Chapter Sixteen

Watching nervously from her window, Sienna saw Adam emerge from the chandlery to walk towards his boat. His face was white and tight, that same angry expression he’d worn once before. He was dragging his hand repeatedly, agitatedly through his hair and his breathing was heavy. She should go to him. Go now and talk to him. Sienna pulled herself from the window to dash outside, just in time to see Adam swing towards the back of his boat, where he leaned over the water and was violently sick. Dear God, what had her dad said? What had he done?

Sienna hovered, torn between going to see Adam, whatever reception she got, and going to tell her father to please, please go home and give her some space.

‘Sienna.’ Her dad came out just then, calling towards her.

Sienna flew over to him. ‘What did you do?’ she demanded, glancing frustrated from her father to Nathaniel close behind him.

‘Do?’ Her dad looked at her, puzzled.

‘He’s been sick.’ Sienna flailed an arm in the direction of Adam’s boat, which he’d now disappeared into. ‘He looked absolutely dreadful. What did you say?’

‘Sienna, calm down.’ Her dad placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘I didn’t do or say anything dramatic. I just told him he needed to sort himself out, that’s all.’

Sienna glanced warily from her dad to Nathaniel, who offered her a reassuring smile. ‘He’s just feeling a bit hung-over and emotional, Sienna. Give him—’

Nathaniel stopped as a loud crash from inside Adam’s boat echoed across the marina, followed by a voluble expletive.

Sienna took a step towards the boat, which was now most definitely swaying, only to be stopped by Nathaniel. ‘Give him some time, Sienna. He’s just trying to sort some things out in his head.’

‘What things?’ Sienna looked at Nathaniel imploringly. She needed to know. Surely he must know she did, for Adam’s sake, as well as her own. ‘Nate, what did you talk about?’

Nathaniel looked at her thoughtfully, and then nodded. ‘Emily, amongst other things. That is, Adam did, for the first time. I’m not sure how much you know?’

‘I know,’ Sienna told him. Adam had never spoken the words, it was true, but she knew.

‘Adam found her,’ Nathaniel said gently, confirming the most awful detail. ‘He’s never been able to talk about it before. He’s bound to be overwrought. I’ll go and check on him when—’

Nathaniel stopped again as Adam reappeared, his face still wearing the same thunderous expression, his chest heaving. He didn’t leap the handrail. He just stepped heavily down. Then, not even glancing in their direction, he walked away.

‘Any ideas?’ her dad asked coming up behind Nathaniel, as Adam stormed on out of the marina.

Nathaniel sighed. ‘None, but he’s left his car wherever he was drinking last night, which means he’s on foot. I hope he’s not heading for a hair o’ the dog, because the nearest pub is the same one the idiots who went after him frequent.’

Sienna was sitting outside an hour later reading the same paragraph of a book over and over. She glanced at her dad, who was reading his newspaper. She’d been so upset with him, taking it upon himself to corner Adam like that.

Her dad flapped his newspaper, pretending to be absorbed. He wasn’t. Sienna could tell. He had that little v in his brow, which was always there when he was worrying, mostly about her. ‘Sorry, Dad,’ she offered eventually, knowing she owed him much more than an apology.

Her dad lowered his paper. ‘Me, too.’ He mustered up a smile. ‘Look, Sienna, I know you think you’re old enough to make your own decisions—’

‘Dad.’ Sienna sighed.

‘The thing is, Sienna, I don’t think any of us ever are, when it comes to matters of the heart.’

‘But he’s not all bad, Dad,’ Sienna tried to point out, again. ‘He does have some good qualities. Lots, really he does. Under all that … stuff … he’s a warm, caring person. He’s just lost and lonely. I’m not ready to give up on him because he can’t find his way, not yet.’

Her dad’s expression was pensive, as if he doubted Adam could possibly have a single good quality. ‘I think he might well be,’ he said, at length.

Sienna smiled, hopefully. ‘You do?’

‘After our chat, yes. Possibly.’ Her dad back-pedalled a little. ‘He obviously did care enough about the woman he broke up with to try to do the right thing. He’s still working through his issues, though, Sienna.’

‘Like you had to?’ Sienna asked gently, not wanting to remind her dad of what he called his ‘black’ period, when his life seemed to have no purpose, other than to be there for her.

Her dad looked her thoughtfully over. ‘Yes,’ he conceded, with a sad smile. ‘I can empathise, to a degree. I’m not heartless, Sienna. I realise the man’s hurting. He’s not going to find his way viewing the world through the bottom of a whisky bottle though, is he? Whether he’s an addict or not, remains to be seen, but he obviously uses alcohol as some kind of crutch. As for the womanising,’ he paused to look gravely at her, ‘he might love women, preferring short relationships to avoid getting hurt. On the other hand, it’s possible he hates women.’

‘He does not.’ Sienna scowled. Why did everyone have him down as a woman-hater? They couldn’t possibly understand. They didn’t know him.

‘It’s a harsh observation, but the fact that he talked about it does give me a shred of hope.’ Her dad offered her another small smile, this time of reassurance. ‘He claimed the former incidentally. But then, I doubt he would have readily admitted to the latter.’

He really had grilled him, hadn’t he? No wonder Adam had looked so distraught when he’d come out of the chandlery. Sienna’s heart twisted for him. ‘He doesn’t hate women, Dad,’ she reiterated, confident that, after the way Adam had touched her, every part of her, he simply couldn’t.

‘A man might be a competent lover, Sienna, but it doesn’t mean he’s competent at loving relationships,’ her dad pointed out, eerily psychic. ‘He has to be able to change, sweetheart,’ he went on, kindly. ‘To do that, he has to want to enough to start making those changes. If I can see any evidence he’s capable of trying, I’ll preach from a distance. For now though—’

He stopped as Nathaniel came across from the chandlery. ‘Just thought you’d like to know, he’s back,’ he said. ‘And he’s driving.’

‘I take it this is a good sign?’ her dad asked, following Nathaniel’s gaze back to the car park, where Adam was indeed climbing out of his car.

‘Very,’ Nathaniel assured him. ‘He doesn’t drink and drive.’

Her dad looked marginally impressed. ‘What? Never?’

‘Never.’ Nathaniel gave Sienna a sly wink.

Sienna beamed. ‘A good quality?’ she asked her dad.

‘I concede he’s not all bad.’ Her dad gave another inch.

Smiling, Sienna watched as Adam walked back to his boat. He still looked broody, and very tired. But he no longer looked furious. Sienna so hoped that was a good sign. The information her dad had dragged out of him, that was personal and painful. Too painful for Adam to easily talk about it, she’d seen that for herself. It must have been hard, yet he’d done it. He was trying, he really was. How could she not love him?

She tried to catch his eye as he neared his boat, but Adam’s gaze was once again averted, which struck Sienna as not a very good sign. Feeling her own eyes filling up, she glanced quickly down. Hormones, she told herself firmly. They would be bound to be flying all over the place. She was reading too much into it, overreacting, that’s what she was doing. She gave herself a good talking to. She still didn’t feel any less like bursting into tears, though.

‘All right, sweetheart?’ her dad asked as Tobias heaved himself from where he was lying at her feet to plant his head in her lap and look dolefully up at her.

‘Yes,’ she assured him, cheered a little by her ever-faithful friend.

‘Your hormones will be a bit wobbly,’ her dad imparted, spookily. ‘I’ll get you a nice cup of tea, shall I?’

‘Thanks.’ Sienna smiled, now grateful for his unerring intuition.

‘Nathaniel?’ her dad asked, standing up.

In answer to which, Nathaniel said, ‘Bloody hell!’

All eyes followed his astounded gaze to where Adam was now climbing back off his boat. About to clean it, judging from the buckets and cleaning paraphernalia he deposited on the bank. They watched on as he went to unroll the water hose and proceeded to wash the dust and mud from the hull.

Nathaniel grinned at Sienna and then nodded in Adam’s direction and wandered across to him. ‘Need a hand?’ he asked him.

‘Nope,’ Adam said, concentrating on his efforts.

Nathaniel looked a bit deflated.

‘I could use the vacuum, though, if that’s okay?’

‘Vacuum?’ Nathaniel repeated, boggle-eyed.

‘Yep, and some bin bags if you’ve got any spare, to do the inside.’

‘Bloody hell,’ Nathaniel repeated, shaking his head. ‘Don’t need some aspirin, while I’m at it, do you?’

Adam laughed. ‘No, just the vacuum and bin bags,’ he assured him. ‘Throw me the keys and I’ll fetch them in a sec.’

Nathaniel shook his head again, turning back towards the chandlery. ‘Definitely not himself,’ he said, stopping to allow a van to pull up.

Fleur’s Flowers’ van from the village, Sienna noticed, watching Nathaniel with interest as he chatted to the driver, then looking curiously at Adam, who seemed to be completely oblivious. Flowers not for her, then, she assumed, a bit dejectedly, and then looked at the bouquet with as much surprise as Nathaniel as the driver walked up to her.

‘Sienna Meadows?’ the delivery girl asked.

‘That’s her,’ her dad said, Sienna being temporarily gobsmacked.

Sienna swallowed as the girl deposited the flowers into her arms. ‘Thank you.’ She laughed, looking at Adam, who was still cleaning his boat.

God, they were from him, weren’t they?

Adam stopped and glanced towards her, his expression unreadable for a second. And then he winked, his mouth curving into his delicious, bone-melting smile, before he went fastidiously back to his cleaning. She loved him. She absolutely did. He was utterly edible. Trying not to think about the parts she’d like to eat, Sienna smiled a gloopy smile and pulled the little handwritten card out of the envelope.

In case I slurred my words, I LOVE every inch of you, it read. Give me two weeks to prove it. Then, when my psychiatrist has gone, I’ll prove it all over again. XXXXX

PS. I’m sorry. PPS. We need to talk. PPPS. Liked what you did with the Bolognese sauce. What flavour ice cream do you like?

Oh God. Sienna flipped the card over, realising her dad was peering over her shoulder. Had he seen it? Her cheeks no doubt scarlet, Sienna peeked up at him. Phew, no, judging by his unmoved expression. ‘Two good qualities?’ she ventured.

‘Hmm?’ Her dad didn’t look convinced. ‘Let’s see how the next two weeks pan out, shall we?’ He glanced across to where Adam was still hard at it, polishing metal until it shone. Then, shaking his head bemusedly, he went off to make the tea.

‘How goes the battle?’ Sienna asked when Adam grabbed up his phone an exhausting two hours later.

Adam smiled, glad to hear her voice, relieved she was speaking to him. He wasn’t entirely sure she ever would again after his deplorable behaviour. ‘Which one?’ he joked, searching his small under sink cupboard in hopes of a clean cloth.

‘Sorry about my dad,’ Sienna said quickly. ‘He means well, but …’

‘Don’t be. If I was him I probably would have left me to drown. It’s me who should be apologising. I’m sorry, Sienna. I just …’ Drawing in a breath, Adam gave up on the cloth, wanting to give her his full attention, wishing he could be with her, talk to her properly. ‘The thing is, he’s right. I am a mess. I’m going to change things, though, I promise.’

Sienna went quiet for a moment, causing Adam’s heart to skip a beat. ‘You do believe me, don’t you?’ he asked, feeling suddenly panicky. He still had no idea what she saw in him.

‘Yes,’ Sienna replied after a pause. ‘I believe you want … Whoops. Got to go. My security guard’s coming in. Catch you later.’

‘Okay. Sienna, is it okay to ring you?’ Adam asked, trying not to wonder how she’d been going to finish that sentence. With a ‘but’ probably. ‘I wasn’t sure whether your father might be censoring all calls.’ As well as keeping me under constant surveillance, Adam didn’t add. Given why he was under surveillance, the situation was probably more embarrassing for Sienna than it was for him.

‘You’ll have your very own ring tone,’ Sienna whispered. ‘Speak later.’

Two weeks. Adam pondered as he pocketed his phone, his lifeline. He’d got two weeks to prove himself, or he’d lost her. Sighing, he glanced around at his only earthly possessions, and wondered where the hell he even started. By finishing the cleaning, he supposed. Clearing out his old life and then somehow showing Meadows that he did want a life worth living, no ‘buts’.

Finding a spongy cloth, finally, Adam turned to the fridge, the last thing on his list. Would one really hurt, he debated, eyeing the cold beers inside which looked mightily tempting. He’d worked hard, cleaning the boat so thoroughly inside you could eat your dinner off the floor. He’d recycled his recyclables, opened the curtains, giving every passing person in the marina a chance to ogle inside. He’d even scrubbed the cooker, working up a mighty thirst as he did.

Just one, he considered again. He could take the rest over to Nate, keep one back and … And then he’d be off down to the pub, one further afield, and have one hell of a walk back. Sore feet and soaking wet, he could cope with. Sienna’s old man on his back, he’d rather not. The guy was a little late protecting his daughter’s virtue, but from hereon he obviously meant business. Adam had to admire him for it, even if he had forced him to dig up old ghosts he would much rather have left buried. They weren’t, though, were they? He didn’t really need his constant hovering companion to tell him that.

Where was she anyhow? He glanced over his shoulder. Gone to powder her nose, he guessed, or more likely checking out his cleaning efforts in the bathroom. Adam shook his head as she floated through the bathroom door. She seemed lighter, somehow, as if some of the sadness had been lifted. He wasn’t sure why she was here, if she was, but, though she seemed determined to be on his back, at least she wasn’t trying to psychoanalyse him. Adam really didn’t think he needed to go that route again. He’d been trying to shut off the memories with booze and sex, he knew that. Sex had a whole new impetus now, though. And it was pretty damn good. His mouth curved into a slow smile. He wasn’t sure how he was going to cope with abstinence, but he was going to have to, he supposed, until her father had gone, assuming Sienna wanted a future with him.

Meanwhile … No beer. Steeling his resolve, Adam shoved cans and bottles into the carrier, including another half-drunk bottle of whisky, and headed for the door.

Leaping the handrail, and wincing as the contents of his carrier clinked, he headed over to the chandlery and Nathaniel’s office, where he knocked and then went on in.

‘What’s up?’ Nathaniel asked, eyeing him warily.

Adam looked at him curiously. ‘Nothing. Why?’

‘You’re smiling.’

‘Still? Damn.’ Adam straightened his face.

‘Thinking about anything in particular?’ Nathaniel enquired casually. ‘Sex? Booze?’

‘Sienna,’ Adam assured him, dumping the carrier on his desk. ‘Do me a favour, Nate, drink that or ditch it.’

Nathaniel peered in the bag then looked up at Adam, astonished. ‘Blimey, you really are serious, aren’t you?’

‘Totally,’ Adam assured him, turning back for the door.

‘Right, well, will do then. Adam …?’ Nathaniel stopped him short.

Adam turned back again. ‘Yep?’

‘Well done. It’s been a long time coming, but well done.’ Nathaniel stood up and offered him his hand.

Adam smiled and shook it. ‘We’re still mates, then?’

‘Stuck with you, aren’t I?’ Nathaniel rolled his eyes. ‘At least until someone’s fool enough to take you off my hands.’

‘Cheers, mate. In case I forgot to mention it, you’re a good one.’

‘I know,’ Nathaniel said, plonking himself back down and turning back to his laptop. ‘Not too many cheers, though, hey? And no falling off the wagon the minute you hit the first bump in the road. Roads are full of potholes, Adam, it’s a fact. Don’t drink if you drop down one. Climb out again and bloody well get on with it.’

‘Blimey, that’s your most concise sermon yet. Constructive too. You’re improving.’

‘Bugger off.’

‘Yes, mother.’ Adam gave him a wink and whistled on out.

‘Evening,’ he said to David Meadows, who was back on duty, watching him like a hawk as he walked back to his boat. Adam was only surprised the man hadn’t got binoculars. He really was going to be on his back, wasn’t he?

Shaking his head, Adam climbed on board, and then stopped, glanced across the marina and did a double take. Nicole? He squinted. She’d come here? Looked like she had. And, what was more – he took a faltering step back down – she’d brought Lily-Grace.

Astounded, Adam walked out to meet them, immediately sweeping his eyes over the child in Nicole’s arms. She was beautiful – he swallowed back a tight knot in his chest – a miniature replica of Emily, apart from her eyes. Framed by luxuriant, dark eyelashes and crystal clear with the innocence of childhood, Lily-Grace’s eyes were brown; rich velvet brown, he noticed. His brother’s eyes were blue. Adam’s mind raced. Emily’s had been blue. He was no expert on genealogy, but he supposed blue-eyed parents could have a brown-eyed child. The thing was, Adam now knew with certainty, it really didn’t matter anymore. What mattered now, what should have always been paramount, was this child’s happiness.

‘I hope you didn’t mind us just turning up,’ Nicole said, bringing his attention back to her. ‘We had a spare couple of hours, so …’

‘No. God, no, not at all,’ Adam assured her. ‘But how did you know where to find me?’

‘Nathaniel,’ Nicole supplied. ‘I still have his number from … before, you know. I wanted to surprise you, so I rang him earlier.’

Surprise him as in catch him in his natural habitat, Adam guessed, and thanked God for Meadows’ timely intervention which had galvanised him into tidying it. ‘I’m glad you did.’ He smiled, uncertain what to do next.

Nicole smiled back. ‘Lily, this is Adam,’ she said. ‘He’s Mummy’s friend.’ Her gaze strayed meaningfully to Adam.

Mummy being her, Adam understood.

‘She’s gorgeous,’ he said, ‘adorable.’ He took in her tiny cupid lips, her soft peachy cheeks, her hair, similar in colour to his, a halo of baby-soft ringlets. She was perfect. He felt his heart swell. She was his. Adam pulled in a breath and dipped his head in a small nod, sensing her birth mother needed that affirmation. Whatever her genealogy, she was his flesh and blood, and he’d turned away from her. So much time wasted. Feeling dangerously close to tears, Adam quickly ran his forearm over his eyes and offered the little girl a smile, rather than stare at her, like the idiot he was.

Plugging a thumb into her mouth, Lily regarded him curiously.

‘That’s Adam’s boat,’ Nicole said, nestling her cheek close to Lily’s. ‘Shall we ask Adam if we can see inside?’ She hoisted the little girl, who was obviously growing heavy, higher in her arms.

Lily’s eyes flicked from Adam to his boat. ‘Boat,’ she said, around her thumb, one little sausage arm now outstretched towards it. ‘Want see.’

Adam laughed. ‘Certainly, madam. Your wish is my command. Here let me,’ he said, reaching for her as Nicole hitched her up again.

‘Careful,’ Nicole warned him. ‘She’s a bit shy of strange—’ She stopped, raising her eyebrows in surprise as Lily reached both arms out and slipped easily into Adam’s.

‘Well, that’s a first.’ Nicole smiled, falling into step alongside them as Lily, inhibitions clearly forgotten, latched herself around Adam’s neck.

‘It’s my natural charisma.’ Adam gave Nicole a wink and pressed his free hand to the child’s back, making sure she was secure, praying she always would be. Emily was hovering directly in front of him as he walked, nervous, Adam felt. Not half as nervous as he was. She’s beautiful, he mentally addressed her, something close to contentment settling inside him. Just like her mother. At which, Emily appeared to actually smile.

Smiling back, briefly, lest Nicole catch him smiling at nothing, Adam turned his attention to Lily. ‘I don’t have a name for my boat yet,’ he confided. ‘What do you think we should call her?’

Lily pondered, her little brow knitted in thoughtful concentration. ‘Boat,’ she plumped for, turning her face to his, her naïve child’s eyes looking into his eyes with such open trust, it flipped Adam’s heart right over.

‘Great name.’ He nodded, swallowing back his emotion. ‘I thought something a bit prettier, though. How about … Lily-Grace?’ he suggested, climbing carefully up onto the deck with her.

Lily had another think. ‘Lily-Glace,’ she lisped at length, nodding contentedly.

Nicole laughed. ‘Well, you certainly have a way with the ladies,’ she observed, stepping up behind them.

‘Er, some.’ Adam glanced sideways to where David Meadows was still watching him.

Nicole gave him an inquisitive glance, as Adam motioned her on in ahead of him. ‘Anyone special?’ she asked, perceptively.

Adam supposed she would want to know if he was seeing anyone, Lily-Grace in mind. He glanced uncertainly at Meadows again, whose expression was troubled at best. ‘I hope so.’ He sighed, following her in.

Sienna had watched proceedings from her usual vantage point at her kitchen window. Surprised when the woman and child had turned up, mesmerised as Adam had reached for the little girl, she’d almost gone out. Almost. Assuming that this was Emily’s child, though, she’d decided against it. This was a private, personal moment for Adam. One that he didn’t need her crashing in on. He’d looked so natural, seemed so comfortable with that little girl, as if she belonged in his arms, in his heart. Her hand strayed to the soft round of her tummy.

Sienna watched on as her dad, still on vigil outside, shook his head, bemused, and then headed back to the cottage. What would he make of all this, the timing around Adam being reunited with his lost daughter, Sienna wondered? He knew about her, having dragged the information from Adam. Would he see the way he’d interacted with her so naturally as a plus in Adam’s favour? Sienna did, absolutely. Her heart had swollen with pride, watching him carrying the child, holding her so instinctively caringly, as only a father could. Or would her dad see this as another negative, the fact that the child would now be a part of Adam’s future? Of her future, too, if Adam did want to be involved in the life of the child growing inside her.

Would he?

Sienna chewed on a stray strand of hair, examining her own feelings. Would she want to take on board responsibility for his child? Could she make room in her heart for her? Would Adam want her to? She felt she knew him, but they’d known each other for such a short time, in reality. Sighing, she glanced over her shoulder, as her dad came into the kitchen. ‘A good quality?’ she asked him.

Her dad came to stand alongside her. His hands in his pockets, he looked over towards Adam’s boat, looking pensive. ‘Given the circumstances,’ he said thoughtfully, ‘I’d say, yes, definitely a good quality.’

Sienna leaned into him, glad of his shoulder.

Her dad wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer. ‘Are you going to tell him?’ he asked her, after a moment.

Sienna didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure how to.

‘You know, Sienna, if he does feel trapped into commitment then—’

‘He’s not worth having.’ Sienna nodded, and swallowed. ‘I will tell him. Soon,’ she said, knowing that Adam’s reaction when she did tell him would be a defining moment in her life, her child’s life.

Her dad didn’t say anything, just squeezed her shoulders, communicating he understood she needed to decide when the timing was right. Now wasn’t that time, clearly. When would be, though?