The ache stayed with her as she shepherded the children through showers and got them into pajamas. Dallas helped, primarily with Grace, who treated Phillip’s sister like her new best friend, which turned out not to be too far from the truth, as Carissa discovered when Dallas left to eat dinner with her family downstairs.
“’Bye, bffn!” Grace called after her.
Laughing, Dallas waved and blew her a kiss on her way out the door.
“What is this bffn?” Carissa demanded, parking her hands at her waist.
Grace just shrugged, smiling enigmatically, but Tucker supplied the answer. “Best friend for now.”
Carissa spread her hands in confusion. “What does that mean, best friend for now?”
“It’s just till you and Phillip—”
Nathan abruptly launched himself at his brother, fists flying. “You take that back!”
The boys rolled across the floor, pummeling each other. Grace instantly burst into noisy tears. By the time Carissa separated the boys and sent off everyone to bed in sulky shame, the bell was ringing to let her know that a delivery waited in the dumbwaiter. Thoroughly exasperated, Carissa stomped off to fetch the heavy tray. She laid out the meal, trying to make sense of what had just happened. She suspected that Phillip was somehow to blame, but when she tried to question the children over dinner, they all clammed up. Dallas came back up later, so Carissa applied to her for an explanation.
“I’m afraid it’s all my fault,” she said apologetically. “You know how kids are about that ‘best friends forever’ thing. I try to avoid that in my classroom with ‘best friends for now’ because, you know, things change. Kids move. Relationships shift.”
“I see.” That seemed reasonable.
Smiling, Carissa glanced at the clock on the mantel and saw that she had fewer than ten minutes to get dressed. Or she could just refuse to go to the meeting after all. Without really deciding either way, she headed for the bedroom and quickly threw on a simple sleeveless khaki dress that buttoned up the front, then she stepped into white sandals. She splashed water on her face, took down her hair and brushed it, dabbed on some lip gloss and shoved a white headband into place. That would have to do.
Hurrying back into the sitting room, she found Dallas stacking the dinner dishes on the tray. Carissa went to help her, but Phillip tapped on the door before they had finished. Wiping her hands on a linen napkin, Carissa directed the children to help Dallas with the cleanup then grabbed her handbag and hurried out.
“You look nice,” he told her. He had shaved and put on jeans and a light blue button-up shirt. “I especially like your hair.”
Her hand went immediately to the long, shaggy strands that hung down her back. She rarely wore her hair down because she hadn’t had time or money to see a stylist in far too many months. It needed a good trim and shaping. But such things were luxuries that she could no longer afford. Still, he seemed sincere. She remembered, belatedly, to thank him.
His hand hovered around the small of her back as they descended the grand staircase. That made her nervous because this suddenly felt too much like a date. She didn’t know why she’d come with him anymore. Was it because everyone expected it of her, for the grief support meeting or because, despite everything, she wanted this to be a date? She very much feared it was the latter.
She must be insane. He had told her, warned her that he wasn’t in the market for a ready-made family. He’d stated bluntly that he wasn’t the man for her. He had apologized for kissing her, and still she found herself attracted to him. For that reason alone, she had no business going anywhere with him. She started to pray silently. She’d been doing that more and more lately.
Lord, don’t let me make a fool of myself. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I need You to guide me.
They reached the foyer and crossed the floor. Phillip opened the door. He smiled down at her, and she walked through it, out onto the porch. The evening heat enveloped her. Phillip followed and shut the door closed behind them. Side by side, they walked down the steps and along the walkway to his vehicle. He helped her into the car and went around to get in behind the steering wheel.
They reached the church within minutes and were greeted warmly by the rest of the group. What shocked Carissa most, however, was how easily she found herself being drawn into the discussion.
“In one way, it was a relief,” she said about her father’s death. “He had suffered so much. In another, purely selfish way, I can’t help missing him. The one person I always knew I could count on was my dad.” Phillip’s hand squeezed hers tightly. Funny, she hadn’t even realized they were holding hands until that moment. She dabbed at her tears with a tissue that someone passed to her and smiled. “Dad wasn’t very demonstrative. Hugs and kisses embarrassed him, but I knew how he felt.”
“And he knew how you felt,” Phillip assured her quietly.
After a while, talk turned to two women who had lost their husbands in the same auto accident. Their husbands hadn’t known each other, but the women had become fast friends, united by their mutual loss.
“The funny thing is how much they had in common,” one of them divulged.
“And how much we have in common,” the other added.
“One of my friends who died was married,” Phillip said. “His wife is a climber. She worked for the same company until she became pregnant with their first child. I used to joke that if I ever met anyone with whom I had so much in common as those two did, I’d marry her. Now all I think about is that she and their two kids were left alone. Mountain climbers are notoriously hard to insure, you know. I’m sure it’s been tough for them.”
People hastened to assure him that they would have Social Security to draw on, but Carissa felt stung. Had he contemplated marriage at some point? Was that what he wanted, a woman who could climb mountains with him? She couldn’t imagine taking such chances when she had her children to consider.
After the meeting, as they were walking back to the car, she casually expressed her condolences for his loss. “I didn’t realize that your friends had families.”
Phillip nodded. “Everyone has a family. Just the one was married, though. No, that’s not right. The client was married, too, and I understand he left his family very well provided for.”
Carissa swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded. “That’s good.”
“I didn’t really think about it until I met you, frankly.”
“Yeah, well, it’s been harder for me than I realized it was going to be,” Carissa admitted. “Even after the first shock of it, you don’t think it’s going to change absolutely everything. But somehow it does.”
“I’m sure it does. How can it not?”
“I don’t know. You just think you’re going to keep things as normal as possible for your kids, only normal is never what it was, no matter what you do.”
They got into the car and started back toward Chatam House. Thankfully, Phillip changed the subject.
“What do you think about a live-feed phone app?”
Surprised, she queried him on the subject, and they discussed the matter on the drive back. Phillip asked some pointed questions, which Carissa answered as best she could, telling him what she thought it would take to make something like what he seemed to have in mind work.
“So we’d need some hardware as well as the software,” he realized. “Would that be terribly expensive?”
“Depends on your idea of expensive,” she hedged. “I really couldn’t estimate it without doing some research.”
“Okay. So, are you too busy to do a little window-shopping tomorrow?”
She blinked at him. “You’re serious about this?”
“I’m serious about looking into it.”
She shrugged. “Well, I’m working tomorrow, so I won’t be free until after five.”
“Okay.” He parked the car in front of the house and killed the engine but made no move to get out. “Where do you think we should go? I don’t usually shop for electronics.”
She tried to think what was available locally then warned him against buying in person without checking online first. They got into the subject of computers and clones versus name brands. She had no idea of how long they sat there and talked until she suddenly yawned.
“I’m so sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” he said, opening his car door. “I’ve kept you up too late—you and Dallas both.”
She checked her wristwatch and was stunned to see it was almost eleven.
“Oh, my!”
They hurried inside to find Dallas snoozing on the sofa in the master-suite sitting room. She sat up groggily when they came in, reported that the children had been perfect darlings, which Carissa doubted, waved off Carissa’s effusive thanks and trudged out onto the landing. Phillip told Carissa good-night, promised to see her the next evening and followed his sister out. Carissa looked in on her sleeping children, turned off the lights and went to bed.
Her last thought was a repetition of her earlier prayer.
Lord, please don’t let me make a fool of myself over that man.
She feared that was going to be more easily said than done, however.