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“Did you sleep at all?” Bryan asked. I was half asleep as I leaned against him, unable to stay awake.
“No,” I admitted. “I think three hours?”
“What the hell? You were passed out when Seth and I left. Did those assholes wake you up?”
“No.”
“Do you know more than how to say one-word responses?”
“No.”
“Cadence.”
“No.”
Seth chuckled on the other side of me. “Leave her. From what Justin said, they were playing a game of Monopoly last night.”
“Longest game of my life,” I finally said and sat up straight, rubbing at my eyes. They felt crusty and glued shut. Justin chuckled from behind me. I reclined so my back was against his legs and then tilted my head so I could see him. My boyfriend. Still something I was struggling to grasp. “Shush. It’s your fault. You should have caved and just given me Boardwalk.”
“No one gives up Boardwalk. Ever.”
“But I had Park Place and you were going broke.”
“Exactly. Boardwalk kept me in the game.”
“My point! It would have ended so much faster.” I yawned and sat back up, trying to see the field, my vision a little blurred.
How was I supposed to drive home later?
My eyes shut briefly and when I opened them, I was leaning against Bryan.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“Don’t be. The game will start soon. Once these bleachers start shaking, that’ll wake you up.”
My phone buzzed and looked down at Micah’s text.
Micah: Mom wants to know if you like cranberries.
Me: They’re fine. Aren’t you with the twins, why are you messaging me about Thanksgiving?
Micah: Mom called me in a panic because she couldn’t find her recipe book. Apparently there’s a really good family recipe in there dealing with cranberries. She’s cooking to impress this year.
Me: I’m fine with cranberries.
Micah: Good. Back to chasing the girls around. Hazel is determined to get at least one amazing action photo of all the players.
Me: Good luck.
“Micah?” Bryan asked.
“Yeah. His mom wanted to know what I thought about cranberries.”
“For Thanksgiving?”
“Yeah.” I yawned again. When I had breakfast with Micah this morning, I should have asked about drinking his dirt. That would have woken me up.
“Think I can get away with missing family Thanksgiving and join you guys instead?”
Something in Bryan’s voice put me on alert. I sat up straight, turning to him. “What’s going on?”
He shrugged. “It would just be more fun to join you. I hate Thanksgiving. My parents make this big deal about it, suddenly caring about my existence because they want to show off to the rest of my family. It’s stupid. And with college just around the corner, they’re getting worse.” He blew out a breath. “Did you know they hired someone to write my personal statement for me? What the fuck is personal about a personal statement written by a stranger. I saw the damn thing. I might as well go to the school and scream on top of the Dean’s building that a stranger wrote it for me. It’s more boring than history.”
“What did they write about?” I asked.
“My brilliance as a perfect student who challenges myself with tutors. How I throw money around for charities that frankly, I didn’t know existed. And when I looked one up, the damn thing was a scam. Something about providing children with updated technology around the world, but if you break down their spending, only like five percent goes toward that while the rest lines people’s pockets. I’m not dumb. The breakdown of their costs is all wrong.”
“Do you actually donate to those organizations?” I hated dealing with scam charities. I found my charities early on and triple checked how well they ran. And each year, I reviewed that. I made sure they were properly registered as charities. That the costs for everything remained low. Hence why Hope’s Embrace was my number one charity organization.
“I don’t and I’m pretty sure my parents have stakes in it. Won’t stop that damn writer from talking about it.”
“If you could write your own personal statement, what would you write?” I asked.
He mulled it over. “My interest in security, I think. How my current goals would be to learn more about business so I can have my own security company. About the charities and business I truly care about supporting. About how I want to help people feel safe.”
His gaze met mine, steadied by his resolve. It felt like there was more he wanted to say, but instead he gave me a tight smile.
“Installing the security at your house made me realize how important it was for people to feel safe in their own homes. I want to help do that in the future.”
“That’s a great goal,” I said, grabbing his hand. “And I know you’ll definitely do it too. You’re stubborn.”
He laughed at my remark. “What about you? Have you written a personal statement yet?”
I shook my head. I didn’t even know which college I was going to apply to. I had to do it soon though.
“What are you thinking about writing?”
“Definitely my passion to help abuse victims,” I said in a low voice. “Maybe my own story. Is that something we’re supposed to write about? Or is that too gimmicky?”
“You should write about it. All of it. What you went through, how you got away from it, how you help others to get away from it too. You shouldn’t shy away from it. It’s your story and if there is anyone worthy of sharing their story, it’s you. You have a strong history to share, a crazy passion to talk about. Don’t hold back. Knock those judgmental admissions committees on their ass. Make it so they can’t say no to you because you deserve it. You fought hard to go to college.”
“Did I though?” I asked.
“I read a statistic just last week. That nearly five children a day die due to child abuse.” Bryan’s chest expanded as he took in a deep breath. His voice broke as he said, “And that could have easily been you. Nearly was when your mom put you in the hospital. Cadence, you nearly didn’t make it to eighteen.”
His words were a gut punch and I took in a sharp breath as I blinked furiously. He was right too and I hated that. I knew the statistics. I paid attention to them. I read all the horror stories of children who lost against their parents, of the ones too late to save.
“Justin too,” I said softly.
“Him too. And it scares the shit out of me to even try to imagine a world without either of you. Where I would be without you guys. And then I become so fucking grateful, because you did survive. You are alive. And both of you are going to be eighteen. Both of you are going to make it to adulthood and no asshole will ever hurt either of you again.”
Bryan coughed and looked away from me as his eyes shone with tears.
I got it. I really did.
What he talked about was completely true, and frankly, I never thought I would make it to eighteen either. I had felt so trapped. So in danger when I lived with Lindie. And it took her putting me in the hospital, nearly dead, for me to be free of her. If she had done any more damage, I wouldn’t have left the hospital. I wouldn’t have survived. One more foot stomp. One more time smashing my head against something. One more attempt at trying to turn my insides into mush. All it would have taken was one more second of no one stopping her and I wouldn’t be breathing anymore.
Damn. I didn’t think we’d have this kind of conversation while waiting for Paxon’s final soccer match. It was too heavy. Too true.
“I still don’t know,” I admitted, swallowing hard. “I don’t know what I want to do. Do I keep with the music? Try something else?”
“Nothing is set in stone,” Seth finally said, nudging me to make sure I was paying attention. “Try something out. And if you don’t like it. Try something else.”
“Sounds like a waste of time,” I said.
“If it means you find something you actually want to do for the rest of your life, I think it’s worth it.” Seth shrugged. “I mean look at Toby. I’m pretty sure he’s changed his mind ten times in the last hour.”
“Don’t drag me into this,” Toby said from behind us. “And I did no such thing. I’d have to be thinking about my future to be able to change my mind.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“Music,” Toby said instantly. He sounded so positive. I wished I had that confidence.
“And Justin?” I turned so I could see him next to Toby.
Justin gave me a small smile. “Engineering. Maybe civil or mechanical. I’m not sure.”
“That’s going to be tough,” I said.
“I know. But I’ve always liked working with my hands. It’ll put me in a situation where I can solve problems that actually matter.”
“What about Paxon?” I asked as I searched for him among his teammates.
“I think he mentioned following his dad’s footsteps,” Seth said. “Psychology courses.”
“He’ll be good at it,” I said.
“Couldn’t agree more,” Seth said.
I picked at my jeans. “I was looking at some writing courses.”
“English major?” Bryan asked.
“Doesn’t sound too impressive, does it?” I asked.
“Not necessarily,” Justin said. “Aunt Laura mentioned once that lawyers can come from English degrees.”
I snorted. “Me, a lawyer?” I couldn’t picture it.
“A position to be an advocate,” Justin said.
That silenced me as the weight of his words hit home. An advocate for those who didn’t have a voice. I liked that. A lot.
New ideas whirled in my head. I wasn’t sold on the lawyer idea, but it at least got me thinking in a different direction. Positions that protected people. Helped them.
“I love her thinking face,” Toby said with a grin. “It’s cute.” He sent me a little wink.
My face grew hot, and I turned to face the front. Thankfully, the game finally began, and I was able to let that distract everyone as I kept thinking about what we talked about. It felt like the right choice was at my fingertips, but at the same time, it was all still so muddled and confusing.
~*~
My voice was raw as we continued to cheer, clap, stomp, and make as much noise as possible.
Paxon’s team won regionals. State championships was a possibility for them.
Toby was practically jumping on my back in his excitement, at least until Seth forced him to stop. I was pretty sure Paxon’s dad was crying as he wrapped his son in a massive hug, surrounded by more of their teammates and the fans who were able to rush the field.
I had wanted to go to him, but with so many, I stayed back and the others stayed with me too. Calvin was practically clinging to me, barely making it through his anxiety as he tried to be as happy as everyone else. But the poor little guy was at his limit with the crowd.
Resting my hand on his back, I gave him a big smile.
“It’ll be a while. We should go wait in the parking lot,” Seth said. He was standing on top of a bleacher a few steps higher than where we were, eyes narrowed as he looked down at the chaos on the field.
“Let’s go,” I said.
We joined the fray of exiting chaos, but the guys were nice enough to surround Calvin and me. Seth led the way, with Justin behind, Toby and Bryan near our sides. And they moved in a way to give us breathing room.
It was absolutely perfect.
As soon as we reached the exit, it was like we could breathe again as it opened up, people scattering.
“Oh, I need to go to the bathroom,” I said, glancing toward the school. Thankfully there were a set of bathrooms near the entrance.
“I’ll go with you,” Seth said.
I gave him a thankful smile, not realizing that I had grown nervous about the idea of going by myself. The last time I went to the bathroom in this kind of situation, I had been assaulted, and that really wasn’t all too long ago.
Seth wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we weaved through the crowd.
“Are you okay?” Seth asked.
“Of course.” And if my voice hadn’t pitched up, it would have been believable.
“Cadence.”
I took in a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m fine. I promise. We’re just going to the bathroom. After a soccer game. With a bunch of people around.”
“I can’t go into the girls’ bathroom with you, but I’m not leaving the exit either. If something happens, yell, and I’ll go in there.”
“The girls will murder you.”
He shrugged. “Sure, and I’ll let them after I murder whoever dared to put their hands on you. Woman or man. I don’t give a fuck. Scream and I’ll come in.”
I laughed at that thought. Seth would really get murdered if he dared to go into the woman’s bathroom.
“Thanks,” I said, giving him a big smile before slipping into the bathroom.
There was a short line, all five stalls taken. Busy was good. I tried to remain as still as possible as I waited. I knew I was safe. I knew nothing was going to happen to me. Yet, my heart still picked up speed and my nerves intensified inside of me. The longer it took, the more my hands became sweaty.
By the time I came back out, I was breathing heavily, my skin feeling too prickly. This was ridiculous. Going to a public bathroom shouldn’t scare me this much.
“It’s okay,” Seth said. “I’m here and the others are waiting.”
“Okay.”
Seth grabbed my hand and thankfully didn’t comment about how gross they were from sweat. He kept me close as he led the way back out to the parking lot to where the others were waiting by our vehicles.
“Where’s Paxon?” I asked, looking around the busy parking lot until I spotted him.
He wasn’t that far off, just across the lane by another vehicle, talking to an older man. Paxon kept hiking his bag up on his shoulder, glancing our way. The middle-aged man was slightly taller than him, with dark skin, greying brown hair, and broad shoulders. He rested his hand on Paxon’s shoulder, leaning in closer as he spoke.
“He needs saving,” I said and steered Seth to Paxon.
“Hey man, ready to go?” Seth called out, effectively interrupting the man in the middle of a sentence. “The others are ready to head over to the celebration.”
Paxon was more than relieved and jumped on the opportunity to escape.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
Seth reached over and grabbed Paxon’s bag for him. I gave the stranger a weak smile. He only frowned back.
We left the man staring after Paxon.
I moved closer to Paxon. “Who is he?”
Paxon wrapped an arm around my shoulders, his warmth seeping into me. He smelled freshly showered, hair still damp, making it more brown than blond.
“And won’t you get sick with wet hair?”
Paxon chuckled. “He’s a college scout. And no, I won’t get sick. I’ll be fine.”
“Everything okay?” Seth asked, looking back at us.
Paxon gave him a tight smile. “Hell yeah. We just won. We’re going to state championship. Things couldn’t be better.” He squeezed me into his side and yelled out. “And now we celebrate!”
“Hell yeah we do!” Toby cheered back, grinning. He was practically hopping from foot to foot with giddiness. “This is going to be great.”
“Team celebration?” I asked.
“Yeah. It’ll be fun,” Paxon said.
My stomach twisted at the thought of hanging out with them all, but Paxon seemed so positive and he deserved this. They all did.
I forced a smile as we spread out between all the vehicles and headed to the celebration spot. The coach had managed to claim a spot outside, by a park with walking trails and even a small beach that was obviously closed for the year. Parents were already there, setting up the food and cooking on the small grills.
They had taken over the entire field.
George went right over to the adults to start helping while Toby snagged one of the many soccer balls and teased Calvin to join him. Despite spending the last two days playing soccer, Paxon ran out with them as they passed the ball between the three of them. There were others doing the same.
“Soccer obsessed,” I remarked.
“After you do a concert, are you sick of playing music?” Seth asked.
I shook my head. He made a good point.
“Are you going to go join them?” I asked.
“In a little bit, I’m good with hanging out with you for a while.”
I raised an eyebrow as we walked over to one of the empty picnic tables and settled down. The entire time, Seth was grinning ear to ear.
“Seth?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re creeping me out.”
He laughed, the sound deep and full. “I’m just happy.”
“About what?” I asked, giving him a little confused smile.
“I talked to Paxon and Justin. And my aunt called me.”
“Oh.” Heat crawled through me and suddenly it was too hard to look at him. I swallowed hard.
“So you’re taking initiative? Making the first move?”
“I just... It isn’t...” Damn, what was I trying to say?
He chuckled. “I didn’t realize you could be so forward. I’m proud of you. A little hurt that I’ve been bearing my heart to you for a couple months, and yet Justin and Paxon beat me.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. It just happened. Your aunt made good points and I couldn’t just think in circles anymore and I just wanted answers.”
“Cadence, take a breath.” Seth grabbed my hand. I stared at our two hands, letting it ground me and calm me down. His hands were rough from construction work, but they were also warm and strong. Steady. “I’m only messing with you. I’m glad you took the initiative. I’m glad you talked it out with them.”
I finally looked at him and the darn idiot was grinning like one.
“So?” He raised an eyebrow.
“So?” I asked.
“Don’t you have something to ask me?”
My eyes bugged out and I swallowed hard.
“I mean, you already know my answer, but don’t you want a firm answer, no grey area to confuse you?”
I licked my lips and glanced back down at our hands. “Do you?” I finally asked.
“Do I what?”
“Seth!”
He chuckled and pulled my hand closer to him, running his thumb across the sensitive part of my inner wrist. “Ask me properly. Even if I’m a man, I want to feel needed too. To feel special. Unless, you don’t want to date me?”
The vulnerable question at the end sent my heart into overdrive. It had been like he was bracing himself and that was the last thing I wanted to happen.
“You’re wrong!” I leaned forward, the edge of the picnic table biting into my stomach a little. “That isn’t it. I do want to ask you.”
“Then ask me,” he said softly.
I briefly glanced around us, noting that we were in our own little bubble, everyone distracted with food and games. I met his dark eyes, getting lost in them briefly. Seth always felt steady to me. Strong but intuitive. Considerate. I had never met anyone as considerate as he was. I had been too used to people taking from me, but he had only given.
“Will you go out with me?” I asked. “I’m already dating Paxon and Justin, but would you still have me? Are you willing to explore what this can be with me?”
The smile that stretched across Seth’s face was breathtaking and beautiful. “Yes, I’d be honored.”
Warmth bloomed across my chest and through my body.
“And now that I’m your boyfriend, I get to take you out on a date.”
“A date? Where?”
“I’ll figure it out. I’m going to go see my parents for Thanksgiving so do you mind giving me some of your time the Sunday before?”
“When do you leave?” I asked.
“That Monday. I’m going to spend the week with them.”
That felt like a long time. Since meeting Seth, I hadn’t gone two days without seeing or talking to him. It felt weird to think about how long he was going to be gone. It scared me a little bit too.
Would I still be able to sleep at his house? Should I grab all my things and stay away while he was gone?
I swallowed all my fears and forced a smile. “Your parents must be excited to see you.”
His expression softened. “I miss them too. They nearly came out when they heard about the car chase. It almost felt like I was talking about an action movie when I was telling them about it. But work kept them there, and I reassured them I was safe. Thankfully, my aunt reassured them too.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Nope. You don’t get to apologize for what bad people did. That wasn’t your fault. It was theirs.”
“I guess,” I mumbled.
“No guessing. It’s the truth. Not your fault. Say it back to me.”
I pressed my lips together.
“Cadence.”
I released my breath. “Fine. It wasn’t my fault.”
“Great. Now say it again, but while you’re looking at me.”
I glared at him. “It wasn’t my fault.”
His grin was a bit infectious and my own lips twitched.
“Perfect. Now let’s teach you how to play soccer.” He stood up and pulled me with him.
“No way, that’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“I’ll break my foot. Or my leg.”
“You won’t.”
“I’ll get hit in the head.”
“The ball will stay on the ground, I promise. And if not, you have a small army ready to intercept it before it gives you a goose egg.”
I tried to toss more excuses at Seth, but he wasn’t having any of it. Once we were in range, Toby was more than happy to pass the ball along to us, effectively drawing us in to the chaos of soccer.
