Past - Age Twenty-One
“Guys, we shouldn’t be doing this,” Selma complains as we walk through the woods that surround the perimeter of the park.
“It’ll be fine, Selm,” I try to encourage her, squeezing her shoulder in support. She takes her eyes off Maverick for a moment, looking over at me and giving a timid smile.
“If you don’t want to do this, that’s fine. We can just go home.” The words come from Maverick. He motions for Lily to stop in front of him, who gives Selma a reassuring smile in the process.
“I think I’m just nervous,” Selma says, tentatively rubbing her elbow as her eyes bounce between us.
The four of us were at the apartment when Lily had the bright idea that she wanted to break into the park near our apartment and go drink by the lake.
Because drinking at the apartment or at Lenny’s wasn’t quite good enough.
“We’ll just go home, then,” Maverick offers, leaning down to kiss her on the head.
Selma nods her head. “I’m sorry, you guys. I’m too much of a rule follower.” She gives a defeated shrug.
“That’s why we love you, Selma,” I tell her, taking the few steps until I’m standing in front of her. I rub the top of her head playfully to try to ease her worry.
“I’ll break the rules enough for the two of us,” Lily adds, wagging her eyebrows.
“We’ll catch the two of you later. Have fun,” Maverick throws out, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend. They both utter goodbyes one last time before they disappear through the tree line.
“You still in?” Lily asks, straightening the backpack on her shoulder.
“I’m in if you’re in,” I tell her, searching her face for any discomfort. This has suddenly turned into a bad idea. A very bad idea. I shouldn’t be alone with Lily, especially alone and drinking with her. A man only has so much willpower.
Her blue eyes dart around the dark forest. She takes her sweet ass time to decide, but finally she gives me a hesitant nod, then starts to walk in the direction of the lake.
I stare at her back as I follow her, my mind racing with how the fuck I’m going to handle the possibilities of what could happen. My blood starts to pump quicker as I stare at the way the muscles in her legs move. She has a pathetic excuse for a pair of shorts on, showing so much skin that it’s all I can focus on right now.
I didn’t used to stare at her longingly. I’ve always wanted her, sure. But I knew I couldn’t have her—in any way. That was always clear to me, kept me turning me away from her. But after she started dating Blaine last year, the less I cared about bro code. Lucky for me (maybe), Blaine had to move back home unexpectedly almost a year into their relationship. I thought it would leave Lily distraught but she handled it well, claiming everything was okay and she was fine.
Even when she was with him, I wanted her so fucking bad she was all I thought about, but now that I know she isn’t his—I need her, and she’s a need I can’t fucking have. It makes zero sense why I can’t move on from this pathetic crush I have on her.
Time and time again, I try to lose myself in other women. And I always do it in front of her, hoping she’ll be the stronger one between the two of us.
If I can make her hate me enough, maybe she won’t want me. And if she doesn’t want me, maybe I’ll start to want her a little less.
Maybe.
Being alone with her in the middle of the night with a few bottles of alcohol probably isn’t the best way to carry out this plan. But I’ll be damned if I deny this moment. It turns out I’m a glutton for punishment.
“Here,” Lily whispers, even though she could probably shout right now and no one would be in earshot to hear it.
The two of us stop in front of the tall fence that blocks the park in. Currently, we’re on the outskirts of the park, standing on a farmer’s property right next to the city land. All we have to do is climb this fence, walk a little farther, and we’ll be met with the lake all to ourselves.
Lily’s hands rest on her hips. “How the hell do we get up that?” Her neck cranes as she looks all the way up the towering fence.
I do the same, thinking of a plan of action. “It does look taller in person.”
“Whose bright idea was it to do this?”
I playfully bump my shoulder against hers. “Uh, this was definitely your plan, Lily Bear.”
Her white teeth shine in the moonlight with her smile. “I know, and we aren’t backing out now. Let’s climb!” She carefully sticks her foot in the fence, reaching up as high as she can.
I stand behind her, waiting to catch her if she falls backward. Impressively, she manages to maneuver her way up the chain-link fence pretty smoothly. I’m awarded the perfect view of how her strong muscles work as she climbs higher and higher. There’s no doubt when you look at her that she’s an athlete. Every inch of her body screams that she puts hard, dedicated work into it. The backpack on her back bounces up and down as she climbs, higher and higher.
Finally, she reaches the top, where she swings a leg over to the other side. She now straddles each side of the fence. I watch her look down, and even from my vantage point, I see her eyes widen. “Yeah um, how do I get down the other side?” Lily asks, bringing her gaze to mine.
“You’re going to have to climb down.” I put my own foot in the fence and begin to make my way up, but I’m barely a few feet off the ground when the fence starts to groan.
“Get your fat ass off this, Aspen! You’re going to make it fall!” There’s panic in her voice as she holds onto the top of the fence for dear life.
My feet hit the dirt when I jump back down and lean my head to look up at her. “Okay, I’ll wait until you’re down. But you’re going to have to find a way to get down.”
“Why couldn’t you have been a gentleman and gone first? At least then you could have tried to catch me before I fell to my doom.” She cautiously swings the leg over that was on my side of the fence.
“I was trying to be a gentleman and make sure that if you fell backward, I’d be there to catch you.”
“Aspen, I don’t know if I’d even trust you to catch me in a trust-fall exercise.” I watch through the spaces in the chain-link as she turns her body around and slowly starts to descend. A large gust of wind comes through, causing her to shriek and flatten her body against the fence.
“I’m going to just ignore everything you just said,” I chide, cautiously watching her get closer and closer to the ground.
Finally, her feet make a sound as she reaches the ground. She gives me a beaming smile, letting out a long burst of air she’d probably been holding for a while.
“Your turn.” The smile on her face is still wide, and she raises those dark eyebrows in competition.
Challenge accepted.
I make sure my own backpack full of alcohol is centered on my back before taking a few steps away from the fence. My feet get a running start before I’m leaping into the air. I twist my fingertips into the fence as soon as I come in contact with it, making sure to weave them in tightly. My body shifts to the right slightly, my legs dangling in the air before I can get them planted into the gaps of the fence.
As soon as I’ve gained my balance, I swiftly climb up.
“Is that necessary?” Lily shouts from below me, jutting one foot out.
All I do is smile as I swing over the top of the fence and start my descent. As soon as I’m a safe distance from the ground, I let go, falling the rest of the way and landing gracefully on my feet.
“Showoff,” Lily mutters, flicking her hair away from her shoulder.
“You love it.” I tap the tip of her nose, giving her my best smile.
Her eyes narrow, and then she slaps my hand away and turns around. “Let’s go, slowpoke.” She doesn’t bother to whisper anymore, allowing her voice to carry through the woods as I follow her lead.
Neither of us talk as we travel the short distance to the water. Eventually, we make it through the clearing of the trees, the sprawling lake coming into view. The water sits still, barely a ripple to be seen. Lily’s flip-flops make loud slapping noises against the wood dock as we make our way down it.
Once we reach the very end, the two of us silently slip our shoes off and sit down, letting our toes dip into the water. There’s a loud zipping noise as Lily unzips her black backpack. She pulls out a bottle of wine, holding it out to me in offering.
I shake my head at her. “Ladies, first.”
She rolls her eyes. “So now you’re attempting to be a gentleman?” She unscrews the top and brings her plump lips to it. I’m far too fascinated with watching the way her throat works as she drinks.
I catch myself after staring a few seconds too long. “I’ve always been a gentleman.”
Lily pulls the bottle from her mouth and hands it to me. Our hands barely brush as I take it from her, guzzling down almost half the bottle to try to take the edge off. Being this close to her has my senses in overdrive. It feels all kinds of wrong to be out here with her all alone—a wrong that also feels right. It has me thinking thoughts I shouldn’t be having. She’s my best friend’s sister, and I need to constantly remind myself of that.
Maverick is the kind of friend you only have once in a lifetime; I can’t mess that up because I want his sister.
But damn.
I. Want. Her.
I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.
And right now, it’s hard to think of anything else. I set the wine bottle down between us, taking her in next to me. Both of her tan legs dangle off the edge of the dock, slowly moving around in the water. She has on her normal pair of jean shorts, short enough that when she bends over, I get a peek at the bottom of her perfect ass cheeks, causing all the blood to rush south no matter how hard I try to will it not to. She has on a baggy T-shirt, loose enough to hide the curves I know she has. Even in the simplest of outfits, she’s stunning. It’s in the way she carries herself. She’s extremely confident, but it never comes off in a way that makes it seem like she’s better than anyone else. She’s just unapologetically herself, and accepts every other person as they are—one of her most beautiful qualities.
Her long dark hair runs all the way down her back. So long it almost brushes along the wood when she leans her head back and looks at the stars.
I force myself to pull my gaze from her before it becomes too obvious. I reach for my own backpack, unzipping it and pulling out the container of Fireball I stuffed in there. The fiery cinnamon taste burns my tongue as I drink, but I welcome it, swallowing until I feel the buzz I desperately need settling in.
“Don’t hog it all,” Lily mutters, annoyed. She reaches out and snatches the Fireball from my hands, taking a few gulps of it herself.
I don’t respond. Instead, I lean all the way back until my head rests against the hard wood. I stare up at the stars, marveling at how clear the sky looks out here. Lily’s hair brushes against my shoulder as she adjusts herself into the same position.
We don’t say anything for a long time, both of us lost in our own thoughts and riding the buzz. The only sound is coming from the cicadas in the trees.
The silence is eventually broken by Lily.
“Aspen?”
I turn my head to face her, newly aware of how close she is lying next to me.
“Hm?” I hum, my eyes raking over her features. I take in the way her dark eyelashes almost touch her brow bone when she looks at me. The way her lips are slightly parted, showing off a sliver of her teeth. The small scar above her eyebrow that she got last summer at the pool when she ran into the side during a game of water basketball.
I soak it all in, until she speaks again, shocking me with her question. “Truth or dare?”