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Natasha
SHE PACKED UP HER THINGS from class, trying to ignore the empty pages on her notebook and the questioning stares from her professor.
“Everything okay, Natasha?” Master Pinton asked as she headed for the door.
“Yeah, just having one of those days, you know?” Natasha said lightly, trying to play it off as nothing, hoping that would let her pass.
“Oh yes of course. We all have those. Take care.”
Natasha sighed in relief as she exited. Four people in the class, it hadn’t been exactly hard for Pinton to notice that Natasha had been mentally absent for the entire thing. Thankfully, Pinton was one of the kindest old witches Natasha had ever met, and she understood that sometimes, class just wasn’t what the mind focused on.
Which worked well for Natasha now, but could be tough on the days that it was the Master’s mind that wandered while lecturing. There were some things that just shouldn’t be shared...
Hurrying out of class, she headed straight for her room, thankful that her roommate had left on patrol that morning. What Natasha craved more than anything, what she’d been striving to have since fleeing Loiner, was to be alone. It was why she’d stayed in her room, avoiding the world until class today forced her out.
No friends, no social life, and most certainly no Rane. It had been a day and a half since she’d left him in the alleyway.
And it feels like an eternity.
But she couldn’t see him, not right now. Possibly not anymore. Every time he came up in her thoughts, it was the same thing, over and over again.
Rane would be there, and things would be going well, and then Loiner’s face would materialize in her mind.
Once he takes you to bed, it will be easy for you to get his secret out.
Natasha shivered as she climbed the stairs toward the dormitories and her sanctuary for the next day or so until her roommate returned. Others passed her in the stairwell, but she replied with little more than a smile or nod, not wanting to get dragged into any conversation.
She hated the way Loiner had assumed Natasha was using her body as part of the quest to find out what the dragons were up to. The idea of sleeping with Rane, of taking things to another level, hadn’t been foreign to her. In fact, ever since he’d spontaneously kissed her at the foot of the walls after fighting off the gremlins, she’d entertained a little fantasy of what that would be like.
After all, he was quite attractive. Tall, wide shoulders, taut muscle covering him from head to toe. A surprisingly good kisser as well, and she’d wondered how that might translate to...other things. Was he as attentive a lover as he seemed to be a person? If so, with that body...
Even now, in the stairway, her cheeks were growing heated.
Once he takes you to bed...
And there it was. Loiner, intruding on what, until that night, had been a fun little fantasy of Natasha’s. Maybe it would have happened, maybe it wouldn’t.
Now though, it was no longer a physical or emotional desire—if it had ever been the latter. Now it was nothing but a disgusting reminder of the way she had first gotten to know Rane. Of the fact that their friendship, relationship, whatever it had been, or still was, had been based on a lie. Her lie, in fact.
Natasha was repulsed at what she had done, how she’d used such a good person, manipulated him, pretending to be his friend, to like him. Then, at some point, her pretending had morphed into reality, and she’d found herself caring for him.
It gave Loiner all the leverage over her that she needed to keep forcing Natasha to do what she wanted. Because if she didn’t, then Loiner would tell Rane the truth, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that. Nor did Rane deserve it.
Loiner had terrified Natasha before, but now...now it was worse. Plus, how was she to sleep with Rane, when the entire time she’d only be thinking of Loiner? If the two of them were to have sex, it would be because Natasha chose to, not because she was forced to, by anyone.
“This is getting out of hand,” she moaned softly to herself, exiting the stairs on her floor and heading straight for her room.
The instant the door closed behind her, she dropped her stuff on a chair and fell face first into the pillow, ignoring the slight pain to her nose from the impact. She deserved some pain right now, Natasha was sure. A slight bump from her face hitting the pillow was nothing.
“How do I fix this?” she said to the empty room. There had to be some way that she could sort this all out, to make things better between her and Rane without Loiner trying to fire Natasha into the sun for ruining her plans.
If there was, she couldn’t spot it. Loiner had her trapped. She either went ahead with the plan, or Loiner would reveal the truth.
Unless...
Natasha sighed as a realization came to her. A truth, a course of action she could take, that would foil Loiner and prevent things from getting worse. It wouldn’t be pleasant, and she didn’t look forward to the conversation, but it would make—
Knock-knock.
She sat upright at the heavy hand on her door. The wood rattled in its frame under the casual impact. Natasha frowned at the door, knowing that no witch could so casually make such thunderous noise.
“Aw fuck,” she cursed in an uncharacteristic outburst. Natasha wasn’t ready to have the conversation now, but it appeared life wasn’t giving her a choice. Perhaps this was her penance for being an absolutely horrid person toward Rane at first, even if he didn’t know it.
She walked toward the door and pulled it open, not even flinching when she saw Rane standing on the other side.
“Hi,” he said with a smile.
“Hi.”
They stood like that, him in the hallway, witches moving past, giving the two of them odd looks. Eventually, Rane leaned to the side, looking past her into the room. “Are you coming out? Or can I come in?”
Natasha took a deep breath. This was it. Right now, right here. It was the only way out. The only way she could possibly foil what Loiner was trying to do.
“I don’t know if that would be a good idea,” she said tightly.
Rane stiffened in surprise. He recognized her tone.
Natasha didn’t want to go through with this. She didn’t want to hurt him, but this hurt now would be worse than the hurt Loiner would inflict upon him. It had to be this way.
“That doesn’t sound good,” Rane said, speaking just loud enough for her to hear.
She nodded, biting her lip, searching for the best selection of words and then realizing that in this situation, none of them were good. It was best just to rip the bandage off, not to try and gently peel it.
“I don’t know what ‘this’ is,” she said, feeling stiff and formal as she pointed back and forth between the two of them. “But I can’t do it anymore, Rane.”
“Oh. I have to admit, I did not see that coming,” he said, rocking back slightly on his heels.
“I’m sorry,” she said, meaning every ounce of the phrase, more than he would ever know. “I truly am, but I just, it’s for the best that we stop this. I can’t see you anymore.”
The mixture of pain and confusion in his eyes and on his face nearly made Natasha recant right then and there. She almost confessed the truth, telling him how she really felt, instead of doing what she knew had to be done.
“I wish things had perhaps happened differently,” she said, coming as close as she was comfortable to admitting that she’d not been upfront with him. “But it didn’t, and I can’t change that, and I just...I just need to stop this. Before anyone gets more hurt, okay?” She was practically pleading with him now, begging for his acceptance of what she was doing.
“Natasha, I don’t understand,” he said, spreading his hands wide, trying to catch her eyes in his, but she wouldn’t let him.
Natasha knew that if she saw the hurt, focused on it for too long, she might not be able to resist.
This is for your own good, Rane. Please, just accept it.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It’s for me. It’s just not something I can do right now. You can’t understand unless you’re me. I know that’s absolutely no help, but I’m not going to explain everything in my mind and my heart. I just know that this is what I need to do,” she said, stepping back slightly into her room, putting one hand on the door.
Rane looked like he’d been stabbed through the stomach. “Oh.”
She nodded, not trusting herself with any words as her eyes started to tear up, showing Natasha just how little she wanted this. Most of her was screaming out right now, protesting what she was doing, telling her it was the wrong with a strength that scared her.
She’d known she liked Rane, but now things were hitting her with excessive strength, and she was losing her composure.
“Please,” she said. “You need to go. I’m sorry.”
The big dragon looked down at the floor. She saw his tongue flick out over his lips as he drew a shuddering breath.
“Okay,” Rane said, straightening, looking utterly lost. “I’ll go.”
Then he was gone. The bandage was ripped off. It should be getting better now.
So why didn’t she feel any better?
