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My plan of attack was supposed to be for today. It was easy, I was going to corner him, and make him tell me what he was thinking about so much. Should have been easy. Especially since today was a day off because it was Veterans Day, and all I had to do was go over to his place.
Toby said they had to help around the house so no one should be going anywhere.
Yet, it was like Justin knew.
Toby: Justin left early this morning. I don’t know where he is.
I stared at the text to the group. And then all the responses after that, my anxiety spiking. Even if Justin was going through a lot, he was still responsible. He had never been one to skip out on his promises. At least until now.
The panic crawled through me the more the guys texted.
He wasn’t at home with Toby.
He definitely wasn’t at Seth’s with me.
Bryan had no idea.
Neither did Paxon.
He wasn’t at the hospital with his dad. I had called to ask.
I bit my lip and sent Justin another message. One of many, really. But not only was I worried, but so were the guys. It was clear. We were going on and on about where he was in a group chat that he was part of, and still radio silence.
Me: Please, just a quick check-in. Are you okay?
Silence.
Pacing Seth’s living room instead of working like I should, I tried to figure out where he’d go. I was supposed to be working on some songs for Ardens before our meeting after Thanksgiving. Instead, I was too distracted. Was Justin at that spot by the river? Driving around in a vehicle we don’t know about?
Justin had disappeared. The biggest fear that I’d always lived with. The one I spent all of Tuesday talking to Dr. Arason about, making it even more fresh in my mind.
Justin was seventeen. He could take care of himself. I knew that logically. But so many thoughts were playing with me emotionally that I was having trouble holding on to that logic. Every time I tried, I only found panic.
I knew what it was like for people to disappear. How easy it was. And Justin hadn’t been right all week. He was supposed to be at his house with Toby. They were going to help Laura with cleaning out the basement. Justin wouldn’t have forgotten that.
Bebe whined, sick of seeing me pace around Seth’s living room.
“You’re right,” I said. “I need to go find him.”
Bebe whined again. I leaned over and petted him briefly. Bebe pressed against me, his anxiety clear. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his fur, taking in a deep breath. He smelled like outside to me. Grass and fresh air, with the underlining smell of dog. It was normally comforting, but did nothing to help me now.
“It’ll be fine,” I whispered, wishing I believed the words. “I’ll go find him.”
I grabbed my keys and practically ran to my car, the panic now all I felt. It consumed me. Devoured me. Laughed at me. I was losing to it and it knew it. But the only thing that was going to stop it at this point was me having direct line of sight of Justin and knowing he was okay.
So I drove to the spot by the river. My hope dwindled when I didn’t see any vehicles around. After making the small hike there, all hope disappeared.
He wasn’t there.
Bryan, Toby, and Paxon verified that he shouldn’t have access to a car. All vehicles were accounted for. He wasn’t driving around. Yet, he was still gone.
I went to the gym where he took self-defense classes. Not there either.
With no idea where to go, I began to just drive. The longer I drove, the closer the needle on my tank gauge approached empty, and still no Justin. I drove slowly, checking ditches, sidewalks, faces. If I saw a mop of black hair, I nearly pulled to a stop to see their face, already knowing it wasn’t Justin. And yet still, I checked.
The rest of my afternoon disappeared. The cloudy sky grew darker, and still no Justin. Night was just around the corner. This was a long time to be gone without a word to anyone.
Toby: The asshole is back. Laura is pissed.
I read it again. And again. Slowly my brain processed what Toby was saying. Something cold and bitter filled me. Curling my hands tighter on the steering wheel, I made a sharp turn on the empty small back road that I was on. I didn’t even respond as I nearly broke the speed limit to reach Laura’s house. I pulled up next to Laura’s car and jumped out, running to the front door and knocking a little too harshly.
Toby answered, eyes widening when he saw me. He looked like he wanted to say something but my expression kept him silent. At that point, I didn’t even know what I was feeling. I just felt cold. Heavy.
Without saying anything to him, I entered, looking around the space. I hadn’t been in Laura’s house before. It was cozy and warm as I stepped directly into the living room. There was a hallway straight ahead.
Toby pointed that way and that was all I needed. I headed down there, breathing heavily, feeling like I was choking.
Passed the bathroom.
Peeked into one room and saw a messy empty bedroom. Guitar on the bed. Must be Toby’s.
Passed a closed door and opened it to a large walk-in closet with a washer and dryer.
A door was cracked open. I pushed it open to see Justin. Stretched out on his bed, eyes closed, chest rising up and down slowly. His hair looked wet and his room was pretty clean except for the dark blue towel on his floor.
“I told you to leave me alone,” he grumbled.
I blew out a breath, letting his voice assure me. I bit back a sob, too many emotions bubbling up now that I was in the direct line of sight of him. Why was this hitting me so hard? He was okay. Of course, he’d be okay. All logic said he’d be okay, that he wouldn’t disappear.
“Toby is right,” I said.
Justin’s eyes snapped open and he sat up, eyes widening. His phone dropped to the floor, and I stared at it. The screen even lit up to his lock screen.
“You are an asshole.”
“Cadence.” He scrambled to his feet.
I shook my head. “Glad to see you alive. I’ll leave you alone.”
“Wait.”
I didn’t. I had been waiting all day. I just needed a simple text to prove he was alive and well. That was all I’d needed. I hadn’t even known I needed it until I was at the gas station, filling my car with more gas and still not hearing back from him. As my phone blew up with more texts from the guys wondering where he went. If he had replied even once, I wouldn’t have been on a rollercoaster all day. Just one text.
I turned, barely giving a shocked Toby a glance and went back outside. Justin came outside too slow. I was already pulling out of the driveway, unable to care at the moment. Too much caring happened, and now I was just numb to it. Still a bit cold.
I leaned over and turned on the heat, hoping to drive away some of the chill that seemed to settle into every nook and cranny of my body.
My phone buzzed and I knew it was Justin. Feeling petty, I ignored it, even when I got back home. Seth’s truck was in his driveway, so I went to my place instead. After downing some medicine to help with the growing back pain, I went to my studio and worked the evening away.
The others checked in with me. I at least responded to them, still deciding to ignore Justin. There was just so much anger and whenever he texted me, I itched to throw my cell phone.
It was late at night, past when I should have probably crawled into bed already. Slowly, I wandered around the house and locked up, making sure I had everything before heading over to Seth’s. I was even almost tempted to just sleep in my own bed. But at the moment, I needed the reassurance of someone else in the house with me so that I didn’t feel so alone.
When I left my house, I nearly tripped over Justin.
“What the hell?” I asked, barely stopping myself from falling over him. I glowered. “Why are you here?”
“To talk,” he said.
“To talk?” I frowned. Laura’s car was in my driveway. I hadn’t noticed at all. How long had he been waiting here while I ignored him? “You didn’t want to talk all day. Now you want to? You couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”
“No.”
I turned and locked my door and began walking over to Seth’s. Justin joined me. I crossed my arms over my chest, cursing myself for not grabbing a jacket. Nights were getting too cold.
“Talk then,” I said. “Because I’m only giving you until I get to Seth’s house.”
“You’re mad.”
I snorted. “You’re a genius.” I couldn’t hold back anymore and turned to him. He abruptly stopped before he bumped into me. I glared extra hard to make sure he could see how pissed off I was past the shadows of the streetlights. “I’m furious, Justin. I may not know how to be a girlfriend. It’s all new to me. But I do know that it takes a second to text someone back. That was all you needed to do. We were messaging you for hours. I was driving all over the place for hours. Everyone was worried about you all day. You should have taken two seconds to say you’re all right. That was all we needed to hear. Instead, I wasted my whole day checking ditches only for you to go back home like you didn’t do anything wrong. So I’m going to be pissed, and I’m telling you that right now, you need to back off. You want space.” I waved my hand at him. “It’s yours. Let me know when you’re done with your space. But I’m not going to worry my ass off like today. You disappeared. You left. No word. Nothing. Do what you need to do. Figure it out. When you decide we’re good enough for you, we’ll be here.”
I turned on my heels and stalked away. The edge of my anger had dulled while I worked, but as I poured out all my fear out to Justin, it sharpened again. Taking in a shuddering breath, I shoved my hands into my jean pockets to hide how much they shook.
He had truly scared me. Truly made me wonder if he was going to come back. People left. And they didn’t always return.
