Outside the farmhouse bare branches whipped in the wind. Slowly Olivia wrote:
My Dear Husband,
How I long for the sound of your voice. It seems forever, but I suppose it is the same for you. October is nearly finished and our baby is growing. I am starting to feel his little fists and feet pushing against me. How I wish I could share this time with you!
Olivia dropped the pen and got to her feet. Sadie glanced at her and continued to count stitches. “Thou art restless?”
“I wonder if Alex is well,” Olivia mused. “Why have they sent the men so far away? I’d hoped to have him training at home, although he says they are doing little training. They talked about building fortifications, but he didn’t say where. Sadie, do you get the idea that they must be moving all over?”
Sadie nodded. “Likely. When he mentioned being in Washington for a time and then talked about New York state, I felt that way.” She eyed Olivia. “If thee feels like sewing, there’s bits of flannel in my room. ’Tis enough for several little gowns.”
“I need to move around. Shall I peel potatoes?”
“If thee wishes—” She cocked her head. “I believe I hear a carriage.”
Straightening her full, loose apron, Olivia walked toward the front door just as the rap came and the door was pushed open. For a moment Olivia stared at the laughing face. “Crystal!” She grabbed her, reaching a hand to Matthew as he came through the door. “Oh, how wonderful!” She leaned back to look at Matthew’s smiling face; quickly kissed him and turned back to Crystal. Hugging her again, she whispered, “Oh, how beautifully God has answered our prayers! Please come tell us about it.”
Crystal’s eyes widened. “Olivia, you’re going to have a baby! I shall be an aunt. Oh, Matthew, isn’t it wonderful?”
He grinned, hugged Olivia, and asked, “Where’s Alex? I must congratulate him.”
Olivia caught her breath. “He’s left to join the army. Last month. He’s in Washington now. At least I think so. Every time I get a letter it’s from a different place.”
Matthew’s face was grave. “Has he been in battle?”
“No, not really a battle. There have been scouting expeditions and other—maneuvers, he called them. I have the feeling they’re headed for battle, simply because he said so little.” She sighed, smiled at the two of them, then said, “Crystal you look wonderful. And Matthew, you are so thin.”
“He’s been in battle. He’s still recovering from a terrible injury to his arm. Remember Amelia? Her daughter and husband rescued him. I’ll tell you all about it later. Where are Sadie and Amos?”
“Sadie’s probably gone to the barn after Amos. Come back here and I’ll fix tea.” Olivia paused. “Did you say Amelia’s daughter? Well, you can tell me later. I want to hear all about you two.”
Sadie and Amos came through the kitchen door just as the others reached the keeping room. With Sadie beaming and blinking through tears and Amos thumping Matthew on the back, they sat down at the table.
“Thou art refreshing to weary hearts,” Sadie said. “And thou must tell us all about thyselves.”
Crystal threw a glance toward Matthew, and he nodded and smiled at her. “You tell it, my dear.”
“I know Matthew’s story as well as my own,” she said softly. “He was coerced into joining the Confederate Army. He was sent to Texas and later was involved in the one battle that took place in the Far West, in New Mexico. He was injured and simply walked away from the army. Later he traveled to the Colorado Territory with some people he met in New Mexico. By the Lord’s providence, he was in Denver while I was there.”
“Just after we were married we’d discussed the possibility of moving to Colorado Territory,” Matthew added. “When I ended up in the Confederate Army in Texas, I thought of those talks, little knowing Amelia had provided the pull to get Crystal there.”
Beth came in as the evening shadows began to darken the room. Amos put another log on the fire, and Beth rubbed her cold hands as she stood close to the fire and listened.
Crystal finished her story and said simply, “I suppose being separated as long as we were helped us sort through the important and unimportant things in our lives. Knowing God in a deep way made it possible to forgive each other, and this also helped us make the decision to come back. It just seemed to be the thing to do.”
“I intend to join the army,” Matthew interjected, “this time on the Federal side. I feel I have a double portion of wrongs to right.”
“Matthew,” Olivia protested, “you must not feel that way. You didn’t willingly join the Confederates. You never told our parents about this, did you? I’ve questioned them about you in letters, and they were very evasive. Mentioned only that you’d left home early in 1861 and they hadn’t heard from you since that time.”
Matthew flushed. “I suppose it’s best to say I was bitter, and just leave it at that. Certainly, once this situation has been resolved, I’ll try to make amends.”
He moved restlessly around the room, and Amos asked, “So you had a stint with the Confederates. Do you think you can easily join the Federals now?”
“It hasn’t occurred to me that they won’t have me,” Matthew said. Grinning suddenly, he added, “I doubt they ask very many questions when they sign a fellow up. I’ll just be happy to serve anywhere, doing anything.”
Olivia glanced at Crystal and saw the yearning in her eyes. “I know,” she whispered. “Oh, Crystal, I feel the same way. I’m so lonely for him, but it will help to have you here.”
“I really want to stay with you,” Crystal said, biting her lip, “but right now I have another worry. I haven’t heard from my mother for several months. I know that the Union captured New Orleans in April of this year. Mother wrote quite a detailed letter then. It sounds as if it’s a very difficult situation down there. Neither the Federal soldiers nor the people of New Orleans have been happy with each other. Mother’s last letter indicated she isn’t well. I’m going to make an effort to visit her as soon as possible.”
“Crystal, my dear,” Matthew protested, “give yourself time to rest after this trip. Also, we need to be absolutely certain travel will be safe for you.”
“You aren’t going, Matthew?” Olivia asked.
“No, we’ve agreed it’s best I join the army as soon as possible. But there’s another reason.” He threw a quick glance at Olivia. “Frankly, I don’t want to head down the Mississippi. The fellows in my regiment were from that area, and considering the way I walked out of the battle, I’d just as soon not see them right now.” His grin twisted as he added, “I’ve already spent more time in the Confederate Army than I’ve cared to.”
Sadie appeared in the doorway. “Matthew, carry your bags to the second room down the hall on the west. Olivia is in your old room. Crystal will want to freshen up, and supper is nearly ready to serve.”
Beth followed Sadie into the kitchen. As she sliced bread, Sadie commented, “Beth, ’tis the first time I’ve seen the cat get thy tongue.”
She looked startled. “Oh, I was thinking about Crystal. She’s not all white, is she?”
Sadie turned to stare at Beth. “So? Dost thou think that makes a speck of difference around here? Missy, it will make thee appear much more charitable if thee fails to notice color in this house.”
Carrying their luggage, Matthew led the way up to their room. Crystal hesitated when she reached the top of the stairs. She turned slowly to look at the railing, then glanced down the steep pitch of stairs. Matthew carried the bags into the bedroom and returned to the hall. “You’re thinking of that day I left you?” he asked gently. “I’d give anything to spare you the memory of that day,” he murmured.
“I’m sorry, Matthew,” she whispered. As she turned, he touched her cheek. Looking up, she saw the dark shadows in his eyes. “Please, my dear Matthew, don’t look like that. I’m not blaming you. It was my fault from beginning to end. I was deceitful, and I can only blame myself for the pain both of us have endured. If I had only told you the truth about myself from the beginning—”
He opened the door to their room. “I knew if we came here we’d be dragging at painful memories. But Crystal, the past month has been beautiful. Do you suppose it will help us get through the bad times now?”
Running her hands down the lapels of his coat, she smiled up at him. “One of the things I was thinking out there in the hall is that if the foolish girl I was back then could have seen where her deceit would lead, she would never have acted in that manner.”
“My dear, I believe you are too hard on yourself. But that’s behind us,” Matthew whispered. “We can’t waste time thinking about it. Perhaps we ought to promise to never again refer to that painful time. With the war facing us, you know as well as I that the present is going to be difficult enough. But someday—”
“The war will be over and life will be normal.”
****
One afternoon the following week, Crystal came out of her room, hesitated before Olivia’s closed door, and tapped, “Olivia, if you don’t want to be disturbed, I’ll come back later.”
“Come in, Crystal; I can’t sleep.”
Crystal looked at Olivia’s reddened eyes and went to sit on the edge of the bed. “What is it?” she whispered.
“Just feeling sorry for myself. It’s been two-and-a-half weeks since I had a letter from Alex. I suppose he’s simply without means of getting a letter posted. But I worry.”
“I would, too.” Crystal brushed the hair away from Olivia’s face. “I’m afraid that’s how it’s going to be for all of us. Waiting. I’m glad you’ll be having the baby. That will help make time pass quickly.
“Oh, this terrible war.” She sighed and looked at Olivia, who sniffled and nodded half-heartedly. “In Colorado it seemed frightening enough; but here, with soldiers talking about battles and women looking for information from the battlefields, it is horrible. Even reading the newspaper accounts is frightening. It is so near! That’s why I wanted to talk to you. Matthew’s nearly promised I can go with him. He said for a month or so we’ll be together, and then I’ll go on to New Orleans.
“I’ve been thinking about the baby coming, but also about you. Olivia, would you rather I stay with you now, or come back just before the baby is born?”
“Crystal, I think I’d like you to be here when he comes. I’d love to have you stay now, but I understand. You were both separated for such a long time; I wish for both your sakes that Matthew didn’t feel obligated to join the army so soon.” She sat up and smiled at Crystal. “Your going with him sounds like a good idea. I understand there are many women joining their husbands, following their men from camp to camp, just to be near and help take care of them.
“If it hadn’t been for the baby, I would have insisted on going with Alex.” She tried to smile. “He’s pretty self-sufficient; I imagine he can even manage to keep his socks clean.”
She caught her breath in a ragged sob. “I’m sorry, Crystal. Sadie says pregnant women are tearful and moody, but it makes me ashamed. I do all this preaching at myself about being strong and trusting in the Lord, but sometimes it doesn’t help.”
Crystal fingered the brooch pinned to Olivia’s dress. “This is a lovely piece of jewelry.”
“Alex gave it to me just before we left Canada. Both of us see it as a symbol of the times in which we live. Alex read me some verses in Isaiah. He said that he thought of them when he first saw the brooch.”
“Tell me the verses; what do they say?”
“That just as a bride is adorned with jewels, in that same way the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring up before all the nations. Alex said the brooch signifies the way Christians are to shine against the darkness of this terrible war.” She gulped, touched the gold filigree, and added, “I don’t think I’m doing much shining right now. But I’m praying constantly. No matter what happens, Crystal, even if he’s injured and we lose the war, I’ll be happy if only he comes back.”