The girls arrived at the aeroplane door at the end of the tunnel walkway and stepped onto the Boeing 747 for their Aer Lingus flight bound to Vegas. The flight attendants and pilot were standing there smiling as they walked past.
‘SIOBHAN?’ the pilot gasped, out of nowhere.
‘KYLE?’ Siobhan replied.
‘It’s Karl,’ he said, awkwardly.
Kate immediately knew from Karl’s body language that Siobhan had slept with him before. He was a handsome fella with an attractive five o’clock shadow.
‘I never knew you were a pilot,’ Siobhan said, looking him up and down.
‘I’m pretty sure I told you . . .’ Karl said, slightly embarrassed.
‘I’ve always loved a man in uniform,’ Siobhan said, flirtatiously touching his pilot’s hat.
Karl started blushing brighter than a beetroot. ‘Enjoy the flight, ladies.’
The girls began to giggle as they walked down the aisle towards their seats.
‘Siobhan, is there anyone you haven’t had sex with?’ Natalie asked, playfully.
‘It’s hardly my fault my vagina’s a weapon of mass seduction,’ she smirked.
‘He was actually so hot though,’ Chloe said, looking back over her shoulder.
‘Don’t act so surprised. I could pull anyone,’ Siobhan bragged. ‘He’s packing too. I gave him five stars on Dick Advisor.’
‘You really are something else,’ Kate laughed.
The gals arrived at their seats and began to put their carry-on bags away. As they sat down and tried to get comfortable, a baby started crying two rows down and Natalie noticed the man in front of her had lowered his seat back all the way.
‘Isn’t there usually more legroom in economy?’ Natalie asked, pushing against the man’s seat.
‘This isn’t economy, this is bankruptcy,’ Chloe whinged. She wasn’t used to flying coach.
‘It’s just for a few hours,’ Kate said. ‘We can’t all afford first-class.’
‘But even for economy, this is bad. I’m surprised they didn’t just Sellotape us to the wing.’
‘I’m a very anxious flyer,’ Natalie said. ‘I can’t sit like this for ten hours.’
The baby two rows behind them began to cry even louder.
‘They better shut that baby up,’ Siobhan said.
‘Siobhan, please don’t start a fight with an infant!’ Kate said.
‘But who even has babies any more? It’s basically just keeping sperm as a pet!’
‘Excuse me, sir, would you mind putting your seat forward?’ Natalie politely asked the man in front of her.
The old man turned around and gave her a look of disdain. ‘No, sorry, I have a bad back,’ he said smugly.
Natalie’s politeness clearly hadn’t worked, so she decided to try a different approach. ‘You’re going to have a broken back if you don’t put that seat up.’
The old man immediately put his seat forward in fear.
‘You’re going to hell for that, Nat,’ Kate said.
‘At least hell will have some legroom.’
‘Maybe I should ask for an upgrade because I’m an influencer,’ Chloe suggested.
‘Chloe, you couldn’t influence a fish into water,’ Siobhan laughed.
A flight attendant suddenly approached the girls. ‘Excuse me ladies, the captain asked if the four of you would like a complimentary upgrade to business class?’ she said, smiling.
‘THANK CHRIST!’ Chloe said as she gunned it towards the front of the plane. The girls didn’t question it and headed straight to their new seats in the business cabin. It wasn’t quite first class, but it was still a tremendous upgrade.
‘Okay, now this is more like it,’ Natalie said as she looked around.
‘These four seats are available, ladies,’ the attendant said. ‘Can I get any of you some champagne before take-off?’
‘Four glasses, please,’ Siobhan said. ‘And the girls will have some too.’
‘Certainly,’ the flight attendant said before walking away.
The girls settled into their seats and were stunned by how fancy it was. Thankfully, they were sitting right next to each other, with two in front and two behind. Siobhan and Chloe sat in the front two while Kate and Natalie sat behind them.
‘Did the plane crash and send us to heaven?’ Kate asked, still shocked at the luxury of their seats.
‘I manifested this, girls,’ Chloe bragged. ‘I said the word “upgrade” and it happened.’
‘Oh, give me a break! Karl is clearly the one who got us the upgrade! So a little appreciation for my royal vajayjay would be nice,’ Siobhan said.
‘Yes, Your Vajesty,’ Natalie said, bowing down.
‘Well, I could have gotten us a free upgrade too if I tried,’ Chloe said, defensively. ‘Don’t underestimate me.’
‘We couldn’t even if we tried,’ Natalie muttered. ‘At least Siobhan can’t start an immature fight with a baby up here.’
‘You’re one to talk, Nat,’ Siobhan said. ‘Didn’t you literally have a Twitter feud with Peppa Pig?’
‘She knows what she did.’
The flight attendant returned with a fabulous tray of champagne.
‘Thank you so much,’ Kate said politely, as they all took their glasses. ‘Girls, this trip is off to an amazing start already! Cheers.’
‘To Karl the pilot and his magnificent COCK!’ Siobhan yelled.
‘SIOBHAN!’ Kate said, mortified. They hadn’t even taken off yet and the other people in business class were already staring at them.
‘What? We’re on a plane to Vegas, not Lourdes!’
‘I just don’t want people thinking we’re too raunchy.’
‘Oh no, don’t you dare start with that shit, Kate,’ Siobhan said. ‘Men get to be loud and obnoxious twenty-four seven, 365 days a year and nobody bats an eye. Women are given one socially acceptable time to be their worst, most vulgar selves and nobody can say anything about it. Well, I for one intend to make the most of this rare and beautiful opportunity. This is a hen party, goddammit, and I’m allowed to talk about COCK!’
‘Exactly!’ Natalie said in support. ‘Stick it to the man!’
‘Nah, I much prefer when the man sticks it to me.’
‘I’ll never know if you’re the best or worst feminist in the world, Siobhan.’
‘I just think, instead of hopelessly expecting men to be better, it’s time for women to be worse!’
‘Women are way too well behaved these days. And as we know, well-behaved bitches seldom make history.’
‘I don’t think that’s the exact quote . . . but yes! Fuck the patriarchy and all that,’ Natalie said, raising her glass.
Kate realized Siobhan was right. There was nothing wrong with women being a little naughty on a hen party. She just wasn’t used to letting her hair down. But so far, things were going even better than she had planned. After all, nobody could have planned a free upgrade to business class. And Siobhan’s raunchiness was to thank for it.
‘Oh, I better text Norman to tell him we’re on the plane,’ Kate said, taking out her phone.
Kate: Just got on plane with an upgrade to business class!!!
Norman: WHAT? That will cost thousands!!!
Kate: No, it was a free upgrade, don’t worry!
Norman: You should have said. I almost had a heart attack!
Text me when you land.
Kate: Will do x
Kate put her phone on aeroplane mode and the girls relaxed into their luxurious seats. In just ten hours, they would be landing in the fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada.