1
 Enough

Redeeming Wealth

WHY do I need to read this chapter?

“How much money is enough?”

When asked this question, the richest American at the time, John D. Rockefeller Sr., responded, “Just a little bit more.”

“More” is a disease that infects regardless of the level of our assets. If we put Rockefeller’s quote within the context of his life and other quotes, it doesn’t appear that it was a lust for money he hoped to satisfy, nor a quest for material security he hoped to gain, through his wealth building. Indeed, he also said, “I know of nothing more despicable and pathetic than a man who devotes all the hours of the waking day to the making of money for money’s sake.”1

So, it wasn’t just about the money for him. Perhaps the real problem with Rockefeller’s relationship to money lay in this interesting quote, a belief of his corroborated by other similar Rockefeller ruminations: “I believe it is a religious duty to get all the money you can, fairly and honestly; to keep all you can, and to give away all you can.”2

For Rockefeller, the accumulation of money was a duty—a divine command, no less! Therefore, despite his affinity for acquisition, his thirst for more was, sadly, unquenchable. Even becoming the richest man in the world—perhaps in history3—was not Enough.

If you picked up this book hoping that it will help you make, save, invest, and accumulate a surplus of money, you’ll likely find enough material to satisfy that aspiration. But if that is all you learn—how to acquire more—I will have failed. Then, this will be just another financial book that ultimately misses the mark.

While I do hope the lessons herein improve your balance sheet, I personally will be satisfied only if these pages lead you not merely to riches, but to a richer life. Not only to a cleaner balance sheet, but to a freer mind.

Yes, I want you to be debt free, financially independent, properly insured, and prepared for whatever life brings. But more than anything, I want you to live in the sweet satisfaction of Enough. The bad news, as we see with Rockefeller, is that money can’t buy contentment. The good—I mean, great—news is that you can have Enough regardless of your circumstances.

You can be content now, and that’s why you need to read this chapter. If you’re anything like me, it’s also why this will be the chapter you need to revisit periodically. After all, our tendency is to move away from Enough—not toward it.

The American Dream?

Tim Meeks is a mid-to-upper-level business director. He, his wife, Joy, and their children represent the prototypical middle-class American family on the cover of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine. But there’s more to their story.

In the early 2000s, when homeownership seemed to be the smartest financial move to make, Tim got a touch of real-estate fever. He successfully parlayed his hunger for more into a small home-flipping and rental property business, doubling his net worth in one year and validating his dream of retirement as a thirtysomething.

Then the market turned. Violently. In a matter of months, hundreds of thousands of dollars of his family’s real estate riches had vanished, along with everything else his family had ever saved—unbeknownst to Joy. Tim admitted to his wife that they had over a million dollars of unsupportable debt. They both had to claim personal bankruptcy.

Disgrace. Failure. Their darkest hours.

Today they rank that experience among the most important of their lives. They now define wealth not by how much they have in assets but how little they have in debt. Since the bankruptcy, they rented an affordable home, paid off all surviving loans, and repaired their credit sufficiently to buy a new home, five years to the month after claiming bankruptcy. The peace they found through hitting bottom has entirely changed their view of what really is Enough.

Enough is a relative term, but Pete, aka Mr. Money Mustache, has taken it to the next level. A capitalist and investor, he has rewritten the modern-day version of the middle-class American Dream. Pete decided he wasn’t satisfied saving the requisite 10 percent of his income in his 401(k). Even 20 percent was too little. An engineer by trade, he crunched the numbers: If he could save 50 percent of his income starting at age 20, he could retire by age 37. If he could save 75 percent, his full-time career would be a measly 7 years. With little deviation from that path, and just in time for the birth of their first son, Mr. and now Mrs. Money Mustache retired, not into extravagance, but into Enough. At the age of thirty.

Truett Cathy, on the other hand, personified the American Dream. He was the billionaire Chick-fil-A restaurateur. Until his death in September 2014, this Depression survivor bristled if you referred to him as being rich. When asked if he thought wealth was worth all of its trappings and temptations, he replied flatly, “No.”

“Wealth is only worth it if you find a way to freely and abundantly give.” And give and give and give, if you look at his track record. He worked his fingers to the bone for the first half of his career and spent much of the remainder—still visiting the office into his nineties—finding ways to use his wealth and influence to better the lives of those less fortunate. He believed our wealth is measured by our contributions, not our withdrawals.

Few have made more dedicated contributions to the world’s betterment than Anne and Stephanie Reynolds, a mother-daughter duo who, when vacationing in the Dominican Republic, accidentally wandered into Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. They landed in a tiny village without a school or modern amenities. They later dedicated themselves to the restoration of that village—but not because of what the people lacked. Instead, it is the wealth within the Haitian people that inspired the Reynolds women to make lifelong commitments in partnership.

Who could be more removed from the woes of the world’s poorest inhabitants than American rock stars, scooting around in private jets, spending $10,000 on dinner and Dom for their entourage. Not Scott Avett from the Grammy-nominated punk-country band, The Avett Brothers. No prima donnas on their tour bus, and no love lost for the frenzy of fame and fortune, as evidenced in their song, “Ill with Want.” Avett labors for a life far humbler than the rock star standard.

As for professional athletes, their earning power sadly seems to be eclipsed only by their penchant for parting with the money they earn. Severe financial distress—even bankruptcy—is an epidemic. Former NFL All-Pro defensive lineman Joe Ehrmann tasted the excessive lifestyle of professional sports in all of its facets until tragedy changed his trajectory. Profiled for his unorthodox yet highly successful coaching techniques in Jeffrey Marx’s bestselling Season of Life, Joe educates professional and collegiate athletes and their coaches on building men and women not for themselves, but for others.

The original ideal of the American Dream—the promise of a land of opportunity—seems to have disintegrated into Dream 2.0, where opportunity is synonymous with money, riches, and wealth. And to our detriment, one of those words has been hijacked.

Redeeming Wealth

Words are important, even powerful. A well-placed word can lift us up or crush our spirit. The meaning of words can also shift over time, depending on who says them and how they’re used. The words money, riches, and wealth offer a fascinating study in etymology for terms that now appear almost synonymous. Money and riches have always meant something very close to what they mean today—currency and an abundance thereof.

The word wealth, however, has a deeper and more powerful meaning, one that has been obscured through successful attempts to commercialize and sell the dream that abundant riches equate to a life without care. Wealth’s true meaning is very close to the English words signifying contentment and Enough.

How is it that some people possess riches beyond even their most outlandish dreams, yet find contentment elusive?

How is it that others have nothing more than bare necessities, but rest easy with no fear of tomorrow?

Why do some billionaires share while others horde?

Why do some of our poorest neighbors recoil into bitter envy while others rise above seemingly impossible circumstances?

While it certainly is true that billions of the earth’s inhabitants require more materially, even for mere survival, we all need more Enough.

How do you define true wealth—Enough? How do you define success? Please consider these five questions, shared courtesy of Carol Anderson, a personal finance researcher and founder of Money Quotient, a nonprofit devoted to a life-centered approach to financial planning.

Simple Money Journal Entry

Defining True Wealth

  1. How do you define success in your working life?
  2. How do you define success in your family (or home) life?
  3. How do you define success in your financial life?
  4. What do you need to be content?
  5. How do you hope to be remembered someday?

Money Scripts

Before we can take the right actions in our personal finances, we must be sure to apply right thinking. This is because financial thoughts—or as the psychology of money gurus Rick Kahler and Ted Klontz call them, “Money Scripts”—precede and drive our actions. They are our underlying beliefs about money, the “beliefs behind the behaviors,” as Kahler says.

To explain, Kahler reminded me of Daniel Kahneman’s book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, in which Kahneman segregates the human brain into two systems:

System one is fast, automatic, frequent, stereotypic, and subconscious. It’s the emotional brain. System two, on the other hand, is slow, effortful, logical, calculating, and conscious. It’s the thinking or rational brain.4

Interestingly, 90 percent of our decisions—including financial decisions—are made in our emotional brain. It is in this part of our brain where Money Scripts are learned. Most of this prewiring takes place before the age of ten.

Money Scripts aren’t necessarily true or false, right or wrong. They just are.

I often conduct an exercise in educational sessions that I lead. The audiences vary but are always relatively homogenous groups. Forty accounting students. Thirty theater performers and staff. Twenty-five clients of a financial advisory firm. Two hundred financial advisors. And what shocks me (and them) is how wide-ranging their responses are in this exercise.

The wealthy got that way by . . . everything from “working hard” and “investing well” to “inheritance” or even “taking advantage of people.”

Poor people are poor because of . . . “a lack of education” or “bad circumstances” and, invariably, “they’re lazy.”

How is it that a group of people so similar to each other could have such disparate answers to the same questions? Regardless of how similar they appear now, they each had different parents, different childhoods, different friends, different educations, and most importantly, different reactions to each of these stimuli.

We’ve each had a different life.

For better and worse, our financial actions are entirely logical when our financial worldview comes into focus.

So what if we don’t like what we see? How do we change it?

First, we acknowledge our current money beliefs and the experiences that led us to them. Then, we modify and rewrite a new script.

Is Money Good or Bad?

Here are the top ten Money Scripts, according to Kahler and Klontz:

Simple Money Journal Entry

Do you recognize any of your Money Scripts?

“Money is bad” breeds a bunch of new, dangerous baby scripts. “People who have money are bad” is easily followed by “Therefore, I will not have money.”

I’ve had the privilege to counsel an executive of an international aid organization. In short, his job is to go to the most deprived places in the world and organize the relief necessary to raise the status of a community from critical to stable. His wife summarized his modus operandi, “Tyler has literally given someone the shirt off of his back—multiple times.”

We met, in part, because Tyler had received an unexpected lump sum of money. It wasn’t enough to become a full-time philanthropist, but it was a life-changing amount that could help to backfill the compounded savings deficit resulting from his persistently underpaid profession of career Samaritan.

At one point during our discovery session, I asked Tyler, “Having lived life in pursuit of helping those with nothing, can you handle having something? Or are you capable of committing financial suicide, of divesting yourself of these funds to salve your conscience?”

Tyler had to acknowledge that he was, indeed, capable of relinquishing his windfall and, therefore, his family’s financial future. For him, Enough was too much. We had to rewrite the script.

I find that “Money is good” is even more pervasive and damaging, because it morphs quickly into “If money is good, more money is better,” and finally devolves into “If I only had more money, I’d have a better life.”

Sadly, this script never seems to lose its potency no matter how many times it is disproven. For example, Sports Illustrated found (and ESPN corroborated) that “by the time they have been retired for two years, 78% of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress” and “within five years of retirement, an estimated 60% of former NBA players are broke.”6

Rock stars, actors and actresses, lottery winners? The numbers are all similar. The National Endowment for Financial Education estimates that 70 percent of people who suddenly receive life-changing money are separated from it within three years.7

Indeed, “change” seems to be the operative word, according to Susan Bradley, founder of the Sudden Money Institute and author of Sudden Money: Managing a Financial Windfall.8 “When life changes, money changes—and when money changes, life changes,” says Bradley.9

Even when the money is well-managed, the “more money, more better” script is still a killer. When we believe that money is inherently good, it often puts us at odds with the people we claim to prioritize over money—family and friends. Deeming money “good” personifies it, and the people in our lives simply can’t compete with our relationship with an inanimate object that silently promises to make all of our dreams come true.

The truth is that we don’t—or perhaps shouldn’t—have a relationship with money. That gives it too much credit.

Money is neither good nor bad. It’s a neutral tool that can be used well or poorly, for good or ill.

Those who think money is inherently bad tend to manage it poorly, straining relationships. Those who “love money” and think it is inherently good tend to strain relationships, deprioritizing the people in their lives. And, by the way, straining relationships also tends to cost money—half of your money, typically.

Meanwhile, those who view money as a neutral tool tend to employ and attract it most effectively.

Rewriting the Script

So I asked Rick Kahler, the Money Script guy, “How can we rewrite Money Scripts?” The answer, Kahler said, comes in the form of four questions patterned after Byron Katie’s work in her book, Loving What Is:10

Simple Money Journal Entry

Rewriting Money Scripts

  1. Is the Money Script true?
  2. Can you absolutely know it is true?
  3. What happens when you believe the Money Script? (Who are you when you think that? How do you react?)
  4. What or who would you be without the Money Script?

Now, modify and rewrite your Money Script.

One of the most powerful tools in rewriting the script comes, I’ve found, in seeking out new experiences.

Hope in Hell on Earth

For months I had prepared myself for a particular moment, stepping off of the run-down school bus in the middle of La Chureca, the dump of Nicaragua’s capital city, Managua. Listed among the Seven Horrendous Wonders of the World, La Chureca is not just a collection of refuse, but also a refuge for more than three hundred families.11 Men, women, and children compete with mangy dogs for sustenance and sex traffickers for their minds, bodies, and souls.

I knew it was coming from the moment I accepted the invitation to join a contingent of teachers and health and finance professionals orchestrated by GraceCity, a young church in downtown Baltimore enamored with serving the poorest of the poor in its hometown and, interestingly, the Managua city dump. But nothing could prepare me for the sights: homes manufactured of rubbish; smoke lifting from piles of debris; a multicolored landscape of mountainous trash dotted with laborers scrounging for something of worth under a 98-degree sun; a makeshift school lined with barbed wire;12 and scores of children, many without shoes or a single article of clean clothing but with stunning smiles lighting up their dirty faces. After all, they were thrilled to see us—we were there with the ORPHANetwork, a Virginia-based non-governmental organization (NGO) devoted to serving malnourished and displaced children in Nicaragua. We were at one of their many feeding centers in the country, designed to provide at least one nutritious meal per day to more than 10,000 starving children.

You hear of such things on the news and see pictures of such children on commercials filled with brown faces asking for money on late-night television, but it’s hard to believe it’s true—that I was fortunate enough to be born in a geographic location with a host of inherent benefits while these kids were born into the closest thing imaginable to hell on Earth. When I gaze into my own children’s eyes, I see in them a vast universe of unencumbered curiosity and possibility, but in La Chureca, I was forced to look into the eyes of girls as young as six who have already been sold into prostitution.

It was as if I was in one of those movies when a scene strikes a subject so hard that all he can do is marvel in slow motion, unable to process the myriad of overwhelming stimuli. But as my worldview crumbled and my eyes welled up with tears, I was forced to turn my gape downward. A young boy was tugging on my shorts. Once our eyes met, he thrust his hands upward in the universal sign for “Pick me up,” and before I could confirm that I’d been vaccinated for all that he was visibly carrying, he’d swung himself up onto my back, stripped my sunglasses and made them his own, smacked my side, and yelled “Vamos!” Just a kid. Any kid. Born in a garbage dump.

This experience rewrote a number of my personal Money Scripts and will no doubt continue to do so. This interaction with people who genuinely suffered from a dire lack of enough changed my definition of Enough.

This moment changed my entire worldview. It altered my values and priorities, which are the foundation of every successful financial plan—and the topic of our next chapter.

Simple Money “Enough” Summary

  1. The original meaning of the word wealth is actually contentment—Enough. We all need more Enough, and each chapter of this book will be oriented around this concept.
  2. Our predisposition to dealing with money is formed through our life experiences, especially those in the first ten years of life. These underlying beliefs are Money Scripts that often dictate our behavior, whether or not we know it.
  3. Money Scripts that we don’t like can be rewritten through self-analysis and new experiences.

pro-div

What INSIGHTS and ACTIONS did you take from this chapter?