As Kate walked through the automatic doors of Dublin Airport’s Terminal 2, she heard the fabulous sound of Siobhan, Natalie and Chloe screaming with excitement.
‘AHHHHH!’ they screeched in one piercingly loud note that rippled through the airport.
‘Hey, girlies!’ Kate said as she ran towards them, dragging her suitcase behind her.
‘Well, if it isn’t the ride-to-be,’ Siobhan smiled. ‘Sorry, bride-to-be.’
Siobhan was by far the wildest of the gang. She was a plus-size girl from Derry who had confidence to sell. The curvy brunette had no filter whatsoever, and she was obsessed with sex, or as she called it: ‘The Ride’. Siobhan had a higher sexual body count than the rest of the girls combined, a fact she was very proud of. Many people had tried to slut-shame her over the years. All of them had failed. Shame wasn’t in her vocabulary and Kate respected her uninhibited nature. Lots of people said they didn’t care what people thought of them, but Siobhan actually meant it. She was surely going to wreak havoc on Vegas. The men wouldn’t know what had hit them.
‘Are you old hags ready for the best weekend of our lives?’ Natalie asked.
Natalie was the youngest of the group by almost a year, something she loved reminding everyone of. She was a millennial just like the rest of them, but she ‘identified’ as Gen Z, due to things like her political activism and open bisexuality. Her short, black pixie cut and bony frame made her look like a long-lost member of the Addams Family, but she embraced this witchy aesthetic and dressed exclusively in black. She had a chronically online lifestyle, however, as a result of still living with her parents in the Midlands of Ireland. Despite the gorgeous scenery that surrounded her, she seldom touched grass. As someone who didn’t spend too much time on the internet, Kate appreciated Natalie’s heightened social consciousness and hot feminist takes.
‘Girls, hold on, let’s get a selfie,’ Chloe said, holding up her phone.
‘Natalie, you owe me €5,’ Siobhan laughed. ‘We had a bet to see how long it would take for Chloe to take a photo.’
‘Oh come on, I need selfies to remember the trip. SMILE,’ Chloe laughed, as she snapped the pic.
Chloe was the most self-obsessed of the group. If she didn’t take a photo of an occasion, then it never happened. She was only five-foot-two, but she wouldn’t be caught dead in anything less than a four-inch pair of designer heels. She was your typical South Dublin princess, but despite her wealthy background, her dream of becoming a social media influencer had yet to come true. She wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but Kate loved her for it because she could often be inadvertently hilarious.
What Chloe lacked academically, though, she more than made up for in other aptitudes. She was the Albert Einstein of emotional intelligence, and could often tell what someone was feeling even before they felt it. She had bouncy blonde hair, suspiciously large lips and was a little on the orange side with her fake tan. She had been called a bimbo by many a man but she had reclaimed the term, finding great empowerment in the unapologetic expression of her femininity, with Elle Woods being her greatest inspiration. She was currently surrounded by three Louis Vuitton suitcases, which was a little much, even for her.
‘Oh come on, Chloe,’ Kate laughed. ‘Three designer suitcases for two nights?’
‘Are you really surprised?’ Natalie said. ‘Even her emotional baggage is Louis Vuitton.’
‘I can’t believe the day is finally here, girls,’ Siobhan said. ‘The Four Lokos are heading back to the States!’
Kate felt her heart fill with genuine joy. She absolutely adored these girls, and she didn’t get to see them nearly enough. It seemed as if adult friendships became harder and harder to maintain as one got older. This girls’ trip was long overdue, and it was time to make up for lost time.
If anyone were to eavesdrop on any given conversation the girls were having, they would likely think they all hated each other. But nothing could be further from the truth. They lived to wind each other up and insulted each other non-stop, but always in the most playful of manners. Slagging each other was the best part of their friendship, and they never missed a zinger.
Sure, on any of their Instagram posts, they were always there for each other with the essential ‘GORGEOUS’ ‘QUEEN’ and ‘STUNNING’ comments. But in real life, it was no holds barred when it came to banter. They even had a motto that summarized their humour: Good friends toast each other but great friends roast each other.
The girls didn’t actually have that much in common with one another, but Kate had read somewhere that friendships aren’t actually formed by similar personality traits as one might think, but rather through shared experiences. They had made so many memories together that their radically different personalities just seemed to click. And the greatest of all those memories was the summer they shared in New York City.
Kate had gone on her J-1 by herself after her friends from Trinity College bailed at the last minute. A summer abroad was an experience Kate refused to miss out on, and so she got on the plane by herself. People told her she was mad to travel alone as a woman, with Margaret suggesting she was ‘asking for trouble’. But Kate refused to let what ifs dictate her life. As terrifying as it was at the time, it turned out to be the best decision she ever made.
And she wasn’t alone for long.
Kate, Siobhan, Natalie and Chloe all started on the same day at Scallywag’s. None of them knew each other beforehand but they were all from Ireland, so it didn’t take long for the banter to begin. Their boss had thrown them into the deep end despite the fact they had zero waitressing experience between them. There’s nothing more bonding than starting a new job with people who are just as clueless as you are, Kate had learned. It was a miracle Scallywag’s didn’t go out of business that day with their antics. Orders were mixed up, food was delayed, drinks were spilled and complaints were filed. Were it not for their Irish charm, and a shortage of staff, they would have all been fired on the spot.
When the girls left work after their shift, they all decided the only way to de-stress after their horrific first day was to get absolutely hammered. They began hopping from bar to bar, getting to know each other better and better. And even though they were incredibly different people, they discovered one thing that united them all.
They were all Swifties.
When the bars closed, they began wandering the streets of New York singing songs from Taylor’s 1989 album at the top of their lungs. They hit up the nearest convenience store and Siobhan bought them each a can of Four Loko. Kate had never heard of the drink before, but after a sip, she discovered the night was only just beginning. They snuck into Central Park after hours and, as they watched the sun come up, Kate knew their friendship would last for ever. They all decided to rent an apartment together in Brooklyn, marking the beginning of a legendary summer.
And so, The Four Lokos were born.
She always knew Siobhan, Natalie and Chloe would be her three bridesmaids. There was never any question about it.
Now, nine years later, it was time for the iconic hen party to begin.
‘Girls, can you believe we haven’t been abroad together since the J-1?’ Siobhan said.
‘I honestly can’t believe that was nine years ago,’ Natalie said.
‘Stop, I already feel old enough,’ Kate laughed. ‘But that reminds me. I brought all our old Polaroids from that summer. Aaand I brought my Polaroid camera so we can recreate some of the pics!’
‘OMG, that’s the best idea you’ve ever had!’ Chloe said, already thinking of a caption for Instagram.
‘Okay, let’s go check in,’ Kate said, grabbing her suitcase.
‘Hold on now, first things first. We have to look the part for the weekend!’ Siobhan said, opening her carry-on handbag. She took out four pink bachelorette party sashes and started handing them out.
Kate’s read ‘I LOVE COX’, and she began to howl in laughter. ‘Siobhan, you got them customized for us?’
‘Of course,’ Siobhan said. ‘Natalie, here’s yours.’
Natalie’s sash read ‘ALL BI MYSELF’, and she was not impressed. ‘Oh for God’s sake, mine is just a dig!’ she moaned.
‘No it’s not! It’s the perfect way to let people know you swing both ways but are also desperately alone,’ Siobhan said.
‘Gee, thanks,’ Natalie said with a sarcastic grin.
Chloe’s read ‘SELFIE SKANK’ – a fact she could not deny. ‘Oh, I love mine!’ she said, ecstatic. Predictably, she took out her phone to snap a photo of it.
Siobhan got hers out – one that read ‘MAID OF DISHONOUR’, and put it on with pride.
‘A fitting title,’ Kate laughed.
‘Oh girls, it’s so good to all be back together,’ Chloe said, genuinely.
‘I know. I missed you all more than men miss the point,’ Natalie joked.
‘I literally cannot WAIT for a proper catch-up!’ Kate said. She was the mam of the group and the one who was always up to date with everyone’s lives. If the girls had a problem, they called Kate. Planning the wedding had taken up so much of her time, however, that she hadn’t heard the latest gossip and funny stories in ages.
But all of that was about to change.
She had planned a hen party they would never forget, and they would surely make enough new memories to last them a lifetime.
‘One more thing, Mrs Cox-to-be. Your tiara,’ Siobhan said. She took out a tiara decorated with fake penises that read ‘Wife of the Party’, and placed it on Kate’s head. ‘Let the weekend of debauchery begin.’