Chapter Ten

Lust has an expiration date. Who knew?

After Lexi went to bed, Toby decided to give the kitchen a good cleaning. There was no way he’d be able to sleep with thoughts racing around his mind like in a speedway.

Had he ruined her chance at happiness should it ever present itself? Had he already ruined her relationship to Nate? It hurt to hear her say she didn’t know if she could love again. The guilt weighed on his soul. It was all his fault.

He stacked the dishes, rinsed them, and arranged them in the dishwasher. The repetitive movement and Tetris placement of the dishes to achieve maximum use of space helped him to focus. If only he knew how to make things right, how to help her love again.

If only she could love him again.

He shook his head at this thought. It wouldn’t be fair. To try and win her love back would be yet another selfish act on his part. He had no idea how much longer he had on this earth. Still, to have Lexi love him again, well, a man could dream, couldn’t he?

****

Toby threw a wrench—no—the whole dadgumed toolbox in the conversation when he said that Nate might possibly love me.

Did he love me?

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Did I love him? The past few years had been great. Keeping up through phone calls and email made seeing him once or twice a year thrilling. Our passion flared into flames. That is, until this last visit. Something had changed.

Even though Toby suggested I go, in my gut I knew that was a bad idea. I had to go with my intuition. I would not be going to New York. Now, how in the heck to tell Nate?

****

Three weeks had passed and not a word from Nathan. Wasn’t he cutting the travel arrangements pretty close? On the other hand, I should have already contacted him to say I wasn’t coming. I kept wimping out. Still, why hadn’t he called me?

I needed to talk. I needed my friends. Even though it was late, I dialed Molly Kate.

“Hey, Lex.” Molly’s voice was thick with sleep. “Something wrong?”

“Hey. Hon, I’m sorry for calling so late, but I need to talk. To all of you. Can we have a Whine Wednesday at your place this week?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Her voice cleared and tinged with worry. “What’s up?”

“Let’s talk about it Wednesday. It isn’t anything bad, I just need y’all’s input. I’ll text Avalee and Jema.”

“Okay, night, sugar.”

“Night.”

I texted the girls and heard back from both of them right away. Both asking what was wrong to which I answered, we will talk Wednesday.

I could hardly wait to drink wine and whine to the girls who knew me best and accepted me as I was. Lord, I loved my friends.

****

Wednesday night finally arrived. The wait had been miserable. My mind just wouldn’t stop with the what ifs, why nots, hows, and if onlys. Every scenario jungle-gymed in my head. Frankly, by the time I got to Molly Kate’s, I was worn out mentally and physically.

When she swung open the door, right away, I smelled my favorite snacks. God love her.

I handed her a bottle of bourbon.

“That bad, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Come in. I made your favs.”

That’s one of the many great things about southern women. We feed each other. If you’re sad, here’s all the fat and carbs you can eat to elevate your mood. Sick? Here’s some soup. Someone pass? Bring that family fried chicken or a casserole. Celebrating? Have some cake. Bored? Let’s get ice cream.

“I hope the bacon I smell is wrapped around a cream cheese stuffed date.”

“Yep, everything I made for tonight is just the way you like it, savory and sweet.”

“Did you make those cranberry brie puffs?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

My mouth began to water. I hadn’t been able to eat all day. “I feel better already.” I followed her to the kitchen just itching to sample those puffs.

A knock came at the kitchen door and Avalee stuck her head in. “Hey, girls.”

Molly took Avalee’s wine, white as always.

“Momma loaded me up with goodies. Lend a hand?” I followed her to the car. Miss Cladie had outdone herself and that’s a good thing seeing how the extent of Ava’s cooking skills were limited to reading a menu. Good thing Ava and Ty lived with Miss Cladie or the man would starve.

“Momma made you a coconut cake, she knows how much you love them.” Avalee handed me the cake carrier. Oh. My. Word. I was at the point of drooling. Miss Cladie always made her cake masterpiece using three layers of soft cake soaked in coconut syrup and iced in the most decadent cream cheese, buttercream frosting, finished off with tender, sweet coconut shreds. I was ready to dive into it face first.

Ava gave a tray to Molly, “And she fried up some onion rings. Another of Lex’s favorites.”

Molly glanced at the last covered platter. “And I suppose that is something healthy for you.”

“Nope. Pulled pork sliders with horseradish sauce.”

I put my hand up. “Okay, just stop. My stomach sounds like there’s a thunderstorm brewing.”

“Yoo-hoo.” Jema came sailing into the kitchen carrying a long board draped with a checkered towel. After she set it on the table, she yanked it off. “Two years in Italy have definitely changed my foodie style.” On the board was a variety of soft and hard cheeses, olives, grapes, dates, assortment of nuts, crusty bread, jams, and prosciutto. “Plus, the perfect paring.” She set two bottles of Chianti beside it.

“Girls, I think that after we eat and drink all of this, I’ll have no problems at all.” I patted my stomach. “Except for maybe being able to fit into my jeans.”

“This is a lot of food.” Avalee picked up a plate. “I hate the thought of it going to waste.”

“No worries.” Molly Kate slapped her hands together. “After we eat all we can, I’ll serve what’s left to my guests.” She nodded her head toward food. “Let’s fill our plates and head to the library for our whine.”

“Hello, ladies.” Molly’s hubby sauntered into the kitchen. “Sure smells good in here. If I can think of a whine, will I be permitted to partake of this feast?”

“Feast, yes, whine, no. Girls only. But…” Molly lowered her head and peered up at him. “if you take all this wine to the library, I’ll make it worth your while later…”

Stan grabbed the bottles. “Done.”

“And,” said Molly Kate, “you’d better eat hearty. You’ll need your strength.”

That man moved like a racehorse crossing the finish line. By the time we got to the library, he’d set up fresh glasses, had the white wine on ice, and decanted the red wine. I settled in one of the buttery-soft leather chairs and sipped my cold, crisp, chardonnay.

This room was a classic. Built-in shelves filled with books formed two walls, complete with a ladder that rolled in front of each in order to reach the volumes ten feet up. A massive marble fireplace was built in a third wall where a portrait of Mr. and Mrs. Norton, former owners of the mansion, looked down on us. The fourth wall was the bar area covered in rich mahogany paneling. Behind the bar was an ornate mirror with small accent lights on either side creating a soothing ambience.

I wiggled my toes in the lush, deep-pile rug and took another sip. What a shame to ruin this lovely evening with problems. Still, that was why we were all here. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that it was impatient for food. I surveyed my overflowing plate. Miss Cladie’s onion rings were my first choice. I picked up a perfectly fried, golden-brown ring and bit into the lightly salted, crispy crust and the tender, sweet onion. Ahhhhhh, heaven. My tastebuds sang with gratitude.

Avalee held up her glass of Chianti. “Jema, this makes me want to go back to Italy.”

Jema smiled, “I guess you could say that is my whine. I miss Levi. But I’m also ready to move home. These past two years have been beyond my greatest dreams, but this southern gal misses her roots.”

I bit into a warm, creamy brie and cranberry tart. Its flaky layers melted on my tongue. Yum. “How long will you be here?”

“I’m leaving in a couple of weeks.” She popped an olive in her mouth. “But we will be back soon.” She turned to Molly Kate who sat on the sofa next to her. “Now are you sure it won’t be a problem for us living here? It could take a year or longer.”

“Course not.” Molly pointed her bacon wrapped date at Jema. “Sakes. What a thing to ask. I’ve been thinking,” she took a bite, “you know the perfect place for y’all?” Another bite. “The pool house.”

“Perfect,” said Avalee. “That’s a great idea.”

“It has a nice kitchen, big bathroom, spacious living room and a large bedroom. By staying there, you won’t always be bumping into guests in the mansion. And if folks are in the pool, just close the blinds.” Molly brushed her hands together. “The bedroom is in the back and has a sweet little patio where you can sit and have some privacy. I just hope the living space isn’t too small for you since the villa.”

“You know, it’s funny,” Jema smiled. “But we only live in three rooms there. The rest is unused. I love being out in the gardens there, but you have fantastic gardens here.”

“As far as I’m concerned,” I lifted my empty glass, “The sooner the better.”

Avalee laughed, “For Jema to come home or for your glass to be filled?”

“Both!” I stood and pulled the bottle out of the ice. “Anyone else need a refill?”

Everyone held up their glass.

After our glasses were filled, Avalee sighed. “I guess I’ll confess my whine.”

We were all ears.

“I don’t like the grandma name Skye chose for me.” She twisted her lip. “Granny.”

Oh. My. Lord. Images of the bespeckled granny toting a shot gun in Beverly Hills shot across my mind. I burst out laughing. Karma! That’s what it was. Our divinely beautiful, never-aging friend, being called granny.

Jema had her hand over her mouth trying to look sympathetic, but Molly Kate laid her head back and roared.

“It’s not funny.” Avalee tried to not smile. “It’s not.” Soon she laughed as hard as the rest of us.

When we all got a grip on ourselves, Molly Kate palmed her eyes and asked, “What did you say when she told you that?”

“I told her, ‘Thank you, but I think I’ll name myself if you don’t mind.’”

Jema patted her lashes with her shirttail. “What did she say?”

“She said I had to run my ideas by her first, and I said, remember who is going to pay for your wedding, your graduation party, and your honeymoon. To which she said, ‘Give yourself whatever name you like.’”

The pulled pork slider was just begging for me to eat it. I picked it up and asked, “Any ideas what you want to be called?” Then I bit into the sweet, smoky richness.

She put her finger to her chin and gazed up at the ceiling. “I’m thinking shug.”

“Oh lord, Avalee.” Molly Kate shook her head. “The child will start calling you slug. Think of something the child can pronounce easy. Something like Grammy or Mimi?”

Jema chimed in, “Or Nonni?”

“All good suggestions.” Ava nestled back into the pillows. “I’ll give it more thought. Molly Kate? Any whines?”

“None to speak of unless it is meeting myself coming and going. Between the shop and the B&B, Stan and I are too exhausted to even blow a kiss to each other much less anything else.”

“Which,” I grinned, “explains his eagerness to help tonight.”

“Oh, hush up.” Molly’s cheeks rosied up. “Your turn, Lex. Let’s have it.”

I held my finger up. “First.” I stood, walked to the bar, and grabbed a low-ball glass, then dropped in two cubes of ice and poured an ounce of bourbon over them. “Girls, I need your help.” I drained the glass.

They all sat looking at me with rounded eyes. Molly put her hand to her chest. “Lord, Lex. What?”

I plopped back onto my chair. “I’m done.”

Ava leaned forward with an impatient splay of hands, “With what?”

“Nate.”

“Lordamercy, Lex? What in heaven’s name are you talking about?” Molly Kate frowned. “You seemed all right on his last visit.”

“And that’s when I started getting this feeling that something wasn’t right.” I stood to get another bourbon. “So much has happened in such a short time. I guess you could say I’ve had a paradigm shift.”

Jema chimed in. “You have been through a lot lately, sugar. What with Toby returning and living in your house.”

This time I sipped my drink. “Toby’s changed. He’s turning back into the man I married—thoughtful, sweet, and totally into me.” Another sip. “And he’s dying.”

“So, are you saying you’ve forgiven him?”

I smiled at Molly. “Yeah. I had to make that choice or be miserable the rest of my life.”

Avalee frowned. “So, is this why you feel differently about Nate?”

“That’s just it, Avalee, I don’t know. He’s asked me to be his escort at some thingamajig in Manhattan, an award he is receiving. I told him I’d go, but really? I’d rather eat liver.”

“Just tell him.” Avalee grinned. “He will be cool about it. It’s not like he can’t get a date seconds after you bow out.”

I threw a pillow at her. “Can’t you let me think I’m irreplaceable for just one hot second?”

She laughed. “I said he could get a date, not that he’d enjoy being with anyone but you.”

“There’s got to be a graceful way out.” Jema stared off in thought. But she didn’t have to think long because my phone rang. I froze, thinking it was Nate. I wasn’t ready to talk to him. Thankfully Sid’s name showed on the screen. The girls must have been thinking the same thing by the way they all stared at me.

“It’s Sid.” I walked out of the room before I answered. “Hey, Sid. What’s up?”

“I have good news. Audy made a spot for us on his calendar to talk about the factory reno. The afternoon of November third. Are you free on that date?”

I lifted my face heavenward and mouthed, “Thank you, Jesus,” then said, “Absolutely.”

When the call was finished, I sashayed back into the room. “I have my excuse.”

Molly followed up behind me holding Miss Cladie’s cake. “Well, that was quick.”

“What is it?” asked Jema.

“Well, you know we have plans for the old hosiery factory and the only time our architect can meet with us is the first Friday of November. Well, I’m a principle in the meeting, so I can’t be Nate’s date.” I took a thick slice of cake and ate a bite. In that moment, with tender coconut-infused cake enveloped in sweet, creamy frosting on my tongue, all was right with the world. I could conquer anything. But I knew when the cake euphoria evaporated, I’d have to call Nate. I had some explaining to do.

The evening spent with my besties gave me the courage I needed to make the call. I felt both relieved and bad. After they left, I checked the clock. Ten. Eleven o’clock his time. He’d still be up and besides, I wanted to get this over with. I speed dialed his number.

A soft, breathy, Marilyn Monroe-like voice answered his phone. “Hello?”

“Um.” what the? I fought to clear my head. “Is Nate there?”

“Sure.” The voice whispered, “Nathan. It’s for you.” Apparently, they were close together. Really close.

I heard Nate heave a sigh, and then, “Hello Red.”

“Hey? Did I interrupt something?”

He hesitated, then said, “Nothing that can’t be finished later. What’s up?”

Finished later? Fire ants crawled in my veins. What the hell?

“Red? Are you still there?”

“Uh, yeah.” Okay, now I sounded like an idiot. I took a deep breath and forged on. “Hey, listen, I’m sorry, but I can’t go to the awards ceremony with you. You know that project Sid and I are working on? There is an important meeting on the same day as your ceremony and I just can’t miss it.” There. I did it. I took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, hon.”

“Okay, no problem.”

And that was it? No problem?

“Oookay?”

“It will probably work out better this way, anyway.”

Work out better? My southern bitch rose up inside me. “And another thing, I think we need to quit seeing each other.” There, take that Romeo.

“You know, Red, we must be on the same wave-length. I’ve been thinking the same thing. It was great while it lasted, but yeah, it’s time. Everything has a shelf life.”

Great, now I’m a can of green beans to him. It made no sense at all, but I actually felt hurt. Betrayed. He was getting it on with Miss Breathy Voice and considered me expired.

“Okay then. See you in the news.” Before I said something I would regret, I hung up. And I actually cried, for heaven’s sake.

Toby had just returned from Miss Cladie’s and heard me. “Lex, what’s wrong?”

I didn’t want to talk about it, then again, I did. But it felt strange talking to my ex-husband about my now ex-lover.

“Nate.” I swiped away tears. “We broke up.”

To his credit, he didn’t try to console me. Instead, he sat beside me on the sofa and waited.

“I’m so stupid. Why would he ever want some unsophisticated southern hick? He’s such a jerk.” I planted my chin in my hands. “I thought we were an item, a couple, even though neither of us ever made it official.”

Toby handed me a tissue.

“I don’t know why I’m letting it affect me like this.”

“Because another jerk did the very same thing to you years ago.” His voice grew tight. “Something that I’d give my life to change.”

Sitting beside him in what used to be our living room and having him comfort me, like he used to do, made me wish we could begin again. He wasn’t the handsome man of years ago, but over the past few weeks as I watched him through the lens of forgiveness rather than bitterness, he’d grown more handsome in his soul. As I told the girls, he’d returned to be the man I married. And right then, I wanted his arms around me. I wanted to sink against him.

As if he had read my mind, he pulled me toward him, and I rested my head against his chest.

This felt right. Like it always should have been.

****

Toby rose early the next morning and showered. The warm water flowed over him, a luxury he’d always taken for granted before prison. It was too bad that it took dying to make him appreciate life. He lifted his face to the spray. Never did he ever think he would hold Lexi in his arms again.

Miracles did happen.

But where would things go from here? He stepped out of the shower and scrubbed with a towel. It was best to take his cues from her, like he did last night. Was he wrong to hope that she might love him again?

After dressing, he headed to the kitchen. Lex would be up soon, and she liked her coffee fresh.

****

The aroma of coffee wafted into my room. I stretched and threw back the blanket. A soft knock sounded at the door and Toby walked in carrying a mug.

“Morning, babe. Coffee?”

I noted the familiar pet name, babe, but that was okay. “Morning and yes. Coffee, right away.”

He set the mug on the nightstand. “Take your time and when you are up and about, let’s have breakfast and a talk.”

“Yeah, I think we need to.”

He leaned over and timidly pecked me on the forehead before leaving. It felt nice, especially since my heart still stung from Nate’s indifference. It still didn’t make sense why Nate’s brushoff hurt so bad. And then there was Toby. His quiet strength, and yes, love, kept me afloat.

I just wish I could understand Nate’s sudden change of heart. He didn’t even talk to me about it. But then, neither did I…but still…

My phone chimed and the screen showed it was the man himself. Jerk.

“What, Nate?”

“Hey, Red, I—”

“My name is Lexi.”

“Lex—”

“Lexi. And if you get it wrong again, you can call me Miss Lowe.”

“Hey, I get it. You’re mad and I don’t blame you. I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“Oh really? Astound me.”

A heavy sigh sounded before he spoke. “When I got home from your place, I went to dinner with some colleagues and one of them introduced me to a woman, who happens to be the daughter of a major news network executive.”

“Was it Miss Breathy Voice who answered your phone?”

“That would be Monica. Yes.”

“Go on.”

“She and I hit it off and have been seeing each other almost every night.”

Every night? Well, why not? Apparently I was expired.

“A couple of evenings ago she told me that her father was working on a primetime news slot and looking for a chief news anchor. She said she’d put in a good word for me.”

“Well, la-de-dah for you.”

“Red…I mean Lexi, this is big. You’ve got to understand what this means. She’s my ticket.”

“Wow, isn’t that romantic.” I honestly felt sorry for the girl. “Let me guess. The nano-second we hung up you asked her to be your escort.”

The phone was silent.

“Okay, well, it was nice knowing you these past few years. Break a leg.” And I meant that literally. Before he could answer I disconnected. Then powered my phone off. In a way I was grateful that I was, for the first time, seeing this side of Nathan. I knew, at times, he could be an arrogant ass. But not a player. Is that what he’d been doing with me? Using me?

That thought ticked me off. I strode to the bathroom and grumbled at the image in the mirror, “Somewhere on a bathroom wall in the universe is a message that says, “Dumb redhead. Give her a call.”

The aroma of bacon and baking muffins drifted into my room. A balm to my irritated soul. When I shuffled into the kitchen, Toby took one look at me and held his arms open. I rushed into them and released my pent-up tears. He didn’t say a word.

In his comforting embrace, I knew, this was how it always should have been.