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Blair
The train journey home was long, tiring, and arduous, but I was glad to be getting back. I’d spent the weekend at a work conference, but unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you wanted to look at it – the final speaker had fallen ill, meaning the event had been cut short.
I was disappointed, because she was the only person I’d been really interested in seeing, but I was excited to surprise Gary. It felt like ages since I’d seen him last and I couldn’t wait for some much needed one on one time with him. Things had felt a little off recently because I’d been so busy, and I was glad for the opportunity to make that up to him.
We’d been together for years by this point, and I was becoming increasingly convinced that he was slowly heading towards proposing to me – finally! He was being secretive and a little shady, which could only mean that we were finally going to take the next step. One I’d been waiting for forever.
I was certain that once we were engaged, he’d want to move in together too – something else I’d been angling for, dreaming about for a very long time. It wasn’t that we didn’t love one another, it was just that he had a slight commitment phobia – one that I’d been chipping away at.
As I finally staggered off the train carriage, I made the decision to go to Gary’s before even making a quick trip home. Sure, I could use a shower and a change of clothes, but I feared if I went back there I’d end up crawling into bed, too shattered to do anything else, and I really didn’t want to. I felt like that would be a waste of a free evening, so I hopped in the nearest cab, and gave the driver Gary’s address.
My heart began to pound as we grew nearer to his home; I was excited, needing to be with him once more. Luckily I’d thought to take his house key with me before I left because it meant I could really shock him.
He was going to love it; I was certain of that!
I opened the door quietly, and snuck inside. As I peeked at my watch, I noticed that it was just after ten pm, which meant he was probably watching television in bed, wanting to be ready for work the next day – he was obsessed with his job – so I tiptoed silently, trying not to giggle, and I flung open his bedroom door, yelling “Surprise!” as I did.
Silence. The silence hit me like a smack in the face. I’d expected him to yell with joy at my arrival. What the hell was going on?
Then it hit me what I was actually seeing. Gary, in bed, having sex with someone else.
“What the fuck Blair?” he finally cried out in shock and annoyance, pointlessly trying to cover himself up. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Who?” I panted, stepping backwards, trying to fit the jigsaw pieces together. It wasn’t quite making sense to me. “What?”
“Who’s that Gary?” the red haired vixen next to him called out, looking about as stunned as I felt.
“It’s my ex-girlfriend.” He turned to face her, exasperation filling his face.
“Ex?!” I shrieked. “Ex? When the fuck did I become your ex? Why didn’t you tell me?” I turned to face the woman. “We’ve been together for nearly four years. If we aren’t together anymore, then he didn’t have the decency to tell me.”
“Don’t listen to her Sandra,” he looked at this stranger pleadingly, caring more about her opinion than mine. “She’s crazy.”
Sandra.
His secretary. I remembered him talking about her nonstop for a period, but for some reason I’d trusted him too much not to be worried. What an idiot! And what a fucking cliché – she was probably the reason that he liked his job so much.
I didn’t want to stay and fight what was so clearly going to be a losing battle. Gary wasn’t even acknowledging me, and I had far too much pride to force him to, so I spun on my heels with tears racing down my face, and I raced from Gary’s house, gagging for some fresh air.
“What a fucking prick,” I muttered under my breath, as the cold air hit me, while I tried to decide on my next move.
What the hell was I going to do now?
Not only had I just lost my boyfriend, I’d lost the future that I’d been depending on for years.
This was absolutely gutting, and I had no idea how I was ever going to recover...
*****
Jason
I’D ONLY BEEN IN THIS new city for a few hours, and I already liked it a whole lot. I could sense opportunity pouring out of every orifice, and with the amount of money I had at my disposal, anything was possible.
I’d already purchased a new business venture here, before even setting foot on its grounds, and I was certain that I’d do well no matter what. If there was one thing that I understood well, it was how to make money, and that was what I fully intended to do here!
I decided that the only way to get to know a new place was to go out drinking there. Trawling through the bars, I’d get to know the city, the people, and what people did for fun. It would give me an idea of what the vibe of my new home was.
So that’s why I headed to the nearest drinking hole almost the second that I stepped off of the plane, and I’d been exploring ever since.
By the time I spotted the crying woman sitting in the trashiest bar I’d come across, I was well and truly buzzed. I didn’t normally go out of my way to speak to strangers, because I always found that they were after something once they learned my identity and about my riches, but there was something about this one that drew me in. She intrigued me, and in my tipsy state, I decided to find out more.
“Can I buy you a drink?” I asked, sidling up next to her, acting totally out of character for me.
“Piss off,” she shot back glumly, not even looking up to see me. As I examined her appearance, it was clear that she was hurting, and that made it feel safe for me to continue. I wasn’t about to be used by someone who had their own problems in mind.
Was I?
“I’m sorry,” I sighed deeply, suddenly wishing that I could find the right words. “I just... you look so sad; I wanted to make you smile.”
With that, she finally looked up at me, distain filling her entire expression. “Well then, can you go back in time and stop me from wasting four years of my life on a fuckwit?” As she spoke, it was obvious that she’d been drinking, but that the pain was keeping her sober. In that moment, I wished I was less tipsy too. I wasn’t wasted, but this felt like a serious, somber moment that should be treated as such.
“Oh dear,” I shook my head sadly. “What happened?”
She eyed me suspiciously for a few moments, trying to assess my motives. I tried to keep my expression as straight as my intentions were. There was no denying that this woman was gorgeous, but I had no desire to take advantage of her vulnerability! I’d spent too much of my life worrying about people doing that to me, I certainly wasn’t about to do the same.
“I found my boyfriend in bed with his secretary,” she sneered at me, clearly realizing that I could be trusted. “A while ago. And even worse, he told her that I’m his ex-girlfriend. Sure, things have been a bit shitty for a while, I suppose, but he never broke up with me.”
All the things I wanted to say about this man started to bubble to the surface, but I forced myself to keep them inside. Things were often said in the heat of the moment, then retracted later on, and I didn’t know enough about the situation to intervene, to give an opinion.
So instead, I decided on a different tactic. “Come on,” I held my hand out to her, standing up. “Let’s go and get rip roaring drunk.”
“Why?” She looked at me through narrow eyes, her guards flying back up.
“Because you need cheering up,” I shrugged. That was honestly all that I cared about, and I hoped that she could see that.
“But you don’t even know me.”
She was rightly suspicious, but I wasn’t going to let that put me off.
“So? We can still have a laugh, right?”
With that she smiled, finally accepting my offer, took my hand and followed behind me.
*****
Blair
SOMEHOW, THE STRANGER had taken me from heartbroken to elated in the space of a couple of hours.
He insisted on taking me dancing, despite my terrible appearance and suitcase – which he paid someone to look after – and he forced me into some random nightclub.
At first, I was extremely dubious, but after a few drinks, when I’d managed to let my hair down a bit, I began to really seriously enjoy myself – something I hadn’t expected at all. Moving to the beat and acting mad on the dance floor with this crazy fun loving guy, was the absolute best remedy for my horrible situation.
I certainly wasn’t thinking about Gary and Sandra at any rate...
And as the night wore on, it was safe to say that while he was being honorable, keeping to his word; my mind kept wandering into dirtier territory. I hadn’t expected to feel anything about this guy, but somehow through my alcohol addled mind, seeing him naked was all that I could think about.
Jason – as I now knew he was called – was easily one of the most gorgeous men that I’d ever laid eyes on. He had sandy blond hair, sparkling green eyes and the kind of muscular body that he’d clearly worked hard for. He was totally the opposite to Gary’s dark, thinner appearance, and that was enough to have me feeling incredibly turned on.
But it wasn’t just his appearance that I was attracted to. I really enjoyed his personality too. He was exciting, funny and really sweet. Sure, it seemed like he had a lot of money too, but I really didn’t care about that. I liked Jason for him, and considering what had happened in the last few hours, that was something of a revelation.
I knew it wasn’t a wise move to lose myself in this stranger when I was hurting so badly, but logic had well and truly gone from my mind by this point, and as I watched him swinging his body, goofing around on the dance floor, trying to make me laugh, all I could focus on was lust.
I could feel a clear, strong connection between us, and I needed to act upon it now before I changed my mind, before I allowed myself to think rationally. I just felt like I’d regret it if I let this opportunity slip past me, so without giving myself another second to think, I leant across to kiss him, internally praying desperately that he wouldn’t reject me.
He didn’t.
Instead, he pulled me in closer, wrapping his arms tightly around me, kissing me gently and passionately all at once.
When we eventually pulled apart, I stared into his desire filled eyes, and I bit my lip in anticipation. I didn’t care how stupid it was, I wanted this guy badly, and I hoped that he could see that.
“Come on,” he finally whispered against my lips. “Let’s go. My car is waiting outside.”
I nodded numbly as a reply, no longer trusting myself to speak.
As soon as we stepped into his limousine, he told the driver to take us to his home, and closed the partition to give us some privacy.
Then, he put his hands on my cheeks, filling me with an intense warmth, and he rested his forehead against mine, just staring into my eyes.
In that moment, it became far more than just lust to me. It felt romantic, and I was actually enjoying that. It made it feel that much more special.
I didn’t even look at Jason’s home as we pulled up outside it. I was too busy staring at him, and wondering what was going to happen next. I was aware that the building was huge, that it was practically a mansion, but that was about it.
All I wanted to do was get my hands on him, to feel him all over me. I wanted to forget everything else, and just remember him.
As we eventually made it through the door, Jason instantly turned to face me, pulling me in for the horniest kiss ever. I almost crumbled under that touch alone.
Then, he pushed me back against the wall, allowing me to feel how much he wanted me, which made me feel excited and amazing.
We didn’t make it out of that hallway; we didn’t even make it out of our clothes the first time around. We simply stayed where we were, pushed up against his hallway wall, up against his mirror, and quickly pushed our underwear to one side – too desperate to feel one another to wait.
As he pushed inside of me, I felt myself gasp loudly at how well he filled me up. This was frantic, passionate, exciting, nothing like what I was used to, and that was enough to send waves of passion quickly crashing right through me.
One time wasn’t enough for Jason. It wasn’t enough for me either, so not long after we’d finished, he lay me back on the stairs and teased me with his fingers until I almost burst, then he took me hard and fast once more.
By the time we actually made it to his bed, we were both ready to slow things down, but not to stop. So we took things at a much calmer pace, really exploring one another’s bodies. He seemed really turned on by my curves which made me feel like a sexy goddess, and it was safe to say that he was driving me crazy too.
By the time we actually fell to sleep, I did so with a big smile on my face – the opposite to what I was expecting!
*****
Jason
AS MORNING ROLLED AROUND, I woke up with a massive smile on my face. Sure, I hadn’t meant to sleep with Blair, but I was over the moon that it had happened. I never gave myself so wholly to someone so quickly, I was normally much more careful, but as soon as she’d kissed me, an intense desire had sparked inside of me, and there was no way I could have held back.
Thankfully, because it had been one of the best nights of my whole damn life.
But then, that all vanished when I turned around to find myself alone.
I sat up quickly, that familiar feeling of dread, of being used, settling over me once more. Only this time, Blair hadn’t been after my money, she’d just wanted to use my body, to help herself get over her ex.
Of course she had, how could I have been so stupid!
As I lay back down in my large bed, in my massive home, all alone, I felt sadder than I had in a very long time. This crappy feeling, this was why I normally locked myself away from the world.
What a shitty start to my new life!
But I couldn’t focus too much on that. I couldn’t worry too much about this random chick who screwed me and left me. I had too much else to worry about.
I had a company takeover to organize, and I was pretty sure that it wasn’t going to be an easy ride.
I was going to do things differently with this business; I was going to go back to basics, to how I used to do things. Lately I’d gotten lazy, and I’d been allowing things to run on their own, with much less success.
It had taken me a while to get there, but I figured that I was the key to success, and I wanted to carry on with that trend.
With that in mind, I had all kinds of meetings to attend to today; I had no time to dwell on this chick that clearly wasn’t thinking about me...
*****
Blair
URGH.
What a horrible weekend! I still felt like utter shit on Monday morning – my hangover felt like it was never ending, which hadn’t been helped by the emotional wreck I was. I just couldn’t believe that Gary had screwed me over in such a shitty way! It was as if the shock had finally worn off, and all I was left with was sadness.
Why? I just couldn’t work out why, and that was the killer part.
And then there had been the one-night stand, which I was trying not to think too hard about. I’d had to creep out in the early hours of the morning, to complete the walk of shame in private, and it wasn’t an experience that I particularly wanted to repeat.
Sure, it had been a lot of fun at the time, when I was drunk, but in the cold, sober light of day I felt like a fool. I just couldn’t believe that I’d acted so out of character. It was not like me at all! I couldn’t face the awkward moment with the man who was effectively a stranger – whatever I felt for him inside – so I’d escaped before it came to that.
So, it was safe to say that I was not in the mood for greeting a new boss today – someone else I was going to have to be a personal assistant for. This company had been suffering a high staff turnover recently, which was driving me mad. Just as I got used to one person’s way of thinking, they decided that they couldn’t cope with the demands of a failing organization, and they quit leaving me in the mess. I felt like I was constantly on egg shells, and it had been messing with my performance.
Apparently this new guy was supposed to be amazing. I just hoped that he would stick it out for a while, that was all I cared about.
As I reached the office building, I took a few deep breaths, trying to prepare myself. Then I shoved the door open with my most confident face on. I was just going to act cool, and hope that everyone else would believe that.
Except that all fell apart when I saw the man who was to become my boss, standing in the reception area, talking to some of the giggling girls from accounting.
My heart stopped, and my whole demeanor just fell away.
It was him!
The last person I wanted to see in the entire world – well, maybe except for Gary and his slutty secretary.
Jason.
He was here in my office, and I was going to have to work for him. As his personal assistant. It was the sort of thing that horror movies were written about!
The guy I had a one night stand with. The guy who’d seen me naked, who’d given me multiple orgasms, was here. In the office. As my new boss. It was too much for me to wrap my head around.
I wanted to die. I wanted a hole to open up in the ground, to swallow me up. And as our eyes finally connected, and he realized who I was, the humiliation flushed through him too, showing me that he felt the same.
I was frozen to the spot, panic wildly coursing through my veins.
What should I do? Did I act like I didn’t know him? I certainly didn’t want anyone to find out the truth – this was a very gossipy place after all. Or was I going to have to suck it up and confess? What sort of issues was that going to cause around here?
I simply stood there, dumbfounded, waiting for him to make his move, wanting him to decide.
Eventually, he stepped slowly towards me, seemingly doing what I so desperately needed him to do.
“Hello,” he stretched his hand out to me. “I’m Mr. Evans, your new boss.”
Denial, it was!
“H...hi.” I stammered, taking his hand in mine.
As our skin connected, I felt a fission of excitement burst through me, and it took all that I had not to let it show on my face. There was still something there, still a sexual atmosphere, and that was really difficult to deal with. It was inappropriate.
A bit of embarrassment and regret I could deal with. Even an ill-advised one-night stand. But desiring my boss? Having real feelings for him? No, that I couldn’t do.
“I’m...I’m Blair,” I gulped down, feeling everyone’s eyes upon us. That might have been my paranoia more than the truth, but I could feel it all the same. “Blair McLeod. It’s nice to meet you?” I phrased that like a question in my shock, making me sound foolish. But to be honest that was the least of my problems.
My job was about to get a whole lot harder.
I was going to have to work very closely for Jason, whilst trying to hide my feelings, trying to disguise our slightly shady past.
It was not going to be fun!
*****
Jason
WHEN I SPOTTED BLAIR wandering in to my new building, my heart leapt into my throat. All the feelings that I’d been feeling for her on that crazy, drunken night, came crashing back. All the rejection I’d felt, all the sadness, it just disappeared. All I could focus on was the fact that I had another shot, I could make things right.
But then it hit me that she was my employee now, and that it was all wrong, and from the look on her face she’d realized that too.
Shit!
I needed to find a way to make this easier for the both of us, so in the spur of the moment, I decided to act like I didn’t know her. It seemed like the right decision at the time, but a few weeks later, we were still skating around our past as if it never happened, and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable about it.
I wanted to discuss it with her – but it had been far too long now.
It was there though, in the air permanently and it was affecting us both. Blair was my personal assistant and we barely spoke. I hated every second of that – I liked Blair, as a person as well as in every other way, and I didn’t like this radio silence. The night we’d spent together had been a whole lot of fun and I really wanted to get to know her better.
Now I finally had the chance to do that, and she wouldn’t let me in.
We were stilted, stiff, and it was making me crazy.
All I could really think about was Blair, and it was affecting all of my decisions. I couldn’t concentrate with her around, tempting me, but not letting me in. I felt like I was going insane.
So one night, a month into my new job, I decided to ask her to stay behind after work under the pretense of a new project, but of course my real intention was to clear the air in private – without prying eyes to make her nervous. I couldn’t go on in this awkward way, I needed to make things right. This was the only way I could do that.
Even as I mentioned the whole ‘work project’ to Blair, I could see how uncomfortable it made her, but I persisted, hoping that I could have this all sorted soon.
“It’s important.” I finished, hoping that she would understand my underlying meaning.
“Okay,” she whispered, practically shrinking in on herself.
As the office started to empty at the end of the day, I found myself feeling oddly anxious. I didn’t want to screw things up with Blair, I was terrified of losing her completely and I really felt like this was my only shot!
The whole building had been empty for at least fifteen minutes before I worked up the courage to speak.
“Erm, Blair. Can we talk?” I indicated towards my office, praying that she was going to give me the chance to speak.
She followed tentatively behind me, shuffling, trying to keep herself as small as possible. I hated that. I wanted her to really feel like she could be as comfortable as possible with me. I wanted the Blair back that I met that night.
“What work do you have for me?” she asked, looking down at the notebook in front of her, refusing to make eye contact with me.
“None,” I replied, causing her to snap up, to finally see me. “I just... I wanted to talk to you alone.” I watched as she nodded slowly, accepting that this was inevitable. “I just think we need to clear the air to make our working relationship better.” Something about that sentence felt clunky and uncomfortable, and I ended up blushing brightly.
“Okay,” she nodded. “I’m sorry if I haven’t been performing well...”
“No, no,” I jumped in quickly. “It’s not that, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...” I sighed deeply, smiling at her. “It’s just a little strange, huh?”
“Yeah,” she admitted, sending me that smile which had really attracted me to her in the first place. “I know.”
“So, I... erm...” I had no idea where I was going with this, which she could sense. And after a few moments we both burst into an awkward laughter.
I had no idea who made the first move, but all of a sudden, as we were enjoying ourselves together once more, the sexual attraction became too much and we moved into one another like magnets who couldn’t keep apart. And we started kissing ferociously – all of the suppressed feelings finally making their way to the surface once more.
She fell back against my desk and I started to trace my hand up her leg, desperate to feel her wet heat once more, but before I got there she freaked out.
“No, no.” She shoved me off her quickly, her eyes wild with terror and desire. She leant forward to pick up her notebook from the floor where it must have fallen, giving me a second to disguise my throbbing erection. “We can’t.” There was a sadness and frustration in her eyes – one that I could relate to well because I was feeling it too. “I’m sorry, we just... we can’t...”
Her meaning was clear. We might want each other, but we couldn’t act upon it. We just couldn’t... there were too many obstacles in our way.
And then I watched as she turned and raced from the room, and out of my life once more, leaving me dejected and heartbroken all over again.
*****
Blair
AS I RACED FROM THE building and away from Jason, I felt that horrible empty feeling of regret settling in my stomach once more. I wasn’t sure if I regretted that happening, or me leaving, but there was definitely an empty sadness there.
While I ran, I started to think about what I’d been missing out on whilst I’d been so distracted, and a weird realization hit me. I’d been so consumed by trying to avoid Jason and trying to act professional at work, that had taken up so much of my mental capacity, that I hadn’t noticed something important happening to me.
But kissing him, stirring up all of those feelings, acting even more inappropriately than last time because I was well aware of who he was this time, it made me really think about life.
That was when it hit me.
I was late. Really late.
With my breaths coming panicked and labored, I turned and made my way to the nearest pharmacy, needing a pregnancy test, just to know.
Just to eliminate the possibility.
I was suddenly terribly convinced that this could be real, and I was horrified about that. How could I have been so Goddamn stupid?!
I snatched the package quickly from the shelves and paid for it, not even making any eye contact with the cashier. A tight knot of panic was coiling around in my stomach, and creeping through my veins. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that it could be real.
As I made my way home from the pharmacy, I walked much slower, no longer so keen to get there. My mind was whirring with what this would mean for me, if I did find out that I was pregnant, and it didn’t look good.
The first worry I had was the father. There was no doubt in my mind who it would be, and that terrified me.
Jason – my boss. The one-night stand. The man that I’d just ran out on all over again.
We’d gotten crazy that night, and hadn’t even considered protection as we’d gotten swept away in the moment, whereas Gary was always meticulous about it. He’d never have let that slide him by.
But not only that, it had been too long since we’d been together. This baby – if there was a baby – wasn’t his.
Looking back at it now, maybe Gary really had thought that he’d broken up with me, or at the very least given me enough hints that he didn’t want to be together anymore. I wasn’t excusing his behavior, but he’d been distant for ages, and we hadn’t slept together for at least six weeks before I caught him in bed with Sandra.
I snuck through my front door, my heart hammering painfully against my chest, and I headed straight for the bathroom, wanting to get this over and done with.
As I sat there, waiting for the answer to appear, I feel dizzy with fear, almost to the point of throwing up.
Tick, tick, tick.
Each second felt like an hour, and with every moment I felt like I could die.
But then the stick went blue, and I fell apart.
I wept on the floor, crying with confusion, with sadness, with fear. Oh God, what the hell was I going to do? How the hell could I look after a baby by myself? And how was I going to hide my bump from Jason?
*****
Jason
EVER SINCE MY PLAN to clear the air between myself and Blair had backfired so spectacularly, everything got about a million times worse. Whatever I’d hoped to achieve, I managed to do the exact opposite!
I was an idiot.
I felt like I’d totally screwed Blair up, wrecking her job for her, and I felt awful because of that. She was a mess – distracted all the time, and making stupid mistakes. It broke my damn heart because I knew that it was my own fault for my misguided stupidity. I wished that there was anything I could do to take it all back, to make it better in some way, but I couldn’t.
I should have just left things as they were.
I knew that I was going to have to speak to her again, to find out what was wrong at some point, but I kept putting it off, not wanting a repeat performance. I knew that I was burying my head in the sand – which was a terrible personality trait of mine – but I didn’t know what else to do.
But before long my hand was forced by other people in the office starting to notice her screw ups, and I didn’t want people to start suggesting that I fire her, so I bit the bullet and pulled her into my office.
“Blair?” I asked her gently, once we were behind the locked door of my office. “Are you okay?”
Her lip began to wobble, as if she might cry at any moment, and I wanted desperately to reach out to her, to touch her and hug her, to do whatever I needed to, to make her feel better.
But she obviously wasn’t going to want that, so I tried to encourage her to open up instead.
“Only, you’ve been very distracted...”
“I know, I know,” she shook her head, looking terrified. “I’ve been making mistakes and...”
“I don’t want you to worry,” I interjected, already feeling like I’d gone about it all in the wrong way. “It’s not that, I just...”
“I think,” she suddenly stared at me defiantly, a new fire in her eyes. “Yeah, I don’t think I can stay here anymore. I think I need to quit.”
No! That wasn’t what I wanted at all! I wanted her to open up to me, to tell me her problems and let me help her. I desperately didn’t want to lose her. Especially not like this.
“Wait, what?” I called behind her, but it was too late, she was already gone.
She swished out of my office, taking my last hope with her.
What the hell was my next move going to be?
*****
Blair
OKAY, SO QUITTING MY job when I was pregnant was probably not my best idea, but I found it impossible to be around Jason, knowing that I was carrying his baby inside of me, and I couldn’t even tell him.
It had been exhausting! To be quite honest, not having to go through that anymore felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
I had a few missed calls from him on my phone, but I was currently ignoring them while I paced my apartment in confusion, wondering what the hell I was going to do next. Sure, I knew that I didn’t want to be around Jason anymore, but I couldn’t do nothing!
How was I going to afford this child?
How was I going to afford to keep on living here? My apartment might not be the biggest or best in the world, but it was a roof over my head and I needed that! I couldn’t even go back to live with my parents after this. They were devout Christians and already hated that I didn’t practice their beliefs. This might just send them over the edge.
An illegitimate child. No, I was going to have to try every option first, before I resorted to them.
Knock, knock.
“Oh God,” I muttered, wondering if I could ignore him. Somehow I already knew that it was Jason, without even having to go and look. He was coming here to persuade me to work for him once more, even though it was obviously a terrible idea. Even before all of this it hadn’t been much fun!
Knock, knock.
“Blair?” he called through the door, confirming my suspicions, and proving that he had absolutely no intention of giving up. “Are you in there? I need to talk to you.”
I sighed deeply, deciding to get it over with quickly before he started yelling. I had a feeling that he was in this for the long haul, so there was no point in hiding.
I was going to have to be strong. I couldn’t allow weakness to overcome me this time. This was serious, there was no screwing this up.
I would just get rid of him before he started asking too many difficult questions. I’d make it clear that he needed to go and never speak to me again.
I swung the door open, and leant against the doorway, blocking his way in. I needed to have this conversation outside, where nothing untoward could happen and where it could be done within minutes.
“Blair, thank you for speaking with me.”
I looked down in his arms, and noticed flowers and champagne. My heart started to race – clearly this wasn’t about work, I’d been very wrong to assume that.
“What are you doing here?” I snapped, sounding harsher than I intended.
“I just...” He glanced down at his feet, making me feel a little guilty. “I want you to come back to work, obviously.”
“I can’t.” The thought of being back there, with him, filled me with dread. I shook my head emphatically, needing him to get the hint.
“Okay,” he sighed, smiling widely at me. “If that’s the case, then surely it’s okay for me to ask you on a date?”
I felt the color zap from my face. Was he serious? Could he actually mean that? The look on his face suggested that he really wanted that.
Under any other circumstance I would have jumped on that opportunity right away, after all I really liked this guy. But I couldn’t. I was pregnant and I needed to keep that in the forefront of my mind.
“I thought we could discuss it over a drink?” He indicated the very expensive bottle that he was holding, trying desperately to encourage me.
“I... I can’t.” I said, backing away. “I’m sorry.”
“Why not?” he insisted, starting to step in my door.
I began to feel overwhelmed, dizzy, nauseas, and the words just spilled uncontrollably from my mouth. I needed him to understand me, and that was why I said it even though I definitely hadn’t planned to.
“Because I’m pregnant with your baby, that’s why!”
Shit!
*****
Jason
PREGNANT?
Her words instantly brought back the faces of the numerous women who had done this to me before – lied to me about carrying my child for money – and panic well and truly set in.
It had happened with my very first love, and that had well and truly broken my heart, and it was happening all over again.
I began to step backwards, my heart racing with terror as I realized that Blair was no different than the rest of them. She was just another bitch out to use me for all that she could. My judgment was way off once again – and that damn near killed me.
I stared at her, trying to find some honesty there, but my vision was blurred with fear and all I could see was someone else who wanted to ruin me.
No, no, no.
I could see her white face fixed upon mine, desperately wanting me to say something, to speak, but I couldn’t. It felt like my mouth was firmly zipped shut.
Everything began to swim, and I began to stagger on my feet. I became convinced that I was about to throw up at any moment, and I knew that I needed to make some sort of decision of what I was about to do before that happened.
But what?
What the hell did she expect? What the hell could I do?
I needed to be smart this time. I couldn’t get sucked in again, I couldn’t allow myself to be fooled. More than once, and it was my fault.
So I did the only thing I could. I turned and I ran, moving quicker than I ever had before.
*****
Blair
I CLUTCHED THE ULTRASOUND picture tightly in my hand, smiling to myself. In only ten short weeks I would get to meet my baby boy, and I couldn’t wait for it.
The doctor at the hospital had said that all was fine, and the baby was healthy, and that was more than enough for me. I just couldn’t wait until I finally got to know him a little better. I would have plenty of time to do so; it would be just me and him after all.
Just the two of us.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Jason had a right to know that he was having a boy, but then I recalled his terrified face as I told him the news. Before he abandoned me, running off to never speak to me again. No, he most definitely did not deserve to know anything.
A freak out, I could handle, but this complete radio silence – no. He obviously didn’t care about me or his child, so tough. He would know nothing, and that would be his choice.
His loss.
It had been a struggle to get to this point, but with a bit of financial help from my parents – who had been surprisingly cool about the whole thing – I was getting there.
I’d been forced to tell them in the end, when I couldn’t get through it anymore alone, and they’d been too happy about their grandchild to be upset with me. I’d even been back to visit them for a couple of weeks at one point, and it had been amazing. I felt like I was closer to them now, then I’d ever been as a kid, and that was a wonderful progression.
Not close enough to want to go and live with them again, but close enough.
They were going to come and visit me when the baby was first born, to help me out, so at least I wouldn’t be totally by myself!
I just couldn’t wait for all of this to progress now. I already loved this baby with all of my heart and I couldn’t wait to meet him. I knew that I would do anything within my power to ensure that he had a healthy and happy life.
I snapped a picture of the scan photo with my phone, and posted it online, excited for all of my friends to see where my life was headed next.
*****
Jason
AFTER THAT FATEFUL day where I ran from Blair like a fool, I buried my head in my work, not wanting to even think about how badly I’d screwed up. I did that typical ‘Jason’ thing of completely ignoring my problems and focusing on something else entirely. It never did me any good, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from doing it all the same.
Although this time, it wasn’t going quite as well as usual.
Every so often, a weakness would overcome me and I found myself looking at Blair online, just wanting to see where her life was at, but for months she was silent. Her online accounts never changed, but I found a joy at looking at the older pictures of her, just enjoying seeing her face.
I wished desperately that I could talk to her, that I could see her, but I’d messed up too much. There was no going back from that.
Until one day, I found myself on Blair’s Facebook page once more, staring blankly at a photo of her with a huge baby bump, next to an ultrasound photo, with the caption ‘Not long now! Xx’
She was pregnant.
She hadn’t lied and I was a total idiot for not believing her. I allowed my past experiences to taint my decisions, and that was absolutely stupid.
That picture, that bump, there was a baby in there.
My baby.
I was a damn fool.
How the hell was I going to make up for that?
There was no way I could keep away now! Not knowing the truth. But the fact that I’d left Blair, completely abandoned her as she’d told me the news, was going to work against me.
I smacked my palm against my head a few times, praying for an idea to pop into my brain. I needed a Goddamn time machine! But as that wasn’t possible, I was going to have to do something...
*****
Blair
AS I LIFTED WHAT FELT like a thousand shopping bags from my shitty car, it took all that I had not to fall apart. I had sweat pouring down my face, a stomach heavier than anything that I’d ever carried before, and tears were unwittingly streaming down my cheeks.
This damn baby needed to come soon, before I lost my freaking mind!
“Blair?” I heard a familiar, yet strange voice call out meekly from behind me; giving me the last damn thing I needed on the entire planet. Was I not pissed off enough? Had the last few weeks not been stressful enough for me? Why this? Why now?
I spun around to face him, seeing the familiar sandy hair and green eyes that had drawn me in all those months ago. I tried to ignore the way my heart literally skipped a beat at the sight of him.
I couldn’t let him suck me in. Not again. He didn’t deserve me, or our baby. He was horrible, a complete and utter bastard, and I needed to remember that.
“I... I’m sorry,” he finally said, shoving his hands awkwardly in his pockets.
I was so near to my house, I could turn and run if I wanted to, but I knew that I wasn’t getting anywhere quick enough with this massive bump, so I was going to have to face this. However much I really didn’t want to.
Urgh, Goddamn it!
“What do you want Jason?” I replied wearily, shrugging my shoulders at him. I wanted to seem dismissive, like I really didn’t care. I really wasn’t keen on my true emotions shining through. I didn’t want him to see how off balance he made me. “I’m kind of busy here.”
“I just... I’m sorry, let me help you.”
Pride was screaming at me not to allow him to, but damn it I was exhausted sorting this all out myself. The baby was due soon, and I was trying so hard to be prepared. I didn’t want to have to race out for diapers and wet wipes with a newborn. I wanted it all done now, which was why I’d gone on this mad shopping spree.
“Fine.” I replied glumly, refusing to really look at him.
He followed behind me, carrying everything, doing exactly as I needed him to, but it all felt a little too late. All of the stress, the heartache, the agony I’d been through – it felt like this one small act couldn’t even begin to take that away from me.
As we carried everything inside my door in silence, I nervously awaited what was to come next. I really felt like there was going to be a conversation to follow, and I was in no way ready for that. Sure, I’d imagined a reunion from time to time, but I’d always been prepared in my fantasies. I’d always been looking good, and acting cool. Being this grubby, uncomfortable mess was throwing me completely off balance.
“All done?” he eventually asked me, looking incredibly unsure of himself. It was weird seeing him this way. The night we met, he seemed overly confident, and after that he was my boss, which made me uneasy, so I spent a lot of time pointedly not looking at him. This was the first time I was really seeing him in a very long time – and what I was seeing wasn’t the Jason I knew.
For a moment, I actually found myself wondering what he’d been doing during the time we’d been apart. I’d spent so long worried about myself, pissed off that he abandoned me. Now I found myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, he’d been struggling with all of this too.
“I guess so,” I shrugged, trying to seem casual, trying to keep all of my wide ranging hormones and emotions inside. It was a real struggle, but I forced myself to do it.
“I’m sorry,” he started, looking like he was about to launch into a tirade.
“No, it’s fine...” I tried to stop him, but clearly wasn’t getting anywhere. He had something to say, and it seemed like I was going to hear it whether I wanted to or not.
“I shouldn’t have run off; I should have trusted you.” He finally said the words that I’d been longing to hear for a very long time, before going on to defend his actions. “It’s just been difficult with people always wanting something from me, my entire life.”
I forced myself not to sneer a ‘poor little rich boy’ comment. Did he really think that would be enough?
“I just... I was an idiot.” Then I watched him tug something small from his pocket, and my pulse rate kicked up again.
No, no, no.
He could not be about to do this; he could not be serious. How the hell could he even begin to think that this was a good idea? Was he that deluded that he thought I would just forget everything? Just let it all go?
“I want to make up for that now,” he continued, completely oblivious to my obvious horror. “I want to make up for all of it.” He fell to his knee with a thud, confirming my worst fears. “So I want to know if you’ll marry me?”
He looked so hopeful, so desperate, and I actually considered his proposal for a second, just to save the awkwardness. It would make it easier not going through this by myself, not to have this baby alone, but that certainly wasn’t a reason to get married. I was smart enough to know that would never work.
“No,” I finally replied, coolly, watching his face contort in shock. “Look, if you want to make it up to my baby, then that’s fine. I’m not going to stop you there. You can be a father, of course you can. But for you to think that of me? For you to assume that I would lie to you, to try and cheat you out of money? No, no way. I could never marry you after that.”
“But...” He tried to plead, but my strength had fully kicked in by this point. I was having none of it.
“No,” I snapped. “Please leave.” My heart broke as I sent him away, but it was the right choice for the both of us – he would see that eventually. Too much had happened; there was no way that we could be together now. “I’ll tell you all you need to know about the baby, but that’s it.”
As he walked away, I felt my heart bleed a little, thinking about all that could have been, so just before I slammed the door shut, I yelled out one more thing to him.
“It’s a boy, by the way.”
He turned to face me, tears shining in his eyes.
“We’re having a boy.”
*****
Jason
IT WAS ANOTHER COUPLE of weeks before I heard anything else from Blair, despite my desperate attempts to contact her. It seemed like she really meant it, that she was done with me forever, and that damn near killed me.
The knowledge that we were no longer an option left me feeling hollow and sad, especially with the knowledge that I’d brought it on myself, that it was all my fault. That my stupidity had stripped away the best damn thing that I could have had in my entire life.
Not only had I lost the most amazing girl in the world, I’d lost the potential to be a full time father too. Yes, I’d still see my baby, but it wouldn’t be the same.
The more I thought about Blair, the more convinced I became that we were meant to be together. Sure, we’d met under unusual circumstances, and we’d slept together right away, but that didn’t mean that we couldn’t fall in love.
Well, we couldn’t now, because of me!
Then, one day, early in the morning, my phone rang and her name was plastered across the screen.
“Hospital,” she panted, before I could even speak. “Baby. Coming. Now.”
Then she was gone.
“Fuck!” I shouted, racing out of my home, barely pulling on my clothes as I went. I sent a message to a couple of the managers, telling them that I wouldn’t be in that day without explaining why (I hadn’t yet told a soul about all that had happened), and I didn’t even care when they began to ring me in a panic, asking questions about some important decisions that needed to be made.
I would have to deal with all of that another time. The business would always be there. This baby was only coming once.
“Hospital,” I gasped at my driver – the only one who actually did know. “I need to go now.”
He sped the car along the road, screeching to a halt outside the hospital doors, allowing me to fall from it and into the building – probably looking like a mad man!
“Blair. Blair McLeod. What room is she in?” I practically yelled at the receptionist.
“That way, room 408,” came the bored reply.
I ran, crashing into people as I pelted down the corridor. And then I found Blair, and what followed was the four most harrowing hours of my life.
***
“WOW,” I PANTED, AS I gazed upon my seven-pound son. In that moment, my whole world changed. My priorities shifted, and I felt myself become a whole new person. I would become the best version of myself for this little man, no matter what it took. “He’s perfect.”
“I know.” Blair replied, smiling up at me, love shining all over her face. “And somehow we created him.”
I laughed, remembering the craziness of that night, the night he must have been conceived. “Who would have thought? That night would create Little Jason.”
“We are not naming him after you,” she snapped back playfully, slapping me on the arm. “No chance.”
All animosity between us, that had been hanging in the air for many, many months, just vanished in the presence of this young man, and I started to think that maybe... just maybe we could get it back after all.
Maybe all hope wasn’t lost...
“Benji.” She grinned brightly, looking beautiful even after all she’d just been through. “His name is Benji.”
I nodded, loving it. “Okay, Benji it is. Benji Evans.”
She nodded, allowing me my moment with him. This was my son, and I intended to be there for him, no matter what happened between myself and Blair.
But I hoped that there was a small shot, I couldn’t stop myself from internally praying that we could sort it out after all...
*****
Epilogue
Blair
ONE YEAR LATER...
The last year had been a whirlwind of diapers and sickness, milk and mess, but I loved every damn second of it. Being a mother was perfect for me, and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
“How are you, Mrs. Evans?” Jason walked up behind me, kissing my neck. “You look beautiful by the way.”
“I should hope so.” I spun around to face him, kissing him lightly on the lips. “This is my wedding dress after all.”
We really did try to stay away, to co-parent civilly, but we quickly realized that resistance was futile, that there was something between us, and that we were silly to allow some old pettiness from before Benji to stop us from becoming a family.
We’d had a small, intimate low key ceremony, wanting to wed in quiet. It was about us, not the rest of the world. Only our families had been in attendance, and that had been absolutely perfect for the pair of us.
“Mum has Benji tonight,” I smiled brightly. “So this is the closest thing that we’re going to get to a honeymoon.” I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at him, hoping that he would get the hint.
“Oh yeah?” he asked innocently. “And what might you be suggesting?”
“Well first I’d like to get the hell out of this dress...” He hummed appreciatively at my plan. “And secondly I’d like to get started.”
“On what?” he gasped, pressing his thick erection against my leg, trying to distract me from my train of thought.
“Baby number two of course!”
We’d already decided that we wanted to expand our family now that we were officially together, and I couldn’t wait to get started on that. I couldn’t wait to give Benji a brother or sister – and maybe a couple of others after that!
With that he pushed me backwards, pressing me up against the wall and he lifted my dress up over his arms, trailing his fingers gently up my legs.
“Yes ma’am,” he laughed against my lips. “Anything you say.”
Being back with him like that felt so damn right. Sure it had been a challenging journey, but I no longer cared what anyone else thought of us. I knew that we were perfect together, as did Jason, and that was all that mattered.
“I love you, you know?” I asked him, turning serious for a moment. “No one has ever made me feel the way that you do.” And that was the truth. Yes, our path had been rocky, and yes both of us had allowed our past to get in the way, but as soon as Benji was born and we began to look forward, everything had changed. He’d really and truly become the perfect man. None of what happened before mattered anymore. “I’m so glad I met you.”
“Me too,” he agreed, nodding enthusiastically. “I love you too.”
“Just to think,” I teased, running my hands over his muscles, enjoying the feel of his abs. “All from a one night stand!”
“All because you were crying,” he laughed back, making me think about Gary just for a second. Thank God he slept with his secretary, thank God I found them in bed together because all of that hurt gave me the life that I’d always wanted.
Knowing what I know now about love and feeling, what I felt for him was nothing. Habit at best. We were never right together, and while he should have manned up and dumped me properly, I was still grateful that he’d found a way to finish us.
And then he kissed me once more, filling me with an intense warmth that would keep me going forever. The passion radiating off of Jason’s lips was sparking a fire within me – one that felt like it could burn me up. I needed him, and I had to have him now or I might just die.
I pulled his body closer to mine, wrapping his arms around me. My heart began pounding with desire, almost bursting from my chest as I felt myself so close to getting exactly what I’ve been wanting all day, right through the entire wedding. If I didn’t have him now, my body might just collapse from longing.
I could feel a heat pooling in the bottom of my stomach, slowly zipping through my veins as we made out like horny teenagers. It began setting each one of my limbs on fire, leaving me dizzy with desire. I loved this man, I loved him so fiercely, so damn much, and I wanted to physically express that to him. I wanted him to understand.
“You’re so beautiful,” he moaned loudly, before unhooking my bra and running his hands over my naked breasts, tugging and playing with my nipples as he went, knowing exactly what I liked.
I threw my head back in ecstasy, closing my eyes, fully losing myself in the moment. Jason took full advantage of this, raining kisses down over my neck and collarbone, sending me increasingly wild.
“Oh God...” I started to groan under his touch, acutely aware of the hot, wet desire between my legs.
I gasped out, unable to contain my passion any longer, as his fingers travelled down my body and worked their way towards my panties. He was finally going to find out just how turned on I was, and I was extremely excited for that. I needed him to know just what he did to me. What he always did to me.
As he traced the outline of my underwear, teasingly, until I almost couldn’t take it anymore, I almost yelled out in frustration. I certainly tugged and pulled on his hair, unable to vocalize just what he was doing to me. I needed him, I had to have him, but I couldn’t catch my breath for long enough to explain this to him.
Then, he stood me back up and guided me back towards the wall. There we kissed deeply and I threw one of my legs around him, feeling his cock teasing my entrance through my underwear.
“Stop teasing,” I begged. “I can’t take it anymore. Take my panties off. I need you.”
Obeying me right away, he tugged the lacy material from my body with one hand, whilst yanking down his boxers with the other until we were both ready for one another. I may have been in my wedding dress, but the gaze he gave me at that moment, made me feel more naked than I ever had before, and I loved that.
He continued to stare at me, giving me the most desire filled look I’d ever seen, whilst plunging deep inside me, giving me an experience like no other.
It only took a few thrusts before the waves started to crash through me. By this point, Jason seemed to know my body better than I knew it myself, and his expert way of riding me, had me teetering on the edge very quickly.
“Oh shit,” I cried, as the orgasm shuddered through me. “Oh God, Jason.”
“Mrs. Evans!” he yelled, as he came too. “I love you my wife.”
As we collapsed, panting, exhausted from our encounter, I couldn’t help but smile at his use of the word ‘wife’. We were married now. Together forever, and nothing was going to get in our way...
THE END
