‘The interview was all a bit of a blur to be honest, but what I do know is that once I had started my journey down the path of blag and bullshit, there was no turning back. And so the great lie was born.’
Reviewing how my life unfolded from this point onwards, and knowing what I now know, I have to say that, given the chance to go back and do it all again, the one thing I would do differently is to be much more honest and open about my problems and do it much, much sooner.
I’m not beating myself up over the fact that I didn’t and I wasn’t. Not much point in that now. As anyone who has done so knows, it can be a huge and extremely difficult step to actually admit that you might be suffering from what is commonly known as mental illness. Just think of a few of the words which have been used to describe such problems through the ages and even now: mad, crazy, insane, for instance. Who, in their right mind, would want to admit to being any of those? And who in the wrong mind would either?
It is eminently possible, actually, that I never had a real choice in the matter anyway. By the time Hayley and I returned from Bovey Castle to our home in Taunton on Tuesday 28 February 2006, the illness from which I was suffering was in total control.
In view of that, perhaps there was nothing that could have been done to prevent the forthcoming events from taking place.
I saw my GP back in Taunton within a couple of days of returning from Devon, and found myself explaining in detail what I had been going through. He immediately referred me to a local psychiatrist who made an appointment to see Hayley and me in order to make a detailed assessment. By the time we saw him, the following Monday, 6 March, I was in a slightly better state. There had still been horrendous moments, but they were lessening in frequency, and intensity. I had slept a bit more and eaten a bit more. Maybe the pills were starting to work. Maybe it was because I had been at home with my family in the environment in which I felt safest and not subjecting myself to the stresses of the tour, I was definitely feeling more comfortable and much more composed. In India the ECB had put out a statement confirming that I would not be returning to the sub-continent for the remaining Tests. It read: ‘Marcus Trescothick has been ruled out for personal reasons which cannot be revealed at the moment.’ So that situation had been locked down – for now, anyway – though nothing was said about the seven-match one-day international series to follow.
I’d had a chat with Michael Vaughan on the phone and been well enough to tell him how bad I had been, past tense, and apparently detached, objective and rational enough to tell him I had even contemplated doing something stupid to myself, though I don’t think he really had any idea at all how to respond to that piece of information.
When we met the psychiatrist he asked me a question along those lines: ‘Have you ever thought about harming yourself?’ When I replied ‘yes’, poor Hayley rushed out of the room in tears. She hadn’t known. I quickly reassured her that I felt such things were in the past now and, as the meeting progressed, I must have managed to persuade the psychiatrist that I was getting better because when, a couple of days later, I read his report, he stated that, although I had experienced a lot of anxiety and stress I ‘probably’ didn’t need to carry on taking the medication.
He wouldn’t have said that if he’d seen me at my worst. Unbeknown to either of us the worst was not yet over.
Initially after our meeting I did feel I was at least holding things together. There were occasional moments of anxiety, but there were also good times. Times when playing with Ellie was only a joy, not the trigger for my attacks of separation anxiety; times I felt I might yet be able to get myself right under my own steam, return to playing cricket and carry on as though what had happened was just a terrible but short-lived blip. I started thinking about getting back to the club for pre-season practice. I started doing normal stuff, like going to the gym, thinking normal thoughts. I started thinking ahead. I was wishing myself well and, at that stage I seemed to be winning the battle.
Gradually I also gained enough confidence to start thinking about facing the media for the first time When, on 11 March, the ECB confirmed I had been ruled out for the ODIs, I had put my name to a quote – ‘I’m naturally disappointed to be missing the tour of India, but it is my intention to play cricket for Somerset this summer and also to make myself available for England selection for this summer’s international programme’ – so the lines of communication were partly open. My mood had also improved enough for me to enjoy watching Freddie lead the boys to a brilliant comeback win in the final Test in Mumbai to square the series 1–1, albeit with the help of Johnny Cash and his ‘Ring of Fire’. I had been genuinely impressed with Fred’s rugged leadership. Despite all our reservations over the years, he had shown he could handle the responsibility. Maybe that was what he needed. And I noted with interest the improved relationship between Fred and Duncan. Winning cures a multitude of ills, it seemed. Not that I minded a bit by now, but any chance I had of ever becoming captain of England on a permanent basis, should Michael eventually succumb to his knee problems, was now gone.
I was aware that, apart from the business at our house on the day of my return and a couple of knocks on the door since then, the press had to a certain extent respected our privacy. I do think the feeling among newspaper editors was that because they believed the problem might have involved Hayley’s post-natal depression they approached us and our story with some sympathy and sensitivity. I thought the time had come to say something in response. Furthermore, though the shit-storm was still some way off, certain ridiculous rumours had already begun to circulate about the ‘real reason’ for my premature return and the kind of people who live their lives for a nod and a wink and a juicy piece of gossip were beginning to let their imagination run loose.
When I first raised the idea of facing the press with Neil and Richard Bevan, they were not overly keen on the idea. We arranged to meet up at The Belfry to have a game of golf and discuss the issue and, during that meeting, they made it clear to me that they were not convinced going public was the right thing to do.
‘Are you absolutely certain you want to do this?’ Neil asked me. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘At some point I am going to have to front up and I’d rather do it in a situation where I can talk about what has happened on my own terms, rather than be quizzed on it.’
Once they understood I was determined to go ahead, they insisted that if I was going to talk what I said had to contain at least some of the truth. No need, at this stage, to tell chapter and verse about my illness. In any case I just wasn’t ready to do so, mostly because I was still trying to come to terms with understanding the nature of the illness. But, as long as I indicated that personal issues were the real cause of my flight from India, then they had no objections. ‘If you are going to say anything at all, you will be far better off in the long run to tell the truth,’ was the gist of their advice. And I agreed.
That resolved, the next item on the agenda was how to go about the nuts and bolts of it. One possibility might be to wait until the Somerset press day, scheduled for Tuesday 11 April at the County Ground in Taunton. We also discussed linking up with a television or radio broadcaster to cooperate on a controlled interview for which they might provide me with the questions in advance so that I could prepare and rehearse. Neil mentioned he had been in regular contact during the winter with Barney Francis, the producer of Sky’s cricket coverage and that Barney had suggested that when and if I wanted to go public, he would be happy to cooperate. I didn’t want to be a ventriloquist’s dummy, but I did want to ensure that I didn’t end up saying something I shouldn’t, or find myself in a stressful situation that might prompt another collapse.
I wasn’t certain which option to choose. In due course we contacted the ECB Head of Communications, Colin Gibson, for his input.
Colin was formerly employed by the Football Association as their Head of Communications. Prior to that Colin had been a newspaper journalist of many years’ experience, then the sports editor of the Daily Mail and Sunday Telegraph, and was well versed in the ways of managing the news, good and bad. That expertise had served him well earlier that year, in fact, when Wayne Rooney, at barely 18, had suddenly found himself thrust into the full glare of the media spotlight thanks to his brilliant performances in the Euro 2004 qualifying matches. Wayne was terribly shy and wary of the press, and hated the idea of having to talk at a full-on press conference with the football reporters firing in questions at him left, right and centre. So Colin had arranged for him to go in front of a television interviewer in a controlled situation and then give all the papers the transcript of the interview from which to farm quotes.
Discussions between the parties continued. Colin contacted Barney at Sky and told him what might be on offer. Barney was keen, but, like Neil and Richard, believed the idea only had merit if they could ask me some pretty difficult questions and I answered them honestly.
Barney was told: ‘Marcus will be open and frank, but he doesn’t want to be grilled.’
Barney insisted: ‘We have to ask the question [about why I came home from India], or there is no point in doing it at all.’
‘That’s absolutely fine,’ Barney was told. ‘No problem.’
After a couple of further chats between Colin, Neil and Richard, Colin and Neil had a prolonged discussion by phone on Friday 24 March. A day later, on 25 March, Richard emailed me and set out the position so far.
Under the heading ‘Media Handling Strategy’, he wrote: ‘We need to decide whether the Somerset press conference is the best “first” engagement for you.
‘While we can appeal to the better nature of the usual familiar circle of cricket writers, there is a chance a news reporter will get involved and publish a negative article.
‘We did consider advising whether you should issue a personal statement briefly explaining the personal problems that led to the decision. The fact that you had “personal” problems and are “dealing with family matters” has been well documented.
‘I envisage after you have presented yourself to the media, the issues for the most part will go away. However, we will need to be sure the facts stay private.
‘We will allow Sky a very controlled interview with only pre-agreed questions. It will probably take you an hour to put you through your paces and get word perfect.’
On 26 March Colin sent an email to Neil and Richard, copied to ECB Chief Executive David Collier, confirming his thoughts.
Richard,
Had a long chat with Neil on Friday and my view has not changed.
1) the Somerset press day will be too random and too difficult to control. We can’t have a situation where someone asks questions and then either Marcus or a combination of the three of us steps in to say no comment.
It would just make the matter worse.
2) I believe the controlled interview option, either TV or radio with a full transcript and pix being made available would be the best option.
3) I am not sure that Marcus needs to go to the Somerset press day at all. If he does he will be the only player anyone wants to talk to and could be faced with either a large press conf or a stream of one-on-ones. All this would b v taxing and we would not know if Marcus was up to it until the event was over.
4) If we take the television/radio route (this is what we did with Rooney at the FA) then Marcus can say he has said all he has to say on the matter if any journalist tries to raise it again.
This, though, is your decision and I can only offer advice but it did work brilliantly with Rooney pre Euro 2004.
My view is that, if you accept my suggestion, (sic) should take place on Sky and on April 10th – the day before the Somerset press day. Filming can be either at Taunton or a nearby country house hotel.
We can select the interviewer and monitor the questions.
Best wishes
I discussed these suggestions with Neil and Richard and we all agreed that we should proceed accordingly.
I have to say, in relation to what happened next, my mood at this time was subject to change. I was still fighting to stay well and, for the most part, I believed I was making progress. But there were bad moments and bad days. Through all that, however, my overriding feeling was that I needed to get some kind of holding message out there.
In due course the details of the interview with Sky TV were finalized. I had asked for it to be conducted by Ian Ward, who had recently retired from professional cricket after a long career with Surrey and Sussex and a rather briefer one with England, and who had been a friend ever since we roomed together on an England A tour to New Zealand in the late nineties.
The arrangement was that Sky would send Ward and a camera crew to the Holiday Inn Hotel in Taunton and the interview would take place on Sunday 9 April for editing on Monday 10 April. Sky would then broadcast a brief ‘teaser’ on that day, featuring the most newsworthy section, trailing the fact that the full interview would be screened on Wednesday 12 April during the break between innings in the sixth and final one-day international between England and India in Jamshedpur, the day after the Somerset press day at Taunton on Tuesday 11 April.
It had also been agreed between Colin and Barney that Sky would make available a full transcript of the interview for release at the same time it was to be broadcast.
Obviously it was crucial that all of the above was kept strictly confidential. Even more obviously the key question was going to be: ‘Why did you come back from India?’.
After we had all discussed the various options and possible forms of words, Richard sent an email to Neil and Colin on the morning of Friday 7 April, proposing the following response, as a guideline: ‘Having picked up a virus and also some personal issues to resolve, I decided to return home. It was a difficult step but, with the support of team management, the break has provided me with the breathing space to get back on an even keel, I’m now fully refreshed and will make myself available for County and England selection.’ Richard invited Colin and Neil to respond with their thoughts.
In a reply which he might have had cause to ponder later, Colin wrote: ‘The key to all this is telling the truth or saying nothing, but not making any misleading statements. If you are happy this fits the criteria then great.’
To which Richard replied: ‘Could not agree more.’
When I looked at the guideline response above I was clear in my own mind. When Ward got round to asking me the question, Richard’s suggestion would form the basis of my answer. I was not going to go into great detail about my problems. But I was going to say: ‘Yes, there is a problem and I’m doing my best to deal with it. As for ‘getting it word perfect’ I was still pretty confident that, provided I had some time to look at the questions, I could wing it.
* * *
On the afternoon of Friday 7 April Barney Francis, then the head of Sky’s cricket department, sent a list of questions to Colin, who sent them on to Neil and Richard, who sent them on to me.
I probably stopped reading after question no.6. Get past that and I would be in the clear, for now. What could possibly go wrong?
* * *
I hadn’t exactly been punching the air at the prospect of opening up the discussion about my health and state of mind to the general public. But all my instincts said that the process of finally ‘coming out’ had to start somewhere and it may as well start here.
Yet, as the time approached for me to do the interview, my mood began to change for the worse. A slight shiver kicked in; it wasn’t the full-on spine-freezer, but it was uncomfortable enough. From the moment I rose on the morning of the Sky interview, a familiar sense of foreboding settled over me like a heavy coat on a sweltering day.
Oh God. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the right thing to say? Personal issues? How will people take that? Will they think something is up between Hayley and me? There had already been whispers. Even on the night I had come back from India Neil had fielded questions about a kiss-and-tell story. What if they think personal issues means that? Or what if they see through the words to the real truth? What if they put the clues together and somehow discovered that I had been suffering from these huge anxiety attacks? What if they already knew about me crying my eyes out in my room, about having to have Peter Gregory sit with me all night long? What if they had somehow found out about my meetings with the GP or, god forbid, the psychiatrist? What if they knew I had been on anti-depressants? What if they had somehow found out that I had thoughts about harming myself, or worse. What would they be thinking then? How would the world perceive me? Mental illness … personal issues … Would they think I was crazy? Would they think I was mad? Maybe I am mad? Oh God. This isn’t right. Oh God, this is not right.
By the time I left home for the interview that Sunday afternoon I was crapping myself. I wasn’t absolutely sure what I was going to do, except I had definitely decided I did not want to answer question no.6 in the way we had agreed. It wasn’t that I wanted to deliberately mislead anyone. I was just so scared of what was going on and how people might perceive me. Whereas the rational, stable Marcus had been keen to getting a message out in the open, the ill Marcus now recoiled at the very thought. My head was spinning. I didn’t know how I was going to handle the rest of what was supposed to happen. At one point it flashed as I began wondering how bad things might be if I actually tried to pull out.
Oh God, I can’t do that. What will everyone think of me? Oh God…
Neither Neil nor Richard was present at the Holiday Inn that afternoon. If they had been things might have turned out differently. Neither had been particularly keen to go ahead with the process in the first place and, if I had told them what I was about to tell Colin, my guess is that they would have quietly explained to the Sky boys that the interview would have to be postponed; that, with regret I was just not quite up to it right now. (A recurrence of the virus, perhaps?) But the last they heard was that everything was going according to plan and they were both comfortable that Colin’s presence would ensure it would be carried out. During their final discussions with Colin, Richard and Neil suggested it might be better if they did attend, but he had reassured them: ‘Not necessary. I’ll handle it’ and, as I was an ECB employee, they felt it entirely appropriate that the matter should be overseen by a representative of my ECB employers.
When I arrived, the Sky crew was all set up and ready. Oh God, what do I do?
I spoke with Ward and, though I was sure he would spot my nervousness, he later told someone I had been chatty and in good form; I must have been a better actor than I thought. As soon as Colin arrived I asked him if I could have a quick word in private and we went off to the restaurant.
‘Look,’ I said, ‘I’m sorry, but I’m really quite nervous about having to talk about these “personal issues”. I’ve thought about it and I just wish I didn’t have to say those words.’
We talked through the whole business, the pros and cons. All the time I was thinking to myself: ‘How the hell am I going to get out of this?’. As I saw it, as we had all gone too far to call off the interview altogether, I had two choices and both of them were bad.
In my current state I had convinced myself that if I went ahead and talked about personal issues, everyone watching and reading would think I was mad. But if I went ahead and didn’t talk about the personal issues, the worst they could think was that I was an idiot.
Again I asked Colin: ‘Do I really need to say that line about personal issues? Is it really the best thing to do? I’m really worried about saying it’.
And Colin said: ‘Look. If you don’t want to say it, just don’t say it.’
A Get Out Of Jail Free card? It felt more like the governor’s eleventh-hour reprieve. And I grabbed it with both hands. There was no discussion about the possible repercussions. Nothing about what might happen afterwards, or as a result. And I gave no thought whatsoever to how the other questions might appear once I had failed to give the agreed answer to no.6. I appreciate that everyone involved was operating under difficult circumstances, but allowing me to go ahead with the interview, once I had made up my mind to deviate from the agreed form of words, was a big mistake. I ended up paying a very high price indeed.
The interview was all a bit of a blur to be honest, but what I do know is that once I had started my journey down the path of blag and bullshit, there was no turning back. And so the great lie was born.
Ian Ward: So why did you leave India – was it to spend more time with your family?
Marcus Trescothick: The main reason was I picked up a bug…
And so on.
I felt not the slightest pang of doubt as I sailed through the rest of the interview, making a monkey of the truth as I went. Afterwards I did feel slightly guilty towards Ward. But my main concern was for myself. For me doing what I had done was all about survival. By now, I didn’t really give a damn about what sort of fallout there might be. I was off. I had got away with it. All I felt was relief and that, I can assure you, was enough.
On his way home Ward was contacted by Barney Francis, asking him how the interview had gone: ‘Well, err, I’m not sure,’ said Ward.
‘What did Marcus say when you asked him why he had come home from India?’ Barney pressed him.
‘Well, he said he had a virus …’
The next day, in the Sky studios, Barney, Ian and his production team watched the tape. Barney realized that I had ducked the question, though, at that stage, he had no idea why. He decided to go ahead and broadcast that section of the interview on Sky Sports News anyway.
That afternoon Neil took the first of as flurry of calls from reporters. By the time I rang Neil, at around 4 p.m., I was feeling okay. The feeling didn’t last.
‘How has it all gone down?’ I asked him.
‘Well, mate. Not particularly well, because you didn’t say what we had agreed you would say.’
Shiver…
‘F**k. Who’s said what?’ I asked him.
‘Derek Pringle’s been on the phone and had a go, basically kicking up a stink about it. What happened?’
The blood drained out of me.
The irreversible process had begun.
The next day, Tuesday 11 April, the day of the Somerset press launch, Pringle led the charge in the Daily Telegraph: ‘The enduring mystery of why Marcus Trescothick left England’s tour of India in a hurry just before the first Test appeared to have been solved yesterday, or was it?
‘Speaking in what looked and sounded like a stage-managed interview on Sky Sports News yesterday, Trescothick revealed that his sudden departure was due to a combination of a virus and the creeping fatigue of six years of constant cricket. So why keep something so anodyne from journalists? A question not yet satisfactorily answered by Trescothick or his employers at the England and Wales Cricket Board.’
If I had had a virus, Pringle asked, ‘Why was it not mentioned in the daily bulletins given by the team doctor?’
I met Colin in the Castle Hotel in Taunton for a coffee. I don’t recall whether we spoke about the interview, possibly not because by now we were concerning ourselves with the club’s press day ahead. When the media pitched up, a few of them were still under the impression that I might be available for interview, even though anyone who had contacted the club had already been told a firm ‘no’. Obviously interest was higher now because of what had been broadcast the day before on Sky and they thought they had better have a go at getting me to talk, whatever the club had said.
One or two asked Richard Latham, my ghostwriter for columns for the Bristol Evening Post, to approach me. I did pose for Richard for a new photo to accompany the columns out of sight of the rest of the assembled media, but I bluffed that I wasn’t sure what the form was.
Speaking to the club afterwards, what they found odd, and somewhat annoying, was that Colin appeared to take a back seat as proceedings unfolded, leaving them to deal with the increasingly frustrated press guys without his help.
For my part, I was surprised that a couple of reporters actually claimed they were told they would have the chance to speak to me, as I had genuinely assumed Colin, or someone, would have told them I was not talking and was only going to be posing for photos. I was also under the impression they had been informed of the arrangements for the following day, when Sky would be running the interview at the pre-arranged time and everyone would be supplied with a full transcript. I could sense the mood among the reporters and, while not exactly aggressive, one or two appeared pretty agitated. Once the team group photo had been taken, in front of the pavilion, I clocked a local BBC Television reporter called Clinton Rogers, telling his cameraman to start filming, then he chased after me calling out a load of stupid questions. It was left to my good mate Darren Veness, the Somerset physio who was a nightclub bouncer in his former life, to make it plain their attention was not wanted. Where was Colin at that moment?
That night in London, at the traditional eve-of-season dinner to celebrate the publication of Wisden, the cricketer’s bible, Bevan was telephoned by an irate ECB official, shouting and swearing and demanding to know ‘What the f**k is wrong with Marcus Trescothick?’ The ECB had been contacted by several members of the press wanting an explanation for the discrepancy between the initial reason given for my departure from India by Duncan and the nonsense I had come up with in the Sky interview. Already someone in a high place had gained the distinct impression that Richard and possibly Neil were to blame for the cock-up, an erroneous belief that was to have further repercussions later. Richard kept him at bay for the time being.
If the press day was not a happy experience for me, the next day, Wednesday 12 April, turned out to be an utter disaster.
It started badly, when, in The Times, Ivo Tennant complained about the lack of access to me at Taunton the day before. ‘It is unprecedented,’ he wrote, ‘for an England cricketer to appear with an ECB minder and not even exchange pleasantries with reporters, some of whom, down the years, have shared his favourite bangers with him.’ That was about the high point.
* * *
I didn’t watch the Sky interview broadcast, as arranged, between innings in England’s sixth ODI against India in Jamshedpur. Truth is, I didn’t actually watch it for another two years, until I forced myself to do so for the purposes of writing this book.
This is how it went. Stand by for a masterpiece of misinformation.
Ian Ward: Well Marcus, great to see you, thanks for talking to us. First things first, how are you?
Marcus Trescothick: I’m good – it’s nice to be back up and enjoying things again. It’s going pretty well really. The sun’s out, it’s great, Taunton’s looking magnificent, so I’m itching to get back into it.
IW – Back in training then?
MT – Yeah, I’ve been going for about three weeks of gym work, just working hard and getting my fitness up to the levels they need to be. Cricketwise, I’ve done a couple of nets, nothing too drastic just yet. But as I said, I’m gagging to get back into it, I’m picking my bats up and getting ready.
IW – When’s the first game?
MT – The first championship match is on the 18th at Bristol, so hopefully that will be nice, it’ll probably be quite cold, it generally is that time of year but you get over that pretty quick so it should be good.
IW – Good to see some familiar faces at Taunton?
MT – Yeah, it’s always good. The guys have been in Cape Town, so luckily enough I’ve just had the time to continue resting and enjoying spending time with my family.
IW – It’s been a tough year for you – are your problems behind you, or do you still have a few issues to sort out?
MT – No, very much behind me – I just needed a break pretty much. Playing six years of solid international cricket just takes it toll after a while and you get to certain stages of your career and you know there’s reasons why, what you need to do and just be with your family, take a bit of time out, recharge the batteries and then go again and obviously move on, play a good standard of cricket and hopefully play internationals again.
IW – So why did you leave India – was it to spend more time with your family?
MT – The main reason was I picked up a bug when I was out there, the second part of Bombay when we were there at the end of that trip, and it really hit me hard. I wasn’t sleeping and I couldn’t shake it off really and when we moved on to Baroda, it just didn’t get any better. I couldn’t eat too much, I wasn’t really drinking and it really took its toll on me and it got to the point when I said look, I’m pretty fatigued here. I was struggling to concentrate on my cricket, as much as I can do obviously leading up to a big Test match and prepare myself in the right way. So I spoke to the people that I needed to and decided that the right thing to do was to come home.
IW – So from that period in Bombay when you picked that bug up, did you keep Michael Vaughan and Duncan Fletcher in constant updates as to how you were feeling or did it build up for a while?
MT – It sort of just took its toll. I don’t think it was a case of me having to inform them that I wasn’t well – we played warm-up matches and I stayed involved in those. I was in constant communication with the doctor Peter Gregory out there, just sort of letting him know how I was going. He was obviously keeping a constant eye in terms of how I was feeling just to make sure everything was alright. When I finally made the decision, I spoke to Duncan, they were thoroughly supportive and accepted what I needed to do and supported me all the way through it.
IW – I was going to ask about that. How was the support you received?
MT – Yeah, good – I haven’t been in contact too much since I’ve come back. They need to concentrate on the cricket but at the time when I was there I obviously got a lot of support from the boys, who obviously knew what I was going through, and obviously the management, whoever really found out about what was happening, they were fully supportive. We’re lucky with the environment that we have. We’re able to make decisions like that and get support from the team.
IW – There’s an awful lot of cricket coming up – the whole international programme for everyone around the world is now massive. Is there a chance this will happen again?
MT – Who knows? The virus is a funny one – it’s stuck with me for such a long time, up till about three weeks ago I was getting relapses if I trained too hard or came back too quick. I really thought I could hit the gym hard, then it seemed to knock me back for a couple of days so if I picked up another virus I wouldn’t think it would affect me in any different way. I think having this time to really recharge my batteries and really have a rest, it made me realize again why I play the game and what I love about the game and giving me that enthusiasm. We play so much. We spend 300 nights of the year out of our own house, either travelling the world or in hotels preparing for games in England so I think there’s times when you do need to have a rest and that was definitely the one.
IW – The ECB management are very much concerned with player well-being, their home-lives, births of children etc. There needs to be that understanding in terms of the amount of cricket you guys play.
MT – I think we have that understanding which is great. We spoke many a time as an internal management group – the players, Duncan, some of the assistant coaches, about up and coming tours, how we approach it and the right we have to spend as much time with our families as possible. We do play so well in England because we have so much time with families, you have your normal life with you. Unfortunately the two tours – Pakistan and India, which are tough tours, the hardest to go on – it’s not easy to take your families to that part of the world and you spend a long time away from home. You need your comforts and your security to be able to perform at a good level.
IW – So you are prepared to tour again?
MT – Oh, for sure. It’s just an ideal opportunity for me to have a rest. I’ve played six years of non-stop cricket for England travelling around the world and before that A tours (as you know we went on those together) and Under-19’s so for 12 years it’s been nonstop cricket. I’m making myself available for Somerset at the start of the year and hopefully things will then flow from that.
IW – So will you be opening the batting against Sri Lanka at Lord’s next month?
MT – I hope so. I would love to be given the opportunity again. My main priority at the moment is to get in the nets, get working hard, play well for Somerset at the start of the year, then it’s up to other people to decide if I’m to get back in the team.
IW – You mention those tours and the toll it takes. You’ve got the Champions Trophy back in India, then the Ashes, an enormously long and mentally tough tour, and then the World Cup. Assuming you are selected for those, will you take the family with you? Will that help?
MT – It will definitely help me for sure and as much as you can take them on that sort of trip then yeah they’ll be there for a lot. When you go to Australia generally they are there a lot. It’s a lovely country, you get great apartments, great hotel rooms and you can lead a normal life. Obviously you are away from a certain amount of family but immediate family are always quite close. It’s the same for the World Cup. The West Indies is a brilliant place, probably the best tour I’ve done was two years ago. Everybody is looking at these situations all the time and making sure we’ve got it right and everybody’s happy.
IW – Difficult for them as well, a wife and a young baby travelling around in hotels?
MT – Yeah, it is tough. I don’t think we ever really appreciate that enough. We are lucky that we can do that at the moment but that may change in a few years.
IW – England have struggled a bit in India, certainly the one-dayers. Have you been watching?
MT – Yeah, I’m glued to the TV! I’m obviously a die-hard cricket fan – I’ve been watching most days. We knew it would be tough. It’s a really hard place. The guys have done well, obviously with injuries it’s not gone quite the way we wanted it to.
IW – Some would say by leaving the tour you’ve let England down. How would you respond to that?
MT – I don’t think so, to be honest. I think people will realize. I’ve had a lot of support, players and management and I think that says a lot for me. I know I’ve made the right decision. I’m sure I’ve made the right decision. It’s just unfortunate with the timing, obviously with everyone else going down as well it’s just highlighted it a bit more.
IW – Surely after 69 Tests you deserve a bit of loyalty from the selectors?
MT – I don’t know if loyalty is the right way to put it to be honest. I think one of the reasons England have been so good over the last few years is that we’ve been consistent with selection. We’ve been a good side, players deserve the right to play, they’ve done well. It’s great for the young lads coming through pushing the guys in the team. They’ve done well. When they do that the only thing that’s going to get better is the team. We’ll see what happens, I just have to concentrate on what I have to do. I’d be delighted to get picked again.
IW – Let’s talk about some of the young lads you’ve mentioned – Alastair Cook and Owais Shah particularly in the Test matches. How impressed have you been with them?
MT – Delighted. Cooky has been threatening. He got his double hundred against Australia; we’ve known for some time, the team and management group that he’s close. When he got that hundred in his first Test, a great moment for any cricketer, I got in contact with him. He’s a good lad and a friend. Same for Owais – he played really well in an opportunity when it was tough, under pressure, it’s great to see someone come in under that pressure and do so well for the team.
IW – Continuity of selection is important. Could you see yourself batting in the middle order?
MT – Not for me to say. If they come to me with a suggestion, it’s their decision at the end of the day. From my point of view, I’ve played well opening the batting but it doesn’t mean to say that’s where I’ll stay all my career. That’s just something for Michael and Duncan to work out.
IW – How do you think Flintoff has done?
MT – He’s done really well. He’s enjoyed the way he’s led the team. I spoke to Freddie about the captaincy. He’s happy to take it on. I think his role as an all-rounder, batting, bowling and being captain, it may take its toll after a while.
IW – That is obviously a danger. He’s obviously gone past you in the pecking order in terms of being the next England Captain. Does that concern you?
MT – (laughs) I don’t think it’s too much of an issue to be honest. I’ve captained my country and hopefully done a decent job. I’ve enjoyed it when I’ve done it, great opportunity for me, but we’re looking forward to getting Michael back really. He is our captain. He is our leader and led us to the great victory against Australia. We need everybody back.
IW – Is it something you covet, the captaincy, or is it a case of you’ve done it and you need to concentrate on yourself?
MT – Hard to say. I’m quite involved already. I’ve been unofficial vice captain for a while, being quite closely linked to decisions on the pitch and off the pitch. It’s all left to the captain and the coach. I always think about the game quite intensely anyway, whether I’m standing at slip or whatever, working things out.
IW – The euphoria after the Ashes was quite remarkable. I guess that took you and the players by surprise?
MT – We could see it coming. It escalated after every win and we were 2–1 up going into the last Test. We knew we were on the verge of something huge, something we’d dine out on for the rest of our careers. To play under that amount of pressure, which is great for us, the buzz, excitement, it was just good fun. The parade after made it all sink in, what we’d achieved.
IW – Did you get a chance to let it all sink in, to sit down and understand what you had done before you had to move on to a very difficult winter?
MT – Not as much as we’d like to. It was just another series at the end of the day, probably the best one we’ll ever play in. You’ve got to keep improving. The next important Test was Pakistan, we had to keep driving forward. In years to come I think that’s when we’ll realize what we achieved. Maybe once we’ve finished playing – DVD’s, books etc!
IW – If you weren’t able to put that all to bed, did that contribute to your problems this winter?
MT – I wouldn’t have thought so. We’ve all played at the highest level for quite a number of years. The pressure and the strain is great, that’s why you play. It’s so demanding, every day you play Test cricket it’s just something you have to deal with.
IW – What about your long term England plans?
MT – I don’t think they’ve really changed. Just continue to play well as long as I can really. I’ve not set a date or a time when it is going to be my last trip or last game. I’m hitting my peak at the moment, I just need to work hard, need to keep going and enjoy the success that we’re having.
IW – Are you statistically minded? 100 Tests have a nice ring about it?
MT – It does have a nice ring about it but it’s not the be all and end all to me. I just love playing for England and Somerset, as long as I’m good enough to play then I will do.
IW – Looking ahead to the Ashes, when do you and the players start thinking about that first Test at the Gabba?
MT – We can’t get into it too quick. Big summer ahead against Sri Lanka and Pakistan, we can’t get too far ahead of ourselves. Our ground work will be done this summer leading up to the euphoria of a major contest.
IW – Thanks.
When news of the interview and its full contents reached Duncan in India, he went absolutely ballistic, because what I had said went completely against what he had told the press on that day in Baroda. Virus? What happened to the ‘personal, family reasons’ he had announced? He felt he was going to get it in the neck for appearing to lie to the press and he was, understandably, cross. I couldn’t blame him, though he might have felt differently if he had had a clearer understanding of my illness. Mind you, I was still some way off understanding it myself at this stage.
Any objective analysis of the interview would have taken very little time to understand this simple truth. Had I given the agreed answer to question no.6 the rest of the interview would have made some sense. It would not have been the whole story but it might have given the media something to be going along with until I was ready to tell all.
Once I did not, however, most of the rest was utter nonsense. If my troubles were all down to a bug, for example, why on earth would Ward then ask me –’ How was the support you received?’
What sort of support do you usually receive when you have virus? People calling out: ‘Mate, best of luck with the virus?’ or ‘about that bug. I just want to let you know we are all thinking of you.’ Laughable. And what about this little exchange?
‘IW – There’s an awful lot of cricket coming up – the whole international programme for everyone around the world is now massive. Is there a chance this will happen again?
MT – Who knows? The virus is a funny one –’
Poor Wardy. To think I had sat there with a straight face. And to think Colin Gibson had sat there and allowed this sorry farce to play itself to its ghastly conclusion. By then I was past caring, but, sitting in that room watching and hearing my responses go from bad to worse, couldn’t he see how damaging this could turn out to be?
As I said, only recently did I pluck up enough courage to watch the whole interview on DVD. The look of utter terror that flashes across my face as Ward is asking question no.6 says it all. My eyes disappear into the back of my head and my eyebrows go inwards and downwards like Mr Spock on Star Trek. It looks as though someone has inserted something particularly unpleasant where the sun doesn’t shine.
Of course, I know now that saying what I said was about the worst thing I could have possibly have done, for all kinds of reasons.
For myself, for my chances of making a full and permanent recovery, my bullshitting just missed the point. If I wanted to get better I had to face what it was that had made me ill, not run from it, but I only found out much later that running away was what I did and why.
From the perspective of my relationship with Fleet St, though this was secondary in my thoughts at the time, my actions were catastrophic. In the sports pages, the mood was summed up by my first Test opener partner Mike Atherton, who wrote in the Sunday Telegraph that the line about the virus ‘was so utterly implausible that ridicule is the only response’.
I lost count of the number of times I read the words ‘cover-up’.
As for the attitude of those whose job it is to fill the other pages, it changed completely.
Up to that point it was felt I had benefited from a degree of sympathy from the press, that, generally, they had been sensitive about the whole issue of me coming back from India.
They hadn’t been looking for a kiss-and-tell type of story but the issue of at least one, maybe two people having a tough time of it, so they had kept a respectful distance and hadn’t chased us as they might have done.
What the editors had expected in return, once I did go public, was that I didn’t try to spin them a line, that I told the truth and was honest.
The result of my shambolic attempt to pull the wool over their eyes and everyone else’s was that the newspapers were now convinced there must be something more to this story than they’d originally thought and that is when they removed the gloves.
The rumours about Hayley and me that had been bubbling under for some time were now vigorously pursued by certain sections of the press. And the reaction of the general public towards me was hard to take. Whether it was my own paranoia, I don’t know, but I became convinced that everyone in the world had seen the interview, known I had lied, or at least been extremely economical with the truth, had read the newspapers and was now thinking to themselves: ‘There’s that Marcus Trescothick, that cricket player who made a tit of himself on the telly. What’s the real story? What is he hiding?’ It’s always the lie that gets you in the end.
I rang Richard Bevan’s home on the morning of 13 April. His wife Suzanne answered. I was in such distress that it took her several seconds to recognize my voice.
When Richard came to the phone he was shocked by what he heard.
‘Richard,’ I said. ‘I need help, now.’