GEORGETOWN, WASHINGTON, D.C.
TUESDAY, 6:22 P.M. EST
Jessica packed light, as usual. One change of clothes, toothbrush, passport, cash, three cell phones. That was plenty for a quick trip to St. Petersburg. Going via Paris, Dubai, and Istanbul was an inefficient route but necessary under the circumstances. Jessica threw the items into a shoulder bag and walked downstairs.
“I’m going now, sweets,” she called out. She hoped it would be a short trip. Get in, meet the Bear, convince him that she was his secret assassin Queen Sheba, get the next assignment, and then get the hell out. Quick, painless, and back home before anyone even noticed.
She checked her carry-on again, finding a baggie of stale Cheerios and a copy of Treasure Island. Items left over from a past family trip to Fort Lauderdale. That was one hell of a vacation. Everything had nearly come crashing down in Florida.
—
Jessica had the confidence of a tightrope walker. As long as she looked ahead and kept moving, all was fine. But if she tried to peek down, to contemplate everything she was doing and how it was affecting others, she would start to wobble. She’d start to wonder about her choices. Even worse, if she glanced backward, she would certainly topple over.
Her past was one of the secrets Jessica kept from her husband. She had told Judd about being born in Ethiopia, about witnessing her parents being murdered right in front of her eyes, fleeing to America, being raised by adopted parents. Revealing all that was unavoidable after the events in Zimbabwe. She’d had little choice but to explain to him why she’d gone to such lengths. And why she had had to manipulate her own husband into abetting murder.
And then there was Florida and their close call on a Cuban naval ship. Judd now knew about her role in all of that, too.
What she hadn’t told Judd was how this all was affecting her. How revenge, which had burned inside her for decades, when it finally came, brought no relief. Jessica had, since the moment she watched her mother die, been deliberate in everything she did. Planning her every move, stripping sentiment away, doing whatever had to be done without emotion. She was cold and calculating. She was a machine on a mission. That was how she lived. That was how she thrived.
But now Jessica wanted to stop. Learning to be a mother and a wife was nothing like her other vocations. To her total surprise, neither serving her adopted homeland nor satisfying her personal bloodlust was ever as nourishing as creating a family. How clichéd, she scolded herself. But it was the truth.
Jessica was still accepting this realization. She decided that she needed to show her feelings. Exposing weakness was okay. Having doubts was normal. Emotions were human. She now wanted to be passionate, even if it meant being less effective. Being less perfect. She told herself: Be more like Judd.
—
Judd appeared in the doorway of their home office. “You’re going already?”
“I’m late,” she said.
Judd frowned. “I didn’t realize you were leaving so soon. I hoped we could have a quick dinner before you go.”
“Sorry,” she pouted. “Maybe you can order pizza for the boys.”
“Sure.”
“I won’t be long, Judd. The sitter arrives in the morning. She’ll make breakfast, get Noah and Toby to school and back, and then watch them until you get home from the office. I’ve arranged everything.”
Judd was trying to hide his disappointment that she was leaving. He knew the deal.
Jessica had supported him at every stage in his career. She had followed him to Amherst, she had adapted to the genteel rhythms of family life, and she had even agreed to the abrupt move to Washington, D.C., on short notice, all in good humor. Jessica had made endless compromises for him. She allowed—encouraged, even—her data geek partner to take a major gamble by leaving the safe and cozy life of academia for the trenches of the U.S. government. She encouraged him to test his ideas in the real world, to take some risks.
Ever since his move to the State Department, Jessica had been his advisor, his gut check, and, when necessary, his cheerleader. Even as Judd learned the ways of Washington, and his Crisis Reaction Unit was racking up small victories, he was never quite comfortable. He was never sure what was real and what was theater. Was he really succeeding? Was S/CRU pulling strings behind the curtain? Or was Judd a puppet in some larger game?
Jessica was always the analytical one. She was thinking three steps ahead, laser-focused on helping Judd achieve his goals, always keeping him on track. Judd was too emotional, too seat-of-the-pants, too filled with self-doubt. Judd was too willing to let his emotions cloud his judgment. He knew that he needed to be a bit more cold and calculating. He told himself: Be more like Jessica.
—
Are you listening to me, Judd?”
He snapped back to the present. “Yeah, I got this.”
“If you have to work late tomorrow, just let the sitter know. She can sleep over if you get in a real jam.”
“I’ll be fine. The kids will be fine,” he said. “When did you say you’ll be back?”
Jessica shrugged. “I’ll text you when I know. If I’m not home by Saturday, Toby has T-ball at nine, Noah’s swimming lesson is at eleven. Got it?”
Judd nodded. “And where did you say you’re going?”
She gave him an exaggerated scowl.
“If it’s an evening departure from Dulles, then you’re probably going east. To Europe.” He scratched his chin. “I’m guessing . . . Moscow?”
“Don’t do this, Judd.”
“If you’re still working on Russia and it’s not Moscow, then somewhere warm and wonderful. Siberia?”
She kissed him on the end of his nose. “I promise not to have any fun without you.”
“I’ll take what I can get,” he said.
“Every place has its charms,” she said. “Even Siberia.”
“Or, everywhere is dangerous.”
“Most places are both.” Jessica played along. “The world is wonderful and dangerous at the same time. That’s how it is.”
“Well, I’ll be right here in warm and wonderful Washington, D.C. I’m not going anywhere with this London missing persons case.”
“I’m glad that you’ll be home, here with the boys, while I’m traveling,” she said. “They need some time with you. You need it, too.”
“Just be safe,” he said, giving her a kiss on the lips. “I told you, Jess. I got this.”