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I felt absolutely useless as the doctors talked to Justin. I barely understood anything that was going on, and from Justin’s despondent expression, it was the same for him. There was a hospital representative there, standing by Justin as the doctors explained everything. He was dressed professionally in a suit, with his dark hair pushed back.
When Justin asked a question, the representative would explain things a bit differently for him. At least the man was attentive and respectful when he spoke, patiently answering questions for Justin.
From what I gathered, his dad’s organs were in a state of failure now and they didn’t expect him to live much longer. He was in a coma and they were currently deciding on treatment moving forward.
“You’re asking me if I want you to let him die or to fight to keep him alive?” Justin finally asked.
“We’ll give you time, but the sooner we know, the better. Right now, his heart is barely working. If it gives again, we need to know how to react. Since you’re his only family, it’s up to you.”
“Up to me,” he whispered, looking through the window at his dad.
“We’re going to go spend some time with him,” I said when I realized Justin had no response.
The doctors glanced at each other before the main one finally gave us a small nod.
The representative gave Justin a squeeze on his shoulder. “I’ll stay out here. If you have any questions, let me know.”
Justin nodded at the man before going into the room. I gave him a moment, watching him slowly approach his dad’s bedside. I finally followed quietly, making sure the door was closed and the blinds on the window shut. Justin needed as much privacy as possible.
I claimed the chair in the corner while Justin pulled up another and sat down. He didn’t say anything. Only stared at his dad, lips pressed tightly together.
I slowly looked over his dad. This was my first time really seeing his face. The last time I was here, I stayed outside. And whenever Justin came, one of the other guys stayed with him, making it easier for me to stay away.
Justin almost looked exactly like him. Nearly black hair. Broad jaw. Raised nose. Thin lips. They both had an oval face, but where Justin’s face was filled out, his dad’s was sunken. He already looked dead, only the beeping machines letting us know he was still alive.
This was what the end of life looked like.
My phone buzzed with the guys checking in.
I briefly filled them in and went back to keeping an eye on Justin. He looked so broken and scared. My hands itched to hug him, to keep him close and away from all this.
But I knew the truth, there was nothing I could do for him, nothing I could say to make this easier.
“They want me to decide to kill him or not,” he said in a raspy voice.
“Not quite like that,” I said. “It isn’t murder.”
“It feels like it.”
I swallowed hard, feeling like I was choking. I drew in a breath.
“Did you feel something like this making decisions for your mother?”
“My mother wasn’t dying,” I said. “I had to make decisions based on her mental health. I even got a couple different doctors to diagnose her and the results were the same. It made it easier for me to decide. Why punish someone who’s not mentally there?”
“Do you ever think you made the wrong choice?”
I thought about Lindie at the hospital. How she still lashed out. The last check-in seemed to go fairly well. I’d seen her on Wednesday and not once had she yelled at me. She’d barely even spoken, and when she had, it’d felt like she had looked right through me. But it was a step up still. A small improvement. Before that, she’d barely tolerated me in the room with her. That had to be something, right?
“Not yet,” I finally responded.
He nodded.
A thought came to me, about why this all felt too wrong.
“I’m going to make a quick phone call,” I said, jumping to my feet. “Will you be okay?”
He only nodded.
“Okay. I’m right outside if you need me.”
“I know.”
I gritted my teeth, hating not knowing what to do. I didn’t wait, already calling my lawyer as I stepped outside. I glanced at the hospital representative down the hall. He was chatting with one of the nurses and only paused long enough to note that I was standing outside the door before going back to talk with the nurse.
“Cadence, is everything okay?” Amy Rivera asked as soon as she answered. “You rarely call me first.”
“Can Justin make medical decisions for his dying dad?”
“Whoa, what?”
“My friend, Justin. Can he make end of care medical decisions for his dad who’s currently in a coma?”
“Okay, I need to understand what exactly is going on. Wait, give me a moment to go somewhere more private.”
There was a murmur of voices and then a door shutting. “Okay, talk to me. Do you need me to come to you? Where are you?”
“I’m at the hospital. Justin’s dad was released from prison because he was terminally ill. They didn’t even think he had a month to live by the time he was released. He’s currently in palliative care at the hospital. Uh, in-patient.”
“Who’s his proxy to make the decisions?”
“Uh, I think the doctors are? I’m not sure. There is someone from the hospital here who was with the doctors while they talked to Justin. He’s still here.” I glanced at the man.
“How old is Justin?”
“Seventeen still.”
“Any other family?”
“Not that I know of. He lives with Toby’s aunt. She took him in when his dad went to prison.”
“And the doctors are asking for his decision on this?” She was beginning to sound angry and for some reason, that loosened something inside of me.
I swallowed. “I think so. It seemed that way. They did ask him what he’d like to do.”
“I’m coming over. Do not let them push him on this. I’ll be there in thirty.”
“Is this something a lawyer would get directly involved in?” I asked, suddenly feeling worried.
“No, but I won’t be there as a lawyer, I’ll be there as a friend with a little bit of extra knowledge on how things should be working. See you soon.” She hung up.
I bit my lip, wondering what the heck was going on. After giving the representative one more look, I went back into the room and waited. The sound of the machine breathing for Justin’s dad was extra loud as the time slowly ticked away. I focused on the hissing sound, with the soft beeping of the other machines in the background. It created a slow, sorrowful tune that felt heavy and ominous.
Even though Amy said to give her thirty, she was there in twenty. Her long, curly, dark brown hair was pulled back in a braid falling down her back. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I almost felt bad. It was Friday evening. No doubt I pulled her away from her family.
“Hi, Justin,” she said, getting his attention.
He blinked out of his thoughts slowly.
Amy went over to him and knelt down so she didn’t hover over him. “My name is Amy Rivera. Cadence gave me a call, concerned for you. I’m her lawyer.”
“I need a lawyer?” He seemed so confused as he asked.
“No. I’m only here as an adult friend. I do have experience in these kinds of situations though. Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“They want me to decide if he lives or dies.” If brokenness had a sound, it’d be Justin’s voice in that moment.
I swallowed a cough as all the ache in me rose up. For a moment, I got it. The reason Justin reacted the way he did with Benji. It was all too much, the sharp emotions that tried to cut its way out. If the doctors were there in that moment, I would have been yelling at them, wanting to make them feel what they were making Justin feel.
“You’re seventeen, right?” Amy asked.
He nodded.
“Do you know what his wishes are?”
He shook his head.
“Justin.” She rested her hand on his leg. “You aren’t able to make any decisions for your dad. Did you know this? What the doctors are putting on you isn’t allowed. If you’d like, I can remind them.”
“And if I wanted to?” he finally asked after absorbing that information.
“Do you?”
Justin didn’t respond right away, instead reaching for his dad’s hand. It was thin and limp. Justin’s hand practically swallowed up his dad’s.
“No, I don’t. I’m just here. That’s all.”
“Then you don’t have to. They made a mistake; let’s go let them know. That way they can decide what is best for your dad moving forward and he can begin receiving the care he needs.”
Amy stood, Justin joining her. Amy glanced at me. “We’ll be right back. It should be a short conversation with the doctors.”
“Thank you,” I replied, my voice coming out thicker than I wanted.
“Sometimes, we just need an adult to help in situations like this. No one has to do anything by themselves here.”
The two of them left, leaving me in the small room with the dying man. I got up and approached the hospital bed slowly. I almost expected the man to sit up and begin yelling at me.
Justin’s dad’s eyes were closed though. A coma. There were tubes in his mouth and throat, and an IV in his arm. He seemed so tiny and weak. Mixed feelings hit me. This was the man who killed Justin’s mom. The same man who beat Justin.
This broken, decrepit body before me had once been so capable of violence. So full of meanness. And now he was reduced to a pathetic state of existence, about to die any moment.
I slowly reached out and touched the skin on his arm. Cold to the touch. Stepping back, needing distance between him and me, I tried to wrap my head around what was going on.
This man was at the edge of death. His body was right there, but it was only a husk now. There used to be a day when he was conscious. When he was strong. And mean.
I swallowed my bile and went back to my seat. It wasn’t much longer when Justin came back in with Amy.
“Is everything okay now?” I asked, voice cracking slightly.
Justin frowned, noticing. His gaze went to his dad, but his shoulders relaxed when he saw that nothing had happened. Maybe he hoped his dad woke up. Or died while he was away. It was hard to tell.
“Yes,” Amy said. “Justin is good.” She turned to him and handed out a card. “If you ever have any questions, call me. If something like this happens again, give me a call. I don’t mind reminding people what is okay and isn’t okay. Cadence, a word with you.”
“Sure.” I got up and walked with her to the door.
Amy dug in her oversized purse and pulled out a manila folder.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“The current deal with the police department for their misconduct. They’re willing to settle for what they did. I think it’s fair. Unless you want to officially press charges against them and go through court.”
“Oh.” I stared at it. This was to make them pay for what they did to me, allowing me to be kidnapped as a way to charge the Ryder gang. It ended with me tied to a chair in the dark basement while a shootout happened above me. “I just want this over with so I can move on.”
“Look it over. If you’re fine with it, then we’ll move forward.”
“Okay, thank you. And what’s going on with the Ryder gang.”
Amy sighed and gave me a sad smile. “These kinds of cases take time. Currently, both sides are putting together all the evidence and making their cases. Once that’s done, they’ll go to court to go over their cases and decide on an official court date. Then the trial will begin.”
“What am I looking at for that?” I asked.
“Well, they already did the charging and all that. Now they are in pre-trial motions. The defendant is trying to dismiss some of the evidence in place, last I heard. After that, they’ll set a trial date. It can take months for that to happen.”
“Months?” My eyes nearly bugged out at that. This could drag on for that long?
“It’s as long as it takes for both sides to build their cases. Sometimes, the defendant can demand a speedy trial, but that doesn’t work in the Ryder gang’s favor this time around. The evidence is too strong against all their members, so the defense needs more time. And it takes even more time because each member has to have a solid case built against them. They’ll be tried separately since they all won’t have the same charges. But it’s also gang related and that falls under other laws too. It’ll be a bit of a mess to organize.”
I mulled that over for a little while. “So be patient.”
Amy nodded. “Be patient. Whenever you want an update, let me know.”
“Will I need to testify?” I asked.
“It’s hard to say. You could be called to the stand. Or you won’t. It depends on which direction they go and on the charges. Once things move forward, we’ll have a clearer picture.”
“And I’m not in danger?” I asked.
“No. They got them all.” She pulled me into a hug. “Enjoy life, Cadence. You deserve it. Don’t let this shadow your future.”
I returned her hug, enjoying the feeling of being mothered. It wasn’t something I received often. “I’ll try.”
“Good.” She pulled away. “I need to go feed my daughter before she eats everything in my pantry. I’ll check in with you.” She pointed at the manila folder. “Let me know as soon as you decide, but think it through.”
I already wanted to tell her I wanted to take the deal, but only nodded. Maybe I did need to consider things first. Give it a good look over.
Once Amy left, I went back inside and sat down. We were back to waiting.
