~
Ambryn fought the bouts of depression as they neared land. She felt numb inside as she considered she might never see her son again. After days of mourning Stephen being taken from her, she finally grew to accept nothing could be done.
The wall she placed around herself was complete, shutting out all but her pain. Rowan tried to comfort her but she withdrew from him, pushing him away. He soon gave up, leaving her alone with her misery.
Ulrich entered the enclosure before they docked in Oslo. He took in her tear-ravaged face and raised a red eyebrow. “Are you attempting to flood the ship with your tears, girl?”
Ambryn glared at the giant’s teasing. “Leave me alone! You would dare mock me? You would not understand how I feel! Go away!”
Ulrich shut the flap and came forward, having to duck down. “I lost two sons in war and one at sea. Your son is still alive. Do not assume I have no understanding of what ails you, Ambryn.”
Ambryn wiped at her tears, feeling horrible now for lashing out at Ulrich. “I am allowed to be sad for his loss. I might never look upon my child again.”
“And you might get him back in time. Again, he is still alive and well. Your father will see to his care. Can you not put your faith in the gods that this will be so?”
“Did Rowan send you in here to offer some words of wisdom?” She glared up at the man, daring him to speak.
“No, Rowan didn’t send me. We must talk, Ambryn, and you must listen. There are many things that you don’t know. I think if you hear me you will see Rowan far differently.”
“Oh, I see Rowan quite clearly now, Ulrich,” Ambryn said tightly and blew her nose. “I see I have wasted more time on him than he is worth.”
“Can you not hear me out?” Ulrich stared at the grieving young woman and sat on the stool near her.
Ambryn listened to Ulrich speak, her eyes widening to learn all of the facts, her heart lurching to know the truth at last. Dread filled her to know Wilhelm learned all from Hede before he escaped to warn Harald.
Harald would seek Rowan’s death before he would allow him to challenge his rights to the crown. The fact Grunhilde was Rowan’s mother made her swallow hard with regret. The rift between them could never be bridged, complete with the queen’s final betrayal. Rowan declared he would not return to take up the cause until she was dead.
The tale left her speechless for a time.
Ulrich let her absorb all, eyeing her grimly. “You must not let on to Rowan that I told you all of this. The dangers to you are everywhere, even in Norway. I wanted you to know what he faces in Denmark should he return there. You deserve to know the truth. I know you are angry over your child, but there was no choice in it. I am the one to blame. I handed the countess over your son. Do you hate me for it?”
“Of course not,” Ambryn said tightly, wondering what the wily Viking tried to imply.
“Then why do you blame him for it?” He raised a red gold eyebrow. “Had he not come for you it is certain you would be dead. Whatever is between you is none of my affair but you misjudge him to think he doesn’t blame himself enough as it is. You could not possibly punish him as much as he will himself.”
Ambryn refused to answer him, changing the subject. “Rowan comes to Norway to appeal to Joran Ivarsson for himself.”
Ulrich nodded. “Without the Norse chieftains, we are sadly outnumbered there. I will travel to the settlements while here to appeal to them all under the guise of seeking asylum with Ivarsson. Now you know what is at stake. Go easy on Rowan. He travels a difficult road ahead, fraught with many dangers. You are also in danger now, Ambryn, just by being his woman.”
“I am not his woman!” Ambryn rolled her eyes in annoyance as the older man chuckled. “Rowan needs no woman. He has rejected me time and time again. I think you presume much of his feelings towards me. He merely feels he owes me a debt.”
“Rowan does not understand what he feels in his heart, Ambryn. He has had many women and takes much for granted. He goes about all the wrong way, but never have I seen a man who needs love more than he. He will come around. You must be patient with him.”
Ambryn bit her lip indecisively. “Rowan tells me enough he doesn’t want my love. He threatens to leave me! Those are hardly the words of a man who cares, Ulrich.”
“Has he left you yet? That remains to be seen. I only see the man chase you into peril time and time again to keep you safe.”
“He only does so over some silly promise he made me.”
Ulrich smiled gently. “That alone should give you pause. The fact he strives so hard to keep his vow should prove what his lips refuse to say.”
Ambryn thought on what Ulrich said long after he left her to go about his duties, dwelling upon his assurances Rowan cared for her. Once, she desperately wanted to believe it. The raw hurt she still felt over his betrayal with Elga and his frequent rejections burned within her heart.
Ambryn thought of her son and bit her lip, tears brightening her eyes. Rowan was not the only one who was keeping secrets. She still had not told him Stephen was Wilhelm’s son, knowing it would only further torment him to know what the jarl did to her in Hedeby.
Rowan made a vow to keep her safe. He would blame himself that Wilhelm got to her under his nose. She refused to see him blame himself for what was done, knowing the jarl stalked her from the moment she arrived.
Rowan needed a clear head to do what needed to be done. If he learned of what Wilhelm did to her it might cloud his judgment when he returned to Hedeby. As much as it pained her to be separated from her child any longer, she could not push that matter ahead of his own.
To think of those few brief moments she spent with her son made her sigh and close her eyes, praying that one day they would be reunited. But for now, the matter was hopeless.
She must learn to accept it, fighting the waves of sorrow as she stood up and calmly washed her face from the rain barrel. She vowed to be strong, if only for the man who needed her, even if he claimed otherwise.
~ ~ ~
Rowan was smiling and waving as the large longhouse on the hillside came into view. People came running to meet the ship as it slid down the wide fjord to the large wooden dock. He saw Joran drop his hammer and grinned wider, seeing the man scowl in return.
“He does not appear happy to see us,” Ambryn remarked reproachfully as she saw the Norse chieftain’s expression of dismay.
“Just smile and wave as nothing is amiss, Ambryn. I told you the man will take us in. What more do you want from me, woman? I said I would find us a place and I have.”
“By inviting yourself into the man’s home?” Ambryn shook her head in disgust, her smile forced as she waved from the railing. “You promised me a home, not someone else’s! Why not just buy property with your share of the gold?”
Rowan still smiled, snarling under his breath. “Because the gold is gone!”
Ambryn glared at him, her smile fading, shaking in anger. “What do you mean it is all gone? I know you divided it among your men but I also know twice the amount was sent. Where did it all go?”
“I gave the men their shares. Grunhilde got my portion,” Rowan recalled and shrugged dismissively. “Much was used to buy support from the northern tribes and what is left sits in a cave in the north to buy more mercenaries should we run short. Wars are not cheap, Ambryn.”
Ambryn was seething in outrage. “You left a fortune in gold behind in Denmark in a cave and we must now go begging?” Her silver eyes were spewing with fury.
Rowan smiled but his words were harsh. “You asked for a home, and one that does not float, I seem to recall. Or you said you would do what? Oh yes, you said you would jump over the side of my ship and swim away? Isn’t that what you said? Well, here it is! Now quit nagging me!”
Ambryn bit back a fiery retort as the ship was tied off and they departed the ship. She watched as Rowan met Joran halfway up the hill, wanting to laugh as she saw the man’s expression of disgust mounting.
The days passed with this endless bickering between them. She knew she was being unreasonable at times, but also knew she never asked enough of Rowan from the start, pushing at him now to do right by her at last.
She refused to be disregarded by Rowan, vowing to never allow him to belittle her value again. If it meant she had to nettle him daily with these trivial details to please her, so be it. In her opinion, he deserved every bit of it for his treatment of her in the past.
He asked what would bring peace between them. She demanded a home. In a roundabout way he kept that word to her, even if the home belonged to someone else. She could hardly argue his logic, content to get off the ship at last.
Joran appeared more than a little overwhelmed when the Vikings began to unload the hold, filing passed the men with Rowan’s considerable collection of belongings. She wanted to giggle uproariously as Ivarsson shook his head in amazement.
Allisande was glaring as she made her way downstairs when they entered the hall. Her mouth dropped as Rowan’s belongings were brought in. His men walked by with bags, crates, and an enormous chest. A bed walked by and a bath tub made of copper. She was speechless as she saw he even had a cage with a strange looking bird in it that mocked her.
“Give us a kiss, wench! Give us a kiss!” It squawked and its large beak opened and it spewed such profanity, Allisande’s eyes grew round until she noted the presence of the children eyeing the colorful bird with interest. She reluctantly concluded Rowan could keep their new room for the time being. The foul-mouthed bird being on the second floor with the children was out of the question.
“Dare I hope any of those things are yours, Lady Ambryn?” Allisande muttered dryly as a large looking glass went by and reflected both of their disgust.
“No, it is all his,” Ambryn said contemptuously and pointed to her own small bundle sitting on a chair near the fire. “Those would be my things. Did they bring in the statues yet?”
Allisande sat down in a huff as several Roman busts and assorted sculpture filed past and her look of amazement turned to annoyance. “It is a wonder his ship even stays afloat with all that weight aboard!” She glared as more sculptures filed past. “What on earth does he need with all of these things?”
Ambryn’s lips twitched as her silver eyes met hers, and they dissolved into peals of laughter as they saw more of Rowan’s things being brought in. The squawking bird made their pet wolf bark. The din was unbearable in the hall.
Allisande grimaced and led her to the high table where they sat out of the way as the things were moved into her and Joran’s new chamber. Ambryn felt ashamed of their imposing. She began upbraiding Rowan’s worst qualities, him being a lowly, displaced Viking only one of them.
Ambryn felt wretched when she declared them vagabonds with no money, no means, and no home. Her smoky silver gaze narrowed as the source of her displeasure was striding towards them, grinning as his collection of tapestries was carried past. He frowned when he saw both women glowering at him.
“See, Ambryn, did I not tell you my friends would welcome us,” Rowan declared warmly and his green eyes mocked her. “It as if they built the room just for us, for I believe most of my things will fit.”
“You have more?” Allisande gave an outraged squeak.
“That is only half of it, I fear,” Ambryn said coolly and flicked him with a look that made him stiffen in outrage. “Some men seek property with the spoils of a lifetime of victory. Our Rowan here buys pretty things, lots of pretty things. Is that not so, Rowan?” she said in a disgusted voice that caused him to flinch and grow visibly angry at her disparaging ridicule.
“I cannot carry a home aboard my ship!” Rowan eyed her as though she were an idiot and stalked away.
“Do you see what I have had to endure?”Ambryn said with a disdainful sniff and sighed, her silver eyes following the man everywhere about the hall despite her claims to detest him. “He has turned us into beggars now, very well-dressed, many-bagged beggars, but beggars nonetheless.”
“It wasn’t safe for you to remain in York,” Allisande said in defense of Rowan. “You know the fate of your king. His nobles fared no better. Rowan cares for you, Ambryn. He will provide you with a home. Do not worry over it. I think if you were honest, you would admit you care for him as well. I can see it in your face.”
Ambryn measured her words, knowing Allisande knew nothing of what lay between them. “Care for him? That is ridiculous. The man is so full of himself he certainly does not need another to care for him. I should be relieved if he sails away and leaves me.”
~ ~ ~
Ambryn settled into their room and avoided the hall while Rowan sought out their benefactor in the stables. She knew what he and Ivarsson discussed away from the hall. He was appealing to the man for help. They were still discussing the matter an hour later. Ambryn suspected Joran was hesitant to go against his youngest uncle who ruled a fife in Denmark.
Rowan would have much to do to persuade the man. He was not happy to have them descend upon his household after a year with no word. She felt uncomfortable for their intruding upon the Ivarsson couple, despite Allisande’s gracious allowance that they were more than welcome.
Her emotions were in turmoil, tears seeming always poised to fall, and then prickly with anger at other times. Allisande’s own complaints indicated it was the birth of her child that caused such havoc within her body. It would be many weeks until she felt normal.
Ambryn shivered to know Wulfstan threatened Joran and Allisande. They expected Ivar’s other son to arrive any day with hired mercenaries to attack the stronghold. Rowan and his men were needed here, if only to reinforce the warriors.
The women and children were to be sent to Garran Herricksson’s stronghold five leagues up the fjord as soon as Wulfstan’s ships were sighted. They were warned to be ready on a moment’s notice to leave.
Rowan seemed hardly worried over the threat of Wulfstan. She smiled grudgingly, recalling how the man refused to fight Rowan in York over her. That alone gave her comfort, knowing he was no match for Rowan.
The women were told to stay close to the longhouse for their own safety. Ambryn felt sick to know five orphaned children ran about the hall whose mother’s were killed by his men the previous winter. Allisande took them all in, despite having three of her own children to care for and another on the way. The lady grumbled over it, but it was clear she adored them all.
Ambryn was embarrassed by their pitiful circumstances, hiding in their room to avoid the questioning looks from Joran’s people. The girl named Meghera sought her out to keep her company.
The young girl was Allisande’s sister-in-law and stayed with them until she was old enough to be a wife to her husband Collin. The girl’s strange eyes unnerved Ambryn as she opened the door and let her in, grateful she didn’t tote her pet rat named Alfred with her.
They sat before the hearth, the girl curious of everything, her conversation animated. Ambryn relaxed, seeing the girl was just a child after all, chattering on about everything and nothing until her small hand reached out for hers.
Ambryn felt the jolt at once stealing up her arm, staring into Meghera’s strange eyes, feeling fear as they bore into hers.
Meghera released her hand, smiling angelically. “You will have another baby soon, Ambryn. Don’t be sad.”
Ambryn was too stunned to say anything more as the girl got up and returned to her play in the hall. She rubbed her hand, shaking her head and finding the whole occurrence strange.
The evening meal was a merry affair. Ambryn was seated next to Allisande at the high table, listening to her chatter on about her children when she observed a pretty blonde being pulled into Rowan’s lap beside her. Irrational jealousy gnawed at her as she saw the woman named Britta whispering in Rowan’s ear. He seemed to be enjoying the slave’s attentions.
Ambryn could take it no more, blinded by a sudden jealous rage she refused not to act upon. The tankard of ale in front of Rowan was unceremoniously dumped into his lap, sending the woman squealing as she jumped away to dry the front of her gown, glaring murderously at Ambryn before she stomped away.
Rowan eyed her in amusement after that, his infuriating smile taunting her to do more than that. Then, he ignored her altogether as he joked back and forth with Joran. More than once his eyes came back to meet hers. She could see the speculation in his smoky green eyes, the desire he felt for her still.
Ambryn bit her lip and looked away, wanting so much more than that from him. She wasn’t healed yet from the birth of her child. She knew that look he gave her, feeling a certain thrill to know he still wanted her.
But in the meantime, Ambryn meant to make sure no other woman trespassed upon what was hers, sending the slave Britta a scathing look when she made to come back to Rowan’s lap. The girl hurried back to the kitchens.
Ambryn smiled smugly as she looked at Rowan out the corner of her eye. She waited long enough for him. He would wait for her if it was the last thing he did.