I wake to someone’s hand smacking the sides of my cheeks. My eyes open. Austin’s smiling face is in my grumpy one. I shove his hand away. “Stop it, Austin. Geez.”
He tosses me a napkin. “Here. That’s for Hank. He drools like a boxer. I bet he bites like one too. You can wake him up.”
I take the napkin from him and wipe the spit off my zip up hoodie before I shrug out of it, thankful I pulled my hair back, or else Hank would have given it a spit bath too. For someone as alert and vigilant as he is, he sure sleeps hard. His hands wrap around my hoodie as I slide sideways to get out of the car. He falls hard, like a tree in the forest, and stretches out across Austin’s back seat. I shut the door, hoping it’ll wake him, but it doesn’t.
Austin stands outside, arms crossed on his chest. “We have to wake him up. Jenni and I can’t both ride in front.”
Jenni looks at Austin. “How about we go get some food for everyone and Amy can wake him up?”
I stare back at her, feeling betrayed. “Fine.” The two of them trudge off, and I remind myself they just drove all night. I whip open the door. Maybe the morning breeze will wake the sleeping giant. He doesn’t stir. Desperate for results before they return, I climb in the back seat. My knees bump him everywhere, as he’s impossible to miss. Having had enough of this ridiculousness, I fall on him like deadweight and plaster myself to his side. Quick as a flash, just as I suspected, he turns from his side to his back beneath me, yet I don’t fall to the floor. His hands cover my back and then lower, as he holds me tight. I’m hot as an habanero by the time our lips meet.
I get lost in Hank so fast, it’s not even fair. Just when I think I’ll never come up for air and have no idea how his hands found the skin of my ribs and back so quickly, there’s a pounding on the window. I look up, determined to ignore Hank’s bemused and satisfied expression while Austin glares through the steamed window. “Get off him, Amy!”
I give Hank a mighty shove while I holler back at Austin through the window. “I’m trying!”
I stumble out the side of the car and pull my shirt down on the way. I find the car keys in my pocket. I barely look Austin in the eye as I walk by. He grabs my inner elbow. “Are you serious?”
I look back at him, pulling an “Austin” look of innocence. “You wanted him up, he’s up. I fell on him. These things happen.”
Austin eyes me hard. “Yeah, well. Just don’t “fall” too hard or too long. I don’t want no Thor-lookin’ Armageddon babies to explain to your mom.”
I make a face. “Ew, Austin. Gross.”
Hank stands outside the passenger side door, looking injured and earnest. “Amy. I promise you our love-making would be beautiful.”
I’m going to kill Austin the next time he gets out of the car. I say nothing as I march around to the driver’s side and get in. Hank sits down in the front seat. I start the car, but then turn it off again. “I have to go the restroom. Hank?”
He looks over at me. “No thanks. I just went.”
I’m confused. “You went in the building and came back out that fast?”
“No. I only had to void, so I went beside the car.”
Austin is over the front seat like a shot. “You peed down the side of my car?!”
Hank looks at him like he’s crazy. “No. I wouldn’t do that. It’s not good for the paint. I went in the other direction.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Hank. You can’t just do that in front of other people. What if someone had seen you? They could have called the cops!”
“Why? It’s a natural action, it’s part of nature.”
How can he be so basic? This is just embarrassing. “Hank! There are laws against that sort of thing. It’s called indecent exposure. You can’t just pee wherever you want to! This is America.” My voice is raised.
He looks at me like I’m stupid. “I know that. We go in the woods all the time.”
Austin puts a hand on his shoulder and talks slowly, as if to a small child. “Hank. Look around you. This ain’t no backwoods hillbilly Deliverance country. You cannot just pee whenever and wherever. You could get a fine, or worse. They might even label you as a sex offender. Forever.”
Hank throws up his hands. “Alright, already. I got it.” He holds out an open hand. “Can I have a sandwich?”
Jenni leans back in the seat and wrinkles her nose. “Not until you wash your hands.”
Hank opens the door and steps out. “Fine. I’ll go wash my hands. You all are a bunch of germophobes.”