Sadie came into the kitchen. She looked from Beth to the pile of dirty dishes. Beth’s hands were submerged in the dishpan, but her thoughts seemed miles away. “Would thou like me to help?” she said gently.
“Oh, please! Sadie, I’ve wanted to talk to you for so long, and now it’s—terrible.” Sadie watched the tears roll down Beth’s cheeks.
“I had in mind to help with the dishes, but thou dost seem troubled. Sit down here at the table; I’ll make us some tea.”
Beth shook her head. “I don’t want tea. Sadie, since I’ve come back it’s getting worse, and I simply can’t endure it any longer.”
Sadie sat down at the table. “If it is Mike, I won’t stand in the way. I don’t want to interfere—”
“It’s me.” Beth’s head nearly touched the table. “I’ve been a fake and a cheat. I must have your forgiveness and help.”
“Child!” She lifted Beth’s chin and said, “No matter what, thou art loved and wanted here. There’s nothing thou needs to agonize over in regards to me.”
Beth flung herself at Sadie’s knee. “There is. Sadie, I’m not a rich girl. I’m from the scum of the earth. I stole all those pretty clothes, and the jewelry, too. I am a liar and a fraud.” She burrowed her face into Sadie’s lap.
“Why art thou telling me these things?”
“Because—” Beth paused and looked up, brushing at the tears. “It’s God. Olivia helped me see that I need God.” For a moment there was a strange, wondering expression on her face. “I always thought I was a Christian. Oh, Sadie, I don’t know how to say this, but I prayed for forgiveness. Olivia said that was the thing that made the difference, asking and being willing to obey God.”
She trembled against Sadie’s knee. “Olivia said God would forgive me because of Jesus dying for my sins. Atonement. Is that right? Am I really a child of God now?” She paused, sobbing. “It’s strange; being close to Him has made me see how terrible I am, and I thought I was doing just fine.” Again she pressed her face against Sadie’s knees. “I’ve been so miserable. I thought I would feel better if I could tell you I’m sorry for being such a terrible person.”
Sadie hugged her. “Oh, Beth, thou art a child of God! How I rejoice! Certainly thou art forgiven by me, but I never thought thee other than just a high-spirited girl. A child of God, oh, that is wonderful!” She hugged her again and said, “Shall we tell the others?”
Beth pulled back and looked at Sadie. Slowly she said, “Do you mind waiting? I feel I must say these things to Mike, and right now I don’t have the courage to do it.”
“Yes, we will wait.” Sadie hesitated and gently said, “But thou must not delay; the Enemy will torment thee over it.”
****
The aroma of breakfast sausage and eggs still hung in the air. Mike sniffed as he came into the keeping room. He looked at the women wound in shawls. “You’re all leaving?”
“We’re going into town,” Crystal answered. “We have over a hundred bundles to pack for shipping. Want to come along? Amos will be helping.”
“Well, yes,” Mike said. “I’d be glad to help out, but I had this figured as an all-ladies group.”
Crystal smiled at him. “You won’t feel out of place. Some of the village youths are helping, too.”
Sadie removed her shawl. “But thou art not going without some breakfast first. Beth, tell Amos to come in for another cup of coffee.”
“It’s late. Guess I deserve to go hungry,” Mike said. “Didn’t sleep too well last night.”
“That’s reason enough for us to feed thee.” Sadie patted his shoulder and he followed her into the kitchen.
Getting coffee for himself, he sat down at Sadie’s table. She cracked eggs into the sizzling fat and asked, “Thy leg is bothering thee?”
“Oh, not much. I suppose I’m getting restless. I might go into Pittsburgh and talk to the doctor about one of those new-fangled artificial legs. I need to get on with life.”
She looked at him. “Where did thee hear about such?”
“Beth told me. Heard about them at the hospital in Washington.”
Sadie carried the eggs and sausage to the table. As she continued to hold the plate, Mike looked up and saw the worried frown on her face.
“Do I get my eggs hot or cold?” he teased.
“Mike, I worry about thee.”
“I’m doing fine. In another month I’ll take your worry back to the navy.” He glanced up as Amos and Beth came into the kitchen. “Sadie, did I take all the coffee?”
“Thou didst not. Amos, would thou like a tart to keep thee until dinner? Beth,” she turned to the girl standing in the doorway, “how about thee?”
“What? Oh, coffee, I suppose.” She carried her mug to the table and sat down. “Mike, you’re going back to the boats?”
“What else should a river man do?”
“I thought perhaps you’d stay at home now.”
“Beth, there’s a war. There’s also a shortage of pilots. I’m healthy again; I don’t have much excuse for hanging around here.”
Crystal poured coffee and came to the table. “You make me ashamed, Mike. I could be doing something besides baking cookies and packing boxes.”
“Thou aren’t much of a knitter,” Sadie laughed, shaking her head. “Art thou thinking of doing what Olivia is doing?”
“I don’t like the idea, but certainly there’s a need.”
“Well, thou had better keep contact with us; Matthew will want to know where thou art.” Crystal smiled as Sadie spoke, and patted her hand.
“It’s getting late,” Beth said. “Have you had enough, Mike?” She watched Sadie and Crystal take up their shawls and walk down the hall.
“I suppose so; you’ve just taken my plate.” He grinned up at her. She blushed. He chuckled as he stood. “Beth, I don’t think you’ve changed much after all.”
“Flighty, huh?” Her skirt swished as she turned to the stove. Quickly she washed the plate and mugs.
He came to her side and picked up the towel. Studying the scarlet spots on her cheeks he asked, “How’s Roald doing?”
“I wouldn’t know,” she snapped irritably. “I’m not writing to him. You might inquire around. I think the Phillips girl may be in contact with him.”
“Are you disappointed?”
“Mike, you are being—nosy.” He grinned as she hurried out of the kitchen. So they aren’t writing to each other.
Sadie called, “Coming, Mike?”
Mike followed Sadie. Beth slammed the door behind herself. “What’s wrong with Beth?”
“Why nothing, Mike. Art thou being too sensitive?”
He caught her eyes. “Maybe not sensitive enough, huh?” He paused. “Did Roald and Beth have a falling out?”
Sadie tilted her head; her eyes were twinkling. “Ask thy questions of the right person.”
****
That evening when they returned from the meeting house, Mike recalled Sadie’s statement. He watched Beth moving about the kitchen and keeping room. She swept the floor, spread a fresh tablecloth, and began carrying dishes to the table. He measured his statement against his earlier picture of Beth. A year ago Beth couldn’t find a task without being told. He recalled the picture of that Beth, with her pretty pouting lips and roguish air, she teased with her eyes and tossed her beautiful hair. A princess without a kingdom. And I loved her then. Painfully aware of his loss, he heaved himself to his feet and crossed the room.
“I’ll help you.”
She looked surprised. “Mike, I’m going to set the table. Sadie has supper nearly ready. Why don’t you rest your leg?”
“Beth, you keep fussing about my leg. I realize I’m just a cripple now, but even the cripples are fighting in this war. I don’t need rest; I’m working on getting myself back in condition,” he snapped. “I want to be out of here as soon as I get one of those new contraptions you talked about.”
Slowly she put the stack of plates on the table. He saw the hurt in her eyes and stood numb with regret. She lifted her chin and said, her voice icy cold, “Mike, you’re not the first man to lose a leg. Neither are you the first one I’ve babied along when he’s been overdoing it. It is nothing personal.”
“I’m not doing too much.” He turned away.
“Mike, let’s at least be friends. I do care what happens to you.”
“Because a cripple needs pity? Forget the nursing, Beth. If I wanted pity, I’d have stayed in the hospital for another month.”
She rattled the plates. Stiffly she said, “Since I’m familiar with the situation, would you like me to go with you to see about the leg?”
“No.” He gentled his voice and added, “It isn’t necessary. I’ve contacted the doctor, and I’ll leave next week. Thank you.” She looked up, and he added, “I appreciate your helping me find a better arrangement than this peg.”
****
In the three weeks Mike was gone the weather changed. The February snows didn’t linger as long, and the sunny days brought warmth to the Pennsylvania countryside.
“Sadie, I’m starting to feel very guilty about not being in Washington,” Beth said. “I’ve been with Olivia, and I know how much they could use my services. I ought to be going back just as soon as Mike returns and I know he’s okay.”
Crystal had been listening to their conversation. “Why should that delay you?” she asked. “Sadie will be here if Mike needs help.” Without waiting for an answer, Crystal said, “Beth, I want to go with you. This waiting to hear from Matthew is terrible. If I’m of use somewhere in this war, I think I’ll be more content with waiting.”
“Then I suppose we should leave as soon as possible,” Beth said.
That evening Mike returned. Beth heard the hack and went to the parlor window. She watched Mike walk up the lane with his bag slung over his shoulder. His stride seemed stronger, more certain. She firmly stifled her desire to rush to him. Slowly she went to open the door.
“Hello, Mike; welcome back.”
He hesitated while she tilted her chin at him. “I—it works fine, Beth,” he said awkwardly.
“That’s wonderful. I’ll tell Sadie you’re here.” She went to the keeping room.
Supper was late that evening. As they sat around the table with the aroma of Sadie’s good pot roast and vegetables competing with the fragrance of fresh, warm bread, Amos addressed Mike. “Did Beth tell you that she and Crystal are going to Washington to nurse at the hospital there?”
Even by lamplight Beth could see the questions in Mike’s eyes. It’s tonight or never. I must no longer delay talking to him. She looked at him. “We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon.”
Soon after the kitchen had been tidied, Crystal excused herself. “I have packing to do. With the prospect of at least two days on the train, I need to get extra sleep. Good night, all.” She patted Mike’s shoulder as she left the room. “Mike, you’re doing just fine.”
Amos said, “I’m coming down with a cold or something. I’m for bed, too.”
Sadie headed for the kitchen. “I’m going to start my bread tonight. Need to take some to meeting tomorrow.”
From the doorway Beth addressed the back of Mike’s head. “Do you mind coming into the parlor, Mike? I must say something to you.”
He followed her, stirred up the parlor fire, and sat down in the rocking chair across from her. He waited.
She stared at her hands. There’s no easy way, she thought as she began. “Mike, I need to ask your forgiveness. For many things. I’m ashamed of the way I handled that—last day.”
“Beth,” he broke in roughly, “it’s my fault it went badly. I realized later I’d bungled it all and left you with a terrible impression. I must—”
“No, no, Mike. That isn’t what I want to talk about. Please, let me say it.”
He settled back in his chair. “Go to it.”
She gulped and tried unsuccessfully to meet his eyes. “Do you remember that day you picked me up—all frills, toting my huge valise? Mike, from that moment I’ve lived a terrible life of lies, before you and everyone else. I must beg your forgiveness. I’ve been nothing I represented myself to be. I’m a cheat: a thief. I wasn’t a rich girl driven out by a terrible father. I ran away. I ran from all I’d ever known.”
Her voice dulled as she continued, “I’m from a dirt-poor, but honest, family. Mother died young, and Father did remarry. I suppose I didn’t get the attention I needed, but it was more than that. They were hard pressed to keep me fed.”
He started to speak, and she lifted her hand. “Mike, don’t. I stole my clothes, money, jewelry—even the valise I used to carry it all. A woman named Louisa, the daughter of the man who owned our farm, befriended me. We lived up in the hills and didn’t have anything, not even a schoolteacher most of the time. Louisa taught me to read and act like a lady. In the end,” Beth gulped, “I took everything of hers I had wanted for so long.
“That’s when you came along,” she continued. “I was toting off her belongings when I saw the sheriff at the train depot and ran for the river.
“For a time you nearly made me forget my plans. But I wanted the big things—going to Washington, finding a rich man, learning to live like a princess.
“Then something happened.” She caught her breath. “I nearly came to disaster. Mike, I was frightened into seeing what I was doing, as if God was standing there, just looking at me. I realized how horrible I had been. Mike, please, please forgive me for being deceitful. Everything we had was built on a lie, and there’s nothing left except to ask you to forgive me.”
He lifted his head and looked at her. Everything built on a lie. Nothing left. “Well, certainly I forgive you, Beth. I didn’t realize how little we knew each other.” Getting to his feet he said, “Even about God.” His grin twisted. “Sorry if I act like the wind’s been knocked out of me. All this time I’d thought you knew God like I did. It’s more like—instead of pulling us together, God is pushing us apart.”
He turned to look down into the fire. Resting his arm against the mantle, he struggled through the words she had said. At last he murmured, “Beth, I forgive you; certainly I won’t hold the past against you.”
He heard her step and turned as she dashed up the stairs.
In her room, Beth leaned against the door. She repeated Mike’s words. “So, God is pushing us apart. Very well, my dear Mike. I’ll accept that as God’s answer to all my questions, too.”
She contemplated the future stretching on without Mike. Blinking at the tears brimming over, she whispered, “Olivia is living without Alex. Hard as it seems, I guess God wants me to live without Mike.”