckless. He worked for one of the city’s leading dealers. I was only on the periphery of that world, and I wanted to stay there. What I didn’t know was that this kingpin had a thing about kiddy fiddlers, having been through an infamous Christian Brothers’ school and with tales of woe to prove it. My use of the word ‘paedophile’ had sent Rick into a state of panic and instead of having a pop at me, as soon as I released my grip he just swore and legged it.

Downstairs in the bedsit, Charlie was already in bed, her back to me when I came in.

‘Charlie,’ I said, touching her shoulder.

‘I’m asleep.’ She shrugged her arm away. ‘You sound it.’

She said nothing.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘He shouldn’t have come here. It won’t happen again.’

‘Why do you know people like that, JP? Does the garage not pay you enough? Is it because you have to mind me? Should I go back to Dad’s?’

She wouldn’t look at me. She didn’t want me to see that she was crying.

‘Charlie, this is your home now. You know that. As long as I’m your brother, you’ll always have somewhere to stay.’

She turned and sat up. ‘JP, please, I don’t want you to get into trouble. Maybe I should leave school and get a job?’

‘Are you kidding me? Charlie, seriously. You’ve nothing to worry about. That fella is just a plonker. I said I’d do him a favour, just this once. I won’t do it again, I promise. Do you believe me?’

She stared at me for a few seconds before breaking eye contact. She saw what the situation was but was neither old nor confident enough to challenge an outright lie.

‘Yes,’ she said.

I took it, feeling ashamed.

‘He’s a creepy git, isn’t he?’ I said. ‘Did he say anything to you … anything bad?’

She shrugged, embarrassed. Clearly he had, and it made my skin crawl.

From the very start, Charlie attracted the wrong sort of man.