Austin drives most of the way home. We take a few breaks here and there. We feel safe and secure as we sleep in our locked armored car. The ride home is pretty quiet. We’re all focused on recovering from the shock of our exit. We’re cruising through Nebraska when Simon pops up between us. “Hey. I want to see the waterfalls.”
Austin looks at the road sign. “That’s like an hour out of the way, at least.”
I glance at the disappointment on Simon’s face. I consider what we’ll be facing once we get home. “Austin. What’s another hour? It’ll be fun.”
Simon clears his throat. “Please? I’ve never seen a waterfall up close.”
Austin sighs. “Fine.”
Simon claps his hands. “Thank you, brother!” He sits back in his seat and puts his seatbelt back on.
An hour later, we pull up to a park. Simon jumps out and we follow him.
Austin grabs his shirt from behind. “Simon.”
Simon turns around. “Yeah?”
“Leave the grenade in the car.” Austin’s voice is quiet.
Simon frowns. “What if I need it? You don’t know who’s here.”
Austin shakes his head. “Leave it in the car or we leave right now.”
Simon’s shoulders droop. “Fine, Austin. But if we get into trouble, you’ll wish we had it.”
I watch Simon in disbelief as he trudges back to the car and enters the code to unlock the doors. Simon lays the grenade on the seat and hurries back to us. “Let’s go!”
We hike up the cement path that leads to the falls. Simon runs on ahead in excitement. Austin laughs and shakes his head as Simon disappears behind the corner.
Jenni clears her throat. “Do you think you can talk your mom into keeping him?”
Austin nods his head. “I sure hope so. I made a promise.”
I think about it for a while. “It might help her with empty nest syndrome.”
Austin glances at me. “Excuse me?”
I look back at him. “You know? The depression that moms get when their last child moves out?” He shakes his head at me, and I get defensive. “It’s a real thing. I’ve read about it.”
His answer is dry. “I’m sure you have.”
My back is up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He looks at me again. “Sometimes, Amy, too much knowledge isn’t good.”
I cross my arms on my chest. “Oh? And why is that, Austin? Do you think if a girl’s too smart it’s a bad thing? Does my intelligence intimidate you? Does the thought of me having my own mind disgust you?”
He frowns at me. “Calm down, woman. Take a chill pill. All I’m saying is if everything you read causes you to have more anxiety and fear, is it worth it? Are you really living if you’re always afraid of what might never happen?”
My fingers clutch my elbows in frustration. “I’m not afraid, Austin. I’m prepared. There’s a difference. If I know what might happen, it helps me be less anxious.”
He quietly studies me. “Are you sure about that, Amy?”
I look back at him. “I’m not sure of anything.”
We stare each other down. Jenni steps between us. “Let’s go before Simon jumps in the falls or something.”
I sigh a little, but I’m relieved at Jenni’s saving me from further awkwardness. She reaches for my hand and I take it. We run down the path together. By the time we get to the falls, Simon is nowhere in sight. My heart pinches in my chest. Surely he wouldn’t jump in, would he?
“Hey! I’m up here!” I look up at the sound of his voice. Simon stands at the top of the falls, somewhere near the middle. My stomach flips over again. “Come join me!”
I shake my head back and forth. I’m terrified at the thought of standing at the top of the waterfall. My knees are already shaking. Jenni takes my hand. “Come on, Amy. Let’s go for a hike.”
I look around. I see no stairs. “How did he get up there?”
Austin starts up the trail that leads up the side of a hill. “I’m guessing he followed this trail. Come on.”
Jenni turns to me. “Amy. Remember what Lady Margaret said. Life is for the living. Let’s go. You can do this.”
I take a deep breath and try to summon any courage I have left.
Jenni tugs on my hand. “One step at a time, Amy. You can do this.”
Her whispering words of confidence draw me out and I follow close behind her up the trail. Austin jabbers away in front of us and his words are a pleasant distraction. Before too long, the shaking in my knees is gone, and I feel stronger with every step I take. We move over a few times to get out of the way of ambitious hikers who move at a faster pace. I take a breath and turn around to look down from where I stand. The height bothers me a bit, but I also have a sense of achievement. My heart beats hard in my chest from exertion, but it makes me feel strong. I turn back to the trail. Jenni and I continue up the side of the hill.
We make it to the top. Austin heads for the water. There’s big rocks sticking up here and there, but they’re spaced far apart. The rush of the roaring waters fills my ears. Simon looks so small standing in the middle of falls. He waves his hand like mad.
“Come on, guys! Come in!” I shake my head back and forth again.
“Jenni. You and Austin go ahead. I’ll stay here.”
Austin steps over to me and takes my hand. “Amy. You’re going in with us. It’s just a few more steps. You’ll be fine.”
I look at all the water flowing over the edge and I picture myself going right down with it. I’m going to fall down and get caught in the current and go down the falls and drown. I just know it. I can’t swim unless you count being able to barely doggy-paddle. “Austin. I don’t want to.” I hate how my voice sounds right now. Shrill and tight. Just like my mom’s when she’s angry or nervous.
Austin’s face changes. He throws up his hands. “I tried. I’m going in.” I watch his feet step deftly from rock to rock. He’s all grace and poise like he’s part Peter Pan or something. Austin dances across the rocks like a sprite. He stands in the water next to Simon. His smile gets bigger. “Come on in, the water feels great.”
Jenni shucks her shoes and socks and rolls up her jeans. “I’m going in too.”
I smile weakly at her, and I feel bad. I wish I could go in, but I’m too afraid. I plop down on a rock and watch them splash each other. Jenni approaches the edge slowly and dips her toe in. She shivers for a second, and I think she’s changed her mind, but then she steps in and climbs onto a big rock sticking up out of the water. She moves her toes over it slowly, as if to feel the surface. She’s making her adorable concentration face and I see the tip of her tongue stick out. She stretches out her foot to get to the next rock, and I hold my breath with her. She loses her balance and falls in. Jenni’s in the water. I jump up and go toward her. The water soaks my shoes and socks. I have to get to Jenni.
The water is up to my shins. The rocks are smooth and slippery beneath my feet. I slip and slide on my way to Jenni. She’s sitting on her bottom, laughing. She looks up at me in surprise. She splashes me and I jump back. Austin is beside me in a second. He grabs my arm hard and yanks me to him. “Amy!”
His voice scares me. “What, Austin?”
“You almost went over the edge, Amy.” His low voice is in my ear. I look sideways and I see that he was not exaggerating. The waterfall is a straight drop, and it’s a good thirty feet down, at least. My frightened glance takes in the collection of huge rocks below, and it’s not a stretch to imagine being dashed against the rocks. I cringe at the thought of falling on them. I look down at my feet that are just inches from the edge of the falls.
My whole body trembles. “I need to sit down.”
Austin nods his head and leads me to a big rock. “What made you come in?”
I look up at him as I sit down. “I thought Jenni was in trouble. She fell down in the water and she didn’t get up.”
He plops down on the rock beside me. “Your friend was in trouble and you forgot your fear and went for it.”
I hug my knees to my chest. “I guess so.”
He puts an arm around me. “You’re going to be alright, Amy. Your heart’s in the right place.” I look over at Simon and Jenni who stand bravely at the top of the falls, and I envy them.
We sit on the rock a while longer. Austin gets up. He takes my hand. “Come on, Amy. You can do this.” I feel the strength in his hands and when I look into his eyes I see nothing but honesty and sincerity. I climb off the rock and step back into the water. The water flows around me like before, but this time it feels different. I embrace the cold that touches my ankles and sends shivers of delight up my spine. I take a deep breath and realize it’s not fear that holds me captive, it’s life. The universe has been waiting for me to wake up and take notice, and I finally get it. I am alive and I am here.
I let go of Austin’s hand and take a few more steps back from the edge. I twirl in slow circles in the water with my arms stretched out as I stare up at the blue sky. In this moment, I am Lady Margaret’s daughter. Jenni joins me and together we twirl until our heads spin. We stagger over to a big rock to sit down. She stretches out on her back and so do I. We stare up at the trees as our feet dangle in the lazy current. She turns her face to look at mine. “Amy. I’m glad we’re here together. Thank you for taking me on this grand adventure.” My heart floods with joy.
“Jenni. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” We lay here in silence for a bit. “Jenni?”
“Yeah?”
I grab her hand. “Don’t forget me when you go off to nursing school and make all kinds of cool new friends.” I hate how my voice sounds pinched and tight. I don’t want it to.
She squeezes my hand hard. “Amy. You’ll always be my first.”
I blink my eyes. “Excuse me?”
Jenni laughs out loud. “My first best friend. The one person who holds the title of my BFF. You’re the only girl who knows all my secrets.”
I look at her sideways, and I want to believe her. I do know all her secrets, but is that enough? They say the friends you keep are the ones you meet in college, and my head spins at the thought of her having long study sessions and going through clinicals, having all these awesome experiences. Without me. I take a deep breath. “And you know all of mine.”
I turn back to her. She stares at me. “Amy. We’ll always be friends. It’s going to be fine.” She gives me a small grin. “Besides, I’m the one who should be sad. You’re going off to some cool college and I’m stuck at home going to a state college to save money.”
I bare my soul. “I’m scared, Jenni. I should be excited about Texas Tech. I know it’s a big deal. But I’m afraid of the other girls. What if they think I’m weird or too much of a nerd?”
She giggles. “Trust me, Amy. Once they find out how smart you are, you’ll have lots of friends. Everyone will want to be your study buddy.”
Her words should make me feel better, but they don’t. “How will I know who’s really my friend and who’s using me for my intelligence?”
She gets all serious. “Stop worrying so much, Amy. Just be yourself. If they’re not willing to give you a chance, they’re the ones who are missing out.” Her words make sense, and I want to believe them, but doubt is a hard habit to get rid of.
A shadow falls over us. Simon and Austin stare down at us. “Want to go find the big falls?”
I look up at Simon. His face is filled with determination. “I thought these were the big falls.”
He shakes his head with a grin. “Nah. These are tiny. There’s bigger ones farther back. I heard some guys talking. We just have to follow the water’s edge around a few more corners.”
Jenni sits up. “I’m up for it.”
I sit up beside her. “Let’s go.”