The job was supposed to be something to tide her over—and provide much needed medical insurance—until Sierra had the baby and could get serious about looking for a more permanent position. And when she first came to Haven, she never would have imagined that she might someday envision a future here.
But the six months that she’d spent in the northern Nevada town had both challenged and fulfilled her in ways she hadn’t anticipated. She’d enjoyed her work and made friends. She’d become part of the community. And she knew that she was going to miss this place and its people when she was gone.
She could promise to keep in touch with friends and plan to come back to visit, but she wasn’t sure it was realistic that she’d be able to do so if she went back to working sixty-plus hours a week in Las Vegas. Because that was what was expected of an associate who wanted to make partner in the big firms—and didn’t every attorney want to someday be a partner in a big firm?
Certainly it had been her goal when she first started at Bane & Associates. But now... Now she knew she was going to miss working in the Haven DA’s office—and especially all the people she’d met through her job there.
When Deacon picked her up Friday night, she was feeling a little out of sorts that everyone at the office had gone about their business as usual, with only the occasional mention of the fact that it was her last day. And then, when they walked into Diggers’, she paused in the doorway, an odd sense of déjà vu stealing over her as she took in the colorful streamers and balloons. But instead of a generic Happy Birthday banner there was one that read Farewell Sierra.
“This time it’s your party,” Deacon said with a smile.
“You said an informal meal at Diggers’,” Sierra reminded him.
He shrugged. “I had to get you here somehow.”
“I didn’t expect anything like this.” She wasn’t just surprised, she was overwhelmed—and very much afraid that she was going to melt down in front of him again.
“Good, because if you’d expected it, it wouldn’t have been much of a surprise,” he pointed out.
Then, as if sensing that she needed to be rescued from her own emotions, he nudged her farther into the room. And suddenly she was surrounded by friends and colleagues. Even her boss was there, and her prenatal yoga instructor and Harvey—the courthouse security guard that she’d been certain didn’t like her because he only ever responded to her good morning wishes with a grunt.
“I guess everyone likes a party,” she mused. “Or at least cake.”
“Cake?” Deacon’s eyes went wide. “Was I supposed to get cake?”
It was a good time—with a lot of laughter and more than a few tears—and over the course of the evening, it seemed as if everyone she’d ever met in Haven had stopped by for at least a minute or two. Including Sky with Jake and their now three-week-old baby. They didn’t stay long, and Sky refused to say goodbye, but Sierra was okay with that, because she didn’t think she would be able to say the word to her friend, either. Deacon’s brother and sister-in-law showed up, too. And Regan hugged Sierra and told her that she sincerely hoped she’d find her way back to Haven someday.
When there was nothing but crumbs remaining of the cake—because of course Deacon had arranged for a cake (delicious red velvet, layered with chocolate mousse and cherry pâté de fruit jelly)—he took her home. After he walked her to the door, he kissed her—a kiss so achingly sweet, it made her want to cry all over again.
When he eased his lips from hers, he lifted his hands to cradle her face and said, “I love you, Sierra.”
They were the words she’d both longed for and dreaded. Words that simultaneously filled her heart and made it ache.
“Did you really think that now, only hours before I’m leaving town, was a good time to tell me?” she asked, her voice wavering more than a little.
“I’ll admit the timing isn’t ideal, but I didn’t think you were ready to hear it before.” He held her gaze as his thumbs gently brushed away the tears that spilled onto her cheeks. “I’m not entirely sure you’re ready to accept the truth of my feelings now, but I couldn’t let you leave without telling you.
“I understand why you have to go,” he said. “But I hope, after the baby’s born, you’ll consider coming back.”
She’d thought about it, of course. In recent weeks, she’d found herself thinking about it a lot. But her emotions were a tangled mess, and she didn’t know how much of that was a result of her growing feelings for Deacon and how much was pregnancy hormones or even how much of her feelings for him could be attributed to those same hormones.
“I can’t make a decision about this right now,” she said.
“I’m not asking you to make a decision right now,” he told her. “I’m asking you to think about it.”
“I can do that,” she agreed.
The drive to Vegas seemed to take a lot longer than any other time that Sierra had made the journey.
Maybe it was because she had to stop four times to use a restroom, as the baby had recently taken up position on her bladder.
Or maybe it was that she wasn’t as eager to return to Sin City as she’d been on previous trips, because she knew this might be the last time she’d ever travel this route.
Because whatever else might have drawn her and Deacon to one another, proximity had undoubtedly been a significant factor. And now that proximity would no longer factor into the equation, he might soon forget about her.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Besides, Vegas was her home. It had been her home her entire life. It was also where her brother and sister-in-law lived. Where her soon-to-be-born nephew would live with his parents.
She’d never imagined living anywhere else. Had never—except for a few days immediately following her trip to San Francisco and her breakup with Eric—wanted to live anywhere else.
Had Eric broken her heart?
She’d thought so, at the time.
He’d certainly wounded her pride and made her question her judgment.
She’d been duped—not just by the man she’d loved but also by a woman she’d considered a friend.
Still, she hadn’t actually planned to leave Las Vegas. But when the job posting for a six-month position with the Haven District Attorney’s Office appeared the same day she’d given her notice at Bane & Associates, she’d decided it was fortuitous timing. (Deacon probably would have said it was destiny.)
In any event, when she’d packed up her car and headed to Haven, she’d vowed to never succumb to the yearnings of her heart again.
And then she’d met Deacon Parrish.
Was it foolish to let herself believe that her feelings for him could be real?
She didn’t know, and the pregnancy hormones running rampant through her system, messing with her brain and her heart, gave her reason to be cautious.
Which was why she couldn’t make any decisions about her future right now. Why she needed some time and distance to think about her life and future more clearly. Because when she was with Deacon, she didn’t want anything else.
Time and distance would give them both some necessary perspective, she decided.
If, after she had the baby, she still had feelings for him, maybe she’d reach out.
But she probably wouldn’t.
Two months was a long time, and by then, he was certain to have moved on without her.
It was the third week of August—seven weeks after he’d said goodbye to Sierra, and Deacon had missed her every single day. Despite his best efforts to keep himself busy, she was always his first thought in the morning and his last thought at night.
He’d planned—and canceled—several visits to Sin City, because as much as he wanted to see her, he knew that he had to respect her request for space. She was reluctant to believe that her feelings for him were real, concerned that her emotions were amplified by her pregnancy. And he knew that any effort to insert himself back into her life while she was still pregnant would not serve any purpose.
But damn, he missed her.
“Deacon?”
He dragged his attention back to his sister-in-law. “Did you say something?”
“Your mind is a million miles away today, isn’t it? Or would four hundred and fifty be a more accurate number?”
“Does it matter?” he said. “The babies’ room is getting painted, isn’t it?”
“It is,” she agreed. “And I’m happy to say I love that color even more on the wall than on the paint chip.”
He stood back to examine his handiwork. “It does look good,” he agreed. “But are you sure it’s blue? It almost looks purple to me.”
“It’s periwinkle.”
“Sounds like a girl color.”
“I don’t believe in boy colors and girl colors,” she said.
“So why is Double Trouble’s room the color of Double Bubble?”
“Don’t call them that,” his sister-in-law admonished.
“They don’t mind it,” he pointed out.
“Well, I do. And don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing.”
“I’m painting your walls.”
“You’re sidetracking the conversation because you don’t want to talk about Sierra.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You miss her,” Regan guessed.
“Yeah,” he said, because there was no point in denying it.
He’d missed her every minute of every day since he’d watched her drive away. He’d thought he would get used to her absence over time, but he still looked for her car in the driveway when he drove down Larkspur Lane and Remy still wanted to run up to the door when their walk took them past her former house.
“You do realize that missing her is silly, don’t you?”
“Gee, why wouldn’t I want to talk to you about my feelings when you’re so quick to dismiss them?” he said dryly.
“I’m not dismissing your feelings,” she denied. “I’m saying that it’s silly to be moping around here because you miss her when you could be in Vegas with her.”
“Then who would be painting your walls?”
“The walls could wait another week or two.”
He continued to paint.
Regan sighed. “Have you talked to her since she went back?”
“Almost every day.” He also texted her when they didn’t talk—and even sometimes when they did. “She’s applied for a few jobs and even had an interview last week.”
“How did it go?” she asked cautiously.
“She said they sounded really excited about her qualifications when they called to set up the interview—and a lot less enthused after she showed up for the interview.”
“Because she’s pregnant?” Regan guessed.
“Probably,” he agreed. “Not that they were foolish enough to say anything that might open them up to a discrimination suit, but even after Sierra explained her unique situation, the interview ended pretty quickly.”
“You keeping your ear to the ground so you can let her know if any jobs open up here?”
“I am,” he confirmed. “I’ve also been looking at potential employment opportunities in Las Vegas—for me.”
Sierra couldn’t sleep.
It was hard to get comfortable when her belly was approximately the size of a beach ball.
She didn’t know if it was the bed in her brother and sister-in-law’s guest room that was responsible for her backache—or the fact that she was hauling an extra twenty-five pounds around with every step every day.
Not that she’d been hauling it too far.
She still walked every morning, but since her return to Vegas, she hadn’t had to do much of anything else. She did have a doctor’s appointment scheduled the following day, and Nick and Whitney were both planning to go with her. It would be her thirty-nine-week checkup—due date finally just around the corner!—and while Sierra absolutely understood that she was carrying their baby, she was also starting to realize that moving in with her brother and sister-in-law for the last two months of her pregnancy had not been the best idea.
Maybe it was because she’d had so much space in Haven—not just an apartment of her own but an actual house—and now she was essentially living in a bedroom. A spacious and beautifully decorated bedroom, but still only a single room.
Of course Nick and Whitney encouraged her to make herself at home, but it was their home—she was only a guest. The room she slept in wasn’t her own, just like her body wasn’t her own right now.
It wasn’t just that the baby had stretched her out of shape and was making her get up to pee three times in the night and giving her heartburn when she ate anything spicy. It was that she rarely had five minutes to herself without her brother and sister-in-law hovering over her, which was another reason that she got up early to walk every morning.
She enjoyed the fresh air and the exercise, but she missed walking with Remy. And while the heat of a Las Vegas summer was more familiar to her than the cold of a Haven winter, she found herself missing the cooler temperatures of northern Nevada—among other things.
On her way back to Nick and Whitney’s, she passed the same little convenience store that she passed every day. Today she stopped in to pick up a snack.
Whitney was in the kitchen, refilling her coffee mug when Sierra walked in. Her sister-in-law had greeted her with a smile that quickly slipped when she saw the bag of salt and vinegar potato chips in Sierra’s hand. It was only a snack-sized bag—just enough to satisfy her craving.
“There’s a fruit plate in the fridge,” Whitney told her.
“Thanks,” Sierra said. “I’ll have some later.”
Whitney’s gaze dropped to the bag of chips again, and she opened her mouth as if to say something, then snapped it shut.
Sierra tossed the chips into the trash can and retreated to her room, where she cried for no particular reason, as she seemed to be doing a lot in recent days.
She knuckled away a tear as a phone chimed with a text message.
Bail court with Judge Longo this morning.
The message was followed by a face screaming in fear emoji, making her smile.
Hope your client has a comfy cell.
She spent the rest of the morning thinking about Deacon. She wanted to blame his text message, but the truth was, he was never far from her thoughts.
Earlier, when she’d caught Whitney’s disapproving look toward the bag of chips, she couldn’t help but remember how Deacon had gone out of his way to get some for her, just because she’d had a craving.
Because that was the kind of man he was—and she missed him so much more than she could ever have imagined.
Whitney came home with a bag of chips.
A family-sized bag that she set on the end table beside the sofa, where Sierra was sitting reading a book.
“A peace offering,” she said.
“Not necessary,” Sierra told her.
“I think it is,” her sister-in-law insisted. “And so is an apology. The closer we get to the baby’s due date, the more I realize how ill-equipped I am to be a mom, and I think I’ve been trying to micromanage you because it gives me something to focus on rather than admitting my own fears.”
She closed her book and set it aside to give Whitney her full attention, silently chastising herself for not considering that the baby’s mom was dealing with a plethora of emotions, too.
“You better not be saying that you changed your mind,” she said lightly. “Because this baby is yours, for better or for worse.”
Her sister-in-law managed a watery chuckle. “I haven’t changed my mind. I’m just scared that I’m not going to have a clue about what I’m doing.”
“I’d bet that most first-time parents don’t have a clue about what they’re doing.”
“Maybe not,” Whitney agreed. “But sometimes I wonder...”
Sierra waited.
“I wonder if maybe God took my womb because I wasn’t meant to be a mom.”
Religion had always been boggy ground for Sierra. Though she’d been baptized in the Catholic Church, her parents had encouraged kindness and generosity over attendance at weekly mass. Her sister-in-law, on the other hand, had been born into a devout family, and Sierra knew that she needed to respect her beliefs as much as reassure her.
“God didn’t take your womb,” Sierra said gently. “The doctors did. And not because you did anything wrong but because cancer is a horrible, insidious and indiscriminate disease.
“But if you want to look for God’s hand in some part of this process, perhaps you could trust that he gave the doctors the skills they needed to not only save your life but allow your eggs to be harvested so that the children you deserve to have could be born someday.”
“Do you really think so?” Whitney asked hopefully.
“I really do,” she said sincerely.
“You’re giving us the greatest gift, and I know there’s no possible way we’ll ever be able to repay you.”
“I was glad to do it and would happily do it again for you and Nick. In fact, I want to do it again,” Sierra told her. “So that this little guy can have a brother or sister to grow up with.”
“Really? Even after all my hovering and nagging, you’d be willing to do it again?”
“Well, maybe I shouldn’t make any promises before I’ve been through the experience of childbirth, but I figure you’ll be so busy with this little guy, you won’t be able to hover or nag half as much.”
Whitney brushed away the tears that spilled onto her cheeks. “The day I met Nick was the best day of my life—not only because I met the man I love more than I ever thought possible but also because I gained a sister that I couldn’t love any more if she was my own.”
“It was a good day for all of us,” Sierra said. “But I think today’s going to be a good day, too.”
And it was, because just before midnight, Jameson Nicholas Hart was born.