Jack killed the engine and got out of the troop wagon, quietly closing the door.
The light on the verandah was on, mosquitoes buzzing the glass shade. The house was darkened, with only a dim glow from somewhere inside. A lamp, maybe.
He didn’t bother looking around for a sign of Solomon. The man would be watching, and hopefully packing up whatever he was carrying and legging it back to his own place now he’d seen Jack arrive. Jack had no intention of leaving Jax and Frances alone tonight. Solomon would know that.
A shadow flickered across another light. There was a small barn to the left of the house, next to the aviary. The doors were open and a light was on inside. Again, the shadow crossed the light.
It was gone 2 am, but she was up. He’d somehow known she would be, just as he suspected she knew he’d be coming to see her.
He halted when he got to the doors, not wanting to frighten her, but she turned and looked at him, her expression showing no surprise.
‘Were you waiting for me?’ he asked.
‘I had a feeling you’d turn up.’
‘Is that why you’re out here?’
‘I didn’t want Frances to know you were here. I didn’t want her to hear us talking.’
‘So we’re going to talk?’
She nodded.
He paused for a breath. ‘I know about Fellows. I know what happened to Frances.’ It was only fair she knew this straight away.
She flinched. ‘I thought you might.’
He stepped inside. It was a small barn, with a single stable. It was clean and had been turned into a stock room. There were stacks of feed bags, dog beds, leashes, water bowls and an old kitchen sink. The tap dripped every few seconds. ‘Before we get to that,’ he said, ‘I’m going back to a conversation we had the other day. About our night in Kalgirri. I’m going to tell you what happened.’
She said nothing, but she put a hand onto the top railing of the old stable gate and gripped it.
Jack had to gain her trust, on so many levels, and the only way to begin was to do what he’d wanted to do when he arrived in Mt Maria. Tell her the truth about that night.
‘I was undercover on an op in Sydney,’ he began. ‘I messed something up. It put me in Kalgirri on a desk job. That’s how I met you. But a woman I’d been associated with on the op in Sydney followed me. I didn’t know it until she rang while we were having dinner. She told me she’d seen me go into the hotel earlier that day and that she’d come back that evening because she had to talk to me.’
It was difficult heading into the next bit but the truth had to be told. He knew that Jax’s wonderfully smart mind had likely already given the story depths. ‘In Sydney, I’d been playing her, giving her indications that I’d be taking the relationship to where she wanted it to go. My bed.’
He let her inhale and waited while she exhaled. ‘She was the girlfriend of the main man our op had our eyes on so I was wary of her reasons for approaching me in this manner. I was undercover, and I thought she might have sussed me out. It was dangerous for the op.’
‘Not for you?’ she asked, surprising him with the interruption.
‘Yeah, for me too.’ He stepped forwards, put a hand on top of hers on the stable railing and squeezed, reassuring her he was still alive and breathing.
Because he was closer, she had to look up at him. Her eyes were wide and dusky blue with enquiry. ‘They needed to pull me off the case but do it in such a way that nobody in the department, outside of the op or those still involved with the op, knew that I might have been discovered.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘There were two guys in deep. Their cover was assured. If this woman had outed me to the gang we were worried they might put the noose around the necks of the two guys who’d been undercover for twenty-five months. That’s a long stint. They’d buried themselves in this gang. My superiors had to get me out. It had to become clear that I was a cop so that the focus was all on me and only me. So we pulled this stunt with the chief whip and his wife. They were driving back from an Easter costume party. I was to follow them, stop them and arrest the wife for DUI. Except she wasn’t drunk. Hadn’t had a single drink. We knew the chief whip would put up a fuss, which is what we wanted. He took a verbal swipe at me, I answered back, cop-style, and yanked him out of the vehicle.’
She pulled her hand from beneath his. ‘You’re not supposed to do that, are you?’
He smiled grimly. ‘No.’ But it hadn’t been hard to pretend. The chief whip, recently employed back then, had an ego as wide as his mouth. He’d accused the son of a superintendent of stealing documents, when in fact he was merely covering his own theft. But he wasn’t allowed to tell Jax that bit. ‘He’s no longer chief whip,’ he said instead, satisfaction rising as it did every time he thought about it.
‘Was he the one who was done for insider dealing on the stock exchange?’
He blinked, but didn’t verbally acknowledge any association with that.
‘Which means you being in Kalgirri was all a ruse.’
‘I got to meet you, didn’t I?’
‘You must have put up with all sorts from your colleagues.’
‘I’ve got broad shoulders.’
‘But you took the rap for something that wasn’t your fault.’
‘Part of the job.’
‘And now? What are you doing here now, Jack?’
He couldn’t tell her that either. But he smiled, glad to have her eyes glued to his and to see her concern for him. ‘Let me finish this tale. I had to take that woman out of the scene. She didn’t know you were there—that I had a date.’
‘You really couldn’t tell me? Not even something, like—I’m on a job and I have to leave you but I’ll call you later. Not even that?’
He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t work that way.’
‘But I was—we were—’
‘She was armed. She might have killed you.’
That hit home.
‘I took her up to my room, on the pretence I was going to open up about being a cop and about whatever else I knew. Once we were in the room, there was a bit of a scuffle; I arrested her, cuffed her and called it in. Then I waited until they came for her. By the time all that had gone down, over an hour had passed and I knew you’d be gone.’
‘I saw you.’
Jack inhaled. ‘When? Outside, when I was with her?’
She nodded. ‘I was waiting for a taxi.’
‘I’m so sorry, Jax.’
‘I never thought I’d ever see a man do that. Take a woman out for dinner then leave her in the dining room while he fixed himself up with another woman.’
It stung. ‘I called you.’ A dozen times. A hundred times. His calls had gone unanswered and his messages ignored.
‘It took you a month to call me!’
There was a spark of feminine outrage in her eyes and he didn’t blame her for it. He’d worried about her, knowing she’d be hurt that he’d just left her. He’d also worried about how he was going to fix it. But he’d been officially gagged, for longer than the first month after their dinner date. ‘I can tell you this story now because that op is over,’ he said. ‘The woman’s in prison for manslaughter—turns out she’d shot her boyfriend dead before visiting me. She was dangerous, Jax. I couldn’t tell you back then. Not while the op was still ongoing.’
‘And now? You’re still not telling me the truth about why you’re here. Don’t lie.’
Was it lying, really? ‘What did I just tell you?’ he asked, fixing her in his gaze. ‘Think about it.’ It wouldn’t take her long. She already knew he wasn’t being truthful about the reasons for being back in uniform.
A multitude of thoughts crossed her features, then she inhaled. ‘You’re undercover again.’
He didn’t speak. He didn’t even blink; he just kept his gaze on her.
‘Oh, God, Jack.’ She stepped back. ‘Is it dangerous?’
‘I’m here because of you.’ That was the truth. ‘I wanted to see you and explain.’
‘You took a dangerous operation in order to do that?’
‘I’m not in any danger.’ That wasn’t a lie either, and he couldn’t refer to the op he was currently on in any way whatsoever. He didn’t believe he was in danger—apart from when he was in this woman’s presence. ‘I’m in love with you.’ There, he’d said it, and it felt right. It felt comfortable.
‘Jack,’ she said, blinking madly through her confusion. ‘You’re crazy.’
It wasn’t what a man might expect as a reaction to such a declaration, but she looked so fetching in her surprise, he didn’t care. ‘You make my heart knock around my chest, Isabelle Jaxine Brown. The only danger I’m in is how I’m going to cope if I lose you.’
She stared at him, mouth slightly open as her eyes searched his. ‘I would have slept with you that night, Jack.’
Did that do something for him.
‘On a first date,’ she said, as though she found the notion incredulous.
Jack smiled. ‘Yeah. After only knowing each other a few hours. How reckless.’
‘I still would have done it,’ she said, as though she felt she had to qualify her truthfulness for him.
‘I’d have let you,’ he said, unable to hold back a slight grin.
She acknowledged it with her own smile. Then her eyes turned dark and serious and Jack took a hit to the chest. He was about to get a red light.
Jax clasped her hands firmly in front of her, weaving her fingers together. ‘I need to tell you about Frances.’
‘Need to or want to?’
He hadn’t said it in a confrontational manner, but his eyes were trained on her and she felt like she was under investigation. ‘I had her when I was seventeen. I gave her to her father. Foolishly, I listened to both him and my mother and I just gave her up. I don’t deserve her.’
‘I don’t believe that.’
He might, when he knew everything. ‘I have custody of her now but they might take her away.’
‘Why would they do that?’
The need to tell someone—to tell Jack—about all her worries and fears, all the unsureness of what had happened that night with Michael, swelled inside her.
She wanted him to understand but no matter his reaction to what she was about to tell him, she’d always be there for Frances, more than for any man who might wander into her life. Not that Jack had exactly wandered through it; more like kicked it up and rolled it over.
‘I saw her. When she was little. I watched her, and if the authorities find out I followed the family, when she was just a baby, just a child …’ She remembered how she’d felt, sitting in that car, watching Frances go to school for the first time. ‘I stalked them, Jack. I knew where they lived. I saw her four times before she turned five then didn’t see her again until a week ago.’ It felt like she was owning up to a crime. ‘I took my mother’s car and parked in their street. I saw them put her into the baby seat of their car when she was seven months old. I saw them sitting on their front porch with her when she was two. I watched her have her third birthday party in a park.’ Her stomach tightened but she carried on, wanting to get to the verdict faster. ‘I watched her go to school for the first time.’ Tears were welling now. That day, it had been a beginning for Frances and an ending for Jax.
‘Jesus,’ he said softly.
She swiped the tears away. ‘Will they take her away from me? Do I need to own up?’
He stepped forwards. ‘You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. Did you really think wanting to see your child would be viewed as some heinous crime?’
‘Michael and my mother wouldn’t let me see her. They said it was best not to. I didn’t follow it through legally because I didn’t know how to do that. I just let her go.’
‘Jax,’ he said softly, ‘you didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘But I can’t tell anyone that I saw her. That I watched her.’
He smiled tenderly. ‘The only person who needs to know is Frances. But you can’t tell her yet. She’s not ready, but she will be. One day.’
One day soon? Or one day, maybe?
‘There’s more you ought to know.’ It was going to be difficult getting the words out. The real words. The words she’d never spoken aloud to anyone, not even herself. ‘I went to bed with Michael Fellows when I was sixteen.’
He paused for so long that fear of his reaction almost got the better of her.
‘You wanted to?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’ Had she? ‘Yes!’ she reiterated. ‘I did. I wanted to.’
‘Jax,’ he said in a warning tone. He’d stilled, his features darkened. ‘Did he force you?’
Heat rose from her chest to her throat. ‘I’m not sure.’ It came out in a ragged whisper.
Jack didn’t move. Not a muscle.
‘He was persuasive, and friendly. I worked in his office. It was my first job, and it was all so different to school. I was impressed. I’d never had attention like that. I agreed to sleep with him.’
‘Agreed?’
He looked like he had a thousand thoughts whipping through his mind.
She faltered. ‘I don’t think he … I mean, I consented, didn’t I? So he didn’t …’ She couldn’t say the words.
‘Oh,’ Jack said, so quietly she hardly heard him. ‘I think he did.’
Her mouth dried out. Could he see it clearly, whereas she’d pushed it all away and embedded a different, safer scenario in her head? ‘Jack,’ she said, and spread her hands, a little panicked. ‘I don’t know what to think. I don’t want anyone to take Frances away from me again.’
He moved until he was only a step in front of her and put his fingers beneath her chin, tilting her face so she was looking up at him.
‘I’ve never met a woman I like so much,’ he said. ‘I’ve never met a smarter woman than you. I trust you. I trust that you did the only thing you could at the time. You gave up your baby. I trust that you knew you didn’t want to but that you were under pressure. I trust that you now love that child more than ever before. I don’t yet know how that works but you’re teaching me, and I trust you with her care. Now trust yourself. And yes,’ he said softly. ‘I want to kill him.’
That almost broke her.
He brushed his thumbs gently beneath her eyes, wiping the tears, but she sensed the danger. It oozed from him, like a thick blanket of fury.
‘You’re angry.’
‘Not with you.’
‘Jack,’ she whispered.
‘I’ll say this once.’ He spoke quietly, but intently. ‘The moment he persuaded you is playing like a never-ending scene in my head. But that’s not for you to worry about. My anger is my problem and you won’t see it again. My job now is to make the hurt go away for you.’
But it was all too complicated. There were too many emotions and too many people getting hurt—Frances being the most important person. ‘This issue with Michael and the young girl,’ she said, trying to stay rational. ‘I don’t know what the police think, and the girl won’t say anything bad about him, but—’
‘Regardless of the fact that the police can’t officially take it any further, you and I both know what was happening. He was grooming her.’
She closed her eyes, astonished that Michael, her child’s father, could do these things. ‘I think Frances might want to see him, or contact him.’ This worried her as much as possibly having to tell the police or the child protection people that she too might have been forced.
‘Are you scared about that?’
‘God, yes!’ What would that knowledge do to Frances? It would be nothing but harmful. ‘I never want her to know what happened to me, and I don’t want her to see him, but I understand she might need to.’
‘How much talking about seeing him have you done with her?’
‘Not much. Enough to open the subject again, if I’m careful. Linda knew Frances was mine,’ she explained when she remembered she hadn’t told him this, ‘although she thought it was an affair, not—’ She swallowed. There was no need to voice the word. ‘But now, she’s pushed Frances away—she threw her out.’
‘And you took her back.’
‘I don’t want to lose her again.’
‘You won’t.’
‘I’m so sorry, Jack. I’ve put all my burdens onto you. I didn’t mean this to happen.’
‘I’m dying to hold you,’ he said, and she nearly crumpled at the care in his tone. ‘But you won’t let me pierce that armour you wear.’
He didn’t know how much he had pierced that armour. She hadn’t realised she was even wearing so much armour that nobody could get through it.
She felt as though she were clinging to a lifebuoy as an ocean of emotion washed over her head. Jack was tough enough and strong enough to cling onto. She was tempted to lean forwards and put her forehead on his chest. It wasn’t very far—twenty centimetres, thirty at most.
‘Do you think I wear armour around Frances?’ she asked.
‘Frances puts on a front, although it’s for a different reason. I understand Frances better than I do you, to be honest. Because of my own childhood. But the way I see it, it’s mostly, like mother, like daughter.’
Like mother, like daughter. Her heart compressed hard. ‘You’re saying you can see similarities in us?’
‘You’re both very pretty. You’ve both got full hearts. You’re both scared.’ His voice was so full of tenderness that she was filled with a strange awareness—of what it would be like to always be able to lay her cheek against his chest if she wanted to.
He lifted his arms from his sides, inviting her in. ‘Come on, Jax. I’m here.’
Twenty centimetres. Hardly a move at all. Just step forwards.
‘To hell with this.’ He dragged her against him, pulling her in tight.
She was so relieved that her arms automatically wound around him. Her shoulders relaxed, her stomach muscles unclenched. The only thing she was holding firmly in place was the next flow of tears that threatened.
She pressed her face to him and closed her eyes.
‘I’ve got you now.’ He said it so quietly she hardly heard the words. ‘Trust me, Jax, but more importantly, trust yourself.’
She’d try. For Frances’s sake, and also for Jack. She’d brought him into all this, but she didn’t want her issues to take his focus off whatever undercover charade he was playing. Even though he hadn’t admitted he was undercover; he’d only given her nonverbal clues and she deduced what she thought was the truth.
‘Are you going to be here on watch tonight?’ she asked, sniffing away the tears and pushing from him, because no matter how much she loved being held, she had to stay real and remain focused.
His eyes softened with a smile. ‘I’d like to stay. With you.’
He was warm, and tough, and he looked so much like comfort, with his short brown hair a little messy and his eyes molten-brown.
‘Frances is inside,’ she said, wondering if he’d understand her meaning.
‘I just want to hold you while you sleep. I might kiss you, but we’d be quiet. Soft and quiet.’
The evocative sensory visions in her head almost overwhelmed her.
‘We can’t have a relationship,’ she told him.
‘Why not?’
‘I think Frances needs to know that I’m her rock. You know?’ she asked, begging him to understand.
‘Why can’t she have two rocks?’
‘You’ll leave. I have to get my relationship with her on solid ground, and I can’t have her thinking you’re going to be part of her life when you’re not going to be.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘It wouldn’t be fair on her, and I’m not doing anything that’s going to hurt her again.’
‘We wouldn’t be hurting her. We’d be cherishing her.’
‘For a few weeks? Jack, it’s impossible. Please understand. It won’t work.’
‘Jax,’ he said patiently as he brushed a hand over her head. ‘It would work if you married me.’