Chapter 12
Excerpt from Octavia Yoo’s notes, kept on the Isle
Can’t sleep again, brain won’t stop turning. When K. came to Seoul, C. was so sure standing up to him was the right thing. But I can’t stop thinking—what if that’s what landed us here? (I don’t mean literally. I know K. is dead, C. was there. Hates talking about it, goes all silent on me. Understandable, I suppose.)
Still, it’s strange. Makes me think of ghosts and after-lives—something to do with River Styx? The waters of the river would destroy any ships except ones made of bone. Maybe a ship of bone would get me off this island.
After Joni went back to her apartment, Octavia stayed at Bethesda Fountain until about three a.m. before deciding she absolutely couldn’t sit there one more second. She was hungry, uncomfortable, and, most of all, she was bored out of her fucking mind. There hadn’t been even a hint of odd light, let alone a full-on portal. But this night didn’t have to be a total waste, did it? She was free of the Isle, out in New York City, and she looked fucking good.
She still had the eighty bucks she’d taken from Nicky’s wallet the other night; that would definitely be enough to get her down to an after-hours club where she used to party in Alphabet City. She was tempted to leave Joni’s things in a bag behind the bench for Joni (or whoever, really) to collect at their leisure, but she was actually enjoying the old episodes of Buffy, so she threw the iPad and sleeping bag into Joni’s shopping bag to bring back to her hotel.
So much in the city had changed since Octavia’s involuntary absence, but the grimy all-night Ukrainian dumpling place by Tompkins Square Park was still there. Octavia was relieved to see that Pavlo, the curmudgeonly old man who was a cross between door guy and security guard and occasional dumpling chef, was there too, sitting at the big table in the window and playing cards with his friends in their frumpy leather jackets, same as always.
“No,” he said when he saw her. “After all this time? My Octavia is return?”
“Pavlo, you angel!” she cooed and kissed his cheek. “Can I leave all this with you?”
She held up her shopping bag, he nodded, and she descended the unobtrusive stairway in the back of the restaurant. Octavia had no desire to see what that basement looked like during the day, but in the last hours before dawn, it was dark and hot, bathed in red light, with ice-cold vodka flowing freely and bodies writhing to music with pulsing bass lines. After a couple of shots, Octavia was feeling loose and languid.
She scanned the women in the bar, who were mostly straight (she could work with that if she had to) and very drunk (she refused to work with that, no matter what). Her eyes fell on a woman standing in the corner, scrolling through her phone with a slightly over-it expression on her face. She was tall and curvy, with thick thighs, pouty lips, and shaggy brown hair, wearing ripped black jeans and a faded white tee thin enough that Octavia could make out the lacy green bra beneath it. Octavia snaked her way through the crowd to stand beside her.
“You’re too sexy to be in a place like this.” She grinned.
The woman rolled her eyes. “What, are you dealing or something?”
Octavia looked at her intensely. “Do you really think you’re not so beautiful that I would ignore every other person in here for a chance to talk to you? Because you are. And I did.”
This was why Octavia could never understand vampires who glamoured humans into sleeping with them—it was so much more fun, so much more delicious, when they gave themselves over to her willingly, even ravenously, fully of their own volition. The woman’s lip gloss tasted like strawberries. Octavia made out with her the whole subway ride back to Brooklyn, and the sex was so good she damn near forgot to draw her suite’s blackout curtains before dawn.
“Octavia! Octavia, are you in there?”
Someone was banging on her door—what in the name of god was happening?
“What time is it?” the woman asked. Octavia was pretty sure her name was Rachel. Maybe Roxy?
“No idea.” Octavia rubbed her eyes and reached for the black silk robe she’d left draped over the chair next to the bed.
“Octavia? Open the door!”
“Ugh, Joni,” Octavia muttered.
“Wait, your name is Octavia?” Roxy/Rachel looked suspicious. “And who’s Joni?”
“My…” Octavia wasn’t sure what word would work here. “Assistant? Kind of? She’s helping me with a project.”
Octavia opened the door and scowled. “I was sleeping.”
“Really? It’s after seven.” Joni was typically—and annoyingly—in high spirits. “Anyway, I have an idea, it might be nothing but—who’s that?”
“Hey, I’m Ruby.”
“Ruby!” Octavia whispered.
“Yeah?” Ruby asked. She had the sheets pulled up under her armpits, and otherwise seemed none too fussed that a stranger had just walked into a room where she was naked. God, she was cute.
“Joni, you can see I need a moment—would it be possible for you to meet me at the lobby bar in thirty minutes?”
“Unless you’d rather hang here,” Ruby said with a smile.
“No,” Octavia and Joni said at the same time.
“Suit yourself.” Ruby shrugged. “I’m gonna shower.”
She got out of bed and padded over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
“How did you, I mean, is she—did you feed on her?” Joni sputtered.
“Not on her blood.” Octavia grinned, and Joni flushed red.
“How was the park?” she stammered. “No portal?”
“Nada.” Octavia sighed.
“I figured. But we have other options. That’s why I’m here, I think that next we should—”
But Octavia put her hands on Joni’s shoulders. “We’ll discuss it downstairs. Okay?”
“Oh.” Joni nodded. “Sure. See you soon.”
Transcript of Here to Slay podcast, episode 89
Cat: Hey, this is Cat!
Ruby: And this is Ruby. And I feel like before we get into today’s show, I should disclose that I’m pretty sure I had sex with a vampire last night.
Cat: Ruby, what the fuck.
Half an hour later later, Octavia and Joni were sitting at The Georgia’s lobby bar (a mezcal negroni for Octavia, a fruity IPA for Joni). Octavia was wearing a swishy black jumpsuit with her hair slicked back; even though she had gotten ready in twenty minutes flat, she looked like she’d stepped out of the pages of Vogue, as usual. Joni felt respectable in a short navy wrap dress printed with little red flowers, and she wore her hair down in waves instead of in her typical messy bun. She’d sort of thought maybe Octavia would notice how much more effort she’d put into her outfit than usual (granted, not a super high bar), but clearly Octavia had other women on her mind.
It was impossible to sit across from Octavia and not think of her and Ruby in bed all day, of Ruby’s casual invitation for Joni to join them, of just how quickly Octavia had refused.
Well, if Joni had ever wondered whether her vampire crush liked her back, she certainly didn’t need to wonder anymore!
Joni never legitimately thought anything would happen between her and Octavia, obviously. Octavia was intimidatingly glamorous, and kind of mean besides, and clearly had no interest in some scrubby grad student. And it’s not like Joni was trying to sleep with a deadly vampire per se. So it didn’t even matter. It was just—the thing that bothered Joni was how normal that Ruby girl had seemed. She was hot for sure, but she also just seemed like any girl Joni might know from school, some friend of her roommates or whatever. Not that there was anything wrong with Octavia being into a normal girl like that. Joni just couldn’t help but wonder why Octavia was so attracted to Ruby and not at all attracted to Joni.
“Hello?” Octavia prodded. “Didn’t you have some big idea you wanted to tell me?”
“Oh, right, sorry.” Joni flushed. “I was rereading scenes in Blood Feud that take place in the graveyard, and I was thinking about how a cemetery is like, a transitional place. Like a place where the veil is thin between one world and another.”
“You think that’s why the portal appeared there?” Octavia pursed her lips in concentration. “That’s an interesting idea. Some location spells require objects from the person you’re trying to locate, so I suppose it’s not a complete leap to think a portal spell could make use of a location itself.”
“I’d say my thoughts exactly, but I don’t really understand what you just said.” Joni shrugged. “Anyway, I know it’s not much to go on. But since Bethesda Fountain isn’t a transitional place, I was trying to think of what might fit the bill here in New York.”
“A graveyard in Manhattan doesn’t seem right.” Octavia set down her cocktail. “It would need to be more of a landmark—what about a bridge?”
“I had the same idea!” Joni gasped. “I was thinking maybe the Brooklyn Bridge? Because it matches up with the crystal bridge on the Isle, right? And it connects the Isle to Bar Between—it’s kind of a gateway in both places. What do you think?”
Octavia drained her drink and put the glass down on the bar. “I think it’s brilliant. Let’s go.”
Joni called a rideshare as soon as the sun set, and they arrived at the foot of the bridge not long after. The breeze over the water was cool and refreshing as they walked through the night air toward the glittering Manhattan skyline.
“Why don’t I do this more?” Joni mused.
“Walk over random bridges?” Octavia frowned. “Why would you?”
“I don’t know.” Joni smiled. “It’s romantic, isn’t it?”
“You could bring your boyfriend,” Octavia said agreeably.
“Uhhhh, what?” Joni laughed uncomfortably. “I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m gay. Oh god, I don’t look straight, do I?”
Octavia shrugged. “Bring your girlfriend then.”
Joni peered at Octavia. She was breezier than the damn wind over the bridge—but was Joni crazy, or was Octavia trying to suss out whether Joni was single?
“I don’t have a girlfriend either,” Joni said.
“Probably because all the dykes think you’re straight.”
“Hey!” Joni gave Octavia’s arm a playful slap.
“Just kidding.” Octavia grinned. “No straight girl would wear sweats out of the house as much as you do.”
“What about you?” Joni asked.
“The whole world knows I’m not straight. As you may recall, there’s a series of highly popular novels about it.”
“No, I mean—do you have a girlfriend?” Joni suddenly felt shy. “Like, back on the Isle or something?”
“Never been my thing.” Octavia wrinkled her nose. “Everyone on the Isle was so incestuous, I didn’t want any part of that. And Callum and I have always felt it was simpler if our primary loyalties were to each other—even when we were human, Konstantin forbid us to marry. Of course, it turned out that was because he wanted to make it easier to turn us into vampires. But it really didn’t matter to me, since, you know.”
“Being gay in the 1900s wasn’t really an out and proud kind of time?”
“To put it mildly. If anyone had found out what I was back then…” Octavia shook her head. “But I suppose that’s still true for some. For you, maybe?”
“Oh, me? No—well, actually I thought my parents might have a problem, but they were really cool about it.” She smiled at the memory. “I was so stressed to tell them, senior year of high school, I sat them down all serious. When I said I was gay, my mom let out this huge sigh of relief and goes, ‘I thought you were going to say you totaled the car.’ ”
Octavia laughed appreciatively. “You’re close with your parents?”
“Oh definitely, super tight. With my little brothers too, even though they’re assholes who always steal my shit.” She grinned.
Octavia looked at Joni for a moment, her face pained. “I didn’t know you had brothers.”
“Hey,” Joni said quietly. “We’re gonna find Callum, okay?”
“Maybe.” Octavia nodded. But she didn’t seem to want to talk anymore.
As they neared the end of the bridge and it became clear that no portal was going to appear, Joni stole a few sideways glances at Octavia. She looked cool and detached as always, but Joni noticed her breathing was shallow, not quite even.
“I’m sorry,” Joni said when they stepped off the bridge and onto Frankfort Street. “It was a stupid idea.”
“At least you’re trying,” Octavia muttered. “I researched ways to get off the Isle for years, and I only managed it by sheer coincidence. And now that I’m back here, I can’t make myself spend any time thinking about that damn portal—all I want to do is go to bars and buy clothes and forget that any of this ever happened.”
“First of all, that makes total sense,” Joni reassured her. “You went through something horrible, of course you want to put it out of your mind! And second…you know. They’re really, really good clothes.”
Octavia smiled sadly, then nodded toward Joni’s dress. “You’ve made a bit of a sartorial upgrade yourself tonight.”
“Oh.” Joni flushed with pleasure. “Yeah, well, you were making me feel like a fucking schlub. Had to prove I own some actual nice clothing.”
Octavia stepped behind Joni and pulled the label out of the dress’s neckline.
“Oh, Joni. Poly-rayon blend?” Octavia wrinkled her nose.
“Is that bad? Why is that bad?!” Joni gesticulated broadly, and they both laughed.
Octavia held Joni’s gaze for a moment. “Do you want to walk a little more? There’s a park I used to like a bit north of here, by the river.”
“Sure.” Joni nodded. “That sounds good.”
The East River Greenway was mostly empty as they headed north. Joni asked Octavia about her favorite designers, and Octavia told wild stories about the time she spent as a muse to Cristóbal Balenciaga in the ’50s and Mary Quant in the ’60s, her friendships with iconic Korean designers like Park Youn Soo and Lee Young-hee in the ’90s.
“The fuss they made over Mary’s miniskirts, my god.” Octavia laughed as they walked into a big green meadow. “As if a woman showing her thighs could bring the world to a grinding halt.”
“That’s still a thing!” Joni blustered. “School dress codes, making girls cover their legs and shoulders so boys can learn, never mind what the fucking girls want. It’s all a bullshit way of policing women’s bodies, and I for one—”
But before Joni could finish her sentence, there was a loud cracking sound and a blinding flash of icy blue light. Octavia looked at Joni in shock, then sprinted toward the light.
“Octavia, wait!” Joni called, but it didn’t matter, Octavia was flying through the meadow, she was almost at the light—
And then it was gone. It had only lasted a couple of seconds. Octavia was spinning wildly, heaving for breath.
“What happened?” She was flailing in panic. “Where did it go?!”
“I don’t know!” Joni rushed over. “Did you see anything?”
“Callum.” Octavia was shaking now, and tears were rolling down her face. She sank to her knees in the soft grass, and Joni crouched beside her.
“Callum!” she screamed, her voice raspy with emotion. “Callum, can you hear me?!”
But nothing happened—they were still alone in the empty meadow.
“Could you see Callum in the light?” Joni asked.
“No.” Octavia covered her face with her hands. “I could feel him. He was right there.”
“What did it feel like?” Joni asked quietly.
“Like I was whole again.” Octavia shook with tears. “And then I wasn’t.”
She turned to Joni, her face streaked with black stains from her previously perfect cat eye.
“Am I ever going to see him again?” Octavia’s face crumpled. “I don’t want to spend eternity alone.”
“Hey, no, that’s not going to happen.” Joni threw her arms around Octavia. Octavia was tense at first, but then let it go, crying softly into Joni’s shoulder.
“I finally wear a nice dress, and you get mascara all over it,” Joni teased.
“It’s not that nice a dress.” Octavia sniffled, and Joni laughed.
“This is good news, okay?” Joni comforted Octavia, rubbing gentle circles on her back. “I low-key thought we were just gonna wander around Manhattan forever and never see a portal, but we saw one! We must be doing something right.”
“But it’s so random,” Octavia fretted. “We lucked into it this time, but if the portal showed up once in Central Park, then here—how are we supposed to know where to find it? And what does it matter if we can’t get through it even when we do?”
“What if it’s not random?” Joni sat up straight, something clicking in her mind. “What’s here on the Isle?”
“What do you mean?” Octavia sat up too, wiping her eyes.
“Like how Bethesda Fountain matched up with the angel statue in that graveyard,” Joni explained. “What matches up with where we are now?”
Octavia thought for a moment, then her eyes lit up. “The moonflower meadow! It’s one of my favorite places on the Isle.”
“Is it possible Callum is there right now?” Joni asked. “Or at least, that he was a few minutes ago when the portal opened?”
“He definitely could be.” Octavia nodded, getting excited.
“But that wasn’t enough to open the portal long enough for either of you to cross through,” Joni spoke slowly, thinking it over. “Which means we have two questions to answer.”
“How to keep the portal open longer, obviously,” Octavia agreed.
“And once we have that part, we’ll need to figure out—”
“How do we get Callum and me in the same place at the same time?”