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I stared at Gertie as the members repeated, “Show your allegiance and bare your soul to the bluebonnets!”
“Are they joking?” I asked.
She shook her head, untying her ribbon sash. “You asked earlier why I was here. Well, this is why. I couldn’t let you do it alone.”
“You knew about this?” I screamed.
Gertie wiggled out of her toga, the white linen falling in a heap at her bare feet. Her plump birthday suit glowed under the pink and orange hues of the sunset.
“What’re you doing? Put that back on, right now!” I bent and started collecting her toga. “I’m telling Pop on you!”
“Too late, girlie!” Gertie said, grabbing my ribbon sash. She yanked and tugged until it loosened. She ripped it from my waist and tossed it to the wind. “Fly, ribbon, be free!”
Lunging for the sash and clutching the remains of my toga, I tripped over the gobs of material. In the blink of an eye, the linen sheet dropped to the grass. In a last-ditch effort to recover, literally, I snagged the tape securing the wire to my chest, cringing from the burn as it tore from my skin.
Gertie snatched up both togas and took off at a wobbly jog, streaking through the bluebonnets. I screeched, trying to shield my nakedness with my hands.
“Think of the Frenchies, Steely, RUN!” she hollered.
“Steely! Steely! Steely!” the members chanted. Someone switched on a spotlight. Blinded by the light and not seeing another option, I took off at a sprint, chasing down my grandmother as she dragged the linen sheets behind her. She was surprisingly quick on her feet. “I’m free! I’m free!” she howled, dancing naked while the society ladies cheered behind us. “Gertie, get back here!” At one point, I almost caught the flapping end of one sheet, but she yanked the linen from my grasp, tucked her bare bottom, and barreled down the hill toward the highway. All I could see were headlights.
Close on her heels, I blocked out the honking cars as they slowed to a crawl. People jumped from vehicles, and cameras flashed. Hoots and catcalls echoed all around me. I set my sights on Gertie as she ran with both of our toga remains clutched in her hands, flowing like flags behind her. I galloped like a wild mustang in the wind toward her.
Gertie’s momentum stalled, and a section of material swirled around her feet. Tripping, Gertie jerked to a stop, and I ran smack into her backside. We tumbled, rolled, and landed in a heap of linen in the bluebonnets. Struggling to cover our bodies, I ignored the whistling and clapping from the roadside. My lungs squeezed, choking off my air supply.
“I’m. Gonna. Kill. You,” I said, gasping.
“Oh my god, that was so much fun!” she said, laughing beside me. “Tell me it didn’t feel incredible!” I narrowed my eyes, opening my mouth to yell at her, but I gulped and giggled. “Okay, fine. It felt amazing! But I think I’m dying.” I tried taking a deep inhale, but nothing. “Can’t breathe.” I clutched my throat, my vision blurring. “Gertie, I need my ...,” and I plummeted into darkness.
––––––––
“IS SHE DEAD?” GERTIE’S voice said from somewhere far away.
“Oh dear, I hope not,” another voice said.
“If so, at least she passed away in a blanket of beautiful bluebonnets.” I heard Vivienne’s snarky voice above me. “It’ll definitely go down in the Pleasant Ladies Society history book.”
“She’s not dead. She passed out. Give her some breathing room,” Jackson said beside me. I peeled my eyes open. A distant memory of Gertie and me running naked in a field of bluebonnets flooded my mind. I hoped it’d been a bad dream, but seeing all the toga-clad women standing over me as my vision came into focus, my hope dwindled.
“You ladies go back up to the house. I’ll bring Steely in a few minutes,” Jackson said. In hushed whispers, the crowd dispersed, and everyone headed up the hill.
“That was quite a show.” I detected humor in Jackson’s tone.
I turned my head, finding his dark eyes dancing as he kneeled next to me. “Please, please tell me it didn’t happen.”
“I’d be lying,” he said.
Mental head slap. “I’m going to strangle my grandmother.” Tangled in a heap of sheets, I struggled to sit up. “Where is she? Gertrude!”
“Go easy on her, Steely.” Jackson lifted me into an upright position and helped me cover myself. “She’s inside having her knees cleaned up. When you fainted, she panicked. She took a tumble when she ran to find your inhaler.”
“But this is all her fault.” I laid my head on his shoulder.
“She had good intentions,” he said, kissing me on the top of my head. “When she learned from Daniel that you were attending the new member ceremony, she lied to your father and said Daniel was driving her to bowling practice. She knew about the new member ritual, and she didn’t want you to go through it alone.”
I pulled back, staring at him. “Really?”
“Yeah. She said it was the reason your mother refused to join the group.”
Guilt hit me square in the heart. Gertie was only trying to help. Ugh.
“I always assumed Mama refused because these ladies are a bunch of self-absorbed snobs.”
“From what I’ve learned about the woman your mother was, I’m thinking streaking in the bluebonnets coupled with the snooty types in this group steered her clear from joining.”
I nodded.
“Do you think you can walk back to the house?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’m much better. I guess you heard everything.”
“We were listening from down the road when it happened. We could hear the women yelling and the conversation between you and Gertie, so we knew what was happening. To save you from more humiliation, I asked the chief and Agent Smalls to stay in the car. I ran up the hill on foot.”
“Thank you.” Knowing he didn’t want me involved in the first place caused shame to bubble up from the bottom of my stomach.
“Do you have any idea where you dropped the device?” he asked.
“Sorry.” I shook my head. “And thanks for the save, keeping the other two away. This is so embarrassing.” I fiddled with the sheet, attempting to cover more of myself. “Can you help me with this darn thing? I’m completely naked underneath.”
He winked. “I know, buttercup. I saw you.”
“Ugh! I bet the entire town of Pleasant Hills saw me!”
Helping me to my feet, he said, “I wouldn’t say the entire town, but it definitely caused a traffic jam out on the road. And unfortunately, folks took pictures.”
“Great. Pop will be so proud.”
With my toga wrapped tight, I threaded my arm through Jackson’s, ducked my head in shame, and we walked back to the house.
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THE FOLLOWING DAY, when Daniel wasn’t singing lines from a dumb childhood song, “There’s a place in France ... where the naked women dance,” he was humming the tune. By lunch, I was fed up. I socked him hard.
“Ouch!” He rubbed his arm. “You may be small, but you have fists of steel. Get it? Steely has fists of steel?”
“Ha ha, you’re so funny I forgot to laugh.”
I planted myself on a stool at the front counter, shaking my head at the front page of the Pleasant Hills Banner. The headline read, “New Pleasant Ladies Members Bare ALL to the Bluebonnets.” Centered underneath the title was a picture featuring Gertie and me sprinting down the hillside, Gertie in the lead, one hand in the air, and the other dragging our sheets behind her. The photo was a side view, and Gertie appeared to be having a blast. I had my arms wrapped around my chest, but my bottom half was bare. The newspaper’s editor had placed white rectangles with the words Censored blocking the view of our behinds and Gertie’s chest.
“We should frame it and display it in the lobby,” Daniel said, snickering. “You never know, it might be good for business.”
Cuff’s tail thumped on his doggy bed. I bare my butt in public all the time, and I do not make the front-page news.
I glared at Cuff lounging in a sunshine-filled corner of the lobby. You’re a dog. Naked is your norm. “I can’t believe new members have been running naked in the bluebonnets all these years, and it’s Gertie and I who end up on the front page of the paper.” Sick of looking at the awful photo, I flipped the paper over. “I’d bet a million dollars Vivienne set it up.”
“Set what up?” Daniel asked.
“The photo. Or better yet, I bet she’s the one who took the photo and sent it into the paper. The view is too perfect. I could murder her!”
Daniel frowned. “Too soon. We’ve already had a murder in town this week.”
“Fine. I’ll wait until next week then.” I hopped down from the stool and paced the lobby. Calm down, Chiquita. Cuff let out an audible yawn.
I shot my snarky pup a warning look.
He whined and buried his head between his front paws.
“See, Cuff agrees. It’s no biggie,” Daniel said. “And I bet your Pop is so proud too!” He slapped a hand over his mouth and dashed out of the lobby.
“Yeah, I bet Mama is rolling her eyes up in Heaven,” I said.
“I’d say she’s rollin’ over in her grave too!” Daniel’s laughter spilled out from the groom room. A Pleasant Hills police cruiser pulled up and parked at the curb in front of the shop. Jackson, Chief Becker, and Agent Smalls climbed out of the car and headed for the front door. I snatched the newspaper from the counter and tossed it on the floor under the counter.
“There’s no use hiding the paper. We’ve already seen it,” Jackson said with amusement in his eyes. I hung my head. “Really?”
The three men approached the front counter.
“Yep. We had breakfast at Orsack’s, and several copies are circulating the café,” Jackson said. “This is awful! I don’t think I’ve ever been this embarrassed before.”
Agent Smalls shrugged. “Eh, it’s no big deal. Sometimes, we have to do uncomfortable things to help the cause. Comes with the job. And your sacrifice didn’t go unnoticed, Ms. Lamarr.” He bit back a grin. Chief Becker looked everywhere but my direction.
“Forgive me if I don’t see the humor.” Pursing my lips, I crossed my arms over my chest. “‘Uncomfortable’ is a word I would use to describe a lumpy chair, not having to streak down a hillside in front of half the town.”
Agent Smalls raised his hand. “Ms. Lamarr—”
“I’m not finished,” I interrupted him. “Now, ‘sacrifice’ is more appropriate, and you’re 100 percent correct in saying it did not go—what was the word you used—oh right, ‘unnoticed.’” My pulse quickened. “But I will not allow you to crack jokes on my behalf!”
Daniel burst into laughter from the groom room. “You should have said—not to make jokes about the crack of your behind! It’d be punnier!”
“You see what I have to put up with!” I stabbed a thumb over my shoulder.
I closed my eyes, counting to ten. I opened them, finding three grim faces staring at me. Jackson’s was mixed with sympathy. I cleared my throat.
Uh oh, Chiquita. I sense you are angry.
You can bet your butt I’m angry.
Speaking of butt ...
Pursing my lips in Cuff’s direction, I mentally growled at him.
Too soon, Chiquita?
“Now, I do not mind helping with this case. I’m definitely still in. I learned that two of the society's women are interested in buying dogs from Vivienne’s contact. Today, I intend on learning all I can about said dogs. But if I hear one more joke about what happened last night, I will not only leave you to do this all on your own, but I will tell Vivienne Peacock you are onto her.”
Agent Smalls narrowed his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“Don’t test me,” I said, giving them my best mean face.
Chief Becker clapped. “Got it. We’ll work from our end. Please let us know what you learn today.” He turned on his boot heels and pointed Agent Smalls to the door. They exited in haste. I sighed.
Jackson glanced out the window. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say, you just scared the chief of police, buttercup.” He looked back at me. “But you weren’t serious about telling Vivienne, were you?”
“Dead serious.” I shrugged. “I have nothing to lose.”
“Now, you’re scaring me a little,” Jackson said, backing up. “You’ve got this wild look in your eyes.”
“Good. I’ve made my point then. I’ll see you for dinner this evening when you get off shift. My place or yours?”
“Wherever you want, buttercup.” He shuffled out the door and joined the chief and Agent Smalls at the car.
Daniel let out a whistle. Sidling up next to me, he said, “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” I wish I could warn him, Chiquita. He is pushing your buttons. See what I did there? Butt-ons. The area below my right eye twitched. Both were testing my last nerve. “Enough of the butt jokes.
Oh, and Daniel, remember this when you’re considering framing the newspaper photo. Payback is like karma; it’s a female dog. When she’s had enough, she bites. Unfortunately, you never see her coming until it’s too late.”
Grinning, I left both man and dog to their thoughts.