Bailey

August

I pulled the black dress I had purchased earlier this week from the closet and lay it out on the bed. It was a little sexier than what I’d normally go with, but I figured tonight, of all nights called for a little more. I ran my hand over the silky material, my nerves getting the better of me. It was much sexier than what I’d normally wear, and I was more than a little nervous to wear it.

I’d only decided on it after my friend Justine had talked me into it. I’d sent her a picture of me wearing the dress and the eye-popping emoji followed by a heart had made me laugh. That was when my mind went back to the conversation I’d had with her a few weeks ago.

“I have a feeling that he is going to pop the big question to you on your anniversary,” Justine whispered excitedly to me one night at our book club.

“Really? What makes you say that?”

“Well, I saw him in a jewelry store downtown the other day. I was going to go over and say hello, but as I got closer, I noticed he was looking at the engagement rings. I was afraid I may scare him away from doing what you’ve been waiting for, so I left.” She grabbed my hands, and we both squealed with excitement.

“And what have I been waiting for?” I asked.

Justine looked at me and smiled, “You’ve been waiting for him to get his act together and ask you to marry him, before she finds someone else.”

I could feel my cheeks heat at her words and I wouldn’t have said I’d been waiting, but a commitment of some sort would be nice.

I’d acted casually when I’d seen Jim the next day, even though I was busting inside, wanting to know if, in fact, it was going to happen. As the weeks passed, I shrugged off the idea. There was no point in building the idea up in my mind only to get let down because we’d never really talked about marriage. Then one night during dinner, Jim started asking me questions about what types of diamond cuts and ring settings I liked. He even asked me to flip through a few web pages and point them out. As I surfed through the pages, I couldn’t keep my thoughts from drifting back to the conversation with Justine. A week later, he started asking me about vacation spots. “Could be anywhere: Aruba, Antigua, Grand Cayman?”

This convinced me that Justine had been right. As we drew closer to our anniversary, I figured that would be the night he’d ask, and I’d say yes. As the date drew closer, he’d suggested having dinner at an upscale steakhouse just outside of town. That was when my excitement really built. I was so sure that tonight would be the night that he would indeed pop the question I had run out and spent close to two hundred dollars on this dress. I’d recently lost my job because of the company downsizing and really couldn’t afford to purchase it, but I wanted to look amazing for him.

Running my hands over the silky material again, I smiled to myself. Grabbing the towel that lay beside it on the bed, I was just about to the bathroom door when the phone rang.

“Hello.” I sat down on the edge of my bed and sat the towel beside me.

“Hey, beautiful! What are you doing?” a familiar voice sang into the phone.

“Cara! What a great surprise! I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m great. I was just getting ready for our date tonight, and I thought I had better call and wish my girl a happy anniversary.” She giggled.

“Well, sweets, thank you, but really, it’s not a big deal. Do you guys have any special plans for tonight?”

“Dinner and a movie. You know, the usual. You know Ryan, he likes to keep things simple.”

I giggled. “Sounds wonderful. Simple is good. Say hi to Ryan for me.”

“Will do. What about you? Do you have any special plans?”

Without giving it much thought, my excitement got the better of me. I blurted everything out. I told her about what Justine had told me the night of the book club, and about all the questions Jim had asked. Then, while she was still quiet, I took a deep breath. “Okay, don’t laugh, but I think tonight may be the night that Jim asks me to marry him.”

The phone was silent as I waited for Cara’s response. I was wondering if we’d gotten cut off when I heard her clear her throat.

“Whoa, Bailey, are you sure you’re ready for that?”

Even though I could hear the concern in her voice, I felt myself getting defensive. “What do you mean? Am I ready?”

“How do I say this without sounding like an awful friend?”

“You just say it,” I answered. “Now, what did you mean by that?”

“God, this is going to sound awful. Bailey, I never thought that you would get over Jackson. I mean, every time I think of you, I think of the two of you together.”

“Why would you think of the two of us together?”

“I just hoped that time would heal things, and you’d eventually find your way back to him. I guess I always envisioned us marrying our high school sweethearts.”

Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a minute to inhale deeply. It had taken me a long time to move on, many nights of tears and wishing things had of been different.

“Cara, it’s been five years. It’s been two years since I started dating Jim. This is the natural progression: date, get engaged, get married, perhaps have kids. Things weren’t going that way with Jackson and I.”

“Of course, you’re right, it is the natural progression. I just thought that after all you’d been through with losing your brother and then with Jackson, you would have given it more time. Make sure that Jim really is the one.”

“I have given it time, Cara, and I’m happy.” I swallowed hard. Was I happy? I thought for a moment. I wasn’t happy, but I knew if I told myself that enough, I’d finally start believing it. I just hoped that Cara didn’t see through it.

“Happy? Are you? Are you really?”

I paused. She’d seen through it just like I knew she would. Sure, Jim and I had our problems. Okay, lots of problems, but they differed from the ones that Jackson and I had. We worked through them, or at least tried, which was more than what I could say about my previous relationship.

“Yes, I am,” I said weakly.

“Okay. I just wish it sounded like you were,” Cara said.

I should have been angry at her for not believing me, but from the sound of my voice, I wasn’t even sure a stranger would believe me at this point. I looked down at the dress that lay beside me and then over at the towel, regret sinking in about what I’d spent.

“I’m happy.” I repeated.

“Well, I guess that is all that matters. If you’re happy, I’m happy.” Cara replied.

“I am,” I answered, perhaps a little too quickly. I was quiet for a moment. How did Cara do that? How did she see right through everything, and know I was as unsure of this as I was the day I walked away from my life back home? I pulled my feet up underneath me. How did she know I was constantly guessing whether this relationship was right for me, even after two years together? How did she know I was always wondering if I’d made the right decision by walking away from Jackson? I glanced at the clock and knew if I didn’t get going, I was going to be late. I also knew if I kept thinking about this, I’d call and cancel my date, as I’d done before, and drown my misery in a carb laden meal. “All right, you, I must get going. I am supposed to meet Jim at the restaurant at six.”

“All right, well, happy anniversary, and I will call you tomorrow. Love you, bug.”

“Love you too.”

* * *

I took another drink of wine and placed the glass down on the table, tracing the rim with my finger. It was almost seven. I had been waiting for Jim for almost an hour. A loud gasp, followed by an excited scream, pulled my attention to the corner of the room. There I watched as a man kneeled down on the ground; a black velvet box perched in his hand as the woman across from him slipped the ring excitedly onto her finger. I smiled softly as I watched the couple embrace and then kiss before they sat back down.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder.

I smiled as I looked up to see Jim standing there. Instead of kissing me, he walked over and pulled the chair out across from me and sat down. He looked exhausted; his hair was disheveled—a normal look from him running his fingers through after a stressful day. His suit jacket hung open, he’d already removed his tie, and he had already undone the first three buttons of his shirt. Suddenly, I felt very overdressed.

“It’s okay.” I shrugged, picking up my wineglass. “I had good company.”

“I see that.” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

I grabbed the bottle and poured another glass. “You really should try this wine before I finish the entire bottle.”

“I’m good. It’s been a long day. Not in the mood for drinks tonight.”

I frowned. This wasn’t the normal Jim, and I was wondering what had caused the lack of enthusiasm in him. He ran his hand through his hair once again, shrugged out of his suit jacket, and picked up the menu that was sitting on the table in front of him. He had barely looked at it before closing it again and letting out a sigh.

“Is everything okay?” I could hear the concern in my voice as I looked into his tired eyes. The more I worried something wasn’t right, the faster I could no longer feel the effects of the wine I’d drank. I placed my glass down on the table to give him my undivided attention in case he wanted to talk. However, one look at his expression told me he didn’t want to talk. What it told me was he didn’t really want to be here with me. I’d seen it before.

“Yeah, like I said, it was a long day.”

I looked over at the menu and then back to Jim. “If you weren’t feeling up to tonight, you could have called. I’d have understood. Instead, I could have just come over and made dinner for us at your place.”

“Welcome to The Porter House. Could I take your order?” the server asked, approaching our table, interrupting us. He emptied the rest of the wine from the bottle into Jim’s glass. I was about to ask if we could have a couple more minutes to give Jim time to look over the menu, but he surprised me by placing his order.

“Yes. I’ll have the New York strip cooked rare. A double baked potato, garlic mushrooms and onions on the side,” he murmured, closing the menu, and pulling his cell phone from his breast pocket.

“Great choice, and for you, miss?”

I sat there looking at the man who sat across from me, not sure what to say. We’d never been to this restaurant before. Come to think of it, that was why he wanted to come here, yet he knew exactly what to order and he’d barely even glanced at the menu.

“Miss?”

“I’ll have the chicken.”

I watched as Jim pulled his cell phone from his breast pocket and began typing away, waiting for an answer from whoever had sent him a text, and then he typed back.

“And for the side, miss?”

“Rice and steamed vegetables,” I mumbled absentmindedly as I watched a funny little smile settle on Jim’s face at something he’d read.

“Very good. Would you like another bottle of wine?”

When I didn’t answer, Jim glanced up at me, cleared his throat and nodded. “Please.” Then he went right back to the conversation he was having on his phone.

I watched as the server walked away, and once she was out of earshot, I turned back to Jim. He sat there, his face in his phone, as if I weren’t even here. I could feel the anxiety building in my chest. Something was wrong. My mind flooded with all kinds of questions, but I only asked one.

“I thought you said you’ve never been here before?”

“I haven’t,” he said, finishing up whatever he’d been typing, then slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“Then how did you know what to order?”

Jim squirmed in his seat, clearly uncomfortable with my question. He shook his head and averted his eyes, then pulled his phone from his pocket again and began typing.

“Are you going to answer me?” I demanded. “Or are you going to have this date with your phone?”

“Sorry, it’s my boss.” He said, holding up his phone. “And I studied the menu earlier today, between meetings,” he mumbled.

I looked down at the place setting in front of me, not sure what more to say. I took a sip of wine and looked back over at Jim, watching him type while I sat and waited for him to put his phone back in his pocket. Across the room, another couple’s proposal caused excitement. I turned back to Jim, my smile quickly fading away when I saw he still had his cell phone in hand.

I sighed. “Am I keeping you from someone?” I questioned, annoyed.

Jim glanced up at me, at the annoyed look on my face, and quickly put his phone away just in time for our food to arrive. We both ate in unusual and uncomfortable silence as everyone around us enjoyed the company of their significant other.

Jim had just cleared his plate and set his fork down, stretched, and looked over at me. Clearing his throat, he leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table.

“I have something I want to talk to you about.”

“Okay.”

“You know, Bailey, we’ve been dating for what, two years now?”

I smiled and nodded before placing my fork down on the side of my plate. I had to turn my mood around. If it was his boss, he’d been texting with I knew it was something important. If he’d had a bad day, that wasn’t his fault. I’d had plenty of those lately as well, and he never got upset with me.

“I’ve had a really great time with you. The places we’ve traveled and seen together have been nothing short of amazing.”

“Yes, they have.” I smiled, thinking back through the adventures we’d had. The last one took us to Cozumel for our second anniversary. I could feel the anticipation building as I sat there thinking back to those nights in Mexico. One night, we’d gone down to the beach and made love under the moonlight. It had been amazing to feel the warm sea air caress my skin, and I wondered if tonight we’d be sharing the same feelings, of course, without the beach.

“I want you to know I really care about you.”

“Of course, and I care about you too,” I said in a serious tone, as I rested my hand in the middle of the table. “I love you.”

Jim grabbed my hand. I could barely contain the butterflies in my stomach as he rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand. “Bailey, it’s really been wonderful.”

“Yes, it has,” I said, meeting his eyes. Perhaps I’d mistaken his expression for a bad mood when he was just nervous.

His eyes dropped from mine and a look I didn’t recognize came over his face. “Lately, though, I feel that something is missing between us.”

“Missing?” I frowned, swallowing hard, wondering what he was talking about.

“Yes. I’ve given it lots of thought and I’ve searched within myself, but I feel the connection I once felt to you is gone.”

I frowned, trying to figure out where this was coming from. Everything in our relationship was the same. Nothing had changed. I had gone through a hard time a few weeks ago when I’d lost my job, and sure our relationship wasn’t always roses, but then who’s was.

“Bailey, I don’t want to lead you on. That wouldn’t be fair. I just don’t feel this relationship is going anywhere. My feelings toward you, and us, have changed.”

I could just imagine the look of shock on my face. Here I was expecting a proposal and, well, instead, I was getting dumped on our anniversary.

“What?” I asked a little louder than I should have, shock filling my voice.

“Bailey, I can’t keep this up between us anymore. I just don’t feel the same way about us anymore, and I haven’t for quite some time. It’s not right to lead you on, making you believe everything is fine.”

My stomach turned, and I swallowed hard, fighting the burning sensation in my eyes from the tears that threatened to fall. I could feel eyes on me from every corner of the room as the patrons of the restaurant watched as my life shattered once again. I ripped my hand away from his, picked up my wineglass, and downed the contents as Jim sat and watched me.

“Bailey, that’s not the only thing.”

“I bet it’s not.” I murmured, still not believing what I’d heard.

“I’ve met someone else.”

“What?” I questioned, slamming the glass down on the table.

“Perhaps this was the wrong spot to do this,” he muttered under his breath as he looked around, noticing that people were now watching us.

“Perhaps this was the wrong spot to do this? Perhaps? Are you fucking kidding me? It’s our anniversary. You are supposed to be proposing to me tonight. Not taking me out to dinner to break my heart, you asshole.” I said through tightly clenched teeth.

Jim sat back and ran his hand over his face. “Proposing?” His eyes met mine. “Bailey, what are you talking about? What on earth would have given you that idea?”

I shrugged as Jim looked down at the table and then back at me.

“Justine.” I murmured. “She saw you shopping downtown, said you were picking out rings? The joke must have been on me. Did you ask me all those questions about rings and vacation spots to buy a ring and propose to this other person?”

“No, no, no. God, Bailey, I was there helping my brother. She must have seen me when he stepped away to take a call. He asked me to get your insight because he was going to ask Sarah to marry him on their vacation.”

“I see.” I said, fighting back tears. “God, Jim, I thought things between us were more serious than this.”

“Bailey, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

I could feel the burning behind my eyes and knew that tears weren’t very far, and before they started pouring, I needed to get out of this restaurant. “Good night, that’s what I’m going to say,” I said, standing and grabbing my clutch purse from the table.

“Bailey, I don’t think you should leave. Let me at least take you home. You’ve had a lot of wine. It’s not safe for you to drive.” Jim stood up and grabbed my arm.

I stopped and turned to look at him when I heard his phone ring. He held his finger up and pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the screen, then began typing away.

I let out a loud huff. “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of wine, and I can see you are busy. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure a cab takes me home. You obviously have more important things to take care of.” I said, looking at the phone. “Even in the middle of a breakup, you can’t leave that fucking phone alone.”

I left Jim sitting at the table and rushed out of the restaurant, fighting tears all the way.

* * *

The ringing phone woke me from a dead sleep. I lifted my head, a sharp pain passing through my temples. I dropped my head back down onto my pillow; and rubbed my eyes with my fists blinking hard. The brightness in the bedroom giving me an even bigger headache than what I already had. Why didn’t I pull the blinds?

I lay there trying to remember how I had gotten home. Had I taken a cab? Did Jim drop me off? Did I, oh god, had I driven? I went to roll over but felt restricted. Then I looked down at myself. The new dress I’d bought was wrapped tightly around me. No doubt it was all stretched to hell now. I let out a breath. My God, I had even fallen asleep with my clothes on. A loud ring went off again, and I reached over my head to grab the phone.

“Hello,” I said groggily.

“Hello, my engaged twin.”

“Engaged twin?” I questioned, rubbing my eyes.

“Yes! You weren’t the only one who committed to forever last night. Ryan asked me to marry him last night too!” a cheerful Cara sang into the phone. “The wedding will be in December, and I want you to be my maid of honor. Of course, I’ll return the favor!” she squealed. I could hear Ryan mumble something in the background, but couldn’t make out what it was.

I felt my stomach turn. It was those words that brought me back to why I was such a mess this morning. As if the breakup with Jim wasn’t enough, now I would have to face watching Cara and Ryan get married.

“Congratulations.” I sniffled, trying hard to be happy for my best friend. I knew I wasn’t kidding anyone. I sounded like shit, and happiness and excitement were the furthest emotion from my voice.

“Bailey?”

“Yeah?” I said through a tight throat, trying to stifle the heavy sobs I knew were coming.

“What is it? What happened?”

“How do you know something happened?” I said, my eyes now tear filled.

“Bailey?” Her voice was softer this time. “What happened?”

I let out a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Oh, Jim and I broke up last night.” I sniffled. “He met someone else.”

“That dirty rat bastard. Where is he? I will kill him. Don’t hide him from me either, Bailey. I will find him and make sure he never uses his dick for anything ever again.”

Even though I felt awful, I couldn’t help but laugh through my tears at how protective Cara had always been. She’d been that way with Jackson in the beginning, too. “It’s okay, you don’t need to go all psycho. Our relationship - well, it just wasn’t meant to be. It comes as some sort of shock, though, after thinking that I would have an entirely different conversation with you this morning.”

“I’m sure. So what are you going to do now?”

“Honestly, I don’t really know. Find work, I guess. Figure out where life is going to take me now. Pick up the pieces.”

The line went quiet for a couple of minutes, and I could hear Cara whispering on the other end. I knew immediately she was probably telling Ryan everything.

“Don’t tell Ryan everything!” I exclaimed. “At least wait until I’m off the phone.”

“I’m not. Listen, I have an idea.”

“You do? That at least makes one of us. Dare I even ask?”

“I was just thinking you could always come home. We could really use help to plan the wedding, and maybe you could get a job here. I’m sure your mom would be so happy to have you home.”

A wave of panic came over me as I thought about returning to Sunset Cove. I hadn’t been back since the day I left five years ago. I hadn’t even gone back for a visit. Mom had come to me. I liked my new life. Or I did until now.

“What do you say? It will be like old times. We can shop, visit our old stomping grounds, and you can help me plan one hell of a wedding. Come on, I can’t do it without you.”

“I don’t know, Cara. I’m not sure I’m ready to return.” If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that I wasn’t ready to revisit my past. Any part of it.

“It’s because of Jackson, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“Why you’re hesitating.” Cara said, her voice quieter now.

“Listen, it’s not about Jackson. It’s about me. It’s about the fact I haven’t been back since the funeral. It’s about my brother and the fact that they still haven’t found the guy responsible for taking his life that night.”

“Sure…”

I hated it when Cara did that. She knew I hadn’t dealt well with my brother’s death. I’d been in therapy since it happened. I had confronted a lot of things from that night, but it didn’t mean that many of those memories and thoughts didn’t rise. The one thing I hadn’t confronted was how things had changed in my relationship with Jackson after it had happened. I hated to admit it, but Cara knew me better than I knew myself.

I glanced at my cell phone as it vibrated on the table. As Cara began going on about all the things I could do there while trying to convince me to return, I leaned forward and grabbed my phone.

Jim had sent me a text. I took a deep breath and opened his message. Tears formed in my eyes once again as I read the words. It was final. He had messaged me to let me know he was on his way over and would leave my items from his apartment in the lobby of my apartment building for me to pick up. Which meant that he must have packed them up over the past couple of weeks while I’d been in bed with the flu. Suddenly, I felt as if he had been planning this for some time and just hadn’t found the time to tell me.

“...and honestly, trying to plan a wedding for a couple hundred people in only a few short months is going to be hard enough. That’s why I need you here. I know with you by my side, it will go off like a hitch. What do you say? Will you come home and help me? Please?”

I hadn’t been paying one bit of attention to anything she had said and really didn’t have any clue what I was agreeing to. Yet the words still came out, “Yeah Cara, you can count on me. I guess I am coming home.”