Gofish

QUESTIONS FOR THE AUTHOR

MELVIN BURGESS

What did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was small, I wanted to be a man who went round the world collecting animals for zoos—I was always a big nature fan. This all came from a series of books by Gerald Durrell, who had exactly that job. It sounded like heaven. Durrell was one of the very first conservationists, and opened up Jersey Zoo, the first zoo designed as an ark, to harbor endangered animals that might become extinct in the wild. Of course, these days, wild animals are so endangered no one collects from the wild anymore, which I’m sure Durrell would have approved of.

 

When did you realize you wanted to be a writer?

I was pretty useless at school. School is a hard thing to be good at—you have to be a real all-rounder. Unless you are someone who likes study for its own sake, there are always going to be hours and hours of boredom—no matter how good the teachers are. No one can like every subject. I have a low boredom threshold, so I was a nightmare to school and school was a nightmare to me. But I did like reading and writing. Given that they were the only things I was good at, writing seemed a natural choice.

I started off at a rubbish high school, where the English teacher did her best to put me off writing for life. But we moved when I was thirteen and a new English teacher was overflowing with enthusiasm. Her name was Stella Stafford. I didn’t have her for very long, but she made me feel that maybe I could write for a living. She also showed me that the first, best, and sometimes only thing a teacher can offer their students is enthusiasm. She made me feel good about myself.

 

What’s your most embarrassing childhood memory?

I used to have a most embarrassing habit when I was small—wetting my pants. This caused many embarrassing moments, the worst of which was when we were visiting some friends of my parents, people I didn’t know at all. I think they may have been friends of my dad from work. They had kids round about my age and we all went off to play. On the way back we came to a fence which we had to crawl underneath, and I suddenly realized I’d wet myself. I have no idea when—it just seemed to have already happened. To make it worse, I was wearing a pair of light-colored khaki shorts. The pee showed as a great, dark blossom all over the front. There was just no hiding it.

I remember having to crawl under the fence on my back; for some reason I was worried about the dust sticking to my wet patch and making it even more obvious—as if such a thing was possible!

 

What’s your favorite childhood memory?

Christmas.

 

As a young person, who did you look up to most?

Muhummad Ali. He refused to go to war, for one thing, even though he was obviously very brave and a great fighter. For another thing, he changed how we all thought of black people. Nowadays, we forget how racist both the US and Europe used to be—far worse than today. When I was a child, there was an inbuilt feeling that black people were both uglier and more stupid than white people. It was so pervasive that even if you didn’t believe it, there was a part of you that felt like that. But after Ali, no one could be in any doubt that black people could be clever, charismatic, beautiful, and courageous. I admired him so much for that. To change the way people think in such a positive way, on such a huge scale, just by refusing to compromise on who he was—such a great thing to do.

 

What was your first job?

Kitchen porter in the post office canteen. I had to wash pots and peel spuds.

 

How did you celebrate publishing your first book?

With a bottle of whiskey.

 

When you finish a book, who reads it first?

My partner, Anita.

 

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Over the years, I’ve turned from a night owl into a morning person. It’s because you get a better quality of concentration in the morning. Even if you’re tired, hungover, or ill, the mind is more flexible early on. Late at night, concentration gets into a fast-moving rut. It’s exciting, but it doesn’t produce your best work.

 

What’s your idea of the best meal ever?

Seafood. A freshly cooked lobster. Boiled or grilled will do.

 

Which do you like better: cats or dogs?

I used to like dogs before dog owners had to pick up the doggy doo and carry it about with them. I used to like cats before I started feeding the birds. Now, I like wild animals instead.

 

What’s the best advice you have ever received about writing?

Slaughter your babies. Not your real babies, of course. It means those lovely bits of prose and wonderful passages that you can’t let go of, despite the fact that they’re adding nothing to your book. Oh, and never give in. It’s not the most talented people who get there—it’s the ones who just never stop.

 

What would you do if you ever stopped writing?

Nature photography, perhaps. Either that or something to do with food. I’d kinda like to run a smokehouse.

 

What do you like best about yourself?

Sense of humor.

 

What is your worst habit?

Talking over people. Smoking. Where do I begin?

 

What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment?

I don’t know about accomplishments, but I’m very proud of my kids, and I’m very proud of the people I’ve been in love with. My partner makes me feel I’m the luckiest man in the world.

 

Where in the world do you feel most at home?

Home. I love home.

 

What do you wish you could do better?

Tidy up after myself.

 

What would your readers be most surprised to learn about you?

I own a magic teapot.