Trevor drove Kate to the Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino where she had arranged to meet the girls for the strip show.
As she sat in the passenger seat of the obnoxious super-car, she took out her phone to text Norman. The fact that he had called her mother meant he must have been up the walls with worry. She understood that he was just being caring, but on the other hand, she hated when he teamed up with Margaret. They always claimed to have her best interests in mind, but sometimes she wondered how true that was.
Giving up her dream of music, for example, was a by-product of their ‘advice’. As infuriating as Trevor was being in bringing up her biggest failure, she was beginning to question things. If she had had someone who encouraged her to follow her dream instead of forsaking it, would things have worked out differently for her?
As she began texting Norman, she felt the smothering feeling come over her once again. She knew she should message him and say that everything was fine and that he didn’t need to worry, but she remembered that with the time difference it was still in the wee hours of the night in Ireland. She didn’t want to disturb his sleep. That would be inconsiderate, wouldn’t it? Kate put her phone back in her handbag and felt the smothering feeling fade away.
When they arrived at the Rio, Trevor handed the Lamborghini over to the valet and they walked through the casino, following the signs for Chippendales. They knew they were in the right place when they saw the massive posters of half-naked men with bodies of gods.
‘KATE!’ the girls screamed when they saw her and Trevor approach.
‘Here she is, ladies,’ Trevor said. ‘Safe and sound.’
‘Thank you for bringing her back to us early,’ Chloe said.
‘Although if you want more time with the Italian Stallion, we don’t mind, Kate,’ Siobhan said.
‘Is that what you girls call me?’ Trevor smirked.
‘No, it’s not!’ Kate said. ‘Siobhan just likes embarrassing me.’
‘We’d better go in, girls – the show is starting soon,’ Natalie said.
‘See you later, ladies. Behave yourselves,’ Trevor winked.
‘Never,’ Siobhan winked back.
Kate was so excited to be back with the girls. But she had to do a double take when she looked at Natalie. She had a completely new hairstyle. Her pixie cut had been styled into a fringe, covering her fake eyebrows.
‘NAT!’ Kate said. ‘Your hair! It’s gorgeous! Why the change?’
‘Well, you know how earlier I was upset about getting Tasered and I was on the verge of spiralling into depression?’ Natalie said.
‘Yes . . .’
‘Well, I decided to get BANGS instead!’
‘I love it! Honestly, I was afraid you girls were going to kill each other while I was gone.’
‘Women aren’t allowed to fight when one of them gets bangs,’ Siobhan said.
‘Yeah, that’s like Feminism 101,’ Chloe added.
‘Plus, now you can’t see the fake eyebrows. It’s win-win!’ Natalie smiled.
‘Stunning!’ Kate said, relieved the girls were all back on good terms. ‘Chloe, how’s the sunburn?’
‘How’d you think?’ Chloe said, gesturing to her red skin. ‘I look like a LOBSTER!’
‘I’d say you look more like Mr Crabs,’ Siobhan laughed.
‘You’re the expert on crabs, Siobhan. Your vagina is like the Great Barrier Queef!’
‘Oh good burn, Chloe. Ten out of ten!’
Kate laughed to herself. The gang was back to its usual dynamic. Ruthlessly roasting each other in the most original of ways. ‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Let’s go get our seats!’
The girls showed the bouncer their tickets and headed straight into the venue. There was a large stage surrounded by lots of different tables, with booths on the back wall. Siobhan had booked front-row seats, and they sat down at the table that said ‘Kate’s Bachelorette Party’ on a reservation sign. Kate wasn’t really that into the idea of male strippers, but it was part of the Vegas bachelorette party experience. Plus, she found the venue quite nice, and a lot classier than she had expected it to be.
‘You got me front row seats, Siobhan?’ Kate said, chuffed. ‘That’s so thoughtful.’
‘I did it for me, not you. I want the ball sweat to hit us right in the face.’
‘I should have packed a poncho,’ Natalie sighed.
‘Oh, Kate – put this on,’ Chloe said. She reached into her handbag and took out a small veil for Kate to wear.
‘Aww, thanks Chloe,’ she said, putting it on. ‘It’s nice to remember that we’re on a hen party. And thanks again for the tickets, Siobhan.’
‘My pleasure,’ Siobhan smiled. ‘Quite literally. I might actually have an orgasm.’
‘How was the second date with Trevor?’ Chloe said. ‘SPILL!’
‘Well . . . it wasn’t that unbearable, I suppose,’ Kate admitted.
‘Wait, where’s the ugly dress we bought you?’ Natalie said, confused.
‘Yeah, and is that Versace you’re wearing? It looks like their Spring/Summer collection,’ Chloe said. She always had a keen eye for anything designer.
‘Yeah . . . Trevor took me on the gondola boats over at the Venetian. But I knocked him into the water by accident and then he pulled me in after him. Then he took me to buy a designer dress, even though I told him any old dress would be fine. And to make matters worse, my mother called and had a conniption about us staying here for longer.’
‘Oh God, I can only imagine what Margaret said. She’s a real piece of work,’ Siobhan said.
‘Apparently Norman was so worried he was thinking about coming to Vegas to bring me home!’
‘Did you tell him that flying on a plane costs money?’ Natalie laughed. ‘That should stop him.’
‘Kate, get back to the date already,’ Chloe demanded, slapping her leg for more gossip.
‘Right, sorry! Well, that’s kinda it actually. After he bought me the dress, he took me to play some roulette. I had a bit of a winning streak, actually. I won $2,400.’
‘You’re joking?’ Siobhan said. ‘That means we actually have money for the strippers!’
‘I’m not throwing my money at naked men!’ Kate said. ‘I actually feel bad for winning it. Maybe I should give it to charity.’
‘Oh pack it up, Mother Teresa. We need cash to make it rain on the dancers!’
‘Not a chance.’
‘I have some pennies in my purse,’ Chloe said. ‘We could always make it hail?’
‘I’m sure these men are well paid. Probably a dollar for every 77 cents a female stripper makes,’ Natalie whined.
‘Nat, we can go to a female strip club for your hen party and redistribute all the wealth you want. But it’s Kate’s night,’ Siobhan said.
‘Fine.’
‘Kate, spill more about the date,’ Chloe said.
‘I literally just told you everything,’ Kate shrugged.
‘Jesus, will you stop being such a closed book? What did he say? How did you feel? Give us something to work with!’
‘He said something that really annoyed me actually. He said that I manifested this entire situation by thinking about him for the last nine years. Can you believe the cheek of him?’
‘But what if he’s right? Sometimes you can manifest your biggest fears!’
‘There’s no way that’s true.’
‘Let’s put it to the test,’ Siobhan said. ‘Oh noooo, sexy hot strippers with chiselled abs giving me a lapdance. I’m soooo scared! Shiver me timbers!’
‘Wait, does that mean the two of you discussed the past?’ Natalie asked. ‘Did you get any kind of closure?’
‘I’m not doing this for closure, I’m doing this for an annulment,’ Kate said, reminding herself of her mission. ‘I need to stay detached from him. He’s trying to woo me with memories, and money but it’s not going to work. I have a man at home who wouldn’t hurt me in a million years. And that is something money can’t buy.’
‘OH SHIT!’ Natalie said, out of nowhere.
‘I just realized I’m supposed to be at work tomorrow! I only booked today off!’ Natalie panicked. She took out her phone and began frantically typing an email to her boss. ‘Greg is going to kill me. And he already tried to fire me before!’
‘Why? What did you do?’ Kate asked.
‘He said I wasn’t getting my work done on time. But in my defence, I thought EOD meant End of December!’
‘Chloe moment,’ Siobhan muttered.
‘Will someone proofread my email before I send it? I’m dyslexic.’
‘Sure,’ Siobhan said, grabbing the phone. ‘Hmm . . . no, this is all wrong. You email like a woman.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You’re so polite and apologetic. Can I make some changes?’
‘Okay fine but show me them first.’
‘Dear Greg,’ Siobhan began to type. ‘I hope this email finds you dead.’
‘GIVE ME THAT!’ Natalie said, snatching the phone back.
‘Chloe, did your Tinder match reply to you yet?’ Kate asked.
‘Let me check again,’ Chloe said, reaching into her handbag for her phone. ‘But I don’t care either way because I am so done with men letting my messages marinate for days as if they’re God’s gift when they literally do nothing but harm to the world.’
‘Wow, Chloe in her feminist era,’ Natalie said. ‘I’m obsessed.’
‘Never mind, he texted back!’ Chloe said, looking at her phone with pure excitement.
‘So close,’ Natalie sighed.
A topless male waiter suddenly approached the girls’ table. Siobhan nearly fell off her chair when she saw him. ‘Sweet merciful divine,’ she said.
‘Can I get you girls some drinks before the show begins?’ the waiter asked as he approached them.
‘Oh right,’ Kate said, picking up the cocktail menu. ‘Emm . . . I’ll go with the “Penis Colada”.’
‘Great choice,’ the waiter said.
‘I’ll have a “Screaming Orgasm”,’ Natalie said.
‘First time for everything,’ Siobhan muttered.
‘I’ll have the “Leg Spreader”,’ Chloe said.
‘And I’ll have the “Meet me after the show and blow my back out until I have scoliosis”.’
‘I don’t think that’s on the menu, miss,’ the waiter said, confused.
‘Oh, you meant a drink?’ Siobhan said, coyly. ‘Just a “Porn Star Martini” then.’
‘Coming right up, ladies,’ the waiter said.
‘Oh, and buy yourself a cocktail on me. Something with pineapple in it,’ Siobhan winked.
‘I certainly will,’ the waiter winked back before heading to the bar.
‘Why pineapple?’ Natalie asked.
‘I’ll tell you when you’re older,’ Siobhan smirked.
‘I’m actually quite excited, girls,’ Kate said. It was the first time in ages that she felt like she was on her hen party again. ‘This show has great reviews.’
‘Only you would look up stripper reviews,’ Chloe laughed.
‘They’re more than just strippers. It’s an entire show they put on. They’re artists.’
‘Well, I’ve always been a patron of the arts,’ Siobhan said, putting on a posh accent. ‘I hope there’s a lot of crowd interaction. I like a very . . . immersive experience.’
‘Someone tie her to the chair before she slides off it,’ Natalie said, shaking her head.
‘Nat, please. Leave the bondage to the performers.’
‘What are you and Trevor doing for the final date?’ Chloe asked.
‘No idea. Hopefully it’s quick so I can get him to sign the papers and get the hell out of my life. Touch wood.’ Kate looked around for something wooden to touch but couldn’t see anything. The table and chairs were metal. ‘Crap, there’s no wood to touch.’
‘Where’s Trevor when you need him,’ Siobhan laughed.
‘Not that kind of wood!’
‘Isn’t there a part of you that’s secretly enjoying the dates?’ Chloe asked.
‘Nope.’
‘Oh come on, Kate. You have to admit he’s an absolute ride,’ Siobhan said.
‘But he’s too good looking. You don’t marry a man like Trevor.’
‘And yet . . . you did.’
‘By mistake! Yes, he’s ridiculously handsome, six foot three and completely ripped, but that’s all surface level. There’s nothing underneath. He’s all style, no substance,’ Kate shrugged. ‘Nat, back me up here.’
‘Sorry, Kate,’ Natalie said. ‘Even I have to admit he’s pretty hot . . . for a man.’
‘Nothing beats eight inches of personality,’ Siobhan smirked.
‘Girls, we all know that if a man says eight inches, it never actually is. You give them an inch, they take a mile! And for the record, size isn’t everything,’ Kate said.
‘And yet I’ve never seen a woman buy a two-inch vibrator.’
‘Siobhan’s right. Every time I’ve seen Trevor on this trip, I can’t help but stare at his crotch,’ Chloe admitted.
‘Chloe!’ Kate gasped.
‘I swear it looked at me first!’
‘And in those pants he wears? It’s like the battle of the bulge,’ Siobhan said. ‘I bet he has to use Dropbox just to send a dick pic.’
‘He must have been so good in bed that summer,’ Chloe said.
‘Of course he was, but that’s a very specific kind of sex. That’s crazy-summer-abroad-when-you’re-still-in-college sex. That’s not the kind of sex you have for the rest of your life. You can’t have mind-blowing sex every night of the week.’
‘Why not?’ Siobhan said, confused.
‘Because it’s just not realistic. And for the record, girls, Norman is the perfect size down there.’
‘That’s what I tell guys when I’m trying not to offend them,’ Chloe said.
‘Well, not every girl wants a guy who uses Magnums, okay?’
‘I KNEW IT!’ Siobhan said. ‘I KNEW HE USED MAGNUMS!’
The waiter returned with their tray of drinks and set them down on the table. The cocktails looked fabulous – exactly what Kate needed after an evening of tit-for-tat with Trevor.
‘These look unreal,’ Chloe said. ‘Wait, let me get a pic before we drink them. Will you take one for us?’
‘Sure,’ the waiter said, taking the phone.
The girls all bunched together holding their drinks and smiled for the camera. The waiter handed the phone back to Chloe who was immediately unhappy with how she looked in the photo. ‘I don’t really like that one. Could you take another?’ she asked.
‘Ignore her,’ Natalie said to the waiter. ‘She’s a Leo.’
‘It’s okay,’ he laughed. ‘So am I.’
‘And I can’t wait to hear you roar,’ Siobhan flirted as she paid for the drinks.
‘Thank you, ladies. The show is about to begin.’
The lights dimmed and the girls relaxed into their front row seats for their first ever male stripper show.
‘Ladies . . . are you ready to get hot?’ a man said as he appeared on stage. He appeared to be the host of the show.
‘WOOHOOO!’ everyone yelled.
‘Are you ready to get sweaty?’
‘YEEESSSSS.’
‘Then get ready for CHIPPENDALES!’
The stage was suddenly swarming with a dozen of the hottest men the girls had ever seen. They all wore suits and made their entrance in a synchronized formation.
Siobhan was in her element. ‘Oh sweet Jesus, they’re even hotter than I imagined!’ she said.
The men froze in position on the stage and for a split second, you could hear a pin drop as the crowd waited with bated breath to see what was about to happen. Then, in one swift moment, all of the men ripped their suits off exposing their chiselled abs and bulging pecs.
‘I think my coil just fell out,’ Siobhan said.
‘Siobhan!’ Kate laughed.
‘The dam has burst! I repeat, the dam has burst!’
The men began to dance in sync to the music that was playing. Once their first routine was finished, they re-appeared in police uniforms shining flashlights into the crowd.
‘Do we have any naughty brides here tonight?’ the host said.
‘Officers, we have a bride over here!’ Chloe shouted at them.
‘Girls, stop! I don’t want a lap dance!’ Kate said, taking off her veil.
‘Give me that,’ Siobhan said, snatching the veil and putting it on herself. ‘OOOHHH BOYSSSSSS!’
Two of the dancers walked over and began to grind up against Siobhan. The girls cheered him on.
‘Woohoo!’ Kate said.
‘Slay, I guess!’ Natalie shrugged.
‘This proves that Trevor was right,’ Chloe said. ‘Manifesting works!’
‘I don’t manifest,’ Siobhan said as she licked one of the dancer’s abs. ‘I manipulate.’
The song changed and the strippers went back to the stage. ‘Aw, I wanted the handcuffs,’ Siobhan sighed.
‘You just got out of handcuffs!’ Kate laughed.
As the show went on, the men began to dance to a variety of different themes, the stand-out ones being firefighters, construction workers and cowboys. After about an hour, Kate assumed they had gone through every theme and the show was soon to wrap up.
But then the host appeared on stage one last time.
‘Ladies, our show is almost coming to a climax!’ he said.
‘SAME!’ Siobhan roared.
‘But first . . . I believe we have a very special bride here this evening,’ the host said. ‘Make some noise for Kate from Ireland everybody!’
The crowd began to cheer, and Kate immediately went pure scarlet. ‘What is going on?’ she said to the girls, utterly confused.
‘I didn’t book anything special,’ Siobhan said, just as perplexed.
‘Make your way to the stage, Kate!’ the host instructed.
‘Girls, I’m going to kill you!’ Kate said as she got up from her seat. She walked awkwardly onto the stage and the host greeted her.
‘Kate, is it true that you’re here on your bachelorette party all the way from Ireland?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ Kate said, awkwardly into the mic.
‘And you’re engaged to a dentist back home, is that right?’
‘Ehh . . . yes.’
‘Well then lay back and let us make your ultimate dentist fantasy come true.’
Behind her, four strippers started wheeling a medical chair out onto the stage. There was no way she was about to get a lap dance in front of all these people! She was going to murder the girls for this stunt.
‘Oh no . . . I’m . . .’ Kate began. But before she knew it she was being tipped back on the dentist chair and the strippers were tying her down with silk rope. At first, she wanted to object but she remembered she was a bride on a hen party at a male stripper show. What did she expect?
‘Kate, are you ready for a very raunchy lap dance from Norman the dentist?’
That’s when the penny dropped. There was only one person who could be behind this, and she was now powerless to stop him.
The speakers came alive as ‘. . . Ready For It’ by Taylor Swift began to play on full blast.
‘MAKE SOME NOISE FOR TREVOR RUSH,’ the host roared.
Trevor walked out on the stage dressed as a ‘sexy dentist’. He had a white lab coat on, a pair of geeky glasses and blue surgical gloves. The crowd began to scream with excitement. Most of the women in the audience seemed to recognize him.
Kate tried to get up from the dentist chair but it was no use. Her wrists and ankles were restrained. She was utterly helpless.
‘I think our patient needs an oral exam!’ the host shouted into the mic as the crowd went wild.
Siobhan, Natalie and Chloe couldn’t help but laugh hysterically. Only Trevor Rush could hijack a male strip show just to prove a point. It was his own unique brand of drama.
Trevor began to dance erotically to the music towards Kate. He started grinding up on the dentist chair as Kate rolled her eyes.
‘This better count as our third date,’ she said, unimpressed.
‘Nope, this is a bonus round, just for you,’ Trevor winked. He began to slowly take off his surgical gloves, teasing the crowd who were gagging for more.
‘I think our patient has a sweet tooth,’ the host said. ‘Let’s see if she has any cavities that need to be examined!’
Trevor ripped off his lab coat, exposing his naked torso. It was even more defined than Kate remembered. He had obviously spent the last nine years working out consistently. Or perhaps constantly.
He looked like a Greek God!
‘Christ on the cross,’ Siobhan said, having full palpitations.
Trevor turned back around to Kate and got up on the chair with her. He began to grind his body up against hers, his oil-soaked abs gently grazing her.
‘You think this is a turn on?’ Kate said.
‘I thought you loved dentists?’ Trevor said, raising an eyebrow.
‘Not currently.’
‘Oh that’s right, you said the raunchier the better,’ Trevor smirked.
‘Uh oh,’ the host said. ‘The dentist has found a cavity. Our patient needs to get DRILLED!’
‘Brace yourself,’ Trevor winked.
In one swift motion, he ripped off his stripper pants and the crowd let out a massive gasp. His biceps weren’t the only muscle that were even bigger than she remembered. In his Speedos, the battle of the bulge was being waged. And the Speedos were losing.
‘He’s too big for Magnums,’ Siobhan said. ‘He needs Anacondoms!’
Trevor began to grind on Kate once again but she was determined to look as unimpressed as possible. She kept trying to avert her gaze from his package. Thankfully, she knew she wouldn’t be physically turned on in a room full of people watching. And yet, she couldn’t help but wonder how she would feel if it were just her and Trevor in a room alone.
But she couldn’t even entertain such a thought.
‘Still not aroused,’ Kate said, adamantly.
‘Well, then I guess I was right. Dentists are not sexy,’ Trevor said turning to leave. He walked to the front of the stage and took a bow.
‘THOR, SHOW US YOUR HAMMER!’ Siobhan begged him.
‘Give it up for TREVOR RUSH, ladies!’ the host shouted.
The crowd went wild for the surprise performance, as expected. Trevor turned around and winked at Kate as he walked backstage.
‘And give it up for the wonderful Kate!’ the host said as he loosened her restraints. She got off the medical chair and faked a smile for the crowd. She walked back down to the girls, completely scarlet.
‘I can’t believe he just did that,’ Kate said, peeved.
‘I know, it should have been me up there,’ Siobhan sighed. ‘It hurts to see other people living my dream.’
The strippers performed one final synchronized dance and the show came to a crescendo. Siobhan gave a standing ovation despite her legs being like jelly.
Kate knew that Trevor would be waiting outside to gloat after the show ended. But she was determined to show him that his little stunt had not worked.
‘Enjoy the show, ladies?’ Trevor smirked as they left the venue.
‘We were enjoying it until this arrogant DJ took over the stage and made it all about himself,’ Kate said.
‘Some say he was the highlight of the show.’
‘The jury is still out on that one.’
‘It’s definitely a hung jury,’ Siobhan said, staring down at Trevor’s crotch.
‘It looked at me again!’ Chloe said, putting her hands over her eyes. ‘Thumper is thumping!’
‘Tell me, Trevor . . .’ Siobhan smirked. ‘Have you ever played Jumanji?’
‘Get it together, girls!’ Kate snapped, elbowing them in the side.
‘So did I prove my point that dentists aren’t a turn on?’ Trevor asked.
‘Absolutely not.’
‘Oh, so I did turn you on?’
‘That’s NOT what I said!’
‘Sure seems like it. I thought the dentist chair was a nice touch. Marcus had to bring it out of storage for me. He owed me a favour,’ Trevor said, delighted with himself. ‘Anyway, ladies, I’d like to invite the three of you to join my wife on our third date tomorrow.’
‘Well, if you insist . . .’ Siobhan said. ‘Where are we going?’
‘The Grand Canyon,’ Trevor said. ‘I heard it was on your original itinerary. Be a shame for you all to miss it.’
‘We were actually planning to hike the Grand Canyon tomorrow,’ Kate said, sticking up her nose. ‘Without you.’
‘Hike? No, darling, hiking isn’t the way to see it,’ Trevor said. ‘The view is much better from above.’
‘Above?’
‘I’ll be out front at 3 p.m. tomorrow. Don’t keep me waiting,’ he winked before walking away.
‘Ugh!’ Kate said, turning back to the girls. ‘I cannot stand that man!’
‘Well, I always say if you can’t stand a man, you should try sitting on him,’ Siobhan said.
‘Dear Lord,’ Kate laughed. ‘Right, girlies, let’s head back to the room.’
‘You three nuns go on ahead,’ Siobhan said, ready to go on the prowl. ‘My night is just getting started.’