He came in one evening shortly before the library closed, looking for information on nautical knots. I pushed my glasses up on my nose and searched the data base. Four titles, all about knots. He smiled, this quirky little smile that hinted at some secret I couldn’t begin to fathom, thanked me and left with three of the books. The fourth didn’t have enough pictures, he said. He liked pictures.
I forgot about him. You tend to forget the ones that only come in occasionally, that ask one question and never come back. But he came back. I don’t remember how long it was. A month, maybe two? But he came back and something about that little smile reminded me of the knots.
He wasn’t handsome in the classical sense. He was average looks, average height. The kind of guy who could be really cute if you liked him or nondescript if you’d only met him once or twice. But the smile, that made him stand out. It would be awhile before I’d notice that his eyes held the same secretive amusement as his smile.
The next time he came to the reference desk he asked about the Marquis de Sade. Not his fiction, a biography. Not a usual request for a small town library in the heart of Virginia. I checked the database. Just two biographies on the Marquis. He took them both. I felt a little strange leading him back toward the biography section, deep in the shadows of the nonfiction stacks. Maybe it was the smile.
I pulled the books and handed them to him.
“Ever read him?” he asked, tapping the cover of the top book.
I could feel myself blush as I shook my head. “Uh, no.”
That smile again. Amused, knowing. “But you know who he is.”
Not a question, but I nodded. Then I hurried out of the stacks and back to the refuge of my desk with a muttered, “I have patrons waiting.” I didn’t and he knew it. I think I heard him laugh.
After he left, I looked him up. It’s against the rules, but I needed to know. His name was Justin Brant and he was forty-one years old. I knew the neighborhood he lived in, it wasn’t far from my own townhouse. I also knew the types of books he liked – historical biographies of questionable characters and action-adventure. Harmless enough. Yet something about him stayed with me long after he left.
I’m embarrassed to say I checked the status on the de Sade biographies for the next couple of weeks. He renewed them both once. I found that interesting. Either he didn’t have time to read them or he was being very thorough in his research.
He came in one night just before closing. I didn’t see him at first; I was reading over some paperwork when I felt his gaze like a weight on my shoulders. I glanced up to see him staring intently at me.
“May I help you?” I asked, sounding colder than I felt. My palms were already beginning to sweat and he hadn’t said anything to me.
He smirked. “No, I found what I was looking for this time.” He gestured at the stack of books in his hand. The title of the top one mentioned nude photography.
“Oh.”
The smirk deepened. “I was wondering if you’d like to have coffee sometime, maybe one night after work?”
“I don’t think so,” I said quickly, glancing around to see if anyone had heard him. “I mean – thank you, but I don’t think we really have much in common.”
The smirk never faltered. “No? What a pity. I thought I turned you on.”
He was gone before I could pick my jaw off the floor.
I was curious, I admit it. So when I pulled out of the parking lot half an hour later, I turned left instead of turning right. I drove the five miles to the street where he lived. I turned on the street in a very nice subdivision and I drove along the main road that circled the hundred or so houses. I found his house, tucked in a cul-de-sac. I was so intent on making sure I had the right house number, I didn’t realize someone was getting out of the Mercedes in the driveway. It was him!
I sped away, heart hammering in my chest. He couldn’t have seen me, he wasn’t looking in my direction. Still, I could feel my cheeks flush hotly as I drove the few miles to my house. Whatever his charm, I wouldn’t do that again.
I almost dreaded seeing him at the library again. Almost. Here I was, thirty-seven and hopelessly single, mooning over some pervert who used the library as his dirty bookstore.
Still, there was something about him that suggested he’d be able to tell me all the secrets I’d been wanting to know. Questions I wasn’t even sure how to ask. Maybe he was a pervert, but if he was, so was I. Because he had my mind going down a road it had never been, and my willing cunt followed.
By the time I saw him again, I was debating calling him. It would have been highly inappropriate and I could have lost my job for it, but desperate times call for desperate measures, to my way of thinking. Who am I kidding? I wasn’t thinking, I was only feeling. And it felt good.
Strangely enough, it wasn’t the library where I saw him next, but the grocery store. I was standing at the bakery counter, choosing a loaf of bread, when I heard a familiar laugh. I jerked my head around just in time to catch his smile as he turned and walked away. My cheeks flushed hotly, but instead of ignoring him, I followed him, bread forgotten.
“Wait. Hey! Mr Brant, Justin – wait.”
He turned and looked at me. We were standing alone in the wine aisle. It was after ten o’clock and there were few people in the store.
“Yes?”
I stopped in front of him, suddenly speechless. “I was just – I mean—”
He arched an eyebrow. “How did you know my name?”
My face felt like it was on fire. I couldn’t think of a good lie quick enough. “I looked you up,” I blurted.
“I like that.”
That made me feel warm for an entirely different reason. “Can we go some place?” I asked, emboldened. “To talk?”
“Talk?”
I felt like he was teasing me. “Yes, talk,” I said, suddenly angry. Not at him, at myself for being so foolish. “Never mind, forget I asked.”
He grabbed my wrist with a gentle, but insistent pressure that was impossible to ignore. “I don’t forget anything,” he said. “Ask me again.”
Part of me screamed to get out of there and away from him. Part of me never wanted him to let go of my wrist. “Would you like to go somewhere and talk?” My voice was soft, I could barely hear myself, but he didn’t seem to have a problem.
“Good. You’re learning.”
There was a condescension in his voice I wouldn’t have tolerated from anyone else. So why was I taking it from him? Something about his confidence, maybe. Or maybe I was just ready for someone like him. In any case, his approval sent a little thrill through me that I hadn’t experienced in a long, long time.
We each paid for our groceries, waiting in line silently. Then he told me to follow him. I liked that better than going with him. I was curious, but I wasn’t stupid.
He drove to a coffee shop about a mile from the library. I’d passed the place a thousand times, but I’d never been there. I parked next to him and followed him inside.
The waitress nodded to him as if he was a regular. We sat in a booth near the back, the only other patron an elderly man sitting at the counter. Justin sat across from me, studying me with dark, unblinking eyes.
“What?” I said, fidgeting nervously.
“Sit still.”
Like an obedient dog, I immediately quieted. Then I frowned.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Tell me.”
I started to say I really didn’t know, but I could feel my frown deepening. “I don’t like you.”
He chuckled and it was a soft, seductive sound that washed over my skin like a touch. “No. What you don’t like is how you respond to me.”
I opened my mouth to deny it and he held his hand up.
“Don’t. Don’t lie to me and don’t lie to yourself. You respond to me and it confuses you.”
I thought about that for a moment. “Yes,” I said, though it hadn’t been a question.
The waitress came over and took our order – a black coffee for him and a hot chocolate for me. When she was gone, he stared at me once more.
“Why do you think that is?” he asked.
I’d lost track of our conversation for a moment, so caught up in his steady gaze. “What?”
His lips thinned to a straight line. “Pay attention. Why do you think it bothers you to respond to me?”
I didn’t like the conversation, but I knew if I continued to argue with him, he would leave. I wasn’t sure how I knew it, but I did. I thought hard for a moment, trying to put my feelings into words. “Because I’m used to being in control.”
“And I make you feel out of control?”
I played with the salt and pepper shakers. “You make me question myself.”
“Interesting.”
I felt like a science project. I also felt a need to clarify myself. “It’s mostly curiosity,” I said, sounding defensive even to my own ears. “It’s not like this is going anywhere.”
Again, that soft, sexy laugh. “Oh, really? Is that what you think?”
I didn’t get a chance to respond because the waitress brought our drinks. I waited until she’d gone off behind the counter once more before saying anything.
“I think I’m going to be very careful around you.”
He nodded. “Smart girl.”
We talked then, about inconsequential things. My job as a librarian, his as a college professor. I wasn’t surprised he taught college. He had the air of a man comfortable in academia, in instruction. I wondered, almost jealousy, if any of his female students had experienced his disciplining side. Somehow, I didn’t doubt it.
An hour slipped by and my cocoa grew cold. He pulled a few bills from his wallet and tossed them on the table. I felt an irrational disappointment to know our time together was over.
“Don’t frown,” he said.
“I didn’t know I was.”
He reached across the scarred table and circled my wrist with his fingers. I could feel my pulse jump and I knew he could, too. “You’re upset it’s time to go.”
I swallowed hard, but I nodded.
“So, don’t leave me just yet. Come to my house.”
I gently tugged my wrist free of his grasp. “I can’t go with you. I don’t even know you.”
He studied me carefully, as if memorizing me. “You know me. And you’re afraid of what I know about you.”
Almost against my will, I asked, “What do you know about me?”
His fingers took my wrist once more. “I know you’re nervous, a little afraid.” His grip tightened. “I also know if I asked you to go to the restroom and remove your panties, they would be soaking wet.”
I gasped, but I didn’t attempt to pull away. Nor did I deny his statement. How could I? I’d been wet since I’d spotted him in the grocery store.
He smiled. “Good. I didn’t want another argument.” He rubbed his thumb over the pulse in my wrist. “Now, do you want to come with me?”
I didn’t miss the double entendre. “I don’t know.”
“Honest enough. Would it make you feel more comfortable to go to your place?”
I thought for a moment before I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
A frown line creased his brow. The pressure on my wrist grew tighter. “Then what?” Then, a smile. “Oh, I think I know.”
Again, my pulse began to race. “What?”
“Do you have a key to the library?”
“Oh, God.”
More pressure. “Answer me, please.”
I nodded.
“And there’s a security system, I’m sure. You know the code?”
“Yes,” I whispered hoarsely.
My mind racing as quickly as my pulse. Could I get away with it? Yes, probably. The library was tucked away off the main street through town, no one would be likely to notice if we slipped in through the back door and didn’t turn on the lights. But just because I could get away with it didn’t make it a good idea.
“Don’t think about it. Just feel. React. Respond. The only consequences are the ones you make for yourself.”
I didn’t believe him for a minute, but I knew I was in too deep to say no. Even the threat of losing my job wasn’t enough to keep me from sliding out of the booth and walking toward the door. I was going to do it. Not because he told me to, but because I wanted it.
The library was dark and silent, the parking lot empty just as I knew it would be. He’d followed in his car and parked beside me in the employee parking area. I lead the way to the employee entrance, keys jingling in my trembling fingers. At the door, he put his hand over mine as I went to insert the key in the lock.
“This is it. If you don’t want to do this, say so now and it’s over.” He caressed my hand with the most delicate of touches. “But if we go inside, be prepared to give up your control.”
I’d already worked it out in my mind, but when he put it that way, I hesitated.
He smiled, and it was a wicked smile. “But if we do go inside, I promise you won’t regret it.”
I turned the key and entered the security code. My hands were hardly trembling by the time I lead him into my office behind the circulation desk. Now that I’d committed to this, I was feeling calmer.
He sat in the comfy chair in the corner, leaving me standing in the middle of the room between my desk and the door. He looked around, studying the pictures of Paris and Milan hanging over my desk. My office window looked out onto a pretty garden area with reading benches. At this hour, all I could see were the lights from the parking lot.
“Close the blinds,” he said.
I didn’t argue or question. The last thing I needed was a nosy teenager, or worse, a cop, driving by and peeking in the window. While I wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen, I was pretty sure I didn’t want anyone watching.
When the blinds were closed, he nodded. “Good. Now turn the desk lamp on.”
The lamp he was referring to was more decorative than functional. I quickly obeyed and the parchment lamp shade cast an intimate golden glow across my office.
“Now, strip.”
Whatever I’d expected, it hadn’t been that.
I fumbled with the buttons on my blouse. There was still some rational part of my brain that couldn’t believe I was undressing in front of a stranger. In my office, no less.
The blouse fell away, leaving me in my bra and conservative skirt. I paused, waiting for him to say more, but he didn’t. He only stared.
I reached behind me and unzipped my skirt. The motion forced my breasts up and out, and I watched his eyes drift to my chest. My nipples responded to his gaze as if he touched me. I felt them tighten, pushing out the material of my bra.
The skirt pooled at my feet. I reached for the clasp of my bra, afraid that if I hesitated, I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Justin watched as I removed the bra. He watched as I slipped out of my shoes. My legs were bare, the summer weather and a good tan making stockings unnecessary. My panties glided down my thighs and then I stood before him naked.
“Very nice,” he said. His voice was cool and distant, as if he was admiring a piece of artwork. “How do you feel?”
“Vulnerable,” I whispered.
“And?”
“Excited.” The confession came at a price. I could feel myself blushing and knew he could see it on my neck and breasts.
“Good. That’s how you should feel.”
A long moment went by as he stared at my and I resisted the urge to fidget. Finally, when I couldn’t take his silence any longer, I said, “Now what?”
“Impatient?”
I nodded, though I wasn’t sure what he was asking for.
“Do you like pain?”
The question took me by surprise and I blurted, “No!”
He tsked. “Get dressed.”
“What? Why? What did I do?”
Justin stood quickly and I took a step back. “You misled me. I thought you shared my interests.”
“I don’t know—”
He closed the distance between them in two long strides. My back was up against the wall, the soft brush of his shirt against my bare breasts. My breathing was ragged and harsh. I realized I sounded like a woman in arousal, not someone who was afraid.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m interested in exploring pain. Namely, yours.” He took my nipples between his fingers. “If you want me to stop, simply pull away.”
I couldn’t have moved if the security alarm had gone off.
“If you want me to continue, ask me to hurt you.”
His words were soft and surprisingly arousing. I lowered my head, ashamed and embarrassed by my feelings, my gaze falling to my nipples imprisoned in his fingers. The sight of my pink nipples against his tanned fingers brought a soft moan to my lips.
“Well?”
“Please.”
“Please what?” His fingers just barely held my nipples. “Don’t play games with me, little one. You won’t win.”
I raised my head until I met his gaze. “Please hurt me, Justin.”
Almost immediately, he began to twist my nipples. If I had thought about it, I might have said the pain began even before I asked for it, as if he knew I would ask. The pain intensified, a warmth flowing from the tips of my breasts across my chest, radiating a steady, constant pressure that became more and more intense.
I wanted to squirm, to cry out, but something in his expression made me stay still and quiet, my back pressed to the hard wall while he tortured my tender breasts. He gave my nipples a particularly vicious twist and I bit my lip until I tasted blood. It hurt, no doubt about it, but there was also a heaviness in my cunt, a corresponding tingle in my clit with every painful twist of my nipples.
“You please me,” he whispered. He leaned close and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips that seemed incongruous with the rest of the situation. “Your threshold for pain is going to be a delightful challenge.”
I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that, yet I felt myself smiling in spite of the pain. “Thank you.”
He tugged my nipples out from my breasts, stretching the already pained skin, then released them. The ache began as the blood flowed back into them and I moaned softly.
“Nice.”
Before I could respond, his hand was between my thighs, squeezing my cunt. The sensation was pleasurable at first and I pressed against his palm. Then he exerted the same pressure on my pussy that he had on my nipples and I gasped.
“Pain with pleasure,” he murmured. “There’s nothing like it.”
I wanted to ask him how he knew, if he’d ever felt pain during sexual arousal or if he only liked to inflict it. The words died in my throat as his fingers found my clit. With a quick, steady motion he kneaded my swollen flesh roughly. So rough, in fact, my body couldn’t decide whether it felt good or hurt. My hips moved of their own accord, alternately thrusting against his wrist and pulling back as far as the wall would allow.
“Don’t think about it,” he said. “Let your body decide what it likes.”
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall. My body was aching for release, that much I knew. Justin seemed to realize that, because each time my body would tense for orgasm, he would pinch my clit that much harder.
“Please,” I begged, though I could barely speak loud enough to hear myself. “I can’t take any more.”
He chuckled softly and rolled my swollen clit. “You’ll be surprised how much you can take.”
I shook my head, denying him – or denying myself? I couldn’t be sure.
“You’re going to come on my hand,” he said, matter-of-factly. “You’re going to come and it’s going to be stronger and harder than anything you’ve ever experienced.”
I kept shaking my head.
“Yes, you are. And it’s going to hurt, which is going to confuse you more.” He pushed a finger in my drenched cunt, then slid another one in for good measure. “But you’re going to love it and you won’t want it to stop.”
He was finger-fucking me now, hard. Hard enough to lift me up on my toes with each thrust of his hand. I whimpered and moaned, clutching at his shoulders with my hands, but not pushing him away.
“That’s it,” he coaxed. “Feel it, feel everything. Come on my hand. Let your body have what it needs.”
I was moaning now, almost screaming with the intensity of the sensations he was causing. I could feel his cock, hard and insistent, pressing against my hip bone as he angled his fingers higher into my cunt. He wanted me. He was giving me pleasure and hurting me at the same time and he wanted to fuck me. The fact that he wasn’t as distant as he sounded made me relax.
“Come,” he said. And though his voice was as harsh and cold as his fingers in my cunt, I knew he was enjoying me.
With his fingers driving into my cunt and my clit rubbing against his wrist, I came. I clung to him, whimpering and sobbing as I rode a powerful orgasm, his demanding cock bruising my hip, wanting me.
“Yes,” he hissed, close to my ear. “It’s what you need. Show me what you need.”
I sagged against him, no longer caring I was naked and vulnerable in my own office. All that mattered was the orgasm, the release. What he had given me, what he had taken from me. They were one and the same. I came and whimpered and said his name like a prayer.
He lowered me to my knees, his hand cradling my head against his erection. The fabric of his pants was soft against my cheek and I nuzzled him, weak and satisfied and still craving more.
He pressed my head against his cock, hard, then harder still, until I thought he might leave a mark on my skin from the zipper. I let him rub his crotch against my face, wanting only to please him.
He gave my hair a tug, forcing me to look up at him. “What do you say?”
My brain felt fuzzy, my speech slow and thick when it finally came. But I knew what he wanted. I knew it instinctively. “Thank you.”
“Your pain arouses me,” he said, holding me against his cock as proof. “That’s the first lesson.”
“Will there be more lessons?” I dared to ask, looking up at him. My heart was throbbing in my chest, afraid he was going to leave me now that he’d proven he could have me.
He smiled. It wasn’t a pleasant smile. “We’ve only just begun.”