Present
We follow Ed out back and down a narrow trail. We walk slower than usual because of his hobble, but neither Aspen nor I seem to mind.
“Helen and I bought this house after we first moved. It’s on the small side, but our love makes it seem bigger,” Ed explains.
Just as he finishes talking, we walk up to the cutest house I’ve ever seen. It looks like it’s straight out of a Southern Living magazine, its white exterior a stark contrast of the lush trees around it. There are even navy shutters—albeit a little sun-faded—on the front of the house, with a swing sitting at the very end of the porch.
“This is beautiful. Have you lived here long?” I take in the wraparound porch that I could only dream about having one day.
A look of love passes through Ed’s face before he responds. “Ever since we first got married.”
Aspen’s eyes find mine. The look on his face has me wondering what he’s thinking but I look back over at Ed. “I love it.”
Ed smiles, then limps up the front steps before ushering us inside.
“How did you guys meet, if you don’t mind me asking?” Aspen asks.
I’m too busy taking in their incredibly stylish interior, which definitely looks straight out of a magazine.
“I don’t mind at all. In fact, I love telling this story. I wish Helen was here because she always tells it better than me, at least in her opinion.” Ed winks, making Aspen chuckle. “I’m actually younger than her by two years, though you probably can’t tell by our looks now. She’s aged better than I have.”
Ed pauses to pull out a chair at the kitchen table for me, gesturing for me to sit. I do so, mumbling a thank you while he and Aspen take a seat as well.
“We were in Houston, Texas. It was a few weeks before her high school graduation. She was eating dinner with her friends at the restaurant I worked at when I first laid eyes on her. I swear I fell in love with her right then. Helen and her friends were all laughing, while I was trying to muster up the nerve to go talk to them. Mind you, I was their server so I had to talk to them, but I was still so nervous. When I got to the table, Helen was the first one to notice me. The instant connection was undeniable. I hung around their table longer than necessary to talk with them, but mostly, I just wanted to talk to her.”
He smiles at the memory. “The restaurant got busy and before I knew it, they were gone. I’d never felt as disappointed as I did right then. I cursed myself for not getting more information from her. I’ve always been a shy guy, and I was no different at sixteen. The rest of the night dragged on and I thought my shift was never going to end. I locked up the place and on my way out, I heard a familiar voice. I turned around to see her waiting there. Long story short, we talked all night while I walked her home, then she invited me inside.”
Aspen and I both snicker as Ed waves his hand in dismissal. “Oh, don’t get the wrong idea. People were very conservative back then. No funny business happened. We talked all night until she had class the next morning. I made sure to get her information that time and we said our goodbyes. I was walking out when she grabbed my hand and pulled me to her, giving me the best kiss of my life. I knew in that moment I’d do whatever it would take to keep her. She mentioned that she was about to move away during our talks, but I fell in love with her after that kiss.”
My gaze absentmindedly drifts to Aspen, who’s sitting forward in his chair, hanging on Ed’s every word.
“We spent the next few weeks together, falling more and more in love. She never told me she loved me, but I knew. Sometimes you feel it in the heart before the head.”
Aspen’s eyes flick to me before he looks back at Ed.
“The night before she was supposed to move, I proposed to her and asked her not to go through with it. She said yes and made me the happiest man in the world. When we told her parents the next day, they weren’t happy at all.” He chuckles and then, “I won’t give you the details, but it wasn’t pretty. We decided to pack up our few belongings and move away together. We didn’t have much money at all, so we worked any place we could find. We traveled for about a year before we ended up here. We made friends with the person selling the café, and the rest is history. She blessed with me five beautiful children and we lived happily ever after. I thank my lucky stars every day that she ended up at that restaurant I worked at.”
“That’s so beautiful,” I manage, between the tears trailing down my face. I’m a sucker for a good love story. I glance over at Aspen, but he’s looking down and picking nonexistent lint off his shirt.
“Thank you. I love her very much. When you know, you know. You have to fight for that kind of—”
“Where will my room be?” Aspen interrupts. He pushes his chair away from the table, the sound of it squeaking against the hardwood and making me flinch.
“Well, we currently only have one room that has beds in it. It’s a bunkbed—what our grandkids requested years ago. The other room has been made into extra storage for the café. Will that be okay? I figured you guys were, you know…” Ed’s face pulls together in suggestion as he analyzes me and Aspen.
“That’ll be fine,” Aspen replies.
Ed gets up and Aspen follows him up a set of stairs. I sit in my chair, giving them some space, still thinking about Ed and Helen’s love story. I want a love like that. I want somebody to love me and fight for me. But for now, I’ll have to settle for only finding those kinds of stories on Netflix. And from the mouth of an elderly man, apparently.
Chivalry seems to be dead in my generation.
While Ed and Aspen figure things out upstairs, I take the time to call Veronica, stepping out to the front porch to do so.
I pull out my phone, finding her name in my recent call log.
It rings twice before she answers with, “Hey, bitch.”
“Have you been talking to Aspen?”
“Well, hello to you too, sunshine,” she says.
“Have you?”
I hear her sigh through the phone. “Of course I’ve talked to Aspen, Lil. He’s my friend, too. Why are you asking?”
Even though that’s true, I still feel weird about the way Aspen had slipped earlier, as if he was trying to hide that he’d been talking to her for some reason.
“Helloooo,” she says, sounding annoyed.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “No reason.”
“How’s the road trip going? Have y’all banged yet?” With that, I hear Maverick say her name in exasperation. “What?” she asks, her voice quieter since she’s obviously talking to my twin and not me. “We both know it’s bound to happen.”
“Uhh, no, V. Aspen and I have not done anything. Nor will we.” I pick at a piece of chipping paint on the railing.
“Ugh,” she replies, muttering something to Maverick after.
“That ship has sailed, Veronica. Like it has sailed and docked somewhere new,” I tell her.
“But it hasn’t docked somewhere new. You’re single as fuck, and so is he,” Veronica says, blunt as usual.
“I’m going to hang up the phone if you keep talking about me and Aspen as a thing. Been there, done that, not going back.”
Veronica laughs. “We’ll see about that, Lil.”
What’s that supposed to mean? I want to pester her with more questions, but two seconds before I can, she tells me she has to go.
“Sorry, I have to go talk to our new caterer. But I loved catching up real quick! I love you—and remember to use protection. I’m not ready to be an aunt yet!” She makes a kissing sound before the line goes dead and I have no time to respond to her.
“Stupid,” I mumble, looking down at my phone and flipping it off. I wish she could see me right now, giving her the middle finger. She’d probably just laugh it off and flip me one right back.
“Everything okay out here?” Ed asks from the doorway, surprising me.
“What the flock!” I shout, almost dropping my phone into the bushes. My hand rubs my heart where it hurts from the shock of finding him unexpectedly eavesdropping.
Ed pulls at the tops of his pants, shuffling over to me and directing me to sit. He sets a glass of lemonade down next to me and I gladly take a sip. Then, I take a moment to look around. Their front porch is old, but it’s spacious. There are trees all around us, illuminated by the moonlight.
“Sorry. It was just my friend being incredibly annoying and asking about me and Aspen, even though we are very much not a thing,” I tell him, with an apologetic shrug.
“You aren’t, uh, together?” The way he says together makes it very clear he’s talking about sex. And I can’t talk about sex with Ed, he’s literally old enough to be my grandpa.
I start to choke on the lemonade that was halfway down my throat just before he spoke.
“Oh my word!” he shrieks, pounding me on the back as I continue to have a coughing fit.
“So sorry!” I sputter. “Aspen and I are just friends. Nothing, uh, together there.” I look at him awkwardly, finally taking a long sip of lemonade to ease the burning of my throat.
“I guess I got the wrong idea about the two of you, then. I thought you two were, well…attached,” he states rather awkwardly.
I take a deep breath. “There was a time when I was young and naïve that I thought Aspen and I would be together. But, it wasn’t meant to be. We barely tolerate each other on a good day.”
Although…during this trip, I’m finding myself tolerating him more and more. Even worse, I find myself enjoying his company—wanting to be around him. We’ve been gone for two days and things are already changing. The thought alone scares me.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Ed reaches out and gives my hand a soft squeeze.
I squeeze back, taking a deep breath while memories flood my head. Memories of me and Aspen. “It’s life,” I finally reply. “Sometimes that happens.” My hands rub at my eyes to try to get the mental pictures from our past to go away.
Ed lets out a wheezy breath. “I don’t want to pry, but whatever happened between the two of you, I know that boy up there still cares for you, whether you notice it or not. And I know you still care about him, too. Take it from an old man like me, don’t let small things ruin a great bond. Real bonds are few and far between. Please remember that.” He slowly gets out of his chair. “Now, I’m going to go help my wife close up the café. Your bedroom is the first one on the left once you’re upstairs. I already put pillows and blankets on the bunks for the two of you.”
I get up and give Ed a big hug. “Thank you,” I whisper as he gives me a kiss on the cheek. Then I watch him limp down the path before I head back inside.
After closing the door behind me, I walk upstairs and slowly creep into my assigned room. I tiptoe across the room to find my bunk, but my toe hits something sharp. “Ouch!” I yelp.
“If I wasn’t awake already, that sure would’ve done the job,” Aspen drawls out from across the room.
“I was trying to be quiet. Why is it so dark in here?”
“Because I was trying to sleep. I like to sleep in the dark like most people, Lily.”
“It’s barely even dark outside,” I point out, leaning down to rub my aching toe.
“Well, I was tired. Play on your phone if you aren’t.”
I know he can’t see me, so I make a face at him, finding it oddly therapeutic.
“Cute,” he chastises, my eyes widening when I realize he somehow saw that.
The man must have laser vision, because it’s dark as hell in this room, only a tiny window letting a small amount of moonlight in.
I roll my eyes, feeling around to search for my bag. Once I find it, I take it out into the hallway and scan the place until I find the bathroom. I get showered up and change into my pajamas. Once I’m ready for bed, at this outrageously early time, I open the door to the room I’m sharing with Aspen.
After setting my bag down, I begin the journey of finding the bed in the dark. I feel around the bottom bunk until my hand meets a very firm—and very warm—abdomen.
I snatch my hand back. “You could’ve told me you took the bottom,” I hiss before climbing up the ladder.
“What would be the fun in that?” He chuckles and I reach down and smack the first thing my hand connects with, which I gladly realize is his face. He hisses and now I’m the one chuckling.
I toss and turn until I finally get comfortable a few minutes later.
“Hey, Lily?” Aspen whispers.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.” The second word is barely audible, but I still catch it.
I stare at the ceiling and ask, “For what?”
“For everything.” He’s still talking softly, but there’s no joking or arrogant tone attached to his words.
He creeps me out when he’s sincere. It does weird things to my body. And I won’t even begin to address the things it does to my traitorous heart. “I don’t know what that means,” I confess.
“It means I’m sorry. For all of it. Everything that happened with us. I think about it sometimes and I just…I just want you to know that I’m sorry.” He talks so fast, as if he can’t get it off his chest quick enough.
After he finishes, I let his words marinate in my head before I give him a response. There are many things in our past he could be sorry for, most of all breaking my heart. But I wasn’t completely innocent in everything, either. We were just two people who shouldn’t have been attracted to each other.
I picture him lying underneath me, staring up like I am. He probably has one arm propped behind his head, his ankles crossed underneath the blanket. That’s how he used to relax when we watched movies in college.
“Do you ever wonder if things could’ve been different?” I ask him.
“Honestly?” he says. “I think about it all the time. All the damn time, Lily. It feels like there’s never a time I’m not thinking about it. It’s fucked up.”
My heart plummets at his admission. What does it mean? I’m trying to read behind the lines here. With Aspen, it’s something I’ve had to learn to do.
“Do you?” he hesitantly asks.
“Honestly?” I repeat.
“Please,” he responds.
“Yes. More often than I’ll ever admit.”
“Lily,” Aspen begins, and I hear him stir below me.
“I don’t think there’s any point in talking about what-ifs. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” I say.
“What if I want to talk about what-ifs?” he counters.
“Ours are in the past. They have to stay there.”
“But about the what-ifs of the future?” he tries.
“I’m going to sleep now, Aspen.” I roll over, tucking my hand underneath my head and facing the wall.
We’re treading into unsafe territory here. It’s like we’re both about to tiptoe into no man’s land. Anyone with a brain knows how that’ll go. I’m not risking it. I just want to preserve the progress we’ve made thus far.
“I thought it was too early to go to sleep,” he teases.
“Shut up.” I smile. “Go to bed.”
“What if I want to talk more?”
I sigh, suddenly exhausted no matter how early it is. “I’m done talking. Goodnight, Aspen.”
Before I close my eyes, I mull over his words. I can’t help but wonder if the two of us had handled things more maturely in the past, if we might’ve had a different outcome. He obliterated my heart into tiny little pieces, but I also pushed him—hard. If we were more realistic about what we were doing, I’m not sure things would’ve blown up the way they did—like a freaking bomb. But they did. There’s no changing that.
I fall asleep thinking about the time in my life when Aspen owned my heart, no matter how hard I’d fought against it.