Five hours and ten glasses of champagne into the flight, the girls were having a whale of a time.
Siobhan and Chloe had turned around and were kneeling on their seats so they could chat to Kate and Natalie. The other members of the business class cabin seemed unimpressed by their seating arrangement and volume level, with one elderly woman in particular shushing them constantly.
But the girls didn’t care.
It was a hen party, and they weren’t going to dial it back for anyone. They were determined to play as many bachelorette party games on the flight as possible. So far they had played Would You Rather and Two Truths and a Lie, and they were trying to decide which game to play next.
‘How about Never Have I Ever?’ Chloe suggested.
‘No way,’ Kate said, ruling it out. ‘Don’t you remember we played that on the J-1? Siobhan had to get her stomach pumped.’
‘Good times,’ Siobhan said, thinking back. ‘Oh, I have a game! Name the biggest ick a man has ever given you. GO!’
‘Oh, I have one,’ Chloe said. ‘I once refused to have sex with a guy because he pushed a door that said pull.’
‘Yes! That’s a good one,’ Siobhan laughed. ‘Natalie, what’s your biggest ick?’
‘Dick.’
‘Oh, come on,’ Chloe laughed. ‘It has to be more specific.’
‘Fine, let me think,’ Natalie pondered. ‘Oh, I know! When a guy listens to those “alpha-male” podcasts.’
‘YES!’ Siobhan said. ‘It’s like, tell me you have a small dick without telling me you have a small dick.’
‘And those Smegma male ones are even worse,’ Chloe said.
‘I think it’s “Sigma”, but totally agree,’ Kate said. ‘Podcasts are for one thing and one thing only. Listening to horrifically gruesome serial killer murders on your morning commute to work.’
‘Oh, I just thought of a good one,’ Siobhan said. ‘When a man puts up an umbrella to try to be a gentleman, but the wind blows it inside out and he’s just flailing all over the place!’
‘No stop, that’s the ugliest thing ever,’ Natalie said, wheezing with laughter.
‘I have another one,’ Chloe said. ‘When a guy is covered in tattoos.’
‘NO WAY!’ Siobhan said. ‘Tattoos make a guy a million times hotter! Chloe, I thought you’d love to get inked!’
‘I’d rather die than get a tattoo. It’s like putting a bumper sticker on a Ferrari!’ Chloe snapped.
‘Oh sweetie, you’re a Honda Civic at best,’ Natalie teased.
‘Kate, your turn! Biggest ick. GO,’ Siobhan said.
‘Hmm, I’m not sure,’ Kate said. ‘Norman doesn’t have any icks.’
Siobhan, Natalie and Chloe all gave each other side-eye looks.
‘Oh, come on Kate, Norman definitely has some icks,’ Siobhan said, trying not to laugh.
‘He does not! Norman is literally perfect,’ Kate said, defensively.
There was an awkward silence and all that could be heard was the roaring of the plane’s engine.
‘Okay, what’s with the deafening silence?’ Kate said.
The three girls looked at each other suspiciously, as if they had been caught out.
‘Someone needs to say it,’ Siobhan said.
‘Say what?’ Kate asked, confused.
‘NOT IT!’ Chloe and Natalie said at the exact same time.
‘SOMEBODY TELL ME!’
‘Fine, I’ll say it,’ Siobhan sighed. ‘Kate, don’t take this the wrong way but don’t you think Norman is a little . . . boring?’
‘Boring? Norman isn’t boring!’
‘He just seems like the opposite of your type.’
‘Oh please,’ Kate laughed. ‘He’s a doctor for crying out loud!’
‘Dentist,’ Chloe muttered.
‘He literally has no icks!’
‘But what about those veneers . . .’ Siobhan winced.
‘Oh, so having perfect teeth is an ick now?’
‘But they’re too perfect,’ Natalie said. ‘He looks like Ross in that one episode of Friends!’
‘Every woman wants to end up with a Ross,’ Kate said, defending him.
‘But, like . . . how do you moan the name Norman during sex? OHHH NORMAN!’ Siobhan moaned loudly for all to hear. The elderly woman began shushing them again.
‘Siobhan, please!’
‘See! It’s un-moanable!’
‘Just as long as you’re not marrying him for the sake of getting married,’ Chloe teased.
Chloe’s words made Kate feel a little worried. She had a deep understanding of human beings, and she often knew what people were feeling subconsciously. She was like an emotional psychic. But Kate was simply doing what everyone else did eventually. Choosing a life partner and getting married was part of most people’s life journey.
‘Well, everyone has to settle down eventually,’ Kate shrugged.
‘But to settle down, first you have to settle.’
‘I am not settling for Norman. He literally ticks every box on my list.’
‘Well, he icks my box,’ Siobhan giggled into her glass of champagne.
‘Love isn’t a list, Kate,’ Chloe said. ‘It’s about passion. And romance. I mean, I was a bit annoyed that he didn’t even get you an engagement ring.’
‘That’s because Norman explained to me that engagement rings are just a marketing ploy invented by the De Beers Diamond company in the forties. They came up with this whole plan to make men spend three months’ salary on a diamond ring. Norman told me he doesn’t need a silly ring to show me how he feels about me,’ Kate said.
The other girls looked at each other awkwardly once again.
‘Kate, I’m not one for marriage or tradition or any of that shite. But you, of all people, deserve a ring,’ Siobhan said.
‘Yeah, and proposals are no time to be stingy,’ Chloe said.
‘Norman’s not stingy!’ Kate said. ‘Frugal maybe, but not stingy.’
‘Oh please. He probably still has his communion money. He could buy you a hundred rings if he wanted to.’
‘If you girls knew Norman like I do, you’d understand why I’m marrying him. All that’s wrong is that you need to spend more time with him. I’m going to arrange for us all to do some activities together after my honeymoon.’
‘Ah yes . . . your honeymoon in Limerick,’ Chloe muttered, unimpressed.
‘I know! We should all do an escape room! It’s the perfect way for you all to bond with Norman.’
‘Forget we said anything,’ Siobhan said, clearly having no desire to do an escape room with Norman. ‘Alright, girls, new game! Truth or Dare?’
‘No, that game triggers me!’ Natalie said.
‘Why?’
‘I played it at a party once and someone dared me to go home.’
Kate, Siobhan and Chloe started howling laughing.
‘It’s not funny! It’s trauma!’ Natalie pouted.
‘Oh God, that’s too good,’ Siobhan said. ‘But we’re playing it anyway. Kate. Truth or dare?’
‘Hmm . . . dare,’ Kate said.
‘I dare you to go over and twerk on that woman who keeps shushing us.’
‘Oh for God’s sake! Fine, I choose truth then.’
‘Alright . . .’ Siobhan said, with a mischievous smile. ‘Do you ever still think about Trevor Rush?’
Kate felt as if a lightning bolt had struck her in the heart.
She had only just forgotten about seeing the Polaroid of him that morning and now suddenly she was thinking about him once more. She had told the girls years ago that Trevor Rush was never to be mentioned again. And Siobhan had just dropped the T-Bomb. During her hen party, no less. It was classic Siobhan. She was a provocateur with absolutely no filter. And with the Dutch courage of the champagne, she was liable to say anything.
‘Didn’t we agree to never speak his name again?’ Kate said, clearly irked.
‘Oh come on, bitching about our exes is part of the hen party experience,’ Siobhan said.
‘Well, I won’t even dignify your question with an answer. He was just some guy I had a fling with nine years ago.’
‘Oh come on,’ Chloe said, calling bullshit. ‘He was a lot more than just some fling! Don’t you ever stalk him on social media?’
‘Nope. He’s been blocked for nine years. Complete cold turkey.’
‘I wish I had a Capricorn’s willpower,’ Natalie laughed.
‘But you can’t just block people out of your life,’ Siobhan said.
‘Yeah, that’s not how you get closure,’ Chloe said. ‘You were head over heels in love with him. You were supposed to go back the following summer and start a life with him in New York.’
‘Well, we all know what happened when I went to surprise Trevor for his birthday,’ Kate said, trying not to remember the painful memory.
But it was already too late. Her mind was suddenly reaching back to that summer. Chloe was right. Trevor had asked her to stay in New York and start a life with him. But staying with him would have meant not finishing her final year at college. She had worked hard for her music degree and she was determined to finish it. So she promised Trevor she would return to him the following summer to be with him . . . for good.
They both agreed to do long distance for the year while she finished her final year. They talked on the phone every single day as they longed to be back together. The longing was so unbearable that Kate decided to book a flight to New York so that she could surprise Trevor for his birthday on the seventeenth of November. But when Kate approached his apartment building in Brooklyn, she saw the unthinkable.
She watched in horror as Trevor opened his apartment door to a stunningly beautiful woman holding a bottle of wine. He kissed her on the cheek and led her inside.
At the time, it felt like the end of Kate’s life. And in many ways, it was. But she had given him the benefit of the doubt, as any girlfriend would. She took out her phone to call him, certain he would have some kind of reasonable explanation. But he didn’t answer.
All she got was a text that read: Can’t talk, in a meeting.
Talk about a lie. Inviting a beautiful woman into his apartment for wine was not a meeting. It was an affair, plain and simple. Little did he know she had caught him red-handed. Crazy, party-girl Kate died that day. Certain types of painful moments have the power to change people for ever. And Trevor’s betrayal was one of those moments. She flew back home with her heart in pieces and sent him a cold, vague Dear John message saying they weren’t right for each other and she wouldn’t be coming back to him the following summer. And then she blocked him before he could reply.
‘I still think you overreacted,’ Siobhan said.
‘Siobhan, I saw him kissing a woman and bringing her into his apartment!’ Kate said. ‘While we were doing long distance!’
‘It could have been his sister for all you know.’
‘Trevor doesn’t have any sisters! Why are you all making excuses for him?’
‘Well, you could have marched over to him and demanded an explanation,’ Chloe said.
‘I called him to allow him to explain himself and he didn’t answer. All he said was ‘Can’t talk, in a meeting.’ That’s why I sent him that break-up text. A taste of his own medicine.’
‘But you blocked him on everything instead of fixing things. You even made us block him!’ Chloe said.
‘There was nothing to fix, Chloe. And I didn’t want him reaching out to you three for answers either. I wanted the last word so I could hold my head up high.’
‘I’m surprised you didn’t confront him about cheating, though. Capricorns are usually very confrontational,’ Natalie said.
‘Yeah, it’s almost as if the month someone’s born in doesn’t dictate their entire personality,’ Siobhan said, sarcastically.
‘Oh please. If astrology isn’t real, then why is every man born between January and December a dickhead?’
‘That’s actually a good point,’ Chloe nodded.
‘Plus, Trevor was a Scorpio,’ Natalie said. ‘Sure, they’re the best in bed but they always end up ruining your life.’
‘Well, his days of ruining my life are over. He’s a distant memory now. I haven’t even thought about him in years,’ Kate lied.
‘Oh, so you threw away the locket?’ Chloe asked.
‘As a matter of fact, I did,’ Kate said, lying once again.
‘And the Academy Award for Worst Liar goes to . . .’ Siobhan muttered.
‘Well, I could never throw something like that away,’ Chloe said. ‘I’m too sentimental. It was like something out of a Taylor Swift song.’
‘No, Taylor wouldn’t tolerate a prick like Trevor. And I’m the same. If you break my heart, there are no second chances,’ Kate said, sure of herself.
‘Well, I do believe in once a cheater, always a cheater,’ Natalie agreed. ‘I think you did the right thing, Kate.’
‘Thank you, Nat. Trevor was the biggest fuckboy in history. Don’t you remember his stupid smirk? And the way he used to wink at everyone?’
‘Yeah, that was hot,’ Siobhan said, thinking back.
‘It’s not hot when you’re his girlfriend and he’s winking at other women! He was literally the world’s biggest flirt. Certainly not the type of man you’d marry. He was a deadbeat DJ for God’s sake!’
‘Oh my God, remember his catchphrase every time he DJ’d?’ Chloe said.
‘ARE YOU READY TO . . .’ the girls shouted at the top of their lungs.
‘Please don’t say it,’ Kate said, mortified.
‘. . . FEEL THE RUSH!’
Kate went scarlet. ‘That is so cringey,’ she said.
‘He was such a ride though, so he could get away with it,’ Siobhan said.
‘Why are the trainwrecks always the most attractive?’ Chloe said.
‘It’s because you’re always trying to fix them.’
‘Well, everyone loves a good fixer-upper,’ Natalie laughed.
‘Yes, but the problem is that you invest in him as a project and do all the repairs and then he puts himself back on the market with a higher value. And leaves you for someone better,’ Kate said.
She felt a sense of sadness come over her as she said it.
One of the reasons seeing Trevor with that woman hurt so much was because Kate suffered with terrible ‘ugly duckling syndrome’. In school she always felt as if she had fallen from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. She had terrible acne that covered her entire face, horrifically crooked teeth that made it impossible to smile and a body full of freckles that gained her the nickname Crow’s Egg. School hadn’t been easy for Kate, mostly because teenage boys could be so cruel. A day hadn’t gone by when she wasn’t ridiculed.
But in her final year of secondary school, Kate decided enough was enough. It was time for a glow-up. It wasn’t some idiotic ten-second makeover like in Hollywood movies where a girl simply takes off her glasses and ditches the pony tail, however. Kate had to get some serious dental and dermatology work done. She got tight braces with rubber bands and started Accutane in both pill and ointment form.
It took about eighteen months but by college, her glow-up was complete. Everyone told her constantly that she was a bombshell, but she still felt like the girl with acne and crooked teeth. Her freckles remained but she had learned to hide them. A lot of people found freckles beautiful, but the boys in her school had made her feel so insecure that she didn’t like any attention being drawn to them, even if it was as a compliment. She even loved other people’s freckles, but her own had been tainted by cruelty.
So, no matter how many times people told Kate she was a swan, she still couldn’t get it into her head. And when she saw that beautiful woman step into Trevor’s apartment, she felt everything she always believed about herself was true.
She was still that ugly duckling.
‘Kate, that skank Trevor kissed was not better than you,’ Chloe said.
‘No, you should have seen her. She looked like a runway model. I had seen her at one of his DJ gigs too. She was determined to get him – I could see it in her eyes. He even winked at her. God, I was so blind back then. I couldn’t see what was happening right in front of me.’
‘But you couldn’t have known that at the time, Kate.’
‘Well, I should have seen the signs. He was toxic from the moment we met. Calling me Freckles when he knew I hated that nickname. Making constant empty promises, like telling me he was going to take me on a honeymoon around the world one day. And driving ninety miles per hour around Brooklyn in that death trap of a Mustang! But the worst thing was when he used to promise he would never hurt me. And that’s exactly what he did.’
‘That’s not your fault, Kate. It’s his,’ Natalie said, comforting her.
‘I know, but I was colourblind to all his red flags. And I ended up the fool. Trust me, ladies, find yourselves a man who doesn’t need to be fixed. A doctor like Norman Cox,’ Kate said, smugly.
‘Dentist,’ Chloe muttered once again.
‘So, to answer your rather obnoxious question, Siobhan . . . No, I don’t ever think about Trevor Rush. I am 100 per cent over the washed-up amateur DJ fuckboy and that’s the end of it. Now, can we please go back to celebrating my hen party?’ Kate said, eager to get the show back on the road.
‘You’re right Kate, I’m sorry for bringing it up,’ Siobhan said, genuinely. ‘You can dare me to do literally anything and I’ll do it, no matter what!’
‘Fine,’ Kate said, trying to think of something juicy. ‘Oh God, I can’t think of anything!’
‘I know,’ Chloe said. ‘We dare you to join the mile high club.’
‘YES!’ Siobhan said. ‘Now we’re talking! And Kyle has never been able to resist me.’
‘It’s Karl, and he’s not just going to drop everything to have sex,’ Natalie said.
‘Have you never met a man before?’
‘Well, you haven’t a hope of getting into the cockpit.’
‘True. But even pilots need a bathroom break. Watch and learn, skanks.’
The girls watched in shock as Siobhan walked down the aisle and began to speak to one of the male flight attendants. From where they were sitting, it was impossible to hear what she was saying but after a minute, the attendant knocked on the cockpit door. He whispered something to the captain, and then Karl stepped out into the front galley. Siobhan started batting her eyes and the flight attendant walked away towards the rear of the plane, knowing well where he wasn’t wanted. Siobhan stepped backwards into the tiny lavatory and Karl pulled the galley curtains closed.
The girls were in stitches laughing. She had actually pulled it off. She’d definitely broken several laws, but Siobhan was never one for protocol.
‘Fasten your seatbelts girls,’ Kate laughed. ‘I think we’re about to encounter some turbulence.’